Self-Doubt
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Summary
Jan Cox Talk 109, May 17, 1984, runtime ~1: 45
Notes by TK
Survey task–should see people are open books as long as you are not tied to a particular charge.
For the nervous system to vibrate at a fixed rate is the reality behind the idée fixe and is a form of small death. E.g. someone insults you and you replay the scene for hours/days.
“Self doubt” is constantly being expressed by the ordinary: a self doubt is a further proof of the combined flow of the three forces–for man would not be a functional outlet for growth without such combination, would not be alive.
“The voices” are the variables, consciousness is the constant. The medium, the screen.
In general the persuasion of C influences must be evident in consciousness, but whether you specifically are happy or sad is irrelevant to same.
“Life is standing on your foot” quite specifically when you’re trying to move.
“The only men without self doubt, that can be found, are in cemeteries.”
Animal kingdom red circuitry example of on/off modes–harder to see blue circuit parallel–harder yet in case of yellow circuitry. Agitated (self doubt)-calmed.
More refined way to name flows. e.g. Destruction: contains subflow to make needed preparations for change–C force. Inhalation/exhalation = 1st and 2nd force. Lungs = third. Attraction/repulsion = first and second force, “I” = third. Third force is unseen power place of no “I” interest.
The distinct and unexpected problem of Jan’s ordinary appearance: the non-mystical appearance. Ordinary circuitry is set for the exotic–for explanations–for beginnings and endings.
Transcript
SELF-DOUBT
Document: 109, May 17, 1984
Copyright(c) Jan M. Cox, 1984
When you begin to extricate yourself from the magnetic attractions that keep you just as you’ve always been, you begin to experience the extraordinary. But as that happens, you can’t put your finger on a specific cause. It’s not that you got up one morning, slapped your face and said “Alright, I’m not going to be ordinary anymore.”
In the course of pursuing a Real Aim, moments seem to just happen when you begin to See what’s not visible to Line level consciousness. Suppose you are at a football game, at a shopping mall, functioning as needed and you are suddenly struck, “Here I am in the midst of a crowd and I can see beyond what exists.”
One of the things you begin to See is the magnetic dance between people. The intellect isolates and names whatever is within this living grid of Life. But what is really involved, relatively speaking is a charge, a continuing magnetic field everyone creates. Life has described this in varied religious and psychological terms. But I am telling you the magnetic dance is physical: literally a physical, chemical and electrical process that makes you notice or address certain people, ignore others, have a positive or negative feeling toward someone, and (harder yet to see) feel indifferent to others still.
To free yourself from the mechanical charge at a particular moment is to find out that people are an absolute open book. They have no secrets. Of course, the back-door approach to understanding this is to see your own internal processes, to see that nobody is inside. You then realize that everyone else is built the same way. There is no “subconscious” in the way humanity believes. There is no little person inside people making decisions. Nobody is looking you up and down and deciding whether or not to answer your question, or whether to like or dislike you. What is going on is right before your eyes. It’s only a secret if you yourself are tied to a charge: if you’re operating at the binary level. If you are not tied to a charge — as you and the rest of humanity are naturally — then you do not react mechanically, either positively or negatively, and people stand before you like an open book.
As long as you are tied to one of the charges, you are caught in a magnetic dance, repelling and attracting other magnets. Of course I am speaking about only two thirds of reality, but that is the two thirds upon which people apparently are psychologically or personally interacting. As long as you are tied to a charge in any situation, as long as you are you, then your view is binary, and such a view is, at best, two thirds of reality. What you see and experience at that ordinary level is correct and proper at Line level, but it is meaningless as far as This Thing is concerned.
One way people can become captured by something can be seen in this common example: “I got so mad that nothing but revenge was on my mind. I couldn’t stop thinking about how he insulted me. Over and over I heard his remark — replaying in my mind like a broken record for days.” Psychology offers explanations for these obsessions. But it is not psychological. Again, it has a physical basis. The reality of it is that the nervous system vibrates at a fixed tempo to a magnetic attraction. You can sit at home alone, for instance, and hear someone on the radio say, “Now we’re going to play ‘Moon River’,” and it reminds you of something you heard three months ago at the local pub. You sit in privacy and let your nervous system temporarily vibrate at a fixed tempo. That is a natural state and it is necessary for humanity or it would not occur. But you should note that it is in a sense a small form of death because the nature of healthy growth is a kind of unstable stability. Life moves and grows by staggering and lurching here and there; by the fitful interplay of the Three Forces. True growth does not proceed in an orderly, planned straight line progression. (If that is not clear enough, recall that all descriptions of a perfect religious person are descriptions that foremost fit a dead person).
