Summary = TBD
Condensed News Items = See below
News Item Gallery = jcap 93081 -1150
Transcript = None
Key Words =
The News
Regardless of what a few of the more severely deranged, on
street corners proclaim: Life does not tell men directly “what
to do” — …well…maybe with some real thinkers, but that’s not
what we’re talking about, now is it.
***
When a man begins the adventure of trying to be
intellectually original, he believes opposition thereto lies
behind every rock and tree; then when he actually gets somewhere
in the journey, he realizes that his initial suspicions were
correct — correct, but — meaningless.
***
One of the stealth, protective devices on the trap door to
life’s engine room is that only the “serious” claim to have a key
thereto. And a man says: “You need say nothing further in this
matter regarding the serious.”
***
“D” for “Dialogue”: “Most talk is a cry for help.” “How
so?” “It’s men saying: ‘Help! — I’m about to whine!'” Thank
you for your attention.
***
Reminder: Binary energy is polarized energy.
***
Hormones are consistent — neurons, rebellious — but for a
few, not nearly-y-y rebellious enough, old darling. A man asks:
“Wait up! — if neurons aren’t going to help you in this, then
who is!?”
***
When it rains, the civilized get wet like everyone else —
they just talk about it.
***
Two legged — I’m sorry — two sided problems are truly
alive! — alive and walking!…and going nowhere.
***
One man said to his mind: “Well, hold on there old buddy!
— I’m as sick of it as you are.” And one man’s mind said to
the man: “Well, hold on there old buddy! — I’m as sick of it
as you are.” Routine news is nothing — if not balanced —
balanced, polarized, and meaningless.
***
In the city — everyone wants to “be an artist” — but, no
one wants to work “over-time.” Only thinkers are happiest when
doing more than they have to. A man looked at his cat and said:
“Can you — dig it!?”
***
In holding relationships together amongst the ordinary —
sometimes, friction seems to work as well as glue.
***
Now for a “War Report”: The news from the front doesn’t
look so good, but from the rear — just as it should. Yes, you
may also take this to be a story regarding the apparent, spatial
distinctions between the placement of hormones & neurons in the
human body.
***
And now for the “religiously inclined” in our viewing
audience, this pertinent news item: “Salvation” is always just a
heart-beat-away — death! A man says: “I don’t like it.”
***
Two guys talking: First guy says: “You can’t prove that
you’re intelligent any more that you can prove that you’re dumb.”
And the second guy looks away and replies: “I’d rather that we
not go into this just now.”
***
A curious aspect of originality — seen from ordinary eyes
— if they could see it — is that from that vantage point you
can’t really see it and identify it.
***
Lions will bite and claw one another, but humans will
actually hurt one another.
***
To be “civilized” is to call a man named Bill “William,” and
to call ordinary men “Men.” Cliche Update: One man’s mind said
to him: “Don’t call me — you never have before!” And a man
fidgets: “Yeah, but what the hell have you done to a cliche if
you — ‘update’ it!” …And consequently you could ask yourself:
“Is this not the nature of the Promenade-Of-Progress!?”
…..”You’re absolutely correct!, Contestant Number Two! — the
name of that song was: ‘Staggering From Pillar To Post — From
Cliche To Cliche.’ù And you can take your prizes now, or return
and play another day.” …(Psst! — just between you & me, that
contestant’s name was “Civilization.”)
***
An ole sorehead speaks: “It’s always — something! — And
when it’s not ‘always something’ — it’s always nothing! — Rat-
damn ding-dong!”
***
Shopping Reminder: “Not telling people how you got to be
like you are”ù is about as opposite as you can get from generally
accepted “collective wisdom.” End-Of-Aisle-Special: Ever wonder
why?!
***
Definition: Civilization: Just the “right mix” of friction
and glue.
***
Without original thought there is nothing but opinions —
…which is, okay for ordinary life — …if you wanna be
friggin’ “ordinary.”
***
The feisty publisher said to god’s literary agent: “Listen,
if the man knew what it was that he was going to say in his book,
he wouldn’t need a damn Preface, now would he!?” For those who
don’t live there, the worlds of Fiction & Non Fiction can truly
prove rough and tumble places.
***
Many men — (members of the same family, I suspect) — when
they realize they’re not actually “going anywhere” will cry out:
“Make way!”ù Yes, you are free also to take this as “The History
Of Man’s Collective, Intellectual Progress” if you want to.
***
After man became sufficiently civilized to speak, do you
know what the first two people who ever met first said to one
another? — They both simultaneously cried out: “Let me tell you
what’s been happening to me!”
