Humor: Man’s Low-grade Attempt at Transcendence
Audio = Stream from the bar; download from the dots
02/15/1995
Summary = See below
Condensed News Items = See Below
News Item Gallery = jcap 95017-1399
Transcript = None
Key Words =
Summary
#1399 – 2/15/95
Notes by TK
ST/symbolic thought is so far beyond metaphorical it is original. Everyone is comforted by collective thought; none want to stand alone, outside the herd—the atheist needs the theist. Literal thinking = ongoing mental commentary on reality. Metaphorical = individual translation of the literal; wisdom = cliché and fashion. Humor = man’s low-grade attempt at transcendence.
The News
95017-1
After surveying the crop and reflecting on its startlingly strange behavior, the agricultural-psychologist paced about for a bit, shaking his head,
Then stopped) tapped his pencil on his clipboard and said to the farmer: “Though I have nothing specific to tell you I will say this:
Even when things have no explanation they have an explanation.”
95017-2
Some artists, in several fields were talking and one of them said: “Have you noticed that when the creative spirit is really on you, and you produce a masterpiece,
That you complete the work almost as quickly as you can move, but that it takes forever when,
What you’ve done, sucks!?”
To himself, one of the group mused: “And how true also
Regarding the living of one’s life.”
95017-3
And now for a correction to an ancient, philosophical, mis-translation:
(it should read): “The un-original life is not worth living” (least wise for some).
95017-4
In one prison camp
They are able to keep everyone under control without much force
By simply assuring each prisoner, (for the first forty years of their life), that they’re not one.
A viewer writes: “In the above story,
I personally would have preferred that it said:
‘in one prison camp they were able to keep everyone under control,’ etc, rather than they ‘are able’ – (if you get what I mean!?)” –
…Oh, I get it sir – I know exactly what you mean.
* * *
“Ah-h-h!, just look at it, Herodotus! -don’t you just love-e-e the past! —
It’s well…So: calm,
So: peaceful,
So down-right safe and predictable. Ah!, I just love it! — don’t you!?”
“All right, you scum-buckets — back in your cells.”
* * *
95017-5
The instructor said to the class:
“Without drugs, there is nothing.”
And someone asked: “How about thinking,”
“Especially that!” he briskly responded,
Only to have the whole class break out in uproarious laughter, and him to realize that the ole joke was on him.
Moral: what is quicker than the speed of light? Answer: a too quick response?!?
Moral: shut up and go stand in the cloak closet.
95017-6
From our corrected edition of: the theological dictionary–
Evil: the name given local conditions, in three dimensional worlds,
By those with only two fuel supplies.
* * *
And now on to our expanded version of our totally unabridged thesaurus:
Stupidity: giving a name to anything around here.
A young cosmic scout, (passing through our area), stopped to take mental note, “The great thing about harshness is that it is entirely non-selective.”
…And a man, fanatically clutching some soggy, outdated wood, was laughed-at and challenged by the wind:
“Let’s see you start a fire with that!”
* * *
95017-7
There was once a man who struggled mightily for the enlightenment, and as he learned more, he began to write about it,
And soon produced a volume of ten thousand pages,
— but as he pressed on, and understood more, he began to edit and soon the work was down to a thousand pages,
Then a hundred,
Then ten! —
…Then even less.
There have always been men struggling mightily for the awakening who do learn something along the way.
95017-8
After their signing of the unusual peace treaty one of the opposing parties looked at it,
and in a tone of some astonishment, said to the other: “Quite an accommodation!”)
And a bystander mused:
“But pales in comparison to that between man’s body and mind.”
95017-9
By its own definition — what can actually be said about originality that itself is not unoriginal & plagiarized!?
95017-10
The first man to step away from the crowd turned to them and declared: “We are victim of what we are.”
Only to be joined by a second who proclaimed: “Nay, we are victim of what we’ve done.”
Which was immediately countered by a third who said: “No, we are victim of what we think.”
Then there was a pause of considerable length – considerable,
Until yet another man stepped out to say: “We are victim of what we are.
Now! — I’ve got a question for you:
How many amongst the crowd, (which consists of all humanity), do you think realized that by the last man’s notion, they were right back where they started?
95017-11
One day the king announced:
“No one may marry my daughter who is not as dense as me.”
And thus man’s routine line of mental succession is preserved,
* * *
Someone asked a mystic:
“What do you want to come back as in your next life?”
