title tbd
Audio = Stream from the bar; download from the dots
05/07/1997
Summary = TBD
Condensed News Items = See below
News Item Gallery = jcap 97046 -1851
Transcript = None
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The News
1851 97046 05/07/97 Copyright J. M. Cox 1997
97046-1
One man went hunting for a mythical creature, but it being mythical, he
never found it.
…Now I want to make it clear; he went seriously looking for it. Just
because it was mythical didn’t stop him from literally searching for it.
He went looking for it, and he was serious, and when he didn’t find it he
was serious about that too.
He was upset, disappointed, and discouraged over not finding a mythical
creature, and I mean he was seriously upset, disappointed, and discouraged.
(And don’t ask me — I promised not to give out his name.)
And now this program reminder:
I’m still (as always) talking about the mind and your belief in a “you.”
And now on to the weather forecast and other more unbelievable stuff.
97046-2
A stranger in the stranger business noted, “In the sense as applicable here,
you have no energy unless it is concentrated and focused.”
What a business, a business whose slogan is “Business Is Our Only Progress.”
97046-3
Brief Course Reviews
Public Speaking 101:
If people are conscious only by their thoughts, you can talk to them and
make them feel either good or bad.
Public Speaking 201:
If people can get past being conscious only by their thoughts, and they will
still listen to you, you can still run ’em around in mad-dog circles.
Public Speaking 301:
If people can stop being conscious only by their thoughts, and also quit
paying any attention to other people, then you’d best pick another subject
to major in.
“Daddy, is he still talking about the mind, no matter what it sounds like?”
“That’s what he claims, son.”
“Is there some way to be sure?”
“Probably so, but I figure if you could tell that right off you wouldn’t be
concerned with it anyhow.”
“Hmm…you know, that makes sense to me.”
“It does?…”
Be a Big Brother, or at least a father or son to yourself.
97046-4
One stranger taught a travel course which directed those interested to a
split in the road that most believed was headed toward great change and new
understanding, at which point you could attempt to achieve same either by
sticking yourself in the eye, or by running at yourself with your eye, as
forcefully as possible.
In either case, you’re protected (according to the stranger’s brochure) in
that you’ll then be in a jurisdiction wherein suicide by one Siamese twin
is not in fact considered to be the actual death of another.
97046-5
When he was a child his mother pinned a name tag on him that said, “I am
Johnny.” Then when he was older his community affixed a note to him that
declared, “You are responsible.” Then after he began to study himself from
a certain view he pinned a note on himself that read, “I am an idiot but
trying to do better.” And after more time passed he changed the tag on him
to state simply, “I am an idiot.” Then after many years had gone by, the
next time he was seen he was wearing a note pinned to him which read, “I am
Johnny.”
Bullets aren’t the only things that go in a straight line, and their
trajectory is more illusion than fact, if you take into account the
curvature of the human mind, and the immeasurable, which it attempts to
track.
A stranger came to town presenting himself as a blues singing duo, whose
featured number was “I’m Going Away To Leave You — No I’m Not,” which never
failed to leave audiences breathless and beside themselves.
97046-6
Tonight’s Big But
One man could be here yesterday,
he could be tomorrow, BUT…
* * *
97046-7
When he was grown and the time came for him to be refitted for perceptive
devices, a father told his son, “You can either look through here, or look
through there.”
Due to things being as they are, most people never see what’s right in front
of them.
97046-8
When he rotated his tires, this is what he found written on the brake drums.
“A man stuffed with ideas of others is too full to think.”
97046-9
One man presents this inquiry: “If what we are and our interest in what we
are are not one and the same, then tell me — just tell me! — what sense
can you make of any of it?”
97046-10
And now from our department of
“If You Know What I Mean It’s Not Really That Extreme”:
If anything means enough to you to such an extent that it means something to
you, it means too much to you.
* * *
97046-11
A Quick Survey Of The Numbers System
One: Hear the radio.
Two: Become familiar with all its programs.
Three: Try and become selective in your listening.
Four: Failing that, attempt to turn it off.
Five: Failing that also, try to at least turn it down.
Six: Failing that too, return to step four and turn the damn thing off.
Weak people say it’s not possible, and for a long time so do the strong, but
the numbers system doesn’t lie…unless you listen to it.
* * *
97046-12
One man was twice as smart as he really was, but only when he was not at
home twice as much as he should have been.
(And only those at home the proper amount of time will understand this.)
And one chap pondered, “If metaphors are medicine for a sickness, what do
you get when you get well?”
(GOD! — what a loaded and potentially dazzling question, and even though
he doesn’t realize it I’m still almost tempted to answer ‘im!)
97046-13
A man once went to study with a great teacher, and at first received
instructions twenty-four hours a day…then twenty…then fifteen…then
ten…then five…then one, and finally the man had to ask his mind if it
was in fact ever going to talk to him again.
(Yeah, don’t you wish.
— Indeed I do.)
And a stranger came to town, dressed as a country singer, whose featured
song was “Don’t Come Home A’Thinkin’ With Thinkin’ On Your Mind.”
Which never failed to leave audiences slightly bewildered, but even worse,
delighted.
(Must be in fairyland…or else in the head of another stranger.)
97046-14
One man asked himself, “What, in the human experience, is similar to glue?
— ah, thoughts!”
And his thoughts said, “Feelings, too.”
But the man recognized that he was correct in his original single selection.
(“Drat,” muttered thoughts, sub rosa.)
97046-15
Question:
If you don’t let flies light on you, is that not the same as having no
flies?”
(Yes, we’re still talking about the mind, as always.)
97046-16
One man took up boxing, and quickly went from sparring with actual opponents
to simply shadowboxing with himself. And soon he could beat up on himself
quite smartly, but eventually realized an unexpected fact: no matter how
savagely he attacked himself, and no matter how decisively he appeared to
win — at the moment — no victory was ever complete and final as was
possible in matches against other people.