***
Another reason cows like to gather in herds, rather than
“going it alone” is that the sound of their collective whining
can be passed off as “something else” in a way not possible for
the individual.
***
One father told a son: “Whenever something is truly
original, you can bet your little baby-booties that it’ll also,
in general, be secret.”
***
Test To See How Dense You Still Are: How much do you still
dislike being laughed at by the ordinary? Alternative Versions:
How much to you still dislike being criticized by the ordinary?
And: How much do you still dislike being disliked by the
ordinary? Advanced Contestant’s Addendum: The alert mind will
recognize all three questions as being in fact, the same one.
***
How — In City Life — Hormones & Neurons Can Be Distinct —
And Yet Maybe, Not Be:
A man with serious stuff “on his mind,”
Will often have pimples on his behind.
A man ponders: “Is this why those who follow religion find it so
acceptable for their leaders to be anti-sexual!?”
…..Opponents of sex are adversaries of life — and hence, of
man.
…..The simplistic think in sequence, and in sentences — the
original, in ways that defy all reason and logic. “I say sir! —
you can’t land that air ship here! This is three-dimensional,
terra firma!”
***
One cat changed his owner’s name to “Whooper J. Cooper,
Esq.” And asked him how he liked it!
***
And in response to a story earlier this week, a viewer
writes: “I don’t get it! — it doesn’t take any kind of
exceptional eyesight to see ‘light through lace’! — I simply —
don’t get it!”
***
An Additional Listing Of Benefits: A man with a bad memory
can enjoy the same thing more than once. And a woman asks:
“Does that include — being alive?”
***
Some Thinker’s Water cooler News: One city looked at its
people and said: “Have tumors on your own time.” And a few
smiled sweetly back and replied: “But, Old Dear — your time is
our time.” …(If I told you that the metropolis “laughed
little” at this — you’d probably accuse me of understating its
reaction.)
…..And when things would really go awry — this one poor man
would find salads in his hair. “But — Hey!”, thought his
barber, “better that than a tumor.” …But I must ask you: Even
though a “trained professional” made this comment — are we sure
we should properly rely thereon!?
***
And a viewer raises a question in reference to a story we
covered last time; writes he: “On an earlier broadcast you said
that it was hormones, and not neurons which are homicidal — and
I put it to you: Is there any chance at all — that you have
this backwards?!?!” And I, in return, put it back to you, sir:
“What if I did have it backwards — and what if I do now admit it
— in what way will your understanding of the matter increase,
thereby?!”
***
Original thinkers never “nod along” — or agree with
anybody! — They don’t have to! …It’s not part of their job
description!
***
A viewer writes to express his disagreement: “Regardless of
what you say — if death is not of special significance — then
why does everyone talk about it so much!?”
…..Nice story, and I kinda hate to mention it — but: Death
is not very original.
***
When it comes to how the mind ordinarily wants to think:
“Laying-down-on-the-job” is the same thing as having a job.
***
“C” Is For “Conversation”: “Human relationships always
remind me of the fact that as ships sink, rats cling to one
another.” “Thus, I take it, is your pessimistic, allegorical
take on the nature of life!?” “No-o-o, not quite: Ask me if
it’s my less-than-enthusiastic, metaphorical view of the social
nature of man.” “Okay — is that what it is then?” “No-o-o, not
quite: You see — almost everything in life reminds me of the
rats and sinking ships.” “F” Is For “Finis.”
***
There are no resolutions — to dichotomous disputations. And
a viewer asks himself: “Why would a cross-eyed man even attempt
to shoot the barrels inside of fishes!?” And now: News From The
Polarized World: A/C current won’t take you anywhere — other
than to A, or C land, “And my dear — how utterly gauche!ù — why
just everybody’s already been there!” One key to the trap door
of life’s engine room is in the form of triquetraized energy.
***
A “Question”: Since neurons can’t even figure out hormones,
how do they ever expect to figure out themselves!?
***
The ordinary don’t hold elections! — because no one is in
charge anyway.
***
A return visit to our “Joke Question” desk: Given the
following parameters — now tell me: Which is the more pathetic?
bankers — or reporters? “Actors! — you left out — Actors!”ù
“Just who writes your scripts, sir-r-r!?”
***
We have received a warning, sent in care of the station, and
we feel it our obligation to pass it along to you, the viewing
audience (it says): “If you give the news trouble — the news’ll
give you trouble.” And a man ponders: “What are we to make of a
threat from cows!?”
