Summary = TBD
Condensed News Items =See Below
News Item Gallery = jcap 93072 -1141
Transcript = None
Key Words =
The News
93072-1
Everybody works for the same company.
93072-2
“Remember,” directed one mother to her kids,
“Ancestors don’t mean shit if they’re dead! — and same with ideas.”
93072-3
From our, No Doubt About It, desk:
If you’re ordinary — The weight of the world IS on your shoulders.
93072- 4
Everybody works for the same company, but words put them in different departments.
93072–5
A man with a conclusion is like a dog looking curiously at a trained flea held in his paw.
93072- 6
Stood, and stated a certain chap:
“One nice thing about being a simpleton is that you represent no further implications.”
93072- 7
Everybody works for the same company, but words put them in different departments.
Some words are not fashionable.
93072-8
Proverb Time here at the Old Melody News-Room-&-Ranch:
When complexity gets going — the simplistic try and get out of town.
93072-9
One civilization said: “Better make that a ‘Lite’ beer! —
After all, we’re driving — aren’t we, Hon!?”
Yes sir-ree! — brain cells were BORN, “thirsty little bastards,”
but we’ll take care of THAT soon enough!
93072-10
To a thinker —
The ordinary,
the plagiarized,
the dumb — the out-dated,
and the meaningless are all easy to identify— they’ré BOR-RING!
93072-11
More Of Man’s: “Unseen Justice”:
Those who believe in “good & evil” are perforce, in part, evil.
Everybody works for the same company.
93072-12
The best thing about being an institution is how hard it is to get insulted.
93072-13
Before he became middle-aged and died, one boy sang:
“I’m on a trip — I am alive.”
Routine maturity makes everybody — “Get off the bus!” — or else, “Stay ON the bus!”
….And it’s all the same —
….Being MADE intellectually, to DO — ANYTHING! —
Either this, OR that.
The Arbitron Brothers, AND all of us here in the news room,
Sincerely want to know: Why are any “ordinary, sane people” watching this!?!?
93072-14
From the, “Perceptual, Proboscis Parade”:
To a thinker — everything in the city smells suspiciously similar.
93072-15
Neurons will tell you anything! — because they can never “back-it-up”;
Hormones will tell you anything because they don’t HAVE TO!
93072-16
One, papa told all the little ones:
“When you grow up, everyone has a secret —
But most aren’t worth walking across the street to learn about.”
— (Three of the nippers then and there decided that they’d try to start OUT on the other side of the street.)
‘Tis indeed surprising what can be done with the decision-making process,
and the rearranging of words! —
— How do you think that most of the famous civilizations got going!? —
93072-17
A viewer writes:
“I really enjoyed the ‘Parenting Maxim’ you read on your show, four nights ago, that said:
‘If you want a child to grow up — bend a stick.’
And I have searched through every book of quotations in our local library for the source
Of this, and they have all laughed in my face.
What gives?! Have you done-it-to-me AGAIN!?
Yours,” etc.
Okay, enough of that! Now over to our Question Desk:
Question: Why would anyone “get their news” FROM the news!?
Off-Camera-Query: Do armadillos take “living lessons” from Interstates!?
93072-18
A Parking Tip & Definition:
The Past: Severe tire damage.
Footnote: The city just LOVES-S-S to produce continual “metaphors”!
… just as long as you-don’t-GET-‘EM!
93072-19
In his attempt to sell his auto the young man told the potential buyer:
“All you have to do is assume my remaining payments and give me enough cash to
Cover the amount of money I’ve already spent on it since owning it.”
And the possible purchaser replied: “I might take up your payments,
But as for the rest — Forget it!
Son, you just don’t understand how the used-car-business operates.”
And a young lad standing nearby thought to himself:
“Yeah, about the same as the after-market you find in the city
After your brain gets activated.”
93072-20
The Intellectual Life Of The Collective, Further Explained Via A Proverb Update & Expansion:
Not only might a prophet be without honor in his own land,
But a home-town whore always has some local customers.
93072-21
Once grown, one man decided to devote his life to fits & seizures —
until he found out how expensive they were.
93072-22
One man’s neurons had some business cards printed,
Which they showed to his hormones, who seemed to enjoy them;
(The cards read): “Social Secretary to The Stars.”
“Hey!,” thought a bunch of bouncing people right in the middle of civilization’s machinery,
“It’s hard enough trying to be civilized with OUT having to take it SERIOUSLY!”
93072-23
More City Lore:
Dumb men ask a lot of questions — REAL dumb men ask a lot of answers!
93072-24
When health is no longer an adequate hobby many move on to pain & suffering directly —
cutting out the middle-man.
….(Same with some as regards stupidity and specialization.)