What I am trying to encourage you to See is that this fixed tempo state is not in some way detestable on a moral basis, even though psychology states that it is mentally or emotionally unhealthy to have a neurotic compulsion to keep thinking or talking to yourself repetitiously. It has nothing to do with humanity’s idea of goodness or mental health.
What is appropriate for your Neuralization is the affect of such repetitions on your potential growth above Line-level consciousness. From the top of your intellect to the bottom of your little feetsies an unhealthy, unprofitable condition is induced when the nervous system vibrates at a fixed rate. This is true whether it lasts minutes or hours, whether it appears to be from something external or from some memory. It is the physical reality behind an emotional or intellectual compulsion, behind being captured by something. Perhaps something happened that was more than you could stand; this pounding desire for revenge came over you, and you kept replaying over and over what that person said. Then perhaps you recite what you “should have said” and the process spirals. It is a small death. Forget mental health; I am talking about health and energy required to continue This. To let the nervous system temporarily vibrate at a fixed speed is similar to having cut a vein and just bleeding for a while; not enough to die but until enough is enough, it precludes your possible growth at that time.
One way the Three Forces can combine to affect Life’s non-straight line growth can be Seen in the human experience of self-doubt. It exists throughout humanity without exception. Your own internal voices are continually expressing it; you can also See it on television; in any book or movie. Life expresses self-doubt through humanity as it expands; it exists in all nervous systems from the popes, rabbis, and presidents, all the way to the drunks.
Let me point out that in psychology — today’s religion — self-doubt is considered to be a primary area for the individual to “work on” and change. But the same psychologist who would assert that self-doubt is not good, would express something like, “Of course we do not fully understand this, uh…uh, it’s the prevailing opinion amongst my peers but, you know sometimes it’s hard to tell.” You can hear the expression of self-doubt constantly, but it is so basic a part of the tenor of human speech that it passes unnoticed.
If an ordinary person was shown pervasive self-doubt, he might say, “Well, self-doubt is like a kind of social lubricant. It is people attempting to be humble. It is people — because of a lack of total expertise in their field — attempting to cover or protect themselves.” But it is none of those things. Of course the form of it is all of those things, but the energy of it is something else. Self doubt is continually expressed. And I don’t mean once an hour. Almost sentence by sentence it pervades people’s speech. It is further proof of the combined flow of all three forces in the growth of Life. Were it not for the combined flow, Man would not be an active outlet for growth.
Consciousness — the reality behind the word — is a necessary constant. The scenes and voices you see and hear are not consciousness; the screen is. Consciousness is the medium; the voices that seem to speak to you and for you are not consciousness. So long as you function in the ordinary state of consciousness which is driven by the ever changing combination of positive, negative, or — hardest for anybody to conceive of — totally indifferent. The screen of consciousness, not unlike electronic systems, uses opposing charges. What does not fit — what hides behind the elusive, indifferent E force — is almost beyond human awareness. As long as consciousness is tied to the combination of the forces, as it must be at the binary level, self-doubt is integral. Self-doubt is proof that you are conscious at the ordinary level; it is proof that you are alive.
Now back to the fact that nothing is broken. In the beginning you may have grave difficulty realizing the unimportance of whether you seem to be fulfilling a positive or negative position in Life. Your own internal voices and everything that Life is now made to teach, believe, accept, and reject says this is important: you “know” it is important whether you’re “happy”, for example. But it is of no importance to the grid. The grid cannot be composed of 100% positive points nor of 100% negative or indifferent points because then no energy could be transferred. The reality of it is in front of you.
Humanity must include the general effect of C, but C influence does not exist alone. C cannot exist alone: it would be manifest as pure madness. It would be just as destructive as turning loose pure negative, D influences. It is built into humanity’s consciousness that we all strive for a more positive position. But on the individual level all grid positions and charges must be filled. However, consciousness automatically rejects the fact that it’s unimportant whether you seem to be fulfilling a positive or negative spot in the grid. But still, it is unimportant (to the grid) whether you specifically seem to be happy or sad, whether you specifically seem to be full of self-confidence or self-doubt.
Your own voices persist in believing that others in the world do not suffer from self-doubt. At least not like you do. And that is not true. If that were true, they would be the living manifestation of the straight line phenomenon. The person would be madness in motion. Not poetry. Madness. But remember self-doubt is simply a term. Self doubt is not some kind of psychological wart. It’s physical. And it’s not a personal problem that afflicts you individually.
