Summary = TBD
Condensed News Items = See Below
News Item Gallery = jcap 93044 -1113
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The News
93044-1
Ordinary- minds. perceive of science and technological advances as’ the
Best way to dance near the edge of the ballroom floor,
But say I — (as you’ve probably come to expect), —
This is not, in fact, the most efficient and rewarding approach possible.
93044- 2
A long, long time ago —
In fact, before history ever began,
Life was sittin’ around one day and thought:
“I’d like to play some: ‘Let’s take names, and kick ass’.”
But it didn’t have anyone to play it with.
93044-3
Any efforts that might help change a person in a way that THEY found agreeable, will always be individual and private.
* Only cows and sheep worship together.*
93044- 4
During the survey,
One man told local conditions:
“Whatever everyone else is getting — put me down for twice as much.”
93044- 5
And now for that segment of, “The School Of The Air”;
Tonight we cover, “How Things Are 101”:
Men will only take a serious man, seriously.
The Director of “The School Of The Air”
Said to tell you that we’ll move on to level 201 after you get THIS one down pat.
93044- 6
If you live indoors there is NO way to avoid the toilet.
Life can make you sweat, Life can make you stew;
Civilization can make you,
Feel like you.
– Yuk! — gag me with a plunger! –
93044-7
And now on to our, Definition’s Desk:
Man: The mind’s first domesticated animal.
93044- 8
About the only manner by which ordinary minds can believe they are hearing any Meaningful comment on the nature of human life,
Is through those which say: “Once, man was ‘so-&-so,’
But NOW he’s become like ‘this-or-that.'”
93044- 9
In an attempt to be useful to himself,
One man looked down the lower streams and brooks of his nervous system and declared:
“Hey, you guys be ‘sensitive’ on your OWN time!”
And they gleefully yelled back:
“Hey chump! — your time IS our time!”
And, by-the-old-news-by,
There is a man, matter of fact,
Who theorizes that the reason man’s intellect FEELS so superior to
Some of his more physical, less thoughtful operations is because of
Its higher, spatial location.
93044-10
There is but ONE human “irony,”
And that is that men are alive and know they will die —
Subsequent to this comes all of the baby, sub, and poetic ironies so beloved by man.
93044-11.
The Division of Labor:
It’s life’s responsibility to make things happen — and man’s, to talk about them.
93044-12
A Verse Regarding Being Civilized:
If you can’t,
“Talk-that-talk”,-then “Walk-that-walk”;
And if you can’t,
“Walk-that-Walk”, then
Criticize those who can.
93044-13
One man’s neurons said:
“Boy! I bet we’d be really frightened if we actually knew what went on in
Other people’s minds, even with family and friends!”
And his hormones responded:
“Cut out that kinda crap! — things are spooky enough already, just having you guys around!”
And from our Viewer’s Mail Bag comes this inquiry:
“Sometimes in your news stories about, ‘hormones & neurons’ I think that maybe
You have them reversed in your coverage — or am I just turning them about in my own mind?!” Well, dear viewer: As was so well noted, many centuries and news services ago:
“Tis a Real-Thinker who can ‘get-something-backwards,’ and it makes no difference.”
9304 4 4
Now from our Meteorological Desk:
Local conditions allow the weather to change so that men can always believe that
SOMETHING is, “going on.”
93044-15
All who can speak have been furnished with at least a crude, general map of local conditions, but a few want one of greater detail,
and closer to the original source.
93044-16
Everyone can — and must, eat-their-own-feet,
But only a real thinker can see and laugh about it.
The, “And” lobby contacts us to say that it could have just as well been used,
In the above, as “But” — (But of course they would say that, wouldn’t they.)
Query: Does a true, would-be thinker want to be merely exclusive, or merely exclusively himself?!
* And, but, And, but,
And, but, and *
93044-17
Near the southern tip, a child inquired of his father:
“Am I correct in suspecting that it is those who understand the least about
What’s going on regarding human existence, who seem to care the most
ABOUT it?! Am I correct in this?” —
“Very close, my boy — VERY close.”
93044-18
Here is another entry from our, “Great Book Of Definitions From Civilized Society”:
An Expert: One who knows EVERYTHING there is to know about a BB.
93044-19
To compensate modern man for the fact that fleas do not find him attractive,
Life has provided him with conflicting political views.
93044-20
Thinking independently is not only seeing that everyone is naked,
But also, that no other mortal is your liege, and thus their dress is irrelevant.
93044-21
During the annual frenzy of “Speak Out Day,” one man spoke out:
“Fate will follow you — but Destiny will lead you.”
Several days later, when he had calmed down, he thought:
“But where is there to go on a spherical world?!”
