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Condensed News Items = See below
News Item Gallery = jcap 93045 -1114
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To believe in any instance that you have thought all that is
possible is the mark of the ordinary.
You can intellectually try and save up your money in the
hopes of “leaving town,” or with the dream of “better
establishing yourself” where you live now — but either way —
wouldn’t it be nice to see what was behind such urges.
Since the intellectual world is all, made-up, invented, and
illusionary, and is now of supreme importance, what else can men
do but take it deadly serious!
Men despise jackals and vultures in that they physically
In an attempt to break lose the bounds of habitual behavior,
one man began to repair his clothes using his word processor, and
began composing on his sewing machine — you may have heard of
Then there is this other man who claims he has written five
hundred different explanations regarding the “meaning of life” —
but his partner counter-claims that he has written the same
explanation — five hundred different times.
Urban Anthropology Update: The inspiration for an, “Open
All Night,” Times Square came from some men catching fleeting
glimpses of what was going on inside their own cranial cavity.
To think beyond the voltage and limitations of your local power
company, you must be able to do so even when all of your bulbs
should be burned out, and past the point where others believe
that twenty-four hours has constituted a “full day.” If you are
ever going to think independently, then terms like “Open Round
The Clock,” and “Full Service” represent just your starting
Brains write checks,
Cashed by the liver.Seems like it’s only people who can think, non-commercially who
can see the frailty of man’s intellectual economy and not
particularly be concerned. Psst! — everyone who really enjoys a
good laugh, take that term “not be particularly concerned,” and
clasp it to your belly real-l-l quick.
In any statement that says “So-&-so is always true,” the key
word can be “always” — …then again?!…
A news story from the heart of the city: At the age of
forty a man asked himself: “Are things worse now than they were
when I was twenty?” And concluded: “Yes! — for I am now two
decades closer to death.”
In one part of this world, a bunch of the creatures got
together and came up with a Group Motto, which was: “We Ain’t
Got No Motto Having Anything To Do With The Idea Of: ‘A Mind
Being A Terrible Thing To Waste’ — Since We Mainly Don’t Believe
That’s True — Thank You.” …(Aren’t you pleased that I didn’t
say the creatures were “men,” or that the world was this one.)
After life has told everyone to : “Climb that tree,” their
hobby can then become a lifetime of discussing and debating
just which tree was being referred to.
Men developed the pleasures of conversation shortly after
they discovered it was more fun in bed with someone than alone.
Precept: Everything begets everything else, around these parts.
And now to our, Definitions Desk: Neurons: The world’s
first house painters and interior decorators.
As the parade came down the street, the first man in line
carried a banner that said: “Religion Is For Sissies!”ù The
second in line was waving one which declared: “Those Who Attack
Religion Are Simply Frightened!” And the third man in line, who
was the first man’s brother hoisted a pennant that read: “But I
Meant, ‘Religion’ Metaphorically!” And the fourth man in line,
who was the second man’s brother had his own flag which stated;
“Okay — Metaphors Are For Sissies!” And just then, the first
man tripped and fell.
Plagiarists can afford to offer forceful, Introductions to
Zoological Update: Instead of flying, birds used to run —
until they realized how dumb it was. Psychological Update-cum-
Query: How come man don’t “learn a lesson” from his furred and
feathered companions, sometimes?! And as the end of time drew
even nearer, local conditions assumed flesh and moved amongst
man, asking of him: “Why did you not increase your speed, while
it was still individually possible?” And few clever responses
were forthcoming — …(at least that’s the version offered for
Everyone want to run their own news show! — but they start
off far-r-r too specific with it. Psst! — what I just read is
also “A History Of How Men Take Up The Art Of Thinking” described
in twenty-four words or less.
If the best advice you can give yourself — didn’t come from
yourself — then advice isn’t going to do you any good anyway.
Without irony, the ordinary cannot laugh — without irony,
they can’t even think. In Parable Land, A/C current is a
metaphor; A stands for “How the creatures think things should
be,” and C represents “How they actually, by-&-large, seem to be”
— that is, “Irony.”
Two parts were talking and one of them said: “Hormones
sure-e-e do have a long-g-g memory.” And the other part replied:
“Boy, that’s for sure! — and as far as I can tell — also,
indiscriminate as hell!”
No need for the ordinary to strain themselves — what
they’re going to think, life’s already chewed up for them.
Creation Myth, Update: When man was created he alone was
given, a thumb that could speak for itself, a brain that could
speak, and a nervous system that could get really-y-y nervous.
A side benefit to being original is that you never have to
defend your work.
A “Definition, Revisited” (and then some): Neurons: The
world’s first house painters and interior decorators. Addition:
“Blank-walls” ain’t for sissies!
A History Of Western Show Biz: The Garden Of Eden was the
original Schubert’s Theater and the paradigm for all that
followed; once Eve & Adam spawned progeny, each one opened their
own act “Off-Broadway.” When old troopers are dying they hate the
fact that youngsters are here to carry on. Though left unstated:
Many dream of Heaven as the “ultimate-in-equality” — where all
are as ancient, and decrepid as they are.
