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1875 97055 06/04/97 Copyright J. M. Cox 1997
If you seek anything
that you can’t touch
you’re simply chasing a name.
…(Hey, if there were any exceptions to this
I’d a’said so!)
– – –
“Daddy, when I grow up can I be an exception?”
“No, son, but you can be a silent sweet potato.”
“But they’re not exceptions, they’re extremely plain.”
“Yes, but they’re silent, and they’re sweet.”
“Oh! — okay, Daddy, I get what you mean.”
“That’s good, son.” “Now run along and pretend to grow up.”
“Thank you, Daddy.”
* * *
One man studied himself spiritually —
then studied himself psychologically —
then studied himself sociologically —
then studied himself physiologically — then finally decided that he’d
either studied himself completely out, or that there’d never been anything
there to study in the first place.
(This being based on the fact that all his studying of himself never
produced any useful results.)
It’s one thing to be lost and confused, and one thing times ten thousand to
make yourself even lost-er and confused-er by trying to change the situation
while having no correct understanding of what the situation really is.
They are lost and confused who think themselves lost and confused.
…Don’t ever say that the spot in the forest in which you circle is sans
They remain lost and confused who think themselves lost and confused —
There is something in your brain that talks to you, and something in your
brain that makes you move.
There’re also some other things in your brain that do some other stuff that
people normally take no account of.
One man had a pen of wild dogs, and among the dogs was a wizard lotion…
which he never noticed was there.
…”No loss known, no loss experienced, I always say,” said a man on your
“That’s the trouble with life,” added another man, “someone else is always
speaking for you,” as he grimacingly rolled his eyes upward in his head,
as though indicating that he was referring to his own head.
One man kept looking under the bed for the secret…which in itself is not
so bad, but he kept looking under the same one over and over.
One man’s personal theme song was “I Don’t Know Why I Love Me Like I Do,
Especially Since I Don’t Actually Love Me.”
Someone asked a reputed mystic, “Is it possible that you could be wrong in
your understanding, and actually be a fool?”
And he replied, “I have before asked myself that same question, and at first
was inclined to say that it was possible, but I now see it differently.”
“No, it is not possible that I am wrong in what I know, and no, I am not a
fool, but what is possible along these lines is that, relative to what may
be ultimately possible, I may not be as far along as I believe.”
…And we should note that any mystic worthy of the name will have such
conversations as this with himself when needed.
– – –
One guy’s private theme song was “I don’t care if the sun don’t shine, just
as long as the sun still shines…”
* * *
The crowd shouted, “We want justice! — we want justice!”
And one man among them said, “I’d rather have understanding.”
So the crowd began to shout, “We want understanding! — we want
And then the man was forced to think, “Then I want understanding different
from the crowd’s.”
A man and a crowd — the brain and neurons — a mind and thoughts — things
as they are — things as they could be.
If you’re simply alive, you have physical fun, but if you’re more than just
“physically alive” there’re probably additional pleasures possible.
Standing away from the crowd, over by some trees, one man took it all in,
while saying to himself, “Sometimes I think I’m on the verge of exploding.”
“Then I seem to resist, and the feeling passes. What’s going on? …I know
that what I just said would appear to be self-explanatory on one level, yet
I’m sure I still do not fully realize what is really going on.” (Over by
Here’s something that went through one man’s head:
“You can either eat or defecate;
you can either sleep or get up;
you can either be cold or hot;
and you can either read what someone else has thought or think of something
“Hmmm,” he continued, “I wonder what the connection is?…”
Oh, by the way, the correct response to his pondering is available only to
those who understand that suicide cannot be accomplished by aiming your gun
at someone else.
…Oh, yeah, this too: If you ever realize the validity of that, then you’ve
got to reverse it and discover its equal veracity.
(No rest for the weary, huh? “Hey, if I wanted to be weary, I’d rest!”
…Is this why the gods — and lamps — have no eyelids?…)
The reason men are not more conscious is that they keep shifting what they
own from one hand to the other.
Oh yeah, and this too: Anything that claims to definitely tell you why man
is this way or that is definitive bullshit.
Question: Have you ever noticed that thoughts are more fun if you pay
attention to them?
(Sorry — guess that was a pretty childish question for the intellectual
likes of you people. Sorry.)
Business grew brisk for a nontraditional florist who produced artificial
funeral flowers, as the awareness of artificial death expanded among the
Note: There are two difference types of artificial death. The type
unknowingly and mechanically experienced by the ordinary, and the type that
is exactly the opposite of all that, that is struggled for by the few.
There was a man whose home was thoroughly infected by vermin, but when he’d
try to rid himself of the infestation, he’d never succeed in doing more than
driving them from one part of the structure to another, where they’d wait
for a bit and then return to their original site.
After many such futile attempts, the man finally stopped his efforts and
turned his energy to trying to understand how he’d so misjudged the
situation…it being his home…right where he lived and all.
