Summary = TBD
Condensed News Items = See Below
News Item Gallery = jcap 93061 -1130
Transcript = None
Key Words =
The News
93061-1
Hi — sports:
And now, Biff — would you give us the scores.
“No Walt, I wouldn’t.”
Cheer Up!
93061- 2
After once being astounded at what he found (on his intellectual quest),
One man hence forth — found no more.
Yes, Delores, “A Short, Pitiful History of Most Everyone.”
93061- 3
A visitor here says he first and finally understood, what “civilization” was
When he read a critical review of a musician’s latest effort,
And then met the author of the piece and asked him to perform the piece correctly,
And discovered he played no instrument.
93061-4
Throughout mental history, in many neural neighborhoods —
Sick people are — happy people.
Only those in the city whose pay-check depends on it, wonder why this is.
93061- 5
You can fool your eyes,
You can fool your ears;
You can fool Nobel Judges when they’re
All full of beers;
But no matter how you try,
No matter how you grunt;
You can’t trick a five-year-old
Who has a forty-five.
…and a viewer silently asks himself: “Have I just turned on ‘The News’ – or WHAT’?
93061- 6
The Lure & Lore Of History & Hysteria:
One man looked at his reflection and warned:
“Don’t make me nervous! — I’m holding a dangerous weapon!”
And his pancreas said: “Hey! — turn me loose.” —
See, you thought I was going to say that his MIND said: “Turn me loose.”
93061-7
There is a “way to live” — then there’s a way to REALLY live.
Yes, the city will provide answers to any question you may have —
But, no, do not bet your last stack of chips that it’ll mean anything however.
93061-8
Advice passed from one father to his progeny:
“Never slip up behind a man with half a mind.”
93061– 9
Everybody’s name is “on file”! No, it’s not, but everybody likes to hear that.
93061-10
Medical Update:
Everyone is slightly, permanently crippled.
Update Exposition:
Everyone is slightly, permanently crippled,
And quite often those most lamed are the most vocal in their exhortations to,
“Get up and walk ARIGHT!”
93061-11
The dumb like to hang-out with the dumb.
Man is by nature, gregarious.
93061- 12
A Colloquial Man’s Local Tip:
Those with “no purpose”
Will lay one on YOU
In a New-York-eye-blink.
93061-13
A Non-Aligned Local Tip:
Around these here parts — a man who “knows a lot” actually knows a HELL of a lot.
93061-14
Unconfirmed Rumor:
When he was, “in a hurry” — this one man would, “go real fast.”
93061-15
People without much of a life life — like to talk about their sex life.
Hormones are not only busy little devils — but catalysts for the audio portion of our show as well.
93061-16
‘Tis tricky to make a
Delicate point,
When addressing the crude.
93061-17.
The equity and justice of life is so obvious, once seen,
That there is little left to say, after that.
93061-18
Another episode in: “Why People Do Weird Things”:
A man on drugs,
Needs few hugs.
It was only after civilization had come along in a REALLY big way
that man ever even HEARD of the concept of, “self-destruction.”
930 61 -19
One man thought:
“If just before you die, everybody suddenly thinks: ‘I’m just about to die!’
How come there’s nothing similar regarding being dumb!?”
93061-20
A real thinker wouldn’t be much on subtle hints to himself.
A viewer writes:
“Dear News Analyzer: How is it that you say what this ‘real thinker’ type person
Would, or would not do!?” —
— It’s a guess, sir — simply a guess.
93061-21
Those mentally slow, like to talk about living life physically in the “fast lane.”
Also: The laterally aged are pleased to tell their young that “someday”
They’ll be sorry they lived the life of the young.
— Right!! —
93061-22
The announcement was made:
“An ordinary man couldn’t have an original thought if his life depended on it.”
And a man stood and replied: “I could too.” And that was his.
93061-23
More News of “Matters Intellectuale”:
The humble have much to be humble about.
93061-24
To believe you have been deceived by one in whom you had placed your trust
Is one of life’s most bitter agonies —
— And yet another unnoted reason why so many men feel resentful toward themselves & life.
93061-25
Okay — wanna try it again!? –
A complex man is a happy man… If the complexity is intellectual, and
If it is of his own doing.
93061-26
And now another reading from our, “Non-Partisan, City Dictionary”:
Religion: Civilization’s velvet-clad bouncer.
