A Mystic “Cares” by Pretending To
Summary = See below
Condensed News Items = See Below
News Item Gallery = jcap 94074 -1318
Transcript = None
Key Words =
#1318 – 08/05:
Notes by TK
Humanity as a neural network, a brain. The Mystic is not a fully participating cell in it. He thinks for himself, puts a shock into his neural system, ignores collective inputs.
Let’s start with some “Facts.” Fact: Getting started is
always the hardest part. Fact: Only if you’re ordinary …or
After he’d been deceased for some time, one guy looked
around and said: “I’m sick of death!” And local conditions
responded: “Consider the alternative.” And with some chagrin,
the guy was forced to accede.
….. The Ha Ha Review
Anytime you forget that your own local conditions have a
sense of humor just remember that they still cause Suicide
Prevention Centers to be open.
Everything that grows, eats; parades eat, planets eat, life
eats. “Hey, hon,” cried a mind, “What’s for din?”
Today’s: Psychological Update
The idea of “masks” came to man after he first discovered
masks. And a group of analysists, (tied to an unoccupied dog
sled), howled their objection to this comment. Moose Number One
turned to Moose Number Two, (as they chewed), and noted: “If men
did have a soul then they could be religious.” (Chew, chew.)
“And if they did have minds then they could use counseling.”
Scene Twelve — Take Twenty-Two
The local director called the city together and announced:
“The cast of characters we’ll be using in today’s shooting will
be basically the same as yesterday’s — …and last month’s —
…and last year’s — …and …” And some people began shouting
back: “Yeah, yeah — we get the picture.
….. And now: Time For A Myth:
And lo! Nay, double lo! The day came when was loosed upon
the Earth a raging horde of uncontrollable metaphors.
“We eat our own refuse,” declared one man, and many nearby
disagreed, as they continued to pick through the garbage. If you
would like to know whether the man was correct or not, look to
those who never comment on the matter.
All criticism is plagiarism.
Life told local conditions: “I put you in charge down there
to see that nothing anomalous ever gets too out of control, and
if you want to keep all your perks you better see to it.” And
conditions saluted: “Yes sir! I always immediately sit on a
mystic just as soon as I spot one.” And life seemed to grunt its
approval as it turned and walked away. For you scholars tracking
& recording this program, I don’t know whether this item should
be filed under, Fairy Tales, or, Religious Myths, or, Sorehead
Whenever the dumb begin to suspect again just how dumb they
really are they also begin to experience a subtle desire to
Competing intellectually is admission of defeat, and proof
of no creativity.
After becoming, “well educated,” one man declared: “What
the hell does ANYthing mean!?” And nearby stood his smiling
proud dad who commented: “Time was when he’d only say that about
As people begin to become civilized, crime becomes serious
business; once they fully are, it can be a pastime. Only the
simple of mind take such news and look outward for its
significance. I in fact have already noted for you that people
become sociologists because they’re afraid to be psychologists,
and that people become psychologists because they’re afraid to be
theologists, and all of ’em become what they are for the simple
reason that they’re all afraid of becoming real, individual
people. In the upper level, mortal prison, men are held not
by chains, but by habit, fear, and imitation. The warden told
the guards: “As long as men have unfocused awareness we have
nothing to worry about.”
A poet stood on a hill and recited:
“In a world that’s filled with strife,
You may ask what good is life …”
And life stepped in to say: “You just try it!”
An elaboration of an item from our last show concerning how
to tell if you are a mystic: One day you look around and
suddenly think: “I’ll be damned.” That’s all — nothing more
— just that.
How To Tell If You Are Ordinary
You’re either: Satisfied, or you’re not satisfied — BUT
you’re satisfied with the reasons other people give for why
you’re not satisfied.
One man called his pet rat, “You Dumb Pin Head Muther,” but
the furry one demurred on the basis that the name was already
taken in that household. A viewer writes: “I bet you think that
some of the stuff you read on the air is really funny! …As a
matter of fact, so do I, and that’s what bothers me! Well, me
and my mind, that is. Keep up the good work, keep me on your
mailing list, and don’t forget to send me my two dollar rebate on
that brake fluid I bought. Sincerely,” etc.
Only the un-awakened undertake charity.
