If Consciousness Could Scoff

“The magic has gone out of our relationship,” said one man to his mind. 

And it replied, “You mean you’ve been calling this a ‘relationship’!?”

If consciousness could scoff – then all scoffers would be conscious – I guess.



A lad asked his dad, “Do the gods not have cars just so they won’t run the risk of ever having bumpers?”  Out of the mouths of babes oftimes come words that make tongues and lips say, “Hey-y-y…you’re older than you look!”


And So, An Out-Doorsy Way of Thinking About It:

In This, it’s like your present mind becomes a duck blind – to pave the way for the introduction of newly invented flying fowl who neither exist, nor not exist; and like a mythical God of Albatrosses, never lights, nor rests.


In an apparent, exasperated huff, one man’s mind turned on him and cried:

“Well, just what the hell is it that you want from me!?”

(And in conclusion, might I add, “Quack, quack!”)



The next item is captioned: “I.C. Squared:  Imaginary Conversation With A Two Stuck On It, Up At The End”: 

“Hey, if it weren’t for civilization, we wouldn’t have anything to worry about.”
“Hey, yourself, if it weren’t for civilization we couldn’t worry.”



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“Just being alive is enough to make a lot of people wish they were dead.”

“Hey, why did you make me repeat that one?  Weren’t you here last week when we had it the first time?” 

“Well…yes I was, actually, but I was also partially deceased at the time.”

(And now, prodded by the natural curiosity of people along this line, we present a glimpse of the “behind-the-scenes-workings” of activity such as this:  There is none.)




A man’s super-consciousness one day attempted to whisper to him this:  “There is a name for every place, except where we want to go, and there are words for all human efforts, except the ones required to get us there.”  And since the man was afraid that his mind might be listening in on the conversation, to throw it off the track, he sarcastically replied to consciousness, “Hey, thanks heaps for the encouragement!”  And soon, the reassuring snoring, endemic to minds-ablaze and adrift, blanketed the once again, peaceful and fitful kingdom known as “man.”




Every few minutes, one man would say to his mind:

“Where have you been?”




If words are the shadows-of-reality, then what are the figures standing ‘twixt metaphors and the sun!?




Re-Vamped And Re-Submitted:

How can something that “represents” something else have within its own self, “symbolism”!?

The Number One Answer Is Simple:

It has four letters, and twenty-five perfect synonyms, beginning with each of the other letters in the alphabet.



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What Keeps Us In Line?

A man striving to be more conscious and mentally alive holds not just a season ticket to frustration, but by god – box seats!



 A man stops to wonder, “How comes it that you can enjoy hearing something that actually should sound pessimistic!?”  The difference between something that sounds like an obstacle, and understanding what it really is, is the distinction between ordinary thought and increased consciousness.



 And yet another man notes, “Are you sure that even the term, ‘Increased Consciousness’ sufficiently describes the aim of such effort as this!?”  (No sir, it does not – but we’ve been through this, now haven’t we!)



A civilized gent mused:

“The mind being linear is what keeps us in line.”
(If words don’t mean more than they say, then neither do men.)



 The “Official: Question of The Day”:

Do people, in truth, know where they’ve been or, in fact, know where they’re going!?

(Forget the prizes!  Forget the hostesses in low cut gowns!  The game will forever go on just as long as there are questions!)
A man mused, “What if people actually know more than they think they do? 
His house cat promptly assured him, “Naw-w-w!”



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How It Is – Redux

Hey!  Hold-Up – How About This – “Here’s How It Is” From Yet Another Angle:

When it comes to matters fancy and esoteric, here’s how it works:  everybody knows everything about everything they want to know everything about.  (Well, at least anger gives the mind something to do!  Have you ever seen a camel drumming his fingers in boredom!?)



Take A Number – Take A Seat:

Aches and pains,
Aches and pains,
I’ve got feelings and,
I’ve got brains.”

Take a Number – Take A Seat.



One man tried to make it a habit never to mentally fly on any plane that he couldn’t highjack.



Cheap men worry about the price; really cheap men worry about what cheap men will think.



“The mind has nothing to lose” – think about that:  “The mind has nothing to lose.”  If true, what should that tell you about what it originally possesses!?



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How It Is

Thus did one man reflect, “Based upon my many ornamentations; I consider myself a ‘baroque masterpiece.’”  And his mind spoke up, “Baroque – baroque, did you say – are you spelling that, ‘b-r-o-k-e’!?”

How It Is:
Mystics believe it’s more complicated than it is,
While ordinary people don’t know what it is.
And that’s how it is.

Honor:  A kind of post-survival approach to survival.

A man asked a thinker, a striver-for-greater-consciousness, this question:  “Is it pay-off of what you work for, a spiritual experience?” 
And the thinker nodded.
“Then,” continued the man; “Is it also a psychological one?” 
Again the striver nodded.
“Alright,” pressed the questioner, “Is the experience artistic?” 
Nod, nod, went the thinker.
“Then is it emotional?” 
Nod-on, nod-on, nodded the thinker.
“So then,” asked the man, “Is it also intellectual?”
And the one doing the nodding finally spoke, “Just how long do you have to keep this up?”