“Daddy, I know this sounds like sports news, but is he–“
“Yes, son, still talking about men’s thought-based sensation of themselves.”
One man so pondered, “Is it worse to be drunk and act like a drunk, or be
sober and still act like a drunk?”
“Daddy, is he–“
“Yep, you know it.”
97046-17
Although no superhero he, this one man could still be here one second and
gone the next.
97046-18
A man asked a stranger, “Is the inner problem with which I seem to be
struggling really the mind?”
“We can be more precise,” replied the stranger, “and say that it is the
verbal, conscious mind.”
And at a future date the man did indeed feel, from this, more precise.
There are streams and rivers, and underground streams and rivers;
there are streams and rivers, and there are evaporation, clouds, and
rainfall;
there are also (you might note) salt, pepper, ketchup, and mustard, and also
a little of this, and a little of that.
What more can you ask for?
97046-19
One guy says,
“Both sides of my brain
need their own name.”
So he calls the two Big-Time Jiver and Small-Time Conniver.
97046-20
And now this item from our Redundant Tip Department:
If you think that you want to travel to a certain place but can’t seem to
find the energy to actually undertake the trip, get a brochure about the
place, and every time you feel the urge to go, just pick it up and begin
reading.
(And this is especially effective in handling guilt you may feel in not
attempting the journey.
…[Well, hey! I admitted up front that the info was gonna be
superfluous.])
“Daddy, I thought the man said he would be talking about nothing but the
mind and man’s thinking of himself.”
“Well, son, I don’t see him lying yet. Maybe you’re listening with the
incorrect ears.”
“Yeah-h-h-h, I guess you caught me again hearing with the wrong mics,
looking through the wrong lenses.”
97046-21
To comprehend the nature of the mind you can start by considering this:
Mind’s not in here,
mind’s not out there,
mind, Dear Beatrice,
is everywhere.
(“Does this hold true
even if my name is Grumwalt?”)
– – –
One man asked everyone he met the same question,
“How do you recognize yourself? —
how do you know that it’s you?
* * *
97046-22
“Ignorin’, yes sir!” said a mystic. “Ignorin’s a lot of what a person’s
gotta do in this line of work.”
97046-23
One man stayed home alone. Well, we can be more exact than that: one man
tried to stay home alone.
What more can you ask for?
“What more? What more? I’ll tell you what more you can ask for. Success,
dammit! Or in the alternative a realization that the attempt as perceived
is futile in that it is already an un-otherwise fait accompli.
When you die you do not go to heaven or hell, but rather to a stripping
facility whereat you are finally relieved of that distorting coat of
shellac.
“Daddy, is that really true?”
“No.”
“Are you sure?”
“No, but even if it is, of what use is it?”
97046-24
The head of the crematorium delivered this exposition, “There is no
afterlife if you’re still talking to yourself.”
…The lilies and tulips surrounding the place knew this in advance.
97046-25
Off went one man on a grand adventure in search of a miraculous treasure,
but what he didn’t know was that part of the treasure’s nature was to cause
men to believe that they had discovered it only when they were pleased with
what they had discovered. But this was not in fact the true, complete
treasure.
“So, I guess it’s back to square one,” said the man.
No, not quite that; not quite any one thing, in fact.
This treasure was the model for Medusa.
To believe that “half a loaf is better than none” is to identify oneself as
a half-wit.
97046-26
Sight: Fully Covered
You can see with your hands,
you can see with your eyes,
and you can see with your mind,
but that’s not the limit of it.
97046-27
One man stopped and said, “Okay, I’ve gotta think about this.” “If what’s
outside me is the same as what’s in me, then…”
97046-28
After some years of trial and error and I’m-not-too-sure, one man’s present
approach he describes as “pulling yourself together…no, I mean for real!”
The phone rang,
the man answered it,
a voice asked, “Are you alone?”
The man replied, “Hey-y-y, is this life makin’ one of those prank calls?”
97046-29
The latest phrase to achieve Most-Favored Status in one man’s mind is “It’s
highly likely, or at least quite possible.”
(But he adds, “Notwithstanding that you still should never paint the insides
of your thighs orange.”)
97046-29(B)
There is nothing noteworthy in being (as civilians call it) a liar, once you
realize that the misstatement-of-how-things-are is a natural function of
speech.
“Gentlemen, open your mouths and let the race begin.”
97046-30
On one planet the talking creatures had tales about the forefathers having
swallowed another creature; only those creatures who felt they had done so
believed the stories.
“Daddy, is that what you call justice?”
“With a capital ‘Just,’ my boy, and an I, C, E.”
97046-31,32
Another way to describe the distinction between the many and the few is that
the few don’t cling to themselves.
(Maybe it’s the static — and maybe it’s not.)
In the land of the mind, it’s only the dead who never object.
“Daddy, when I grow up can I be dead?”
“If you live right, you can.”
“Daddy,”
“Yes, what is it now?”
“I suppose that means I should live somewhere other than in the mind.”
“Hmmmpf.”
97046-33
How Things Are On One World:
You can step on a tack and “holler,” or you can step on a tack and write a
poem about it, or you can step on a tack and derive some allegorical moral
from it, or (if you really wise up) start avoiding the tack.
“Daddy?”
“Yes, son.”
“How come the FCC allows him to claim he’s gonna talk only about the mind
and men’s thoughtful conception of themselves, and then he goes right ahead
and discusses feet?”
“Son?”
“Yes, father.”
“Shut the hell up.”
97046-34
High up in some mountains (not close to anything) was once a monastery-
looking place which the locals knew by the name of “Nothing Much Changes,
Do It?”