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The News
93085- I
There is indeed — “Safety in numbers.” ….also, stupidity.
93085- 2
While everyone else was sleeping,
This one man gave himself a secret choice:
Either continue to be, “shot out of a cannon” — OR
Begin being shot out of his own mouth.
Do Take Note:
Life does not so much, “launch” you initially
As it does just kinda mumble something about: “Ten, nine, eight, seven….”
And I’m sure that during the last several seconds
You’ve already taken your own personal, additional note that
It is a real thinker’s most pleasing task to — from scratch, and ground-zero –
Single-handedly construct his own internal, “Space Agency” — of both hard and soft ware.
93085- 3
Another example of why “Life Will NEVER Die — As Long As MAN Is Alive”:
One chap gave himself three special names for the three special days in his life: His birthday, his birthday, and his birthday.
93085- 4
Just as the crude and the sophisticated,
And the barbaric and the civilized,
Live side by side,
So too do hormones and neurons.
– (And their hometown address is: Man.
93085- 5
How Man BELIEVES The World, “Out-There” To Be — And Yet How He Acts Ofttimes, otherwise:
A man looked in the mirror and said:
“Well — we’re both in this together!”
And the mirror said: “Hey — leave ME out of this!”
While later shaving —
The man gave himself a really bad nick just above a prepositional phrase.
93085– 6
A viewer writes to the Answer Doctor:
“Dear Doctor: Is there any correlation between tumors and neurons?”
And the Doctor replied:
“Questions, questions!– it’s always, Questions!
Well let me ask you sir:
Is there any connection between fruitcakes and the fruitcake farm?
Between lice and the lice factory?
Between being so dumb you don’t know where you live,
Other than for the fact that that’s where you stay at!?
Questions, questions! — it’s always, Questions!”
93085-7
As long as men see other men as their opposition — life is safe!
Do you get it? — “Life is safe!” — think about it — “Life is safe!”
A hippopotamus size bit of double-edged secret legerdemain,
Performed continually, right before your very eyes and misplaced animosity,
By your close and dear friend — life.)
93085-8
When it came his turn,
The kid walked to the chalkboard and wrote:
“Civilization: Life with all the fun taken out.”
And after some hasty consultations,
The school administration agreed to let the lad become principal —
IF He promised never to mention this again.
Later, that same so-called, “day,”
The boy’s older sister noted to a friend that
Another pertinent characteristic of being civilized is that
You can lie through yours-and-everybody-else’s teeth,
And it is not only, “acceptable” — but is, in fact, what is expected.
Psst! — over here, behind the tree:
Don’t let words and stories mislead you —
You know full well that there are no such things as: “acceptable,”
“Lies,” and the, “expected.”
93085-9
Under some conditions: The closer men get — the farther they get away.
93085-10
First man asks: “How much do you weigh?”
And the second man replies: “I don’t know.”
And the first man says: “How old are you?”
And the second man says: “I don’t know.”
And the first man asks: “Were you born of a legal wedlock?”
And the second man replies: “I don’t know.”
And the first man says: “Do you have a good sex life?”
And the second man says: “I don’t know.”
Then the first man asks: “How dumb are you?”
And the second man says: “Hey! -now you’re gettin’ PERSONAL!”
93085-11
To hormones, the only game-in-town is — survival;
To neurons — it’s fashion;
And to a thinker — it’s all of that and a whole lot more you never even thought about.
…Well!? — why else would anybody want to BE one!?
93085 -12
The fads, fashions, and social games of the city
Will compensate for any-and-all deficiencies in one’s thinking processes —
Unless, of course — one is a thinker.
One man reacts like this:
He says: “Screw the roaches!” —
All he wants to do is to rid himself of those goddamn modifiers!
93085-13
Okay — What do you call a point-blank-wall, splattered with adjectives & adverbs? —
A rational SENTENCE!
Once they realized that they could not permanently rid their house of rational sentences,
This one family began painting them bright, cheerful colors.