***
Physiological Evidence of “Civilized”: They bleed from both
ends. And a man asks: “Does this have anything to do with men
being polarized? — Is this in fact why they have two ends from
which to bleed!?…”
…..Life doesn’t like for humans to “make fun of it” — that’s
why they can’t. …(“Bleed from both ends — huh!?…”)
***
One kid looked down into his soup — then up at the adults
all around him — and thought: “What can be said about men who
believe that the ‘Adventure Of Their Life’ will occur after
death!?” …(And all the little noodles in the bowl shrugged
their little shoulders.)
***
Declares one man (in some sort of “response” I assume): “If
the gods had a’wanted us to be more original & to think more than
we do now — they’d a’made typing paper larger than 8 1/2 by 11.”
* Case closed! — (By the size of your nose!…if not your
brain.) *
***
The mc looked at the next card, then asked the contestant:
“What is cows’ — favorite song?” And the man replied: “I Stand
Accused.” And the quizmaster said: “Close! — but no udder-bag;
the correct title of the song is: ‘I Stand Properly Accused.'”
…(“Ahh-h-h,” groaned the studio audience.)
***
In city-life — same as with this news show — the best
stuff comes after the tape quits rolling. One man says: “I’m
sick of my life being recorded.”
***
If the ordinary get in the mood for some “extraordinary
ideas,” they still want them to be…well…pretty ordinary.
***
View-Finder Fact From Earth Level: A man who knows
everything sure knows a lot. Addendum: In the collective
marketplace — this, and fifty cents, will get you fifty cent’s
worth of collective indifference. And a man says: “I just love-
e-e it.”
***
As the child grew increasingly to resemble a grown-up, his
father finally said to him: “If you insist on locally-maturing
then I have a choice of adulthood gifts for you: You can either
have a ‘hum,’ or a ‘bug’ — it’s up to you.” One man traded in
his pocket knife for a shill slicer, and hacked himself back to
life.
***
Proverb Update! — (Moving Quickly Now): Behind every
“great man” is a really-y-y, really ordinary one, in disguise.
And one man’s mind began to sing:
Don’t make me laugh,
Don’t make me puke;
Don’t make me try and,
Act real cute.
And the man in turn replied: Whatever in the world, could you
mean!?; have I ever tried to make you think before!? — Huh-h-h!?ù
…(Did we move quick enough?…)
…..When they asked one man to write his own Epilogue, he
didn’t know whether to reach for typing paper, or a tombstone.
And a dead man said: “I don’t get it.”
…..And, pardon, the abrupt transition — but now on to some,
Financial News: Everything seems connected to the dead! —
…And, I might add — to the intellectually alive. Tip,
Directly From The Trading Floor Of The Neural Stock Exchange:
The bulls will continue to trample the bears like a Flamenco
dancer on a soggy campfire. — Bet on it!
…..At ten-fifteen every morning (except Thursdays) this one
man would call himself up on the phone just so he could say he
wasn’t there.
…..Hint: If you’ll put a number on a thing, then ofttimes it
won’t insist on having its own letter. And a lexicographer
inquires: “Did you say a ‘Related’ hint?! — or, Huh?-What!?”
…..Fact: No cow is truly “ordinary” who can see that it is.
And a dairyman queries: “Did you say a ‘Corollary’ fact!? — or
are we supposed to figure that out for ourselves!?” Would you
all join me now in singing a semi-rousing chorus of that old
favorite wartime tune: “How You Gonna Keep ‘Em ‘Down-On-The
Farm’ Once The Farm Gets A Good Look At Just What They Are”!?
…..As he was leaving the previous scene, one man looked back
over his shoulder and said: “Ciao.” And it proved impossible to
conclusively determine whether he actually worked for the Kennel
Club, or was just Italian. And a viewer says: “Watching your
show may be driving me crazy! — …though it’s a little hard to
tell.”
…..Then there was this one man who “had a fit” on his own time
— and the city said: “Good-d-d boy!”
***
Query: Could an “original thinker” ever fit on a debating
team? A man says: “For some reason, the word, ‘Query’ makes
me…uneasy, somehow.”
***
And now it is — “Allegory Time”: It’s dumb wolves who want
to lead the pack! — dumb, strong wolves. …(I knew you could
enjoy it more if I called it “allegory.”)
***
Some News From The Old Projectionist’s Booth: What the
ordinary dream of as a “Paradise-after-death” is in fact, the
original “Paradise-before-man’s-verbal-birth” — run in reverse.
***
None but the super ordinary respond to personal attacks by
the ordinary. One man says that if he wished to suffer “an
attack by idiots,” he’d just go back to criticizing himself.
***
The polar-based, magnetism of city life is such that men
will shout out, even before they know what’s involved: “Count me
in! — even if I later decide I want to be counted out!”