Until recent times humanity dealt with self-doubt on the basis of good and evil: “Gods and demons are fighting over my soul, my destiny, my direction. Every time I try to take a step toward goodness, there is some little demon pulling on my pant leg trying to make me do otherwise.” Humanity’s previous thoughts about self-doubt have all been appropriate enough. But they are childish and outdated. They are insufficient descriptions of the living, physical reality that is necessary for humanity to serve growth.
I could say in a sense that everyone attempting to do This is trying to find a new posture, or a new way of walking. Everyone out in Life believes — it is Life expressing itself — that “I am growing.” “I am trying to be a better Moslem or Buddhist. I am now involved with a new self-help group.” Or, “I’m involved with some mystical system.” Everyone is attempting to walk in a different way. But regardless, Life, in varying degrees is standing on your foot — quite specifically. Please note that I have not changed the subject from self-doubt.
All of you believe that there are particular forms of self-condemnation, regarding your problems. One of the more obvious ones is sexual daydreams: “What if anyone ever found out my kind of daydreams?” Some people have the kind of sexual daydreams they believe are so outlandish or unique that if anyone else ever found out they would just lay down and die. “I’m just no good. I can’t tell you why. It’s not open to question, I’ve just always known it. If anyone treats me decently it’s a joke — they don’t know me or they want something. Of course if they do want something I’m not surprised because anybody as unworthy as me is made to be abused.” That is where Life stands on their foot. Life is not going to pick up its foot. I am still talking about the flow necessary to keep any human alive. It is the purpose of humanity to be a viable outlet for Life to grow and it is driven by a combination of the positive, negative and neutral. Thus anything you seem to think or feel at the ordinary level can be seen from a multiplicity of dimensions. The reality behind self-doubt, self-condemnation, confusion, ambivalence can be seen as the constant recombining and interacting of the Three Forces in Humanity; in you.
No one in this world is exempt, at the ordinary level, from some form of self-condemnation. Nowadays the attempted explanation for it is psychological as opposed to something more religious. Psychologists would claim that something in your childhood or something that happened to you in the past caused this self-condemnation. And if you look far enough, discussed it with a psychoanalyst, surely a cause would be identified. But I remind you again; nothing causes anything. Everything causes everything. A person in This should not entertain voices that say you have bad habits. If the voices are going to say anything, make them say, “I am a bad habit.”
What appears as a bad habit such as self-condemnation, self-doubt, etc. are the norm. They are not psychological problems; they are further proof of the living reality of Three Flows intermingling. If indeed you did not have self-doubt or mixed feelings, you would either be engaged with something unprofitably temporarily vibrating at a fixed speed — or you would be dead. At the ordinary level you cannot find any human without doubts, unless you find him in a mortuary. And then you’d be looking at a manifestation of the straight line phenomenon.
Another picture for your attempted Neuralization is from the animal kingdom. Creatures with two circuited nervous systems respond directly to the environment, and their behavior manifests the three charges. These creatures are either active, such as running, sniffing or barking, or they’re doing nothing. (The Third force you’re still going to have to work with yourself to see, but the first two you should deal with immediately; they should be obvious to you). It seems that just a limited amount of stimuli — hearing an intruder, smelling an unfamiliar odor — will activate any animal. Or, the animal is doing nothing. It is almost a matter of being turned on or turned off.
With little effort you should be able to feel within yourself the partially parallel reality between that and your own physical Red Circuit. It’s nothing mystical nor esoteric. If indeed you could isolate the circuits, the Red Circuit would not be unlike an animal — turned on and turned off through necessity. More difficult to see, moving up to the Blue Circuit, is those same on/off operations within the so-called emotions.
You are now confronted with, moving one step higher into the Yellow Circuit — the fact that no system can analyze or perceive itself at its own level. Hence, the Yellow Circuit — that which ordinary humanity refers to as the intellect — cannot conceive of the fact that it too is operating in a similar on and off fashion: either agitated or placated. Simultaneously, the Yellow Circuit is driven by a “pre-echo” of tomorrow. And because the Yellow Circuit is attuned to what it will become, it attempts to bypass and grow beyond its binary limitation. But these are the sounds of tomorrow’s possibilities spoken through the Yellow Circuit, just as the Blue Circuit utters sounds of future potential: “I will love my fellow man. I’ll be full of compassion.”