And the more-perceptive one thought:
“Why do not men ask themselves what they wanted to be in this one, and then forgot about!?”
And a man wrote to the advice doctor:
“Dear doctor: I’ll tell you exactly why mystics aren’t more popular than they are:
It’s because of those very kinds of things that that last guy thought about, just what’s their problem any way, doc!?”
* * *
95017-12
One day the village smithy declared:
“No one may marry my daughter who will not sit on me & her both.” And a passing band of wandering neurons quickly took in the scene, and decided not to get involved.
95017-13
A creature visiting earth was told after a few days: “If you think religion’s a bunch of gobble-de-gook, wait’l you get a load of psychology!”
And the visitor slapped his forehead in mock horror. …(well, I think it was mock!?!)
95017-14
Sarcasm: humor, with what little humor there is in humor, removed.
95017-15
Backstage, two guys were talking and one asked the other: “What’s the one undeniable benefit of being a comedian?” and when the other couldn’t answer, he did:
“It’s that no one can make fun of you and make you feel bad,” and the other guy pondered for a moment – then said: “What about if you tell that as a comedian he stinks!?” And the first guy then pondered for a moment – then said:
“Well, why in the hell would you want to say such a nasty thing to someone as fine and decent as a comedian!?”
* * *
And now that feature on the show, previously billed as: our moral dilemma of the day:
What do you do!? — do you: laugh, or cry
Upon hearing that all the attendees to the intergalactic critics convention fell into a cesspool?
….Well -“My, my!” — what a perfectly nasty thing for one side of the brain to say to the other!
“Okay, all you shit-drippers, break’s over – back in the conference room.
95017-16
Satirical commentary: insight,
With what little insight there is in ordinary insight, removed,
* * *
And a viewer writes:
“The main thing that makes me nervous and uneasy about you is that
You often sound like you’re attacking and making light of something serious you’ve said earlier,
This makes me highly nervous and uneasy,
Yours”, etc.
95017-17
One of the elder elephants in the herd,
Who attempted to pass for their, “Shaman,” & “Wise man”
One day said to a younger one:
“With age comes wisdom.”
But the youngster’s consideration of his words
Was tempered by the reality of the elder’s gross over-weight condition.
95017-17(b)
Now tonight’s double-barreled quiz
What’s the difference between a drunk, and an alcoholic?
Ah, you know that one: a drunk doesn’t have to attend the meetings.
Okay, try this one:
What’s the difference between a real mystic & a pretend one? Ah, you know — same answer.
And that same viewer says:
“Hey — don’t make me write you again!”
95017-18
In the effort to awaken to a greater understanding of life,
The most useless assistance is certainly the advice of others — and yet: to ever get on the right train
Anybody with even a smidgen of intelligence
Will ask a conductor for directions.
And as always —
Within an enclosed rail system,
Even metaphysical info both makes sense, and doesn’t as well.
…(pst! – see,
Since realizing that is one of the first things that happens in the awakening,
That’s why so many who experience it immediately go: “Ah!”
* all aboard! — from here to infinity, from here to eternity —
From here to everywhere, and,
Damn-near back again! Kinda….
…. …….Which also causes one to go: “Ah!”
All aboard, now!
* * *
95017-19
As Adam was leaving the garden – on that fateful day –
He stopped at the gate, turned to god and asked: “Would I have been better off to begin with if I hadn’t started thinking!?!”
And god kinda snorted: “You silly boy! -had you not,
We wouldn’t be standing here having this fine little chat!
— now, off with you.”
* * *
A man wrote the myth doctor:
“Dear doctor: what the hell kinda myth you call that!?”
* * *
95017-20
And now! —
Revealed here! -tonight! —
In person!
For the very first time! -in your native language! —
The reason why every myth you ever heard — let you down:
Because–by the time you heard them, they were no longer original!
95017-21
More ancient truisms brought up to date and straightened, finally out -(as portrayed in the following conversation):
“A rich man won’t take ‘no’ for an answer.”
“Hell, a rich man won’t take anything for an answer.”
…And as the crowd was leaving, one man asked a companion: “You think that was really about wealth!?
…Or maybe something to do with how a man’s mind gets all filled up!?”
And his friend shrugged his shoulders,
And suggested they go get something to eat.
