Summary = TBD
Condensed News Items = See below
News Item Gallery = jcap 93042 -1111
Transcript = None
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Everybody hides behind something. I don’t. I meant,
In April, a man pondered: “How to ever explain a merry go
round to children already on one?…” In September he mused:
“Why even try?” And in December he shivered once and said: “I
think I’ll fly down to Cancun.”
On those days, when those kind of things were going
exceedingly well in those kind of ways, one man would look at his
mind, then look around to be sure no one from ASCAP, or BMI was
about, then croon to his neural operations: “Some times you make
me — Roll my eyes — You make me grit my teeth,”ù and he’d
jitterbug on out of the kitchen.
What a thinker might find as ambrosia, could well seem like
poison to the ordinary, or at least, empty calories. But, “Hey!”
— (if you’re in the need of a current “Hey!”) — that just means
more for the rest of us.
One man told his hormones and digestive operations that they
could take a vacation this year since he could now make himself
mad and feel bad without their help. (Anyone who wants to, can
file this news story under their own personal heading of:
“Description Of A Civilized Man.”)
Up-To-Date, City Stats: A nervous man is a happy man.
People who want to “help you” are your “friends.” Yes,
another fine item from our “Some Folks Will Believe Anything”
Now some news from our “Intellectual Operations Department”:
When cows aren’t allowed to react as cows — they can get pre-tee
ticked! …(Well, if you know how to think, it was intellectual
“Self-Improvement” At Its Most Problematic Level: Painting
a leaky roof. Same-Thing In Its Everyday Mode: Doing so in golf
Men write fiction in an attempt to “mark-off” intellectual
territory much as a wolf would physically, who had make believe
kidneys. Corollary: Men with heroes — can’t think.
Commensuration To The Corollary: Men who can’t think — write
fiction. Homogeny To The Corollary’s Commensuration: Men who
write fiction, think fictions, and have no territory of their
own. Conclusion: Thus were plagiarism and religion inevitable.
— Hey! — call my agent. —
At the collective level, the way in which ordinary minds
teach other ordinary minds is like the difference between a blood
test, and a blood clot.
Now from our “Here’s One Possible, ‘Thought For The Day'”
Desk: Men who are passionately “human” are wont to want human
companionship — but hey! — so do rats and roaches.
There are two general categories of drugs available to man
to help make his intellectual life entertaining, if not
instructive; one is the drugs other people take, and the second
is the type you use — which are not actually drugs at all.
…..Institutions: A funny way men want to spell “drugs.”
One man so advised one of his children, who seemed promised
of potential real thinking: “Whenever you suddenly hear what
right then seems to be ‘The truth’ — never nod your head along
in agreement.” And the child’s neural neck instantly
straightened — like a bass player’s wang in a cheap strip joint.
Definition: A Human Being: A train going thirty miles an
hour with a locomotive doing forty-five.
…..Say, Cliff — nice-e-e story! — I think maybe later in
the show we should ask Professor Science if this definition had
anything to do with the original creation of “time.”
The human brain is the one hand-held electronic game that
probably shouldn’t be held in your hand.
And now some “News About The News”: If the normal reporting
of the news wasn’t biased — no one would be interested. Men do
not seek objective explanations. Partisanship makes the
intellectual go ’round and seem attractive.
And now a “gang bang” of descriptions from our old,
Definitions Desk: City Smarts: A man who can “hold a grudge”
can “hold on.”
…..Make Fun Of Life: Fish spitting in water.
…..Non Partisan Thinking: Lubrication for eye sockets.
Only the dumb “take credit” for themselves — …(The
knowledgeable could — but they’re too smart to do so.)
A man who’ll stop a habit is one thing — a man who’ll do it
and tell about it, is like maybe…a third, or maybe, a half a
In you think of man as just being man, then you’re right —
he is kinda pitiful.
Men will give heed, and be entertained by reformed drunks,
and murderers, but not by ex-smart assess.