The Yellow Circuit expresses, “I should not have self-doubt; I should not be in the condition of condemning myself. If I make some decision to change jobs or alter the way I live, I should be able to do it. Why can I not do it? Why am I always filled with lingering doubts? It’s almost like a little voice hollers out when I finally come close to doing something, ‘You’ll be sorry!'” That is the natural condition. The Yellow Circuit cannot perceive that it must operate in a positive/negative manner. The force running it is approximately parallel to the operations of the animal kingdom: either turned on or turned off. It’s either seeking food or its sated and sleeping.
The Yellow Circuit can’t see itself. And remember — no system can See itself at its own level: neither worm, nor lion, nor humanity’s Yellow Circuit. The intellect of man can sense that what I’m saying might be true — that the Red and Blue Circuits do operate in an on/off fashion. But currently within Man the Yellow Circuit has no conception of the fact that it, too, is operating in that same on-and-off fashion. On the contrary, the sounds of tomorrow convince the Yellow Circuit that very specific solutions are possible. Those “solutions” cannot be achieved at that level of understanding.
Do you understand when I tell you that your ordinary dreams of becoming a better person are still manifestations of self-doubt? “If I were taller, prettier, or smarter”, or “If the world would only cooperate I would, with all the great thoughts I’ve had, be a famous author by now. I would travel around the world and people — the kind of people that really matter — would welcome me everywhere.” Those dreams are the same as self-doubt. You should have an awareness of that. Remember, nothing happened in your life that made you this way. Except, of course, being born. If Life were not stepping on your little toe of your left foot, it’d be on your big toe of your right foot — it does not matter. It just seems to matter to you.
This constant dreaming is so much a part of being alive, of being human, that it takes great effort to be able to even notice it. It is such a part of the territory of being mortal that it takes great effort to interfere with it enough to even look at it. You may have the startled realization that it has been going on, “As best as I can tell once an hour for all of my life.” And if you get even better at seeing this — and it is not something to work forever on because once you begin to See, the dreams fall apart — you may then see, “Well, I wouldn’t be surprised if this has been going on once every five minutes for the last 42 years.”
I might also point out, as I have before, that habit equals ordinary sanity. Do you realize that everything I’ve been speaking about is contained in the word habit? The shackles of habit in a sense equal operational, functional equilibrium. There is a kind of ordinary sanity in self-doubt. And unless you’re free from it, you can’t really see it. That’s why all the descriptions fail. If you ask, “Boy, what would happen if all this self-doubt was taken away? Who would I be?” I won’t answer you. Because if you could truly ask that you wouldn’t ask it: if you could see it you wouldn’t worry about it. “But what if these self-doubts and dreams are just some kind of illusion, and what if I was more handsome or beautiful? What if that were true and all the self-doubt was gone? What would I be?” Well you obviously wouldn’t be ordinary. You obviously wouldn’t have any dreams or self-doubt. But that’s self-evident, isn’t it?
This Thing is not a matter of killing the voices in you. Where Life is standing on your foot is irrelevant. Your worst nightmares and your greatest dreams are irrelevant. They are meaningless. But you’ve got to see for yourself that nothing caused anything. It’s not your fault or someone else’s. Nor is it your own personal curse. Nightmares, dreams, and self-doubt are the combined action of Three Forces. Without all Three Forces you and no one else would have any dreams; you would have no self-doubts. We would have humans with all three circuits in concert, you’d be as peaceful as dogs. Except then humanity would not be humanity; it would not be serving its purpose.
The agitation expressed in Man’s current beliefs, and complaints about “problems I have”, is proof that humanity is alive in a certain way. That is why humanity is serving a purpose that lions cannot. Lions simply and directly serve a purpose — they are transferring energy. It is a necessary energy or else they would be extinct. But the level of their transfer is different from Man’s. Man is transferring energy that no other creature here can transfer. He is singular. He does not have to go out and kill animals anymore. He does not have to defend himself from being killed by other animals. Energy transfers at the red level are now fulfilled by creatures other than Man.