Motto: It’s hell to be a fool and there’s no one there but you. Motto.
Through one man’s mind ran this wonder:
“Do I run off of thoughts, or off of physical instincts?”
…All who think should eventually ask themselves such.
As told by a certain legend, there was once a mystical school which would
ultimately test each of the participants therein by having a person unknown
to them come to them and say that they represented another mystical
organization which had been carefully keeping an eye on them, and due to
their extreme promise and progress wanted to reveal to them that the people
with whom they had been studying, no matter how well-intended, simply did
not have the full story-of and experience-in The True Awakening, and that
they (the other organization) did, (which is why they were able to realize
the shortcomings) and that the time was now right for the person to leave
the lesser teaching and come to the place of real enlightenment.
The product of the test being that those who left revealed that they had
never come to understand the nature of knowledge, or to recognize through
themselves the nature of the knower.
Only those without any understanding of the human mind are impressed with
any other human.
(The follow up, P.S., corollary, punch line, codicil, to this story is, “I
don’t know what else to tell you.”)
Life On Board
Attention: There are no lifeboats.
Attention #2: There is no ocean separate from the ship we’re on.
Thank you for your attention — now you may go back to your dinner.
Looking up at the cool, calm dirt, one man thought, “I may be dead, but at
least now I’m at peace.”
…Several people contacted the show before we went on the air this evening
to ask why we put this item on, and it seems to me that we’ve been doing this
long enough now that you people would realize that we treat the news
seriously, and do not “put items on” or make fun of them in any other
No, my friends, but if you wanna look at this in a way that could be useful,
just consider how often the news puts YOU on!
As he stood before the oracle’s cubicle awaiting a supernatural message,
one man nervously shifted from foot to foot until the voice of the great
one said to him, “Be still!”
And the man replied, “I have to go to the bathroom.”
And the oracle said, “Well go to the bathroom then!”
And the man said, “It won’t help.”
According to legend, this event did not actually happen, but rather is a
story told as a test to see how much you understand about — well, you know
— this and that.
Insofar as how some people find the automatic flow of their thoughts
troublesome, here’s one way to deal with it: Don’t pay any attention to
…(The crucial word here is “any.”)
And after he thought about it, a viewer wrote to say “thanks for nuthin’!”
And certainly a big ole Texas “you’re more than welcome!” in return.
“I wanna be free! I wanna be free!”
Everybody wants to be free, but nobody knows from what, and those who say
they do, mislead the rest.
“Maybe,” says one guy, “but I still wanna be free.”
One man, given to mortal musing, so pondered, “What if death is the ONLY
liberation? — bet that’d change a lotta mystics’ tunes.”
Those who believe that “it’s always something!” always have something to
In the verbal world, full men never know that the happiest are those who
Whenever one man would be told “don’t call me, I’ll call you,” he’d think,
“Hell! — you don’t call me and I won’t call me either.”
According to legend, one of the gods taught his dog to answer the phone and
identify himself by saying “either.”
Question: How can you be absolutely certain that when you awaken in the
morning from your dreams you’re not simply in yet another
Answer: (drum roll please)…aw, why waste our time? — you know the correct
response to that one.
Another of the part-time divine ones trained his parakeet so that whenever
someone would knock on his front door the bird would call out, “Who’s
there?” “Are you certain? Absolutely certain? And if not are you in any
way related to Mr. Certain?”
Instinct is spontaneous —
to say that thought is not
takes too long to say to be relevant. …(Wouldn’t you say?)
Only those ignorant on a subject debate whether it exists or not.
A chap moans, “If someone says to me, ‘Sad but true,’ just one more time,
I’m gonna turn plaid and move to Minneapolis!”
The Ultimate Equation Regarding Human Problems
No thoughts — no problems.
* * *
For the best possible descriptions of the mind,
listen to the religious describe God.
When you hear a mystic say that there is no such thing as “The Truth,” he
doesn’t mean that there’s actually no such thing, but rather that there’s
no such thing as the truth that one man can convey to another.
If you really want to know what the truth is, the only place to look is to
There was once a writer who attempted to make everything he wrote make
sense — he eventually became more conscious and abandoned this folly.
The End Of Turmoil And Conflict
There is no peace without enlightenment —
and no enlightenment where thought prevails.
The sounds of warfare men hear in life come not from life but from
Legend says the first mystical school was named “Interested,” and its
immediate successor, “Extremely Interested!” and the one after that, named
“Anxious.” And the one following that, “Anxious Beyond Belief,” and the
next one, called “So Antsy I Can Hardly Stand It.” And the version destined
to come after that one simply exploded before conception and disappeared
from the memories of men…that is, from those men who awakened.
Thought’s use is to help you understand thought — after that, it’s useless.
A man asked a mystic, “Is there a trick to doing this?”
“Yes,” answered the mystic.
“What is it?” asked the man.
“That’s it,” replied the mystic.