For a long time, self-criticism appears to operate as the basis for a person’s struggle in this curious undertaking, but one’s view must eventually move elsewhere, or else even this extraordinary affair becomes but another form of meaningless self-flagellation. (This is not without significance in ordinary lives, but meaningless in those of the few.)
It is necessary first that a person gain a constant awareness that their mind, thoughts and consciousness, (the totality of what is supposed to be your individual, private, and completely personal inner world), is not under your own control, nor even apparently much subject to your own desires for it. A man must be cautious not to become so accustomed to this seemingly justifiable state of self-irritation, as to unwittingly allow it to become an acceptable substitute for the one he originally sought.
Do not permit yourself to forever sit home alone, incessantly berating yourself for being weak and asleep. A few decades of such should be sufficient for anyone, but instead, go to the next stage, which will quickly arouse you from your sluggishness, and return to you the indescribable excitement you first felt upon hearing about this extraordinary adventure.
The next stage is the non-self-critical examination of your self-criticism. Remember, this is not undertaken on the basis that there is something peculiar to your individual life that makes you feel thus, and what you are looking for has nothing to do with “you” personally, nor with your family, friends, community, culture, religion, nationality, wealth, or social status.
In corpore what you are finally looking into, at the new level of trying-to-Awaken is: what is the root of me wanting to Awaken? This can be cut up and talked about in a multitude of manners, but this is the basic question, and from its impassionate, (as much as is humanly possible), investigation will be revealed what you seek.
J.