There is no honor among the unconscious.


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If We Knew The Truth

Life announced to some guys, “Those ‘moderately successful’ will be permitted to ‘moderately perish.’  Those who in fact know whether life ever speaks in slang or not, actually know a good deal.”  And a gentleman inquires, “Do you mean that such men, ‘know a good deal,’ or that they ‘know a good deal when they see it’?”



One man said, “A reality that neither whines nor roars is the reality for me.”  (Pause)

And reality replied, “When wilt thou open thine eyes and see things as they actually be – oh, ye two-legged, upright creature, ‘homo chumpo’!”  (Pause Number Two)

One man said, “Okay, a perception of reality that neither whines nor roars – there’s the perception for me!” 

And kindly reality sagely nodded its smiling head.  (No More Pauses at This Time.)



Everyone believes that they should be a different person, but what if the actual challenge is to just become a person!?



Proposed City Motto For One Imaginary Metropolis:

“If we knew the truth, we could tell the truth – if we knew the truth, we could shut up.”



The moon of one local liver was talking to several of the meteorites around a certain brain and noted, “Being cute is being crass, and life told me to kiss my ass.”  His conversational companion interrupted, “Don’t you mean to say that life told you to kiss its’ ass – it makes no sense the way you said it.”  And the hepatic satellite replied, “I know, that’s what I said, but life insisted that I had once again, ‘missed the point’, and I didn’t really wanna push the matter, lest it tell me something even worse – if you know what I mean!?”  And his buddy nodded, “Hey, tell me about it!”



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Anything in an invented world that is not correct can be cured by criticism – in fact, even added to.



Three fingers are always required to poke reality in the eye.  And as you take your leave, ask yourself, “Given a choice – which would you choose?”



After having saved up his money, one man could not decide whether to invest in typing lessons, or to buy a correcting typewriter.



Around these parts, many of the living believe that the dead have it made.



Meanwhile:  A Megalithic Legend of Literary Mythology:

On one world, only the living were allowed to write non-fiction, the deceased, the alternative.



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Your Mind is Your Friend – Not

No matter your expectations, and no matter how it seems that things, “ought to be,” there are no conditions possible under which the collective will ever mount a campaign against stagnation.



Item:  Believe It Or Breathe Into A Burlap Bag:

In lands where it’s lumpy, “It’s the status quo that makes things go.”



Notice To All Players:

So long as you continue to “sit at the table and take up space,” do not waste the dealer’s time by interrupting him to say; “But that’s not possible!”



A Man’s Mind Is Either His Friend or It’s Not; (That’s the title of this item):

A man’s mind is his friend – if you don’t believe it, just ask it – humph!
A man’s mind is not his friend – if you don’t believe it, just ask him.



A Question; (That’s the heading of this bit):

Why doesn’t sarcasm, cynicism, and irony work on children!?!




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The Real Deal

See – Here’s The Real Deal:  If life can keep you critical, it can keep you in line.

See – Here’s The Real Deal:  If life can keep you thinking, it can keep you in line.

Okay – The Real, Double Deal:  If life keeps you alive, you’ll stay in line.

Author’s “Truth-In-Advertising” Footnote:  Those determined to be more alive and human won’t accept any of this.  (Hmmm, so, “suddenly you’re there, and then you’re not,” eh?)



Good talk
 is good music.



Upon hearing that last item as man wanted to inquire:
“Would it not be more literarily kosher to have said that, ‘Good talk is like good music’?”
But you should know that oftimes all that stands between plain-thought and point-blank-talk is similes or metaphor, or some other “words.”




One man, long involved with trying to escape the gravity of the collective condition, finally came up and said, “The trouble with man is that he is too serious, and the trouble with people like us is that we’re even more ‘too serious’.”  (This gave him such a jolt that he began to countdown all over again.)



Okay, McNeil, grab the wheel, I’m gonna lay on ya, the final deal.  You can be happy or not as addicted to emotions, or you can struggle to bring consciousness under extraordinary, unnecessary control – what a chance, what an offer, your trade-in’s worth more than you thought!


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Dumb and Dumber

To be more alive, human and conscious, you’ve got to be able to dance only with yourself, and no one else be aware of it – and, oh yeah, do it with no audible music.  One man thought, “God, I’m happy whenever I’m not either happy or not!”



Here’s A Little Something You Might Can Use:
One way to be smarter than everyone else is to be dumber than everyone else, but – (and here’s the most important part) – you can’t tell anyone.



One guy’s secret cry:

“I am a radio station – out of control!”



Article From The “Real Warrior’s Handbook of Honorable Conduct”:

If you’re alive and ordinary, you’re collaborating with the enemy.



Even a hippo, sufficiently plagiarized, will finally fall.



This is the only kind of trip where you’re suddenly there, and then you’re suddenly not.



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