To Be Civilized Requires Continual Offense…By Facts
Summary = See below
Condensed News Items = See below
News Item Gallery = jcap 1990-10-15 -0788
Transcript = None
Key Words =
#788 Mar 15, 1991 – 1:00
Notes by TK
Kyroot to :13. If you can’t be offended you can’t be civilized; can’t be held to your “proper place”. If you can’t be offended by new facts, your brain can’t be held to its proper thinking. To be civilized requires continual offense…by facts, opinions. What is not actually offensive goes unnoticed. Acts cannot be offensive as facts can. Life has men become offended in the widest manner over the most meaningless of matters.
Though generally unknown, every language has one word that
has no synonym.
In his war on the less developed areas of his brain, this
one insurgent has begun using chemical weapons.
As he progressed along that long road of intellectual
expansion, this one fellow says he finds his opinions to be less
and less compatible with his shoe size.
“In the great battle between ideas,” exclaimed the street-
beat philosopher, “remember: there are no ‘winners and losers’ –
You can go down hill if you want to.
While they were speaking on matters regarding self-
preservation and the judicious use of one’s personal talents, the
ole man poked the kid and added, “You should, as a matter of
specific fact, be conservative in your use of whining lest you
inadvertently help someone else.”
In near total disregard of science this one chap insists,
“Molecules don’t need love.”
One squirrel called together all his comrades and said,
“Don’t you realize that if we all worked together with a unity of
purpose we could easily overthrow the king?” And one of his buds
replied, “Sure, and so does the king, that’s why he’s the king.”
(The kids might be interested to know there’s a brand of bushy-
tails known as Roof Squirrels).
There is one truly civilized city whose only street signs
say, “Don’t Go Faster Than You Should.” …(It’s rumored they
hope to “somehow” apply this to thinking — somehow!)
His mornings are “made,” says this one chap, by first thing,
standing at the bathroom mirror while shaving, brushing and
combing, and softly singing, “Since You’ve Been Goneee….”
Amidst all the finery of his fastidiousness, this other guy
posits, “You can’t be both exact and precise.”
Ordinarily, you’re the setup, and life’s the punch line.
The noise of the background radiation in a revolutionist
universe is somewhat less.
Oh, all right, have it this way then: The supreme punch line
to this kinda stuff is that there is no punch line.
A certain ole sorehead says most people’s “mental zoning”
would fall into the O-&-I category… (not, he adds, “Office &
Industrial,” but “Ordinary & Idiotic.”)
In that bright, cheerful never-ending-world of civilized
man: Those who take offense, deserve offense.
This one earth guy used to write down all of his “best
thoughts.” …(Especially after he discovered the brevity of
their active shelf-life.)
One ole man’s “grab-it-while-you-run” advice to the kid was,
“Every time you think you ‘want to grow up,’ turn the other
One guy’s favorite song was, “If My Friends Could See Me
Now”; his second most favorite was entitled, “I Wish I Had Some
On those dispiriting days, when he needed to flex his
literary wit and exercise his bicipital sarcasm, this one chap
would slip into his library, take out the Handyman’s Household
Guide To Poetry, turn to Lord Tennyson, point to a page and
exclaim, “Yeah! And I’m the Duke Of Duckworth!”
In some modern cities, phone lines become as good as blood
Although not known by any of his subjects, and suspected but
by a few of his ministers, this one king’s most fevered prayer
was that after he died, regardless of what other conditions,
that he not be forced to wear two-toned shoes.
One fellow says he wants to move to a town where everything
The less civilized be a people, the greater be the need for
restraint and control; this would seem obvious enough except in
regards to one’s own intellect.
It is quite difficult to be “up to date” without being
worried… or at least concerned.
Just as the light was bracing itself to turn green, a fellow
in the crowd said that even though it was not required by the
FDA or the FCC, he thought that some of our viewers would benefit
if after each program, we would clearly list, in descending order
of frequency used, a list of ingredients.
And from the city park come these fine words from one of the
speakers who calls himself, “The Down Home Philosopher;” says he,
“A man that don’t want nothing may be in for a pleasant
When the swelling waves of oceanic depression threatened to
swamp his little limbic craft, this one ole salt would sing, “Oh
get out the oars, I’m in the thores.” …(I believe the old boy
meant, “throes,” but I can’t be personally responsible for the
grammatical mistakes of everyone who appears in these Kyroots
[and besides, throes doesn’t rhyme with oars].)
One kid told his more kiddlier sibling, “The way I see it is
that the only possible reason to forego a pleasure is to let it
The central solicitation and prayer of this one philosophical
cult was, “Oh great gods, free us by taking from us all of our
physical possessions, but do so in a way in which we won’t notice
On certain worlds the periodic prize is: they give you a
dictionary, then blind you.
Whenever he had to be out at night in a strange city, for
protection this one man would carry the score of a Schubert piano
One father’s advice to his expanding son: “Whenever things
reach a ‘fever pitch,’ call for a designated hitter.”
In an attempt to make better sense out of what he was
saying, this one guy shut up.
Be-growled one grizzled chap, “The injustice of a terminal
world is that old men do old men things.”
After no small experience in such matters, this one kid one
day lay and daydreamed of heaven as a place where whenever
you’re in a Kyroot you always have the last line. …(Hey, not
in your lifetime, punk! …Just a joke.)
Bathroom graffiti in that new poet’s truck stop: “The best
thing about rationalization is that it’s nobody else’s business.”
Regarding certain acts of creation, this one god’s cousin
said, “I say, aren’t we laying on the repetition a bit thick, ole
And do remember you can spend your energy and attention on
everyday life, or on your own private pursuits, and, and, and
“oh-dear-and”, doubly remember — it all ends up costing the
Bravely pushing into areas that may redefine our concepts of
logic, this one man, in an attempt to decrease the number of
words he misspelled, dropped eight letters from his alphabet.
As the civilized would say, it is the meaningless that
makes life worthwhile.
Over in the city, a man told me that he became famous only
because in his younger days he couldn’t get into welding class.
Putting on his ole man’s clothes and playing “grown up,” the
kid squared himself in front of the hallway mirror, drew his
imaginary guns and declared, “What’s the sense of having a
thought if you ain’t gonna stick with it? Bang!”
After thinking about it, this one guy says his first
inclination is just not to die at all.
Ordinary intelligence is offended by facts that conflict
with its own, while the revolutionist could only be offended by
being forbade to, or unable to, think!