Although certainly not known to contemporary neurological medicine,
An independent thinker’s brain eventually takes on more of a trapezoidal shape Than the roundish one of ordinary people.
True Thinker’s Motto as Contrasted to Everyone Else: NO! — anything but THAT!
93044-22
A recent definition expanded to better meet more recent demands:
Death: A place, after which, ordinary men believe all of their efforts in life will “pay off.”
…(“I ask you, Boswell, is that cute, or what?!”)
93044-23
One — just ONE of the reasons life provided man with, “local conditions,”
Was so he’d bother IT instead of trying to talk to life directly.
93044-24
One man liked to ring his own doorbell at odd times,
And when he’d open it, holler out:
“What are YOU looking at?! — there’s no one OUT HERE!”
93044-25
Life is not a joke,
Life is not a game;
Man was not put here, my friends,
To play with his brain;
Isn’t this some verse?!
Isn’t this some rhyme?!
If I’m the one who made this up,
I’m losing, friends, my mind.
* Uncredited inscription found on unconstructed wall; circa, no-time. *
93044-26
There is a difference between remembering what happened to you, and Remembering what you thought about it.
93044-27
Misery: The prime impetus for the writing of autobiographies.
And a man objects:
“But the actual ‘living-of-my-life’ is MY self-told narrative.” —
Perhaps so, sir, perhaps so — but the definition still stands.
93044–28
The accusatory term that, “Some men are just, ‘PIG headed’!”
Is one way to say that men are “headed” by using two words instead of just one.
93044-29
EVERYone’s tongue has ONE appreciative audience — one’s own EARS.
93044-30
One man told his mind-child:
“Speak in slang, and think in classical terms.”
And his intellect asked:
“How about the other way around?”
“Yep — that’s okay also.”
93044-31
When men don’t know what else the hell to talk about —
— they’ll talk about “human relationships.”
93044-32
Independent thinking is “systemic” to one who can engage in such,
In that it is “universal,” that is, it operates throughout his system,
As opposed to the fragmented functions native to the local variety.
9304 4 -33
One man quit looking for dinosaur remains
After he realized there were prehistoric human fossils still walking about, alive.
93044-34
The Roman Games Revisited:
Man’s greatest modern sport is in neurons attempting to whup-up on hormones.
Over on the other side of the world a man thought:
“Being modern makes me nervous!”
93044-35
One of local reality’s primo hooks in the fish-mouth of man is in
Leading him to intellectually treat, “desired aims” as damn-near, fait accomplies
93044-36
The ordinary and witless LOVE to see death as the supreme “metaphor” — after all what ELSE are they gonna do with it?!
93044-37
Now for some of this kind of news:
One man read a history book –
Then looked into a dictionary,
Then said to himself:
“Which one of these is the most full of crap?!
93044-38
EVERYBODY’S got the best idea.
93044-39
Historical Human Update:
Most of man’s present intellectual activity is STILL involved with stimulating feelings.
P.S.: Only a water-headed child would have the audacity to ask if this situation is subject to any change.
Moral: If you have a “sensitive” merry go round — DON’T let Falstaff ride.
93044-40
A living man is a one-legged man.
93044-41
The love of the dense is to talk about eternity — AND what JUST occurred.
93044-42
Being “different” is no big thing if you SEEM different.
Another item from our, “How To Go About It” desk.
Definition:
Epilogues: “Introductions” for sissies.
93044-43
Yesterday, in a midwestern city a man reflected:
“You know, if I began to try and think of humanity itself as one living creature, Then it would be much more difficult for me to feel personal anger toward others, Or to try and take advantage of them.” —
He thought on this for a moment longer and concluded: “Naw — I think I’ll pass.”
93044-44
A non-standard thinker might judge time in inches, and go on from there.
93044-45
Man’s Ordinary Mind: A cheap, wind-up-toy, made in a foreign country.
93044-46
No matter how far he runs the city talks to man —
in his dreams,
his dreams,
their dreams.
93044-47
One man shouted out of his window, to the world: “We’re ALL in the, ‘silly business.'”
93044-48
The “balance of justice” is always weighted in favor of the future.
93044-49
And now on to our, Medical Watch:
All psychological-viruses are caused by too long staring at local-conditions.
93044-50
One way to tell if you are still thinking at the routine level or not is to
See whether anything that can be intellectually proven, can also be DIS-proven.
Rhyme Of the Modern Mariner:
Oh, I want to sail,
Where sequence begins to fail.
93044-51
A crude man
Is a happy man,
With his crude friends,
In a crude land;
A civil man can be’
Happy too,
With his civil friends
In a cultured land;
But what of a thinking man
Amongst either group;
A homeless man —
Always at home.
93044-52
A vague man is a happy man–in a vague sort of way.