…..Those with short attention spans will invariably insist on
From our “Fact Desk”: Fact: You can’t begin to think-anew
if you treat your mind with kid gloves. Fact: You can’t begin
to think-anew if you handle it with anti-kid gloves. Tip: Don’t
wear gloves when you think.
…..And here is a co-optional, follow-up Fact to those last
ones, Biff, ole boy: No one wants to be treated by a doctor with
an impassionate, clinical attitude.
…..But, that’s “rich”!, B.J.! — no one (I guess that is) but
maybe a real thinker!
…..Huh! — you might have something there, Biff ole bud — but
I guess we better get on with some of the less humorous news.
As practiced in the city: Self-improvement is
self-imprisonment. Once upon a time, on a far away planet, a sly
king, to keep his servants in the castle and on the job, put up —
not a moat about the place — but a mirror around the staff that
made each of them “look bad” to themselves.
News Watcher’s Tip: You’ll know that humanity is still
alive and on the move as long as there are experts and others who
believe they can spot areas of man’s behavior which are not
If you don’t hear unexplained noises outside your house
sometimes, you don’t live in the right neighborhood.
The reason that man became the preeminent creature on this
world, over gorillas, was not because he was the only one of the
two who could make jig saw puzzles, but that he could construct
them out of nothing.
Civilization: In this universe — the only thing that can
fall up hill. In apparent response to the many such definitions,
descriptions and other news items we have of late presented
regarding civilization, the “Civilization Lobby” has contacted us
to say that it don’t have no lobby — ’cause it don’t need no
stinkin’ lobby. (“Boy!” [say I, sotto voche, off camera] “if I
was in charge of everything, I guess I could afford to be pushy
and ratty too!”
If just “being alive” can make you cry — you have some
…..Say, Jackie, is that one of those short news items that
doesn’t have any sort of “follow-up” to it?
…..Apparently so, Bob.
According to the theology on this one planet — after you
die, you have a choice: You can then go on and “live forever,”
with people always around to tell you how sorry they feel for you
— or, you can have your present house re-sided in some type of
new mental asbestos they have over there.
By believing himself a superior creature is man a superior
creature. …(May sound simple — but who else can do it?!)
Oh! — and here’s a way in which our ordinary viewers out
there can sort of “participate” in the news as they hear it read:
Whenever you hear about murders, and wars and other disruptive
behavior, shake your head sadly — as though you actually
understood why you’re doing so. More “Fun In The Passive Mode.”
A Poem Having To Do With “Hobbies”:
Have a hobby
As a hobby,
Have a person
As a hobby…
…Maybe you should just have a hobby as a hobby.
— End Of Poem. —
More “Things Best Left To The Ordinary”: Let them be the
ones who believe that the occurrence of rain causes them to carry
umbrellas — and not some other way around!
If there weren’t any differences between different people,
then man wouldn’t think there were, and there wouldn’t be any.
This (I might point out, for the benefit of you Early Viewers) is
one of those “Facts” that is not (as a matter of fact) entirely
— factual. …(“Maybe!”, thought one man, “but that won’t keep
me from using it.”)
The closer you are to the center — or the further away you
are at the edge — the more can you comprehend where the notion
of time arose. * Home grown neurons live too close, to their own
garden walls. *
Another “Alternative — Though, Brief History Of Man (God
Bless Him)”: At first man was just either active or still; then
simultaneously, he began-to-speak and became civilized; and then
— wondrously and inspirationally — he started to whine and use
As man went off to join himself in the city, and be
civilized, life gave him this little send-off message: “Don’t
ever look at yourself and cause unnecessary embarrassment.” —
…..Yeah — right! — in a rat’s-ass it did.
The Continuing — (even today) — Theme Song Of Many In The
I can be attractive,
And be in pain;
Or I can be attractive,
And still be in pain.
Until neurons came along, hormones said things weren’t too bad.
A man mused: “The more I ponder the news and our history, the
more I wonder if man’s first shock was not the past telling man to
leave Eden — but merely the fact that suddenly something could
Hormones: Drugs without a prescription.