93085-14
One pleasant aspect of having a bad memory is that you can enjoy the same thing more than once
And a viewer asks: “Didn’t a viewer write to you several nights ago asking if you hadn’t
Already done this story earlier that week!?”
More than once,
More than once;
Besides the boogie — what but “thought” can be,
Enjoyed — more than once.
…And a man opines: ” ‘Mistakes’, maybe?!”
93085-15
Through civilization — men are intended to find themselves stable — and life, not so.
– Hey! it could be the other way around! and HAS been.
93085-16
The less you think, the easier it is to think less.
Camper’s Tip: ALL survival courses are taught by life.
93085-17
Interesting feature, Doug, and here’s a related story:
One man now says that everything he knows — he, “got from life.”
I don’t know about the rest of you here in the studio,
But speaking for myself: That’s the sort of thing that makes me proud to BE a part of life.
Hummm, I’m sorry — that’s quite enough “editorializing” —
Let’s get back to some hard, factual news! —
How ’bout it, Brian — why don’t you give us today’s Murder Scores from the city!’
93085-18
The less civilized you are — the closer you want to dance;
The more civilized you are — the more you want some words between you.
93085-19
An Example Of The Extraordinary Lengths To Which Intellectually Bored People Will Go
In An Attempt To Experience Even MOMENTARY Relief, (No Matter How Misguided), Therefrom;
In a desperate attempt at some sort of “internal retaliation,”
One man’s mind convinced him to begin calling his colon by the name of:
“Harvey Limbeck, aka — Butthole McGregor”
93065-20
Downtown,
A woman-with-a-problem
Told the man behind the counter that
She believed that most problems are caused by man,
And everyone else in line, fell-out — and fell IN TO
A deep discussion over whether, by her use of the word, ‘man’,
Her observation was, “sexually based,”
And, if not — Why not? And, if so — Why so ?
And was everyone sure this was the line to renew your driver’s license!?
93085-21
From our viewing audience comes a letter from a doctor, who says:
“On a recent program you quoted some doctor as having said that:
‘ The sekiota are not at ALL well.’ — but I would like to add,
(And you may quote ME on this),
That with OUT the serious — none of us would even BE here.
…P.S.: I also have a brother who is an attorney, so — take heed! Yours,” etc.
93085-22
Adult’s Up-Date For Those Truly GROWN Up:
Wishing that something will, “go away” can MAKE it — “go away.”
A passenger turned to the man in the seat next to him and asked:
“Where are you headed?”
And the man replied:
“Ah, it really doesn’t matter much,
Since each of us ARE our own private bus.”
93085 23
The metaphysical justice of life is such that few tuba players have turtles as pets.
93085-24
To be, “fashionable” in a city sense is to not have to give much thought to thinking.
93085-25
A man asks: “Could someone with no neural activity actually BE, ‘civilized’?” –
Well, even if they could be, it’s a moot question,
Inasmuch as they could never tell you, one way or the other.
Now aren’t you glad he didn’t ask if civilization IS entirely a “mental process,”
Existing only inside of each man’s head, while being perceived as an external, collective reality.
Two guys named Sue said they were!
93085-26
Definition time again:
Thinking: The “REFINED” boogie.
Rebellious Lexicographer’s Scoffing Footnote: “HAH!”
93085-27
Another amusing, “Neural, Regal Anecdote That Could Have Happened In YOUR Head! — (Had You Been A Bit More Attentive):
The Court Priest said only one time, in the presence of the King, that:
“Many are called, but few are chosen.”
For His Grace had NO-0-0 interest in hearing of ANY possibilities OTHER THAN — himself.
…(Get it!? — Huh!? — Get it!? get it!?)
93085- 28
To learn-to-think —
Even after you’ve been run out of the “Ken & Barbie Garden,”
And already made to automatically “think,”
Requires that you have the sang-froid eyes,
And the planetary nerves
Of one who could, sans any remorse — shoot, in broad-open daylight – a point blank wall.
And those-n-the-city said: “‘Shoot it!? Hell man, we can’t even SEE it!”
Thus as man, in civility did increase, did
Many of his paintings begin to show mountains, enclosed by clouds.
