Jan Cox Talk 0816

No One Can be an Expert in the City Without Saying So

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Summary = See below
Condensed News Items = See below
News Item Gallery = jcap 1990-12-17 -0816
Transcript = None
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Summary

#816 May 15, 1991 – 1:00 
Notes by TK

Kyroot to :16. Critique by non-experts is of no consequence in the City, having no proper impact on that criticized. Progress is this having of proper effect on the foregoing stage by the latter one embodying the criticism. One cannot be an expert in the City w/o an essential ingredient: saying so. In addition to the proclamation of expert status is the required giving of anecdotal evidence in support of the status.

Internal application: you can only be an expert on yourself by acknowledging it…by telling what kind of guy you are. To be properly civilized in the City is to actively seek out criticism, which goes hand-in-hand with feeling guilty.


The News

If the only thing you can write about is your area of
expertise, then you’re an expert. …(Congratulations and
welcome to the firm.)

* * *

Over in one metro-reality, a man was close to becoming an
artist — but alas, he started talking about it.

* * *

When the question of the first down is a matter of inches,
or of miles — everyone can be a referee. …(In fact, within
such a range, everyone must be.)

* * *

He said he thought nature was “okay” until he began to
suspect that the squirrels were laughing at him.

* * *

“It’s a good thing all electricity is fungible,” said the
first guy. “Naw,” replied his friend, “it’s a good thing that
all ideas are interchangeable.” “Either way,” chimed in a
third bud, “if things weren’t that way, we’d all be
intellectual blanks, in prison for plagiarism, sittin’ in the
dark.”

* * *

In his belief that proper appearance had its place in the
arts, one chap would carefully wash and iron all his poems before
publicly presenting them.

* * *

In the Personal Notions File of this one chap, his lead
notion read: “Ofttimes the ‘last to know’ are the last who
need to know.”

* * *

The best way to try and describe someone is to give up in
the middle.

* * *

advice (as if it’ll do any bloody good): Whenever you’re
bitching about the injustices of life, try and remember this: A
hotel bill is the same, whether you sleep in the room or not.”
…(He didn’t have a real large family.)

* * *

This one guy, whenever he wanted to get even with somebody,
would kill himself.

* * *

The heretofore unverbalized rallying cry for one growing
reality was: “To become civilized, men must impress others, and
since this is not within our means, let us impress each other.”
…(This [in case you weren’t listening], is a Jim Dandy,
Fifth Symphony, unassisted triple-play of an explanation of
civilization.)

* * *

The Seventh Runner-Up in one world’s annual Proverb Playoffs
was, “There is nothing to fear at a garlic festival for a man
with his brother’s nose.” …(Trust me — you don’t wanna hear
what the winner sounded like.)

* * *

A father flogging his notions of efficiency told all his
kids, “If you wanna get famous fast, find a sore spot on yourself
or others and don’t ever stop pickin’ at it.”

* * *

Any god that uses the words “once and for all” is from out
of town or suicidal; either way, I’d give him a wide berth.

* * *

As he passed through life, this one man would periodically
say, “Jeeze, I’m passin’ through life.”

* * *

The only reason for not telling the truth is not knowing
the truth; this is, of course, everyone’s reason. …(This is,
of course, of course, more complex than it sounds.)

* * *

committee nodded and said, “Anything that’s easier said than done
should definitely be discussed.” …(Had the other neural
members agreed any more, they would have collectively wet their
seats.)

* * *

Acts just are, while facts come and go.

* * *

Still hanging around the sketchy area near the city limits
sign, he summed up his present conclusion: “If it weren’t for
people like me and stuff like this, you wouldn’t have people like
me involved in stuff like this.”

* * *

“Advice?” said the ole man, “so you want advice and a bus
ticket. Okay kid, here’s your advice: If you’re gonna make it
in the city, pretend to long for nature or fawn over polyester.”

* * *

Indulging in what he considered to be the ultimate and
unequaled exercise of intellectual sophistication, this one man
would continually quote himself and never — never — give
credit.

* * *

Today’s Announcement: Just because you don’t know what
you’re doing doesn’t mean you have to stop what you’re doing —
where do you think you are, anyway — outside the city?!!

* * *

There were a couple of guys who used to get together.

* * *

A certain lad, growing up amidst the arts of civilization,
thought (after some seven years) to himself, “As yucky as being
alive can sometimes be, why the hell would anybody wanna be a
poet and write about it on top of everything else?!” …(At
just that moment, his ole man stepped into the picture, and,
being the romantic, sensitive sort he was, said to the kid, “Hey
punk — grow up!”)

* * *

continued to be nice to him just out of pity.

* * *

At a semi-fancy dinner, the gentleman next to me noted soon
after the soup, “If conduct is not directed from ‘somewhere
out there,’ how would the civilized ever know how to act.”
…(The bread’s cold.)