95017-21-b
Just as some conspiracy theorists believe that the “Powers-that-be” are actually behind the public demonstrations against themselves,
So too should a more alert man realize that the meaningless, forced,
“Thinking-of-the-collective”
Is all that’s really responsible for what normally passes for his own individual thinking.
95017-22
The teacher asked for students to give a concise descriptive outline of human existence and the first one called on offered:
“Born, grow, become religious, die.”)
Then a classmate responded: “Born, grow, become philosophical, die.” Then teach pointed to little Bruno and he said:
“Born, die,” and she said: “Well, that is a bit brief, don’t you think!?”) and he said: “Yeah, but it’s almost time for recess.”
95017-23
As they sailed along in their time machine, they played games to pass away the space, said one to another:
“What’s the worst thing about the past?”
And answered the other: “It’s total lack of – originality.”
95017-24
The man sitting by the rear door was softly singing to himself:
“Oh I have something that gives me a thrill,
It always has and it always will.”
And the other passengers weren’t sure if he was a sex maniac or a mystic (!?!
95017-25
Reminiscence: small talk for the deceased.
95017-26
A boy asked his father:
“Why do so many tigers think it criticism if you
Comment on the color of their stripes?” and the old man said:
“Why do you mean by: ‘so many’?” And the lad replied: “All!?!?” “That’s more like it, my boy.”
A passenger standing near the rear door looked away from his newspaper, and wondered how,
If you find a man not subject to routine influences of his peers, can you be sure if he’s more conscious, or just over the hill!?
** *
The intricate, near Machiavellian interconnections of reality are such that only those-who-know — know.
** *
95017-27
The head of the secret school told those attendant:
“The first rule of the mythical warrior is: don’t be delicate.”
And one among them responded: “How about those of us who are delicate?” “You also.”
95017 – 28
The mystic’s guide to golf:
As the threat of potential combat was felt again by one man,
Regarding his relationship to those about him, local conditions secretly slipped up beside him,
Poked him in the ribs, & urged him on: “Hey, they can’t talk about you like that! And sure enough,
They could — and could not,
Which continues to be unrecognized par on those: poorly maintained,
Courses, twin-brained,
With mental holes, n’er manicured.
“Fore, you ratty-bastards! — back in the blinkers for all of you.”
* * *
95017-29
In reaction to one of our recent medical news stories, a man inquires: “If sight will get better if you quit reading,
might my thinking improve if I stopped listening?”
The intricate, near Machiavellian sensory connections are such that none comprehend them — save those who do.
It’s one thing to sing: “Oh you can’t get away, no you can’t get away,” and quite another to live it! (that is)
As far away from it,
As is possible in a closed system.
* * *
Only lions who’ve picked up joke, distorting mirrors have the desire to, — get away from themselves.
* * *
After being surprised once again by events, a man looked out his portal and said: “Well slap-me-around, and call me Gladys!” and life said back: “Well, I’ll slap you around, but I’ll call you whatever I want to.”
It takes mighty common spectacles, hearing aids and reflecting devices for a man to fall victim to such shoddy con jobs.
95017-30
It’s been called: the enlightenment,
The awakening from sleep,
The entry into the kingdom of heaven,
Yet, truth be told,
’tis but neural activity seeking higher ground.
95017-31
A boy asked his father: “Can ‘the truth’ ever give you the blues?” “Can yellow
Ever be
Any color
Other
Than it is!?” He replied.
95017-31-B
And – (need it now actually be verbalized” …perhaps, so): today’s tip regarding your hearing–
If you listen to others you’ll go deaf.
* * *
And now for today’s news regarding advice:
A man wrote to the advice doctor:
“Dear doctor…”And the doctor interrupted: “Yeah, I know: go to hell.”
* * *
95017-32
Some neural news:
Local conditions said to one guy:
“Look, even if you don’t agree — just pretend to go along with it.” And the guy replied: “Sorry, I don’t do imitations.”
95017-33
Bumper sticker on mystic’s car:
“Originality – my country! — love it or leave it.”
Ha, ha — just kidding of course —
What it really said was:
“Originality — my country, right or wrong.”
Ha, ha — just kidding of course.
95017-34
Life told one man: “Don’t quote me on that.” And some many years later, the man said the same to life.
95017-35
From an ordinary mind’s view I guess that the absolute worst thing you can say about originality is that it is so – unpredictable.
95017-36
In exasperation,
Life finally said to one guy:
“Hey! — don’t take my word for it!”