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The News
1577 [96042] 04/10/1996
Copyright J. M. Cox 1996
96042-1
On a certain eventful day, a certain king so said to his eldest son,
“Between the mundane city of Paris and the transcendental state of
Istanbul are many stations at which the mystical Orient Express may stop,
and there are, on the train itself, many cars in which passengers may ride,
and it is natural and predictable that all who ever board will get off and
spend some time at some of the stations, and will move from car to car
on the train,
but the one thing required to ever complete the journey
is to teach yourself — to force yourself —
to hold the constant mental awareness that you chose to embark thereon,
and that there is not one single thing on this whole wide planet
set up for the purpose of encouraging you to persevere.
It is a new day in your journey once you fully realize that
you are not only a passenger but the ticket agent, conductor, & engineer
as well — that you are, all-in-all
ultimately responsible for your own train and travels.
Such a notion can frighten and disturb some,
yet delight others
in a manner not easily described or foretold.
Happy miles, my son —
happy miles, with wondrous sights and marvelous adventures — for the
alert.”
96042-3
Inside of a busy station,
a man once sought out one whom he thought to be enlightened and asked him,
“Will you tell me The Secret?”
And the one presumed to be awakened replied,
“Do you want me to tell you stories about it,
or simply point to it?”
And the man considered this momentarily, then said,
“I believe that I would like to have it shown to me directly
rather than talked about,
but my experience thus far leads me to suspect that, were I able to see that
which I believe to be the object of my search, head-on, with no assistance,
that I would have already done so without having to come seek counsel from
you — thus I find myself still in a quandary,
uncertain of what my next move should be.”
And the one to whom he was speaking put an arm around his shoulder and said,
“Come, let us go over there,
we will sit
and have ourselves some tea.”
96042-3
What is it that ordinary minds enjoy about history & news of current
events: repetition! — good, old-fashioned repetition.
96042-4
On some planets life creates large, horrible, but invisible monsters
whose sole job it is to pose unanswerable questions to the locals —
and what you might find of even more interest is the fact that
on no worlds does it provide answer-producing creatures.
…(See, that’s where you’ve got to come in.)
96042-5
Though no everyone admits it,
men generally enjoy their nighttime dreams more than they do
the things that pass through their minds in the daytime hours,
which is perfectly, psychologically, and medically understandable
inasmuch as bloodhounds with an affinity for staring at the ground
just love-e-e an intensified linear trail.
96042-6
Tonight’s Inspirational Moment
There was once a man who wanted a cosmic cupcake —
boy! did he ever want such a cake!
And he dreamed of such a cake,
he talked about such a cake,
he read ideas about such a cake,
questioned others about such a cake.
Damn! did he ever want a cosmic cupcake,
and you know what?…
he eventually did realize that wanting something
doesn’t mean shit around here.
96042-7
Tonight’s Health Tip:
The prelude to all mental illness consists of one thing — seriousness —
seriousness by those not mentally equipped to exercise it.
96042-8
A man wrote to Dr. If:
“Dear Doctor,
If Istanbul represents the ultimate destination,
then am I to assume that the ‘train’ represents the methods of getting
there? — and if so
then why do I not find the picture of the train more meaningful?”
“Well, how the hell should I know?” replied the doctor.
96042-9
Your Boy Lollipop
One man was originally “staggered by things he heard” —
then later “staggered by things he saw” —
then “staggered by things he imagined” —
and finally “staggered by the realization that he’d just imagined all of
it.”
And a viewer writes:
“Kind Sir,
Could you please tell me how long reaching such a realization normally
takes?”
…Have you ever seen a sentence so filled with intergalactic incongruities,
such as the use of words like “could,”
“kind,”
and “normally?”
Jeeze, what kinda sucker’s he take me for?
In pursuit of his own higher — and I do mean higher — education,
one man adopted this personal motto:
“A mind is a terrible thing to waste… …unless it’s mine!”
…Jeeze — what kinda suckers does that make us all?…
96042-10
One father’s tip to a son:
“Life is constantly calling up everyone on the phone —
but who told you that you have to answer every call?”
…Okay, but
Equal-Time time:
To stay properly a part of any herd or flock
you do need to answer every incoming call.
Moo-o-o or baa-a-a, y’all —
it’s been previously noted that
routine yammer
helps hold the cows together.
96042-11
With everybody, hormones wanna “slow dance” — up close, belly-to-belly —
and, with everybody but mystics, so do neurons.
96042-12
A song heard sung around one station:
“Oh the trains keep a’rollin’,
and the people keep a’dreamin’,
the trains keep a’rollin’,
and the people keep a’talkin’.