* * *

And still another sincere viewer (who agrees to sign his
name) writes to say that it wasn’t all that long ago.

* * *

A man in the back of the room stood and asked, “But
Professor, if it is possible to become so involved in facts
that you neglect to act, and if it is possible to be so
inclined to act that you tend to ignore facts, where does that
leave the rest of us who can’t get season tickets, or find
clothes that fit right off the rack?”

* * *

One guy’s impulses gradually began to tire as he waited for
life to write his ad libs.

* * *

A civilized people cannot be properly depressed without
poetry. (And please note, it does not matter whether anyone in
the kingdom ever reads the shit or not;… it’s just gotta be
there.)

* * *

One king (who says he’s a regular viewer) dropped me a
postcard whereon he noted that on some shows there are more
Kyroots about kings than there are on others. …(The postman
who delivered this read it and said, “Don’t guess you get to be
king by eatin’ stupid pills, do ya.”)

* * *

Don’t fool yourself — everybody’s got at least one place
to go.

* * *

heartache, mistreatment, earthquakes, tidal waves and — ah,
never mind all that — after a lifetime of life, this one guy
said, “If I was any more like myself, it’d be frightening.”
…(Biographical knee-note: Some guys’ stories take longer
than others, but it doesn’t matter.)

* * *

One day this one little rowdy kid (god bless ’em, are there
any other kind) said, “Seems to me there’s a whole lot more of
stuff that had to’ve happened than history says there is.” His
gruff, but lovable, ole man (god bless ’em, are there any —
hell, we already buttered that biscuit), his ole man said, “Hey
kid, where are we? That last parenthetical made me lose my
place.” And the rambunctious lad obligingly repeated, “Seems to
me there’s a whole lot more of stuff that had to’ve happened than
history says there is.” And the old man replied, “Hey, and
that’s why it’s called ‘history.'”

* * *

That which is worth waiting for’s not worth waiting for
long.

* * *

An assistant God Of Sports was talking with his counterpart
in the area of Arts and asked him, “How come you guys ain’t got
an intellectual equivalent to the slam-dunk?” …(The second
little fury had to leave — you wanna take the question?)

* * *

When this one war didn’t produce enough casualties, they
were forced to call a temporary peace.

* * *

One of their recent conversations went like this: (The ole
man): “When you merge with your environment, it merges with
you.” (Then the kid says): “But what does that mean?” (The ole
man again): “I haven’t the slightest clue.” (The end.)

* * *

If you know how to take care of that, then that takes
care of that.

* * *

me now is only part of what I might totally be. …I will admit
that I am not actively engaged in searching for these remaining
portions at this time.”

* * *

Putting thoughts to paper, one man writes, “Given enough
facts on any given subject, I could manage to ignore it
completely.”

* * *

One guy was so totally fascinated and intrigued with the
idea that two completely different and separate people could ride
in the same single automobile that he put in a heavy buy order
for highway stock.

* * *

Not long after he died, one of his partners said, “I doubt
he’ll ever be the same.”

* * *

Culture, to those already cultured, is shackles of posies.
Those already cultured think of it for others as in a glorious
past that can somehow return and consume their Philistine
contemporaries.

* * *

One guy, while searching for his brother (who, you may
recall, had fallen in a hole while searching for the meaning of
life), fell in with a bad crowd who had once held-up a hole.
…(He asks if we have any advice — “ANY,” he says.)

* * *

One man would sometimes pretend that his questions were
statements, and that his statements were questions; he became so
adroit at this that he was often mistaken for an expert.

* * *

While the kid was off playing somewhere, the ole man gave
himself this idea: “Say look, if life was ever going to make
sense, it would go ahead and do so without men having to go
around trying to make it make sense, now wouldn’t it.”
…(He later thought, “It’s good we can have these little
chats.”)

* * *

everything: The view he believed in and supported, and the one
he did not; he said that he got all his best exercise keeping the
two apart. …(Many of his friends marveled at what poor shape
he was in.)

* * *

While attending one of those “This Could Be Important Stuff
Auctions,” a chap sidled up to me and said he’d seen our shows
and certainly heard a lot of “Kyroots” read, and just wanted to
tell me that none of them apply to him…and even those that do
— shouldn’t.

* * *

A famous guy was asked who his biggest influences were, and
he pretended to think for a moment (which is all famous people
have to do) and replied, “Everyone who’s dead, ’cause they can’t
comment on me.”

* * *

In civilized machinery, if things aren’t working at cross
purposes, they aren’t working.

* * *

Apparently experiencing a fit of inclement temperament
during his address at the college’s graduation ceremonies, the
president of the school uttered these memorable words: “And so,
as you leave us and go forth to take your assumed places in the
everyday world of business, science and academia, remember this,
you squirt-heads: If you sound like you know ‘what you’re
doing’ — hell, who knows! — maybe you will.”

* * *