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Jan’s Daily Fresh Real News (to accompany this talk)
A DAILY TROPICAL ADVENTURE,
TAKEN IN A LANGUAGE UNKNOWN TO THE NATIVES
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April 16, 2003 ©2003: JAN COX
At The International Strictly Human Conference a spokesman read this statement: “The mouth is man’s most important organ:
food goes in — words come out.”
“Aren’t you the man who shot his lunch yesterday?”
“It tried to get away.”
Another incident in: The Story Of Mental Nutrition.
Only after you have a dependable food supply can life become a drag. Neat, huh?
“I’d say: just plain weird.”
Those who claim psychic-abilities have crapped their pants,
and are unwittingly trying to explain it away.
Those who like to say: “Help is on the way,” are the ones who eventually become soothsayers and psychics.
One man (advanced in years) one day said to himself: “As much as I tend to relish it,
I also sort of dislike the feeling I have of having become more awake, the older I get — ‘cause the feeling can be attributed solely TO aging.”
(And under his breath muttered: “At least I’m awake enough to realize that….
….for all the friggin’ good it does me.”
Cars DO give less trouble when they cease to run at all.
The man who wants to awaken is a duck sick of quacking.
There is body consciousness & mental consciousness;
ordinary men love to gush over, the-exhilaration-of-physical-challenges,
but none ever do about mental ones,
“Paw, is that because they don’t…” — “Yes.”
Performance is the game of the body — pleasure, of consciousness.
A man who knows what is going on with life doesn’t editorialize –
that requires a man whose mental grasp of life does not extend beyond
that of humanity’s collective consciousness (The Great Conversation).
The only thing that works with ordinary humans is scare tactics;
and there are none regarding your state of consciousness.
It’s simple enough: if there’s a group who you want to be popular with —
talk like they do.
One man to himself mused: “it’s better to be quiet and alive, than dead and popular.”
One man says that he turned off the bell on his phone the same way he stopped
his mind from conversing with other people in his head.
Everyone’s popular when they’re dead (at least for a few hours).
One man says: “There are two ways of approaching it: either shoot your shadow,
or go ahead and start talking to yourself out loud and be done with it.”
When alone, every time he’d loudly fart, one man would say:
“So — I can put you down as a definite maybe — right?!”
One man would have great ideas when he was drunk or stoned,
but the only good one he’d have when straight was:
“I once had a great idea when I was stoned.”
Even monsoons have their day — when everyone is sick of the drought.
One man keeps ideas stored up for a rainy day;
another man constantly is stirring up his own rainy days.
(Then there’s another guy over in Cuddleup Country who raises racing worms.)
Question: what is the difference between seriousness and death?
……………………….”Well, are you going to give us the answer or not?”
Thinking is consciousness continually interrupting its own operation
for the purpose of talking TO itself ABOUT itself.
One man says he believes that his thinking has been: “Taken over by the F. B. I. –
or SOMEBODY! — I know I’M not responsible for what’s happened to it!”
One man nicknamed the ordinary workings of his mind: blunt-force-trauma.
One man says he finds his attitude toward the rest of humanity
not unlike that of his toward television commercials,
that while inefficacious and annoying to him, he still hopes that their sponsors,
and all of humanity’s economy prospers (for his own sake);
all he secretly desires is to be personally spared them.
Not bad, huh?! — pretty slick, no?!
“Ahh,” moaned one man, “Mine is the common plight:
stuck in a meaningless relationship.”
“But you’re a hermit?!?”
and the hermit beamed like a cat who had just taught a rat to catch rats.
Although argumentum ad hominem has a bad rep,
in discussions concerning intangible matters, it is the only one feasible:
what is there to rationally attack about Humpty Dumpty’s politics?! —
the best you can do is call him fatty.
Those with the charge to redeem-humanity have little teeny dicks
and understanding to match.
A son asked a father: “Is all the stuff you write about intended to inform people,
or just entertain and encourage them?”
“The primary purpose is to get them to buy one of the condo time-share plans,”
and the magfliferous metaphystical maestro proclaims:
“If you’re not augmented — you’re diminished.”
Those who say that life is not a game are just upset they never learned to play.