Beating yourself metaphorically about the head indefinitely is not the way, and you should not sit there presently and believe that it is. This grand escapade is not a bizarre experiment intended to torture the few, but indeed, as you initially and correctly felt, when you first ran across the idea of, waking-up-to-a–new-state-of-more-enlightened-consciousness. It is the most fun you can have while still on this planet, and the answer and solution to all questions and problems ever thought of by man.
The time is ripe for you to look past the repetitious notices in your head of how asleep, stupid, and frustrated you are. Being so aware was progress for you twenty years ago, but it is now mere meaningless redundancy. You are now not a sleeping, confused person; you are a person with a mental awareness that says you are asleep and confused.
Be happy, you succeeded in the first stage of the journey!
Now it is time to go to stage two: the joyfully expectant examination
of why you went through the first stage.
The struggle to wake up and be enlightened is not connected in any way to any form of suffering, pain, or sadness of the ordinary mental realm. No matter how serious you believe you are about “waking up,” (and ‘tis quite likely you are too “serious,” in the sense of being uselessly solemn). Start reminding yourself of this fact: if you’re not being made happy by what you’re doing, you’re not really doing it. You may be doing something, but you’re not doing IT.
This, by now, should be everyone’s standard:
If you are not, minute-by-minute, thrilled, enthused, and constantly pleased-to-the-point-of-laughing-out-loud, you’ve just momentarily slipped back into daydreaming, and all you need do is snap back to your indescribable investigation of, what is “being asleep” and “wanting to awaken”?