…..Hormones make us human, hormones make us beasts. So what
else is new!?
…..The belief that conditions cause crime would crumble & fall
were it not for the continuing support and contributions of the
simple of mind.
A Quick Glimpse Into The Ole Future
At Earth’s Grand Convention, everyone’s state of awareness
will be their name tag.
Another excerpt from that Secret Handbook: A mystic’s main
job is to: Have fun.
…..Instead of trying to expand his consciousness, one man
decided to become an, Intellectual, (explains he): “It’s sort of
like being a weather forecaster in that I can tell you absolutely
what happened yesterday.”
To try and keep things under control, Local Conditions told
one group of rowdies that if they didn’t “calm down,” it was
going to start putting health food in their drugs.
All the world’s religions and philosophical systems began as
one man’s original thinking — (You can take it from there.) A
viewer writes: “Why do you keep insinuating that a man who knew
the secret of life wouldn’t tell anyone else!?!” “Insinuate,”
hell! What are you , Viewer — DEAF!? Thus far in history man
has composed the, Unfinished Symphony, posed the Unanswered
Question, and commenced the, Incompleted Journey — what’s
Neuro-Physo, Plop-Plop Update
The mind is to the brain as the intestines are to the
stomach. If — you are an ordinary, everyday person, you may
ignore this news. One guy looked at life and said: “I may be a
simple shit, but even I’M not that simple!” …And as is so
often its want, life just smiled and let the outburst pass.
Only one type of creature cares for others at its own
expense: The stupid, the civilized, and the ordinary. …(I
know this sounds like three, but they’re all the same.)
The Earth is hungry! — Look it up in the dictionary.
To be “sane” is to be fairly certain what will happen from
one day to the next; to be of mystical bent is to hate the
possibility! Har, har! “Of what?” asked a guy in the back!
One man told his son: “If you can’t be original, don’t try
and explain or excuse it away — aren’t, after all, cannibals the
ultimate reformers!? Now make yourself useful — go shave a
porcupine, …or study morality, …or something.”
One city Earth Dweller recently made this comment: “Down
here, we’re all fools, and those who quote others in support of
their folly are ‘institutional fools’ without, (necessarily), the
institutions.” …And several people in the “professions,”
(standing nearby) took exception!
Life has few absolute, unconditional rules at the local
level, but one of them is that: No one who knows what’s going on
can be in charge. …(Oh, and life thanks you for your patience
and understanding in this matter, and says that if you don’t like
it you can go somewhere else.)
One Guy’s Credo
If you look to others for inspiration, you’ll never run out
of things to look for.
Men invented mirrors once they got totally sick of blaming
themselves. And a viewer asks: “Shouldn’t that actually be
listed under, Electronic News!?”
The way you can tell that a mystics “cares” is that he
pretends to care.
Romance: A Brief Essay
Toes attract toes, and, fingers, fingers, but who carries
the allure for neurons?! And Sir Gawain ga-moaned: “Oh, where
am I, now that I need me!?”
…..One man used to make up touching, inspirational proverbs so
he could laugh at them.
From the supplemental insert in our latest joke & novelties
catalog comes this interesting item: “The best way to be a
‘mystic’ is to be from another world.” …(It’s on page s3, next
to the discontinued Whoopee Cushion.)
And a boy asked his mother: “Can the melancholy ever be
mystics?” And she replied: “Yes, but they’ll always be
…..And a viewer asks: “Why’d you have to add that!?”
Those whose comprehension of, The meaning of life, comes
from books have been secretly “joy-buzzed” by life.
Humor is a by-product of the parade never being able to
One day, one guy got hold of the Super Horn and announced to
the whole world that the next day he was going to plainly explain
what life was all about, and immediately large bunches of peoples
let it be known that they would not be “showing up” if what he
had to say was not critical and negative! One day, in a wood,
near a sparkling brook, a man sat down to rest on a slippery
rock, and rubbed his feet as he reflected: “If my thoughts are
like Mister Microphone, then the consciousness behind them is
Mrs. Static & Interference. One day, in a body, near a bubbling
G.I. Tract, a man’s digestion chuckled and mused: “Yes, and I’m
Lee De Forest.” And life, and a mystic, standing over by the
main switch turned and silently smiled at one another.