93072-25
Another feature of, “How Life -Can Work”:
One man began to describe himself as, “that sophisticated, young billionaire,”
And referred to his mobile home as, West Palm Beach —
— And don’t be dense enough to ask if it “worked”?! –It didn’t HAVE to “work”!
All a man has to do is SAY IT!
Don’t you know ANYTHING by now — after having been a man yourself for all these years?
93072-26
Another Hint:
The fear of dumbness overshadows that of the grave.
One day a thinker thought:
“Does a thinker actually need full-blown information — OR, just ‘hints’!?”
* Think about it, Theodore! — Think about it, or be dipped in formaldehyde. *
93072-27
Theorem: A thinker IS his own hint.
93072-28
As the two buses battled their way about the gladiator’s coliseum,
The choreographer’s score read like this:
“A cheap man is a happy man because he never over pays.”
“Ahh– but he also never over POSSESSES.”
* Until you can independently THINK ABOUT what you want —
You can’t KNOW what you want! —
— Much less GET it!. *
* It’s hormones that want — but neurons that’s gotta ask. *
93072-29
At the base of his skull one investor-in-thought noted:
“Trading today on the floor was brisk.”
93072-30
On a higher plane,
independent thinkers are the original, the ultimate, the supreme,
And the final-word in, “bullheadedness”!
— (Remember, I said on a “higher plane”!)
93072-31
Now from our trusty ole Science Desk:
The human mind can actually do two things at once —
But with most people, both of them are usually a waste of good neural juices.
A viewer with a professed degree of some sort states:
“If that is good science — I’ll eat a wasp and burn my lab coat!”
“Definition Time,” then:
Science: Art that got WAY-Y-Y too “serious.”
…(And all of those with paint under their nails, and I.Q.’s of less than eighty
Cheered their hearty agreement.)
93072-32
And now for some, Outdoor Intellectual Hunting News:
Man is the only creature caught in a trap in which he is the trap he is caught in.
“Billy Bob, I’m a’tellin’ you — that, ‘Man’ is ONE tough cookie! Now gimmie that box of shells and some more of those beans.”
93072-33
Shortly after the flood —
And the Garden burned down —
And Zeus got that real-l-l bad paper cut on his tongue,
Many men — all over the planet — began to mysteriously, simultaneously declare:
“I shall KILL — any man — I find — who is dumber than I am!”
And immediately life had to impose the injunction against suicide.
93072-34
During the celebrations on, Happy People Day,
The people happily cried out:
The city’s the churn — and we are the butter.”
Man’s collective civilization is like a giant grass mower,
Cutting off everyone’s head — leaving a level, pleasant lawn for all.
And one ordinary man responds: “I don’t get-it! –
I’m ordinary and I don’t WANT to get-it!”
93072-35
Words between father & son:
“You shouldn’t laugh at other people.”
“Why? — too unkind?”
“No — too expensive.”
93072-36
And this, from the old Dialogues Desk:
“If you don’t make men think something is wrong — they won’t try to do anything.”
“Jeeze -that’s weird!”
“Well, not really — it’s actually quite normal for hormones and other silent creatures,
it’s just when you get into the verbal world of man
that it starts to sound spooky.”
“Jeeze– that’s weird.”
Friends and viewers — let this be a lesson to you:
Do NOT call “progress,” weird, or spooky unless YOU are weird and spooky.
93072-37
Many times you can tell a real thinker something you know will make him laugh
that’s not actually funny.
93072-38
Okay, for all you viewers who called in on the Request Hot Line,
We’ll play this one for you now from the Definitions File:
Progress, As-Is with The Collective: A bus going faster and faster—full of dead folks.
93072-39
One man sighed, and said: “A—las.”
93072-40
Man told his child:
“Thing about acting critical is that to some you’ll appear more intelligent than you are
With no added cost to you…
Unless a real thinker happens to be watching,
And you put a price on humiliation.”
Later he added to the lad:
“Feel free to use what I have said,
As might apply in your own head.”
93072 41
And now, our Education Desk — Re-Visited & Re-Trashed:
What ordinary people ordinarily know is what mainly keeps them so … ordinary.
Rule Regarding Collective Thinking: Garbage in, specialists out.
93072-42
Oh say, Bertie, a viewer sends us along this question:
“As regards the way you report the news —
Just what is the difference between being a ‘specialist,’ and ‘not-knowing-anything’?”
Well, I think it’s a matter of having one’s ignorance a bit more focused.
93072-43
Were not man’s hormones bred with the urge to speak, we would have no “institutions.”
* Whilst he yet grows — something locally must always seem larger than man. *
93072-44
“Reservations: Concerns, & Caution — (What Ho!)–Afoot’:
Says one man:
“I fear that if I keep fooling around with this, ‘trying-to-think-for-myself’ stuff,
I’ll drive myself sane!”
93072-45
Fact: Forces not going anywhere will always offer to take you with them.