If you hang around ordinary people, while retaining some
auditory talent, what you begin to hear is a constant calling out
of bus schedules.
An independent thinker criticizing life is like Hercules arm
wrestling Pee Wee Herman and being “proud” of the probable
Though in other respects he seemed quite rational, one man
was damn-near fanatical in his avoidance of the past.
Weak men can be happy men, in that they can while away
sixty-odd years in search of assistance, which many others will
continually threaten to provide.
Although it’s been so long ago now that almost everyone has
forgotten about it, the very first laugh man ever had on this
planet was when life slipped in on him the urge for “self-
Warriors with no idea of how to rule, yet love to take
prisoners, in the same way that intellectually, those who bray,
with no ideas of their own, love to gather followers.
Writing in his diary, one man noted: “There are two kinds
of news stories: Those about me, or which interest me
personally; and those not concerning me, and about which I have
no interest.” (In the margin, his diary added the words for him:
“Fair’s still fair.”)
…..Item: “Justice Is Not Blind — But Rather Is A World-Class
Gymnast” — to wit, Whit: The young can’t hear, and the old are
deaf. Sub-Item: See how that measures up on your local
‘Tis a poor thing to attack ordinary men’s love of money and
position, for once they’re fed, fucked and sheltered — what else
do they have.
And yet another advantage to being original is that you
never have to explain your work.
Some Background On The Saint Patrick Legend, And Further
Reflections On Other Parables & Metaphors Having To Do With How
Man’s Intellectual Processes Expand & Progress: The arrival of
bag pipers can drive the accordionists right out of town.
To himself, one man thought: “I guess if you didn’t want to
have to think about it too much, you could just go ahead and
conclude that ‘thinking-for-yourself’ is no more than ‘being
broad minded’.” (This seemed to take a load off of his mind at
And now for an item from our “How About That” desk:
Hormones are happiest in Hormone Land; neurons don’t seem all
that pleased where ever they are.
God: Ordinary men’s concept of a spittoon far-r-r too nice
to ever spit back.
Being able to think non-partisanly is almost like swimming
in a lake no one around here knows exists; or like running your
electric blender at a speed the local power company doesn’t even
know is possible.
A man talking, who can only make his point by using himself
as an example, isn’t talking about anything he understands.
Another “Test You Can Perform ‘At-Home'”: Ask yourself:
Would you prefer to be: Sensitive, delicate, or “be-helped-out”
throughout eternity? Psst! — If you’re the type to take this
test — then just “stay at home,” anyway. One man would weekly
(or at least bi-weekly [sort-of]) stand outside of his own
bedroom window and call out to himself inside: “Okay buster! —
Thursday will be your turn to ‘get it’!”
We would like to point out something regarding two items
covered earlier this broadcast, specifically those which said:
“A side benefit to being original is that you never have to
defend your work,” and: “Yet another advantage to being original
is that you never have to explain your work.” You see, there is
a ruse lurking within both reports, even though they be correct,
in that if your work is original it is inherently inexplicable,
and indefensible — and you are intrinsically indifferent to how
it is perceived by critics.
The hands of an intellectual butcher, which are controlled
by his hormones, tend to be overly exact, or else far too gross.
Yes! — all of life is a metaphor — except for — right
where you’re standing when you think it.
Though unbeknownst to ordinary minds, men fear encroaching
mental rigidity more than they do physical death! — which is why
they seem to fear death so much. “Okay, Elwood, hold that one up
here real close to our ‘Just-&-Equitable-Chart’.”
In certain latitudes, on this planet; having a small mind
can cause you to physically swell-up. — And yes there is a
cure — but you’re gonna have to beg to get it out of me.
To anyone who can think for them self — all advice is insulting.
Ordinary men believe that actual extra-ordinary thinking —
far, far beyond any “call of duty,” would be to stand on a two
way street and “look to the left” — and, Great Gawd A-Mighty,
tie-Brother-to-the-barn, can you believe it! — and then…and
then — Oh-sweet-Jesus-I-can’t-hardly-believe-it — and then —
“look to the right!” …Ohhh!…ohhh! — pardon me, but I think
I’m gonna have to go lay down and recoup. Yes friends — another
fine example of what it might actually be-like to think for
In the early stages of human existence, neurons had to
tell hormones what “seriousness” was all about, and ever since
then they’ve been enjoying a private laugh.
One man finally began to think of so much stuff that he
had to come up with a second mind to help him out.
The final-stop difference between a non-partisan thinker
and the ordinary could be put that while the neurally independent
could see “being alive” as serious — “talking about it” is not.
Gazing out in this direction, a man said to himself:
“Who’d ‘ave ever thought it would come-to-this.” He then smiled,
and stepped out of the parade.