Audio = Stream from the bar; download from the dots
05/07/1993
Summary = TBD
Condensed News Items = See Below
News Item Gallery = jcap 93055 -1124
Transcript = None
Key Words =
The News
93055- 1
Announcement:
Everybody wants to take credit for “what they are” — except the STUPID!
Hey! — where’d everybody go?
93055-2
Whom the city likes,
It starches their mental backbones when it kicks them out into the street.
93055- 3
At the conclusion of the final round of the debating competitions
A student walked out to center stage — uninvited — and made these comments:
You can live in your head,
You can Live in your belly;
You can Live in your pants where things
Really get heavy;
You can run in the streets,
You can sit in the classes,
But till you shoot me there will be no peace.
93055– 4
How Routine Minds Some Times Get Allegorical Picturizations Askewed:
The human intellect was the original, positive role-model for the, “Domino Theory.”
93055– 5
Everyone who is serious is a spying, lying, dunderheaded toady for local conditions.
….(not even to mention, lap-dog, shill, and unemployed brother-in-law.)
One thinker thought:
“What would be worse: To actually BE serious?! —
Be really MARRIED to neighborhood reality?! —
Or to have to go back to just being me!?
93055- 6
The mind increasingly wants to be more civilized while hormones still say:
“What the hell IS all of this!?”
93055-7
Now some City Social & Employment News:
Out of desperation, some become offensive — others go into real estate & the ministry.
93055- a
Rather than undergo the expense and pain of neural surgery,
One man just threw — FORCIBLY threw — his unabridged dictionary to the floor.
93055- 9
Now over to our Definitions Desk:
A Real Thinker: Someone who’ll tell you what your mama couldn’t, and life wouldn’t.
93055- 10
As he stood —- watching the giant jagged rocks crash forcefully into the waves,
The man pondered: “Does having a marshmallow heart, a poet make!?”
1-2-3:
Trocacadillions roamed, supreme the world;
Sissies rule the arts,
And small white lab mice run the wheels of our mind.
…(What the funk does, “1-2-3” have to do with anything!?)
93055-11
If intellectual birth-&-life weren’t such a shock men wouldn’t imagine death to be.
93055-12
The Structure Of A Civilized Man’s Personal, Social Life:
A spider’s web,
Spun from nothing,
Amidst a hurricane,
Built to withstand tornados,
Earthquakes,
And heartbreak — —(Whichever comes first).
Man said to one man: “It’s not NICE to make sport of importantly manly matters.”
And the man replied: “Hey! — YOU’RE not man!”
93055-13
Men stuck in attics made up the whole concepts of philosophy, religion, and politics just to pass the time.
93055-14
Then there was this thought from one particular man:
“I am not very impressed with an FCC license
Since to a private thinker already belongs the entire electromagnetic spectrum.”
93055-15
At street-level, city social critics and commentators are like cannibals condemning meat eating.
…(And this, while reporters stand around licking gravy off their fingers
As they roll their eyes and “tut tut” over man’s slovenly dining habits.)
A rat, munching over by the tv crew’s truck thought:
“If men were given over just the least bit more to irony,
You could gag me with a Nielson rating!” —
— (And sitting up in a tree, Captain Travesty replied: “WELL! –
Just see if I come visit YOU anymore!”)
93055-16
Update:
If you get real excited, you can wet your pants —
If you get real, real, REAL excited, you can douse everybody else’s!
Fact: Some people dislike updates more than they do the original item.
Fact: Fuck ’em! –let ’em do their OWN dry cleaning then.
93055-17
Those who say they’re sick ARE sick;
It’s good not to BE sick in the manner that makes you SAY you are.
93055-18
One man said he knew that civilization was safe and well in his city
When he discovered people being encouraged to take out loans to pay off debts.
93055-19
Advice, passed from one father to son:
“Never shout, ‘It’s a MIRACLE!’ – unless you’re just trying to impress someone.”
93055 20
All shills quote.
93055-21
Definitions That Won’t — (Or At Least, SHOULDN’T) — Fly Around Here:
Piousness: Cover up for fear.
Humility: Camouflage for ignorance.
If it WERE of any benefit — what creature other-than — NAY! — BETTER THAN man
HAS a right to “be proud” of what he is, —
Since none others even have the appearance of
Having had ANY hand in making them what they are.
93055-22
How Civilization Works And Doesn’t:
You can put a lion in a cage, but not a prison inside a-lion;
You can put man in the city, but you can’t make hormones pay property tax.
93055-23
And now some, Literary News:
Men made UP most of what passes for, “Fiction.”
93055-24
Hey, Kirk, that’s not true — you shouldn’t be giving our viewers false information like that.
93055-25
Religion: A door-to-door salesman for Local Conditions.
93055-26
Leaning over, with his elbow on his saddle horn,
The wrangler gazed out over the prairie and mused:
“If man is just man,
And cows represent fragmented, wide-spread ignorance,
Then why aren’t I paid more than two-hundred a month, plus grub!?”
93055-27
Life never IS exactly what men imagine it will be –
That’s why life’s life,
And men become bookies and potato farmers.
(P.S. They’re still working on the So-Called Hargraves caper.)
93055-28
Those who fear death tend to despise man.
93055-29
Avocational Tip & Reminder:
When nothing else particularly interesting is going on
You can always be checking in on your own, “‘I’ve Been Insulted’ Gauge & Index.”
Pharmaceutical Update: A serious man is a touchy man.
93055-30
Even Amongst the Artistic & Most Civilized, Physical Life Can Still Flex a Muscle or So:
A man with a bee’s nest in his accordion
Can usually whip two priests, four philosophers, thirteen critics, and an insurance salesman
with one hand tied behind his back.