93085-29
A man suddenly reacts:
“Wait! — now I believe I’ve got it! —
Our dreamed-of, ‘Future Paradise’ will actually just be the
Old, original Eden, but with OUT the fog machine!”
93085-30
How The World Of “City Show Biz” ACTUALLY IS:
Few people will pay good money to go’n see someone attempt to blow up the theatre they’re in.
93085-31
(A little something you could “think about” between news stories:
When it came HIS turn, one man said: “It’s not MY turn.”
— Okay, back to whatever it was you were doing.)
93085-32
A “civilized” man is never stingy with apologies –
And hormones think: “What are ‘apologies’!?”
Another way to; “Tell If You’re A Real Thinker Or Not”:
You can’t improve on the FIRST thing you thought.
Parenting Tip: This is far too dangerous to go into any further with children in the room.
98085-33
Neural Process As Regards Certain Aspects Of Domestic Pets:
Once he graduated, and received his degree,
One man then began referring to his own mind as the: “Hairball DELUXE.”
93085-34
What is past, that men still talk about — won’t go way.
93085-35
Everyone bleeds — but only the civilized and the ordinary
Will take the time — and make the effort to say: “Hey — I’m bleeding!.”
And a woman wrote to the Dance Doctor to ask:
“Is it possible to be civilized AND do the boogie?”
And he replied:
“Yes — but need I point out to you the subsequent reality that
What you will be doing will be the, ‘civilized boogie!?”
….(And the woman said, “No – that won’t be necessary.”)
93085-36
While the ordinary believe that all of man’s problems are
Due to him being far, TOO “human” — a thinker knows that just the opposite is so.
93085-37
More of the “Basic Facts Of City Life”
Many people are so traumatized by being born that they shortly thereafter,
need counseling.
93085-38
In response to the kind of news we present, one man countered:
“Well, I may be dumb, but at least I’m sequentially so:”
93085 -39
Quotation Update:
Old thinkers never die — they just “never die.”
It’s alleged that local, contemporary time faxed us an overnight message that said:
“Why don’t you leave well enough alone!?”
It is further reputed that once, a real thinker thought:
“There ain’t no such thing as — ‘well enough’.”
93085-40
Fact: There’s “no explaining” those things that CAN’T be explained.
Fact: The neural world of man cannot be explained.
Fatted Fact: The neural world of man cannot be explained BY the neural activity that PRODUCED it.
Fattest of Facts: How do you explain the fact that my neurons could even SAY this!?
93085-41
Now for a feature entitled: “As Long As We’re Dreamin’ — Let’s Dream For REAL”:
There is nothing “wrong” with human institutions that individual thinking couldn’t cure! –
…OR replace.
93085-42
An abrupt father told his brief son:
“If you wanna know how dumb men are just listen to them talk.”
93085-42-(B)
The deeper men live in the heart of the city
The more they feel they’re being, “driven to distraction.”
…(A thinker holds out for limo service.)
93085 -43
Ordinary ideas appear from the collective’s thought processes
In a manner similar to how cheap sausages emerge from a slaughterhouse.
93085-44
Another, “Private, Acid-Test For The Independent Minded”:
Ask yourself if what you’re presently thinking would stand up to good, hearty laughter.
Humm-m-m?? *
93085-44-(B)
A lot of things can come-up in conversation! — and even MORE, in a thinker’s MIND!
93085-45
One Possible Explanation: There’s “something” in a thinker’s water.
93085-46
A viewer responds: “I thought you said it was in his blood!?”
And we may have replied that they’re the same thing.
93085-47
No matter his age — a thinker’s best days are always ahead of him.
93085-48
You see — What the rest of the people don’t know is that there is an intellectual boogie.
93085-49
Now for a, “B.Q.” — a, Big Query:
Since all fashion
Is all illusion,
Why would any but the bored-rich,
Or the bonehead-stupid
Ever pay any more for any part thereof than is absolutely necessary!?
93085-50
Hormones run the world — neurons are paid to deny it.