Fact: The collective does not go far enough in one life-time
To be of much use to a thinker.
…(Except of course, as a reference point.)
93072-46
While everyone feels, “incomplete,” some believe that death will somehow, “finish the job.”
93072-47
As he struggled to free himself from the neural vines of the city and to think afresh,
One man pondered:
“If I call one-thing something-else,
Then what can I call something-else the next time I see IT!?”
The kind of question only a thinker could love.
“I say sir, would you like to move in a little closer,
And pose with your family for this shot!? —
Oh, I beg your pardon —
I didn’t immediately recognize you as a thinker;– and thus having no ‘family’,
with whom to publicly pose.”
*Neurons, neurons, who’s got the neurons? —
Honey, did you bring the mayonnaise and corkscrew!?
Now you kids calm down and stop that!
93072-48
In the intellectual Dance, you either lead your thoughts, or they lead you.
And one ex-tango dancer said:
“I can no longer afford to depend on the haphazard attention,
And uncertain kindness of others — neurally speaking.”
93072-49
Now for tonight’s segment from our Technology Desk:
In the real universe of the intellect there are no worlds of, “nuts & bolts..”
Okay, we’ll try ‘er again, and pop back over to the Definitions Desk:
Science: Hardware dreams.
Okay, okay — fair’s fair, so here’s to the doctrine of, “equal time”
Definition– Art: Runny dreams.
93072-50
One boy looked at his frog and thought:
“Why talk about heartbreak if it’s obviously going to encourage heart-break!?”
…(Yeah-h-h …sometimes,
Some of us here at the news desk wonder what you viewers imagine life would BE LIKE
If there were kids like that — actually roaming about — thinking like that!?)
93072-51
Civilization, and the Future-Of-Ordinary-Man tell man: “Be kind to one another.”
While his hormones say: “What-t-t…?
93072-52
And now —
Even more from our Definitions Desk:
Generational Conflict: The smell of progress — the roar of the quick.
93072-53
An, “Asking”:
If your thinking doesn’t satisfy you—how can you call it “thinking?”
How can you call yourself a “thinker”!?
93072-54
More Help For City Intellectual Survival:
When you don’t know what you’re doing, revert to giving a history of what you HAVE done.
Precept: The human mind is a terribly easy thing to fool.
Precept, First Class: If you are a “Captain Of Civilization,”
You need not fear “going down with the ship” —
Since the ole dear isn’t going down.
93072-55
Although some will deny it — everyone will accept, “sympathy affection.”
93072-56
A thinker thinks: “Kill me — but don’t bore me!”
93072-57
As a joke one man yelled out: “The truth just left town!”
93072 58
In one particular family,
The youngest son’s motto was: “Think or die.”
While the eldest’s was: “Think and revive your life.”
And their mother’s was: “Think and rehabilitate the life you have now.”
And the old man’s was simply: “Think, dammit! — Think.”
93072-59
Off in private –
Just between them —
Real-quietly–
One father told his son:
“Men and women operate by a different hormonal code.”
93072-60
Hearing adults complain is about like watching shit stink–
and about as profitable.
93072-61
Thinking without purpose, prejudice, or agenda is the world’s foremost,
interdisciplinary activity_
93072-62
Info Systems. Update For The Super-Literate:
To a thinker — the “condensed edition” is the ONLY edition.
All right — back to Definitions:
City Complexity: City simplicity –dragged out.
* A thinker not only “covers-all-bases,” but won’t even play
if he didn’t get to bring his own bases with him. *
The “Live-Ball” Rule: If it ain’t funny — don’t laugh at it;
If it ain’t funny — it ain’t alive and in-play.
93072-63
“Hey, Biff, dig this addition”:
The spastic hate sports analogies.
“Yeah, Doug, but tug on this one too”:
The dumb despise ANY sort of allegorical references that show them up to BE what they are.
“Well — Shoot, Biff! I don’t BLAME THEM!”
93072-64
Nutritional. News:
If you let your mind
Feed in town,
Graveyard scraps will
Bring you down.
“Papa — what is the purpose of always having a new generation?”
“To make the old one sick enough to throw up.”
93072-65
The thought was entitled:
“When alone– I find myself in the-company-of-scholars.
93072-66
Tip:
Being young doesn’t help if you’re already dead.
93072-67
Question: Would the “smartest man in the world” be very popular?
93072-68
Another, “Thinker’s Law”:
A thinker thinks about a lot of things.
93072-69
And on Happy City’s Day,
One city got so happy and carried-away that it cried out, in greeting a local thinker:
“Why, you ole childish twit you!”
And they slapped each other on the back, and both had a real good laugh.
93072-70
The final song the band played that night was:
To think —
And to KNOW that you think —
Is to live on the cutting-edge;
And to live on the cutting-edge is to forever
Live in the middle of sun-rise.