Oh the trains keep a’rollin’,
oh the trains keep a’rollin’,
oh the trains keep a’rollin’ — unseen.”
96042-13
Immediately upon rising one morning,
a lad went to his father and said,
“I want to quit dreaming at night, how can I do it?”
And the old man replied,
“Stop doing it in the daytime.”
96042-14
Another reason this kinda stuff is so hard to make sense of:
To the ordinary mind, repetition represents sanity.
96042-15
The Differences In Knowing
There are two kinds of knowing —
the knowing that’s available to everyone,
and the knowing that’s behind that knowing;
and the first knowing is noisy and agitated,
while the second is serene and unmoving;
and the first knowing is “out there,”
while the other one is “in you.”
96042-16
At the metaphorical depot, an old pro told an apprentice,
“It is really tricky to continue to announce the train departures
without it eventually sounding like a sermon.”
96042-17
On one world, they used to tell tales about the men of Earth
for metaphorical purposes…
’til they realized how foolish it made ’em look.
Every corner of reality tells every other corner it meets not to
“try this where you live!”
96042-18
A man asked a mental health professional,
“If repetition can make you psychologically ill,
can it also effectively treat you?”
“Oh, yes, yes, yes, and more yeses,” replied the expert one.
And a man wrote the doctor previously known as Perverse, and asked,
“Am I to take it by these several stories tonight that
the inference is being made that there is some operational connection
between repetition, seriousness, and mental instability?”
And the regal one replied by grabbing his crotch and saying, “Infer this!”
a response which
it was difficult to tell
was very enlightening to the writer or not.
96042-19
One man made himself nervous —
until he discovered that he wasn’t who he thought he was…
then things weren’t so bad.
96042-20
Okay,
another reason men enjoy their bedtime dreams so much is because they are
super-repetitious,
and men can pretend they are not.
And a man wrote the professor previously known as Polemic, and asked him,
“Is there a subtle insinuation running through much of this evening’s
comments pointing to some previously unrecognized synonymy between
repetition and linearity? —
and don’t waste my time by grabbing your crotch and saying
insinuate this!” —
which left the professor with nothing to say.
96042-21
The mind is like a well of infinite depth…
unless you ever reach the bottom of it.
96042-22
As they stood in the vestibule, catching the fresh air,
a conductor said to an interested passenger,
“There are many things on this trip that are difficult to talk about,
but most difficult of all is the subject of ‘quietness.'”
96042-23,24
There is a dastardly rumor that the awakened have it easy
in that they face only the physical pain of death, like everyone else,
but not any during life,
at least of the sort that besets the minds of everyone else.
…”Well — shit!” said Satan, “that’s not fair!”
“Don’t blame me,” replied God,
“I didn’t put specific boundaries on how stupid you have to be.”
On one world is a myth that says that
dreaming about being more conscious
is just as good as being more conscious.
…(Next flight leaves in 45 minutes…
for those of you who don’t think you’re already there.)
96042-25
After pondering particular metaphorical ideas he’d heard, a man thought:
“I am not as concerned about me running after and catching certain trains
as I am about certain trains that travel through me
catching me and running me down.”
96042-26,27
A man asked a mystic who held public mystical meetings,
“Why should anyone come to a mystical meeting?”
“Damn’f I know,” he replied — and the man was well pleased with the reply.
A man asked a mystic,
“Can you really become ‘more’ conscious,
or just learn to do more with the consciousness you already have?”
And the enlightened one replied,
“Ah, so you’re a mystic also.” And the man was greatly disturbed by the
reply.
…And someone asked the author of these tales if the moral of them was that
“you can’t please everybody,” to which he replied,
“No, the moral is to hell with everybody!” And the man nervously giggled.
96042-28
Health
Words began to make one man sick.
Health —
once you “understand it,”
you “got to love it.”
Health
96042-28(B)
Spreading out its arms in a wide survey, one man’s mind said to him,
“Just stick with me, and some day this’ll all be yours.”
And the man thought, “Don’t do me any favors.”
96042-29
There was once a man who lived by a rail yard,
and who complained that the noise interfered with his sleep —
until one day he realized that it could be used to keep him awake.
96042-30
One man came to this self-realized realization:
“I deserve more out of life! —
and even if I don’t deserve it, I deserve more.”
You can’t grow wings,
and you can’t live forever,
but you can do something fresh with what’s already going on in your head.
96042-31
A lad asked his dad,
“When I die, can I go to another planet?”
And the old man replied,
“Hell, learn the trick and do it while alive.”