Summary = TBD
Condensed News Items = See Below
News Item Gallery = jcap 93054 -1123
Transcript = None
Key Words =
The News
93054- 1
On Earth, there are two distinct categories of The Dumb: The Dumb, and The Super Dumb;
The Dumb are those who are…just dumb,
While The Super Dumb are those who feel superior to the first group.
93054- 2
Blood, Brains and Equilibrium as Indicative of The Individual’s Position IN Society:
If you bend over real fast you can make yourself dizzy;
If you bend over real, real, REAL fast — you can make EVERYBODY dizzy.
93054- 3
Every time there was a lull in his mental life, and he’d look at himself,
This one man would say: “Hey — don’t look at ME!”
93054– 4
Manufacture’s Follow-Up Notice to All Customers:
If you were originally born around these parts,
You were: Thrown out a window! —
Kicked down the stairs! —
Run over by a truck — and drowned!
Now — Welcome to life.
93054- 5
One man went up to a pen of cows and offered to set them free — Wow!
(Several of the lethargic., brown-eyed-ones mooed to one another:
“Boy, I Sure am glad we’re cows and not MEN, or this here story would be a REAL ball-buster!”)
Note: Parables, mythology, and religious allegories are provided to man so that he won’t
Have to directly face up to what MIGHT be possible for MEN to do —
…say, as opposed to: talking dogs, alien gods, angels, and other assorted, non-human anomalies.
93054-6
With no apparent structure, rhyme or reason — hormones can accidentally make you nice —
Creative thinking for yourself can do even better.
93054-7
Sex As Symbolic Of Man’s Intellectual Evolution:
When men silently fucked — all was known;
Once men could talk — they became lovers;
All lovers have secrets.
93054- 8
One man said:
“I now have my post graduate degree, and my professional position in life.
I am now ME! — and symbolic-of nothing!”
(P.S.: Lots of civilized blow-hards like to talk like that
Once they get off the farm, get away from Eden,
And start acting grown-up.
Well, “P.S.” again — I’ve got to run back down town now,
And pretend some more that I’m somebody, too.
Toodle-oo.)
93054- 9
Local conditions don’t really care just how dumb you are — just so long as you’re
sufficiently serious to make up for it.
93054-10
And now for some Ecology News:
The human mind was the planet’s first recycler.
93054-11
Between bites, a man pondered:
“If everybody here knew it was a game — would it still be a game?!”
93054-12
When the plane is apparently, undeniably headed, “straight down” –
Many on board will exclaim: “God damn! — we’re headed straight down!”
Benefits Taken Note Of: Merry go rounds can’t crash.
93054 -13
Now this story from our Conversations Desk:
First man: “A person who could truly think for themself, wouldn’t care.”
Second man: “‘Wouldn’t care’ about WHAT?”
First man: “Guess.”
93054-14
Definition:
Condemnation: Domination attempted through bombast and bluster.
93054-15
Definition:
Condemnation: Superiority attempted through bombast and bluster.
93054-16
Query:
As played out by the ordinary, what difference IS there between domination, and superiority?
(After appropriate pause, this hint):
Hint: The civilized must pretend that there’s a LOT of difference. ….(Hint, hint.)
93054-17
Sitting on a soft knoll, gazing into a beautiful sunset, a man reflected,
“Why does a blow struck by an ugly man hurt worse than one thrown by others?!”
93054-18
And now some — Sports News:
Dumb people get an extra shot.
93054-19
After the war,
In place of an artificial leg,
One man received this poem:
I am a check,
In the mail with a letter;
Post-date me now,
Then I’ll feel better.
93054-20
The Three Head Brothers sailed forth into life, each on their individual quest;
One went to seek the origin-of-things,
The second struck out to find the conclusion-of-all-things,
While the third brother set out to find a really good five-dollar haircut.
Moral: Questies Ls a queisties do.
93054-21
And now another: Description in Words in The Classroom:
Understanding What Life Is All About: Step 1: Erasing the board.
Q3054-22
Having apparently passed a certain stage in his life,
The man seemed to snap — crackle, even…
And gathering up all of the local conditions he could readily lay his hand thereon,
Held them hostage at gun point, inside a discount electronics store,
Shouting out a warning, every time the authorities would start to draw near;
“Make me any madder —
And I’ll shoot ’em in the bladder!”
Moral: Civilization DOES take its toll on us all —
But in decent neighborhoods it at least has the courtesy to say,
“Have a nice day,” as it takes your money.
93054-23
The ability to admonish and correct others is all that is necessary to be partially stupid
…to an exhilarating degree.
93054-24
City Social Note:
High class people like to look and act high class
…To help keep them from having to BE high class
93054-25
Anything that can’t be thought of, a real thinker already thought of several years ago.
93054-26
Survivor’s, If Not, Thriver’s, Tip:
How to tell if other people, “know what they are doing”: Simply ask yourself this question,
“Are they ALIVE?”
93054-27
Streets are the arteries of the city — sewers, its digestive system;
Guess what the land-fill is! — just guess!
93054-28
Around the house the child began singing:
“Oh, I’m a wind-up toy — Just a wind-up toy.”
And his old man laid down his newspaper and said:
“Shush, boy, I’m trying to read —
Go on outside and play-pretend that you’re a free-willed, normal human being.”
Whoaaa! — Life’s got shills EVE-RY WHERE!
93054-29
Religious Scripture: The work of those who couldn’t hack it in fiction,
And who decided to try and scare everybody to get even.
Myths: From those who chickened out.