93055-31
As he watched history and the news a man pondered several alternate possibilities:
“You can ‘make-fun-of’ man himself, (how he looks, and walks, and all that),
Or of what he says, in conversations and public statements,
Or of what he thinks, as put down in his writings and arts — OR
And right here he seemed to get momentarily stuck,
As he mentally groped around for trying to figure how one could make sport of oneself
Without actually mentioning it, or making a spectacle of oneself.
93055-32
All shills whine.
93055-33
And now this item from our, “Secret Book of Secret Facts”:
“At any given moment, on planet Earth,
There are never more than seventeen people who know what’s really going on.” —
Oh, I’m sorry, I picked up the wrong book.
93055-34
One man made himself sick —
And then said: “There! — now don’t you feel better!?”
93055-35
The Ever-Unfolding & Developing Intellectual City of Man:
A place where pretension always counts for more than mere accomplishment.
93055-36
Once this one man had his own mind under some of his own control,
he would no longer allow it to take collect calls.
93055–37
And now that feature of our show that we don’t like to call, “Don’t You Believe It for A Minute!”:
A man with a sense of humor and a pocket knife can whittle his way to happiness.
93055-38
“Common sense” can be of UN-common use to those extraordinarily endowed.
93055-39
One man’s motto was: “Never insult Anyone who didn’t insult you first.”
And his spinal tap shot back: “Well, life insulted me first.”
93055-40
When you’re dumb — the seriouser you get, the dumber you get.
93055 41
All birds have a day off per week to rest their voice — that is,
all birds but man, and all voices but the intellect.
93055-42
As the child headed out for his trip to the city, his father told him:
“There’s not really much to be concerned about over there, except — —
Don’t let them pickle your brains.”
93055-43
A Critic: A “Sorehead” with better P. R.
93055 44
Having fleas and ills will keep you alive in one area –
Having fears and uncertainties will in another.
Extraordinary “Mental health” cannot be defined in medical terms.
93055-45
The way you can tell a properly civilized person is that they will continually
Act-as-though there is more going on in life than there actually is.
Local conditions asked me — on its behalf –to sincerely thank ALL of you for all of your help thus far.
Meanwhile: Unbeknownst to all the adults and other reasonable people,
One man was silently chuckling behind his invisible hand and mind.
93055-46
Now from our, Money Desk:
Being a shill will keep you broke.
93055-47
Trying to think independently for yourself
Is like trying to swim in quicksand, or wet cement,
While everyone standing around points out that you obviously can’t,
While you continue doing so anyway, after they’ve lost interest and walked off.
You seldom see mice on cat farms — you seldom in fact,
find other than ipsedixit felines in attendance. …
(but that’s another story…like it-ALWAYS is
for a real thinker.)
93055-48
It’s hard & doubtful to become a hot-shit, big shot without WANTING to be.
The city says: “Ladders were MADE to climb.”
One man studied the top of his mind and thought:
“There’s gotta be more uses for roofs than just to walk on and tar over.”
93055-49
Only the dumb are amazed at the dumbness of others.
93055-50
An Alien: What seriousness originally was to the brain.
…And all the little civilizations skipped along and sang:
“Oh, if our friends could see us now.”
And the first man said: “There IS no, ‘post script’ to DEATH!”
And the second one retorted: “What do you call, ‘life’?!”
93055-51
What a few could call, “boring repetition,” the many would think of as “safe & comforting,”
even when it is about danger & destruction.
A Thinker’s Credo:
No matter how you cut it…Boring is boring is boring is boring is boring is boring is…
93055-52
Then there’s this man who claims that HE was incipient LONG-G-G before it was the “in” thing.
93055-53
Poets write metaphors even when none were intended;
Men LIVE symbolically — whether they realize it or not.
Definition:
Life: The original writer’s hone correspondence course.
93055-54
One man told his mind: “Don’t be looking straight ahead!”
And his city said: “Don’t be listening to him!”
Local Moral: Lookin ‘ around and thinkin’ about things ain’t gonna do anything for you.
93055-55
No matter where you are — somebody’s time is “running out!” —
— and somebody else’s is just getting started.
One fifty-year-old child screamed out: “How do you get off this damn thing!?”
9305 5-56
Morality: Civilization’s Motel Rules to keep everybody from breaking up the furniture,
and trashing their room.
93055-57
What keeps men thinking is the belief that there’s something specific to be thought ABOUT.
93055-58
The dumb and the ordinary are always shills for some body.
93055-59
History: silly news made serious.
The owner of the funeral home called the embalmer over to the casket and said:
“You take that smile off his face this very instant!”
93055-60
Local conditions don’t give much of a good goddamn what you do as long as you hang around.
93055- 61
“Hey!”, cried a man, “What’s the rub!? — Civilization is supposed to be,
‘All image, and little substance.'”
93055 62
As Regards That Aspect of The Intellect Known As, “Memory”:
The ordinary want to be “remembered” after they’re dead –
A thinker wants something else — and he WANTS it NOW!
93055-63
Now our, Joke for The Day:
Nothing is quite so funny as civilization.
93055-64
Independent thinking is fun — not work.
93055-65
‘While ’tis trying to swim alone,
For a thinker, ’tis unduly confining to drown in a crowd.
93055-66
Thought that is not at least three-dimensional is not fully functional.
93055-67
Where non-bovine friends gather — extraordinary genetic jumps are possible.
93055 – 68
A real thinker is always ahead of his time,
in back of his time —
all OVER his time.
93055-69
Local reality rolled the word around in its mouth:
— what IS this thing, ‘man’?”
Then looked in the mirror and knew.