One area of energy transfer is unique to Man (It is unnatural to see it — we are back to the impossibility of a system being able to perceive itself at its own level): it is energy being continuously consumed, transformed and then transferred on a nonphysical level. And humanity cannot see it. People worry that they’re destroying the planet, and polluting the environment. “We’re about to decimate humanity with atomic warfare. What is happening to us? We’ve had thousands of years to become civilized and we still hate each other on the basis of race, culture and religion. What’s going on?” It is all a transfer of energy. “What’s going on — I’ve tried to live a decent life and no matter what I do someone’s always opposing me. Some fathead, some pinhead, some person of narrow vision is always standing in my way and I have tried so hard to do right. What is wrong with this world?” Nothing is. Nobody takes personally a lion killing a zebra to feed its family. But, as they should, down at the ordinary level, all humans take it personally when somebody jumps their opinion. Or when whole groups “keep fighting each other because of religion. How can they keep fighting over religious ideas? What is going on?” What is going on is the same thing that’s going on in the jungles at the Red Circuit level, only among humans it’s at the Yellow Circuit.
Let me whip in more regarding the flows. I have used the word “destruction” as one of the possible windows through which you could attempt to Neuralize the D flow. But there is a more refined way that you could and should Neuralize it. Let us take the word “destruction” and try to find the reality therein. Why does Man need to have such a concept: why is the Yellow Circuit driven to concoct such a word?
In a way, destruction is misnamed. No flow exists in isolation; they all are combined. I have told you that you can consider the flows as three types of blood, and there are three separate circulatory systems within Man. But each system is not a carrier of one type of blood; each is a carrier of a combination of all three, in different and constantly changing proportions. Destruction — the word and the idea — is misnamed because part of D’s responsibilities, one of its sub-flows, can be described as making the needed preparations for change, for growth.
It is common knowledge throughout the world that books and movies dealing with horror have a disproportionately large audience. Also, you can notice your own system’s virtual inability to not stare at a car wreck as you drive by. All you have to do to make a profit on your movie or your book is include horror. And you make a mistake if you believe voices in you that say, “Tut, tut, I’m glad horror doesn’t attract or affect me like that.” It does.
I could easily give an apparent psychological commentary or attack on Man’s fascination with the horrible, and almost everyone’s system would vibrate in agreement and feel in some way that, “I should be condemned for being fascinated with horror.” But everyone responds to horror, because the D force is not totally destructive. It is not without benefit to Life. You would be misled to take any one name for any of the flows — to take D as being destructive. That which fascinates humanity as destructive is one of the sub-flows within D: it is a preparation for change. And everyone is attuned to it. There is a fascination with car wrecks, catastrophes, inhumane acts that people have apparently committed — one man to another, one group to another, one country to another. (I’m not, of course, praising such behavior).
You should be sophisticated enough to remember that the description of a hereafter in mythology and current religions is a place of no change. It is a description of the straight line phenomenon. And according to what particular circuits the religion serves (such as Blue Circuit churches or Red Circuit churches) the descriptions range from things like “When you get there, you’ll never suffer. You won’t be sad. You’ll never get old or sick. Your hair won’t fall out and your breasts won’t sag.” Or: “You’ll always be sexually potent, there’ll be plenty of men or women there.” They are describing a world run by one force and there is not such a place, except the grave. Of course, the followers of the religions confer absolute authority to the leaders to describe heaven as well as to denounce the destructive, ungodly, and nonreligious. But I tell you that there is no such thing as the absolutely destructive. Part of what D is about is preparation for change. And fascination with it. It is Man’s unknowing acknowledgement that D is part of growth. The Yellow Circuit can denounce it until pigs learn to bowl, but it’s still there; it must be.
Now let me give you some disposable maps regarding E or the third flow. Remember that to verbally describe these maps I am freezing reality into one triad. So as soon as you think you’ve heard something true, it’s already moved. But Consider breath itself. Consider the possibility of inhalation and exhalation as the First and Second forces and the lungs are Third force.
The affect of the third flow is neither a resistance nor a promotion of the other two flows. But it does facilitate their operation. Consider the relationship: inhaling and exhaling as First and Second force and the medium — the lungs — as the Third. What is the medium through which your attractions and repulsions operate? What is it that makes the two possible?
The Yellow Circuit isolates situations — no matter what they are, no matter how they shift — into this against that, that against me, me against that. Can you get a glimpse of a third location from which you could operate? No one can ordinarily. As far as ordinary consciousness is concerned, it does not exist. “The problem is between this group and that group. And that’s it! Anything else is irrelevant.” But what if that other area is potentially as strong a bastion of power — if you knew how to get there — as any two opposing positions. It would indeed be a secret place and it would be a place of no-“I”-interest.