93061-27
One man stopped a moment of late to wonder:
“Do people really want to improve themselves organically, unconditionally? Or
Do they actually just want to be able to better cope with what they already are?!”
Or: Would men really be-pleased-to-be-shown brand new road maps? — or,
Do they still most enjoy simply being told that the destination of which they dream is,
“just up ahead.”
93061 28
Thinker’s Local Neural Law:
There are “laws” governing everything that happens–
But they keep changing —
And man will never figure out what they are.
That’s all class — Playtime!
93061-29
Some Neural War News:
You can —
Have no fears,
If you
Have no peers.
93061-30
Ah, HAH:
Fish would have never constructed their fine civilizations, and arts and architectures
had they believed themselves restricted BY the waters.
* Ah hah! *
93061-31
Life made me do it,
Life made me do it;
There ain’t nothin’ to it,
Life made me do it.
93061-32
Life gives the average person sixty odd years to figure out what’s going on —
But without some promising show on your part, has generally given up on you some-time before then.
93061-33
Life made me do it,
Oh, Life made me do it;
There ain’t much to it– but,
Life made me DO IT.
93061-34
The dumb worry most about “being misled.”
Say! Haven’t you told us this before!?
It is the dumb who worry most — about things.
Say-y-y….
930 61 35
Time makes hormones jumpy–
— ANYTHING can make neurons jumpy.
93061-36
The thing about being a REAL artist, is that you don’t need philistines to
Recognize you as such.
…(How many “real artists” you reckon there are around here? )
93061-37
A man of a philosophical bent, stood up on a hill and thought:
“Why, when you feel satisfied, does there seem little to say?”
And below him, the city gave out a really sarcastic laugh.
93061 -38
A man who can think doesn’t have the need for others to ask him: “Say, what d’ya think?”
93061-39
Now for a feature, spotlighting, History & Neurology, and
The History Of Neuro As It Became Ology:
Men with little bitsy minds cherish precedents and the past. OR:
Dwarfs adore their ancestors.
93061-40
When it would come time to do battle with routine thinking,
This one man would always offer to hold his mind’s coat.
Upon hearing of this situation, local intelligence in this one area responded:
“Hey — don’t do me any favors!” — it said this because it never NEEDS any favors.
93061-41
In our universe there are two types of living creatures:
The silent, and the speaking –
And among the speaking, there are two groups: Man, and would-be man.
93061-42
One man describes his education thus far as, “re-fried beans”!
…That’s right — you heard him right!
93061-43
A man with a duty,
Never looks real cutey.
And the king’s priest thought:
“Is that why men of the cloth get so seldom laid!?”
93061-44
Life is complex —
– Too complex for ordinary men to see it as anything but simple.
93061-45
One man would sing to himself,
— But would not, (being a lyrical plagiarist) pay any monies to ASCAP or BMI.
93061-46
If you’re untouchably serious, local conditions will forgive up to
Three hundred and twenty-two degrees of dumbness.
93061 -47
One man says he is quite close to adopting a new policy of never talking about
Anything that begins with the letter, D.
He says, “Why not?” and, “What’s it to you?”
93061 48
And now for some Psychiatric News:
They’re not nuts what don’t know that they’re nuts.
93061-49
Poetus Interruptus….Twix Elwood & Delmar:
People with small brains,
Often go to great pains….
“To do what, Elwood?”
To do whatever it is that they’re doing, Delmar.
Epilogus Epilogus:
Just because you say you “don’t understand” something, is no sure proof that you don’t.
NOW, Chuckie — Take me homus, take me homus.
93061 50
The artifacts of civilization are like the sweat of man’s mental discontent.
93061 51
A man who knows something special and feels superior for it
— doesn’t really know anything very special.
93061-52
News ABOUT The News:
Remember: The verbal weather reports are brought to you BY the silent weather.
Remember: This is how the brain gets to the place of thinking it can think.
93061-53
As a man sat in his doorway, looking out, his collective hormones mused:
“We are a history of all that we have been.”
While his neurons were simultaneously reflecting:
“We are a history of all that we might become.”
93061-54
The mechanics of real thought are not made to roll backwards.
The mechanics of real thought are not made to roll backwards —
Thus, a fortunate few have nowhere to turn.
93061-55
Beyond genetic, sexual affection, there is only one love — —
The love of intellectual growth –
— The love of thinking.