93054-30
After the physician/priest/psychologist had examined the elderly patient/parishioner/client
(Who was old enough to be his great-grandfather)
And learned of his lifetime of bad habits,
He gave him a stern lecture and stringent list of changes he urgently recommended;
And when he was finished, the old boy gave a sigh of thankful amazement, saying:
“It’s a miracle I lived this long without you.”
93054-31
Notice, Cup Cakes: No Matter WHAT You Hope-&-Wish, Life STILL May Work Like This:
To try and expand his intellectual vistas, one man hyphenated his name.
93054-32
A place can be said to be “truly civilized”
When lapses in judgement count as much as do errors in pizza home deliveries.
And a man declared: “Civilization!? — Civilization!? — Hey!
I got chur civilization here in my pants!” — but he was WRONG!
93054-33
Even “Visiting Time” is over in Eden once Philosophy becomes “serious.”
93054-34
News Item Update:
To counteract the effects of our recent expose concerning everyone’s position,
Vis a vis the various branches of the armed forces,
Life has now announced that everyone has their NEW choice:
You can either be a cow, or a sheep.
(but everybody’s STILL in the goddam Navy!
93054-35
One benefit of being dyed-in-the-wool, unreconstructed DUMB is that you’ll never know it.
93054 – 36
Most dumb people don’t care much for animals …ever wonder WHY!?
…(Can you spell, “fearful-envy,” and, “self-protection”?)
930 5 4 -37
Being Civilized: Making more out of life than ‘s actually there.
93054-38
In the public rest room — the one closest to Zeus’ private office –
Someone again has placed an inscription on the wall — this time reading:
“In death we sleep — In life we snooze.”
— (And the Ole Boy is as upset as last time.)
93054-39
On one world,
No one is allowed to invent a new word until they have
Tap danced nude for sixteen hours in front of everybody.
93054-40
As he picked the hairs out of his ice cream, this one man was simultaneously thinking:
“My inter-personal relationships wouldn’t be so screwed up
If I didn’t have to keep dancing with all these personals.”
93054-41
Query Concerning the Chronology of Civilization as Per the Individual:
Where should the middle “time zone” be in a man? — Around his chest? His waist?— Even lower?
Note: The question asked where “SHOULD” it be — NOT, where it still IS with most.
(Hey! — you there in the back — don’t hurt yourself on it! It’s JUST a question, for god’s sake!)
93054-42
Many times, dumb people will try to pretend they’re shorter than they are.
93054-43
If you feel like you have something to hide — then you have something to hide.
0ne rat turned to a friend and said:
“Yuk! — If the sewers were any more fair and just, you could gag me with a human!”
93054 44
We may all eventually be given the opportunity to “tell our story,”
but only the civilized have one.
…(That’s one of its purposes, you see.)
93054
A Secret Lover’s Secret:
Life’s all the time laughin’.
93054 -4 6
Importance Is as Importance Does.
Importance — Wherefore Art Thy Sting!?
Importance Is Importance Is Importance:
Re The Matter Of, “Importance”:
If the NEWS is “SO important” then how come it don’t mean anything to the dead?
* Taking men out of a universe is like letting all the air out of seriousness. *
93054-47
Definition:
Dumb: Thinking that, “two plus two equals four” or some OTHER stable number.
93054-48
A Warning! — (Though Too Late for Some):
The more civilized you get, the seriouser you become.
Oh, it’s a law,
It’s a fact;
You can’t shrivel up, and
You can’t go back.
One privately arrogant man,
Looked finally & directly at where, he-the-individual, that is,
At where his, thinking-processes were actually connected to life,
And said to himself: “After this — NO one’s going to tell ME where I can or cannot go.”
93054-49
A man clutching too many modifiers and conditions can drown while waiting on a boat.
93054-50
How Spatial Reality Gets Twisted to Accommodate the Unique Needs of Man:
Physically, each man is his own planet;
Mentally, his own solar system.
Note: Only with man can a larger go into a smaller
An octagon into a cube,
The outdoors into the in,
And all that is potential, eventually realized.
* The better he begins to look — the more those in older time zones despise man. *
93054-51
Only the weak, witless and pitiful worry-about being… “taken captive.”
93054-52
Description of: “Getting Ahead in A Cramped Closet” — No, I meant, life;
Description of: “Getting Ahead In Life”: Putting on someone else’s shoes.
A moth said to a bud:
“If these temporary storage areas we call home,
Were any more just and equitable,
You could gag me with just the aroma of a human.”
93054-53
Those who can’t admit they’re dumb — aren’t! and RULE the world.
93054-54
Anything without a name is not important in civilization.
93054-55
One man thought:
“If life is so serious — then why do men take death so seriously?
City View: Some people THINK too much.
93054-56
One man let all of the air out of himself — and guess what he found?!
93054-57
Fact: You can’t be dumb while dancing.
Exception: Unless you’re talking at the same time.
93054-58
A thinker who has a talent — and does not dance with it — belies his ability to think.
A man who insults his own mind has no one to turn to for help.
93054-59
A Hermit: An intellectual malcontent without a book of instructions.
A Critic: A would-be thinker without a clue.
93054-60
Said one man:
“As regards this idea of fresh, individual and creative thinking,
I say — ‘Let’s not be too hasty.”
And his mind said:
“It is not POSSIBLE to be, ‘too hasty’!”
93054-61
A man who actually knows what he’s talking about can even amaze himself.
….(Okay — a-MUSE himself.)
93054-62
A person sitting alone, peered down into the mirror of their coffee cup and reflected:
“Life is full of many regrets,”
And a mosquito that flew into the room added: “Yes, and people too.”
(Okay — a-MUSE himself.)