***
As they stood atop a near-by hill, and surveyed the
civilization before them, a father said to his son: “In there —
we all need, ‘help’ — but intellectually — our family accepts
none. Remember that.” That hot, Heavy Hernia Band — The Old
Geezer’s latest release is entitled: “Not Only Can’t You:
‘Never-Lose-What-You-Never-Had’ — But You Can’t Have It,
Either.”
***
Semi-Official Notice: Thinking about how crazy, or how sick
you are is not real thinking. …(See, I said: “Semi official”
so that sissies could hear it and still have a way out.)
***
Expanded, Anti-Gravitational, Anthropological View: The un-
civilized are just as civilized as the rest of us. And one man
said: “Prove it!” — then thought a minute and said: “No —
don’t.”
***
Under absolutely no conditions can whining & complaining
ever be considered, original. And yet — counters one man: “I
whine! — therefore I am!”
…..From our, Medical Desk: Though not recognized by modern,
Anatomical Theory, man’s vocal cords are constructed of old,
left-over rat parts. And one man made a furry, whiny sound.
***
A Feature Of Interest To Potential “Home Owners”: If you
can make yourself sick, you can live in the city.
***
One kid looked at his reflection in a shiny piece of fashion
and thought: If you’ve — got a lip, you can be hip. Yes,
another fine news feature, featuring the connection between man’s
mouth-&-mind, and what he “takes” reality to be like. And a
viewer says: “I told you last week that I don’t like it as much
when you give the ‘Heading’ of the story after the story.”
…(That he did! — that he did.)
***
In his mental life of “opinions” — one man placed greater
emphasis on some than on others. A man says: “That’s one of
those ‘trick’ facts — right!?”
***
For ordinary thinking — the easy-way-out is the only way
out.
***
Car & Driver’s Tip: Running your thinking machine beyond
the normal limits dictated by polarized fuel will alter the speed
of your under-the-dashboard, hormonal clock. One man says he can
guess your “prune size.” …Say-y-y — does this still look like
some kind of carnival or something!?
***
News From The Fascinating World Of “Fashion Accessories”:
One man had something tattooed on his brain — a drawing of a
brain. And a man’s hamster said: “Yo! — I can dig it!”
***
A viewer contacted us to ask how he could tell if he had the
potential to be an “original thinker,” and we contacted him right
back and said that he should ask himself if he was presently sane
and ordinary, and disturbed by the fact. …(Psst! — what do
you think the correct answer is supposed to be? …Are you sure
of that!?…)
***
One man stands tall and delivers: “I may be an idiot — but
at least I’m ordinary!”
***
One man mused: “If I was as smart as my hormones — I
wonder then just how smart I’d be!?” — And the answer is: As
smart as your neurons could be! — with a little work.
***
Quiz: What do you call the veterans of, The War Of Life?
— The living.
***
One man’s explanation of his condition: “My mind put me on
drugs.”
***
Update Regarding The “History Of Civilization”: Once lust
became love, fashion could pass for originality.
***
Some Skeletal News: A real thinker doesn’t have an
opinionated bone in his body — he has, instead — two hundred &
six. A viewer says: “Don’t you think that any of us out here
ever ‘get sick’ of you pulling this kinda stuff on us!?” — No
sir, not if you’re a thinker.
***
Do Note: Dichotomies are never original.
***
In the early stages as one man’s mind began to independently
think, it said to him: “Don’t ask me why — ask me what.”
***
From our television audience comes this letter: “Well-l-l
…if Mendelssohn can come back as Mozart then I guess anything
is possible —
Except that they’ll let me,
Continue to view,
A show diffusing the
News like you do.
Yours,” etc.
***
Another “Consumer’s Tip”: A ten-dollar-bill, and the right-
turn-of-mind, will buy you all the insurance you’ll ever need.
***
Only the original can be held “responsible” for what they do
— and then — only by themselves.
***
One civilization wouldn’t even get out of the bed in the
morning until it’d had its shot of “wake-up-drugs” — man!
***
The original are seldom rewarded by the ordinary. …(just
as well.)
***
A man inquires: “Can you bleed-to-death from stupidity?”
And replieth I: “Can a lake drown a dam?”
***
Neither animals, nor hormones need further instruction —
nor a thinker, from the collective.
***
Collective-civilization continues to grow through human
creativity & originality — not too much, mind you — but just a
little bit.
***
Moving in close to himself — one man asked himself: “Are
you glad to see me — or is that a rat in your pocket?!”
…..Mutinous Maxim: Real originality is too original to
generally be seen. …(Huh! — “a rat in your pocket” indeed.)
***