And for this evening’s segment of “The School Of The Air,”
we’ll dip into the old Etymology bag: The word “livid” comes
from the word “liver”; the word “bereaved” comes from the word
“breathe”; the word “angry” comes from the word “animal,” and the
word “dumb” comes from the word “death” — except in the last
instance, no one is smart enough to know about it. Oh yeah —
one more thing: Being “ordinary” comes from the term, “being
able to point out the stupidity of others” — except of course,
for the instant instance — (don’t chu know). And one man said:
“I don’t care what you news people say — I still say that one
of the many joys and benefits of ‘writing fiction’ is that you
can always make you be the ‘exception’ to whatever unseemliness
you have portrayed — and you can be the sole determiner of just
when things have gone far-r-r enough! — Things have gone far
…..Well, as long as we’re on, Matters literaire, we might as
well cover this one also: A related definition: Independent
Thinking: Non-fiction, invented by real thinkers.
Men used to believe that the gods actually came and visited
them “in person!” — that is, until they realized how dumb they
were! — …and don’t ask me: “Until who realized how dumb who
More of “How Life — Gawd A’Mighty!ù — Works In The City”:
It is the irresponsible who are held responsible. …(And, may I
say — Gawd A’Mighty, don’t you just love it!)
The Terminal, Good-Bye, Lullaby:
All of you kiddies can
Go on to bed,
Who haven’t yet learned to
Swallow your head.
When civilization is chuggin’ along at its normal, safe and
predictable speed, those who report the news may also be seen as
somehow, making news. As all neat things are — this is so, and
operational in many other areas, such as in: Education,
religion, the Arts, and just everyday human conversation and
How To Think, Off For Yourself: Think in Fables — but
One man says he’s progressed beyond the point of worrying
over who may specifically be behind the conspiracy that controls
man’s life on this planet, and is now more concerned over who may
be doing their P.R. work.
Guilt: Hormones made civilized and forced to talk.
There are those who now say that data will soon be directly
accessible to all, without the intermediary action of the media,
so that news broadcasters will be rendered obsolete; but there
remains an unspotted difference in the services provided to man’s
mind between plain, printed “news” — and other men verbally
conveying it. To discrete neural activity: Info is info is
info. Note: There is no such creature as detached neural
No matter how passionately and close you may dance with
somebody, you’ll at times be an irritant to them. Everybody
dances with life.
A psychology that speaks too-o-o much of hormones — is
no-o-o “psychology” at all. Homogeny: A religion that might too
often refer admirably to man — might not be a religion at all.
Non-thinkers want to hold hands.
…..Pardon me for injecting myself here, Todd, but I truly
believe that many of those in our viewing audience are not going
to care for that last story in its brief form as just presented;
so, if I may — may I offer an expanded version that seems
perhaps…a bit more “human,” and “warm”: Non-thinkers want to
hold hands as the collective-ship-of-man-&-civilization forever
sinks — while a few unusual individuals continue to wander about
by themselves, no where in sight. There! — now on to tonight’s
“Small Craft & Beaver Warning”…
If half the people in the city didn’t believe that the city
is always just about to “come apart” — the other half of the
people would be mostly out of work.
What others may see as “irony” — and dismiss, might make a
thinker stop and say: “Ah hah!” One man’s motto was: “Always
Be Prepared To Meet A Boy Scout.”
There are three distinct ways by which one can avoid the
trap of “self-improvement”: One is by being of such a rank as to
need no “improvement”; another is to claim that deleterious
habits are in fact meritorious and not habits at all, and the
third is to spend all of your available time encouraging it in
others. (There is still another approach to this, but most
people aren’t interested.)
Dancing and dying
As fast as they can
That is the prom of
Dancing and living
As not on the card,
Keeps the unseen as Man’s avant garde.
Hormones speak louder than words.
On the morning of the twenty-fifth of June, even though he
was not a poet or a folk singer, he went in to see himself in the
bathroom mirror, and in a calm, but forceful voice said: “I am
finally here to get my baby out of jail.”