How could you possibly operate a place of no personal interest? “How could I exercise any authority or control? How could I transfer any energy? How could I even find the place if I had no interest in it?” But even the Yellow Circuit can attempt to put this into an unnatural formation. I have described E as whatever’s not either you nor the opposition, and you can mathematically, reasonably make some sense of that. But it still seems to be useless on a practical level. The Yellow Circuit says: “I have a problem trying to get a raise and sea gulls seem irrelevant. So does the history of needlepoint…” If I am part of this problem and there is the other person opposing me, then graham crackers, bus schedules, beach balls and everything else does constitute another group — one that’s irrelevant.” But it is not irrelevant. I am suggesting that you attempt to Neuralize what might occur, what might you see if you could get to the everything else? There is just as much potential of being conscious there, of exercising what seems to be power — participation — in this “problem”. But it is from a place that no one can see. Well, let’s face it — you can’t see it. What if you could move over there? And instead of finding a “battle”, instead of apparently defending yourself — wherein is always opposition — you would be into the place that would be almost neutral.
What if it is possible to move the consciousness of “I” into a place with no-“I”-interest? What if you could move consciousness into the reality of E flow? What if you could move over to a place where your own magnetic field, your own voices, stay where they naturally do in the grid — Life’s still standing on your foot — but you shift your awareness and become conscious in the E flow?
How about the old idea of some worthwhile middle ground? That idea strikes a chord apparently psychologically and religiously in many nervous systems. But you must see that something is lacking because moderation won’t accomplish diddly. If you try to follow moderation in the way ordinary people attempt it, you won’t get anywhere. But the idea sounds lovely. It even sounds philosophically satisfying: “A person should not live a life of great extremes, he should not overeat, nor should he starve himself. He should not be an absolute teetotaler, but, of course, he should not be a drunk.” A way of moderation would not do anything. But what if that idea was actually a method for achieving something else?
I’ll now point out something else. What I say regarding This Thing would be more easily digested if I presented myself and This as the contemporary end of a great historic line of secret teachers. Or if I presented This as deriving from mystical visions the gods periodically give me. Any such exotic wrapping would, in a sense, help — especially when compared to my everyday appearance and delivery; compared to the way I simply know what I know. Can you see that it would be more digestible to people if I said, “Well, okay, I have found a particular mushroom. I ingest it every now and then and get in touch with unknown spirits. I admit it, I have to use them but I do it for your benefit and mine. There’s nothing wrong with it — you use whatever you can.” That would be easier for people than, “Here it is and here it is.” My just knowing what I know creates a problem for people. They’re not accustomed to it; they don’t expect it.
Even though they may feel as if they received something of profit from listening to me — they still wait for an explanation. They want to hear that I have visions or whatever. Anything so they can explain it away. At the ordinary level (extraordinary information continually seeps out piecemeal) such concentrations of growth have always been couched in, “The gods told me this. I have visions, dreams. I eat mushrooms.” Note that this method of presentation — that something “causes” the information — is all you’ve heard of, the only thing you’ve ever read about. It is what your system was already constructed to listen to. But if someone just presented it on the basis of “here it is”, without claiming a source, ordinary consciousness responds with, “Well, where did they get it? What’s going on here? Where is the beginning of this?” You should be able to feel it in yourself: Line level demands an explanation.
Now I want to comment on something specifically that you can stop the ordinary circuitry from doing. And I’ll use the example of sex, since sex is so strong, but what I’m referring to is not limited to sex. It is in everything you do. After you finish having sex, ordinary consciousness will run a kind of imaginary replaying of it. The “event” is about to be fitted and filed into your ordinary circuitry and memory. You can and must develop the ability to interfere with this process. It’s a matter of not letting experience become your ordinary repertoire of the mechanical movement of things. You will still remember experiences, without limiting it by internal words and pictures. This is very similar to not talking to yourself, not telling yourself what you are doing. Do not let the pictures of what happened get burnt onto the screen of consciousness. It has nothing to do with morality. It is simply that you must interfere with the ordinary mechanical functioning of consciousness. You become aware that the circuitry is about to begin to replay what happened. And if you can catch it, you see that whatever happened is about to become a part of your more or less permanent memory. If you allow it to run its natural course then later you can think of sex (or actually be having sex), and these voices and pictures return. This limits you to the same peephole of consciousness and experience. So that now you’re not just having sex with someone, you’re partially reliving this memory. I repeat, this is not just with sex. Whatever you do you are always partially redoing. There’s nothing wrong with it, if you like that sort of thing. If you like being bored, confused and frustrated. If you like being ordinary.