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News Item Gallery = jcap 97018 -1791
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1791 97018 02/26/97 Copyright J. M. Cox 1997
One man started off playing in the middle of a symphony orchestra (and not a
very good one at that), then through practice and effort he was able to move
out toward the edge, but even that wasn’t enough, so via persistent
dedication he eventually became its conductor.
…(It still wasn’t that much of an orchestra, but at least now he wasn’t
forced to listen to it in the same way as before.)
There was once a man who finally concluded that he knew much more
“metaphorically” than he did “in real life.”
…(This eventually created certain concerns AND energy in him that were
And then there was once a man who would tie his tongue to the tail of an
arrow…just before he’d shoot it.
A psychiatrist went to see a mystic and told him, “You’re crazy.”
And the mystic said, “Okay.”
And the psychiatrist said, “Don’t you want a second opinion?”
And the mystic said, “Okay — buy General Motors if it goes over 80 1/4.”
And a viewer writes, “I don’t know which is the bigger waste of time: you
making fun of psychiatrists, or of mystics.”
— Hey! You forgot everybody else.
“I’s afraid you’d say that,” said the viewer, “I’m hip to you constantly
trying to subtly be slippin’ in little bits about not being selective in
your thinking. You’re not fooling me with this.”
— I’s hopin he’d say that.
Well, either that or (better yet) nothing.
“Okay,” said the viewer, “there you go, at it again! Still attempting to
point our attention at a mental area in which nothing exists! …Either
that or it is an area itself that does not exist. But either way I’m wise
to you and you’re not foolin’ me whatsoever.”
Hmmm…well now I’m beginning to wonder if I can get a “second opinion.”
A possibility one man began to periodically ponder:
Does the struggle for liberation finally result in a permanent stilling
of thought — or lead to some extraordinary discovery regarding same?
One man swallowed a talking bird, species unknown, but I can tell you this,
it is an invisible bird.
One pending definition of a more conscious man is a ventriloquist who’s
lost his passion for the job.
The Ice-Cream Wars
One man defeated a mighty opposing army…only to discover that all 31
flavors had run together.
To a true warrior: Victory is victory no matter what you call it.
From a plain, straight-ahead view:
If “you” consist of nothing but your thoughts, then for all real intents and
purposes YOU don’t exist — your thoughts do.
A man thought: “Does peace come with enlightenment?”
…Does bread come with the soup?
A man knocked on life’s door and announced, “I have come regarding the
matter of “multiples.”
And a servant called back through a peephole, “Is that the multiple facets,
the multiple possibilities, or the multiple contusions?”
A man asked a mystic, “I have heard it said that an awakened man cannot lie
to you — is this true?”
“Yes, but not for the reasons you might imagine; an enlightened man cannot
lie to others, for to do so would require that he lie to himself — an act
he cannot permit.”
One man began to think of his thoughts as a washing machine — a public
One father told his son it was dangerous to swallow sharp rocks, then later
revised his view to say that it was dangerous to swallow dirty rocks, then
later still told the lad that he’d decided it was just downright dangerous
to swallow ANY rocks.
And a much relieved lad thought, “Phew — well, it’s about time.”
…Don’t you think so too? — that it’s about time?
A studious chap asked a mystic, “Are not all religions basically the same?”
“Not only that,” he replied, “but also all political parties, economic
systems, schools of philosophy, literary styles, social theories, cultures,
civilizations, ice-cream flavors–“
And the man interrupted, “I say, but aren’t you carrying it on a bit too
“Well, you’re the one who brought it up,” said the mystic.
As Regards Meditation:
One man told his thoughts, “Hey! — meditate on this!”
– – –
To help add to and move the festivities along,
one man celebrated April Fool’s Day on March 31st.
* * *
When men hear the truth — before they understand the truth — they either
agree or disagree with it.
A man asked a mystic, “How can you know when you hear the truth?”
“How’s it possible not to?” he replied.
Okay already — As SERIOUSLY Regards Meditation:
If you can’t keep meditatin’ while you’re walkin’ around,
takin’ care of your everyday affairs,
then the times that you can meditate don’t mean nothin’.
– – –
There was this one guy who’d get irritable when he was hungry…
and he’d also get irritable when he’d overeaten. So he finally just
said, “Fuck it,” and went to back tryin’ to medicate — I mean
meditate — at certain times of the day.
– – –
All of men’s superspiritual heroes always die precisely at noon
…so that everyone can set their watch.
* * *
A man asked himself, “Is there a difference in being clever and being
But decided not to reply, lest his answer prove too clever…
or not clever enough.
People have got to be hurt before you can believe you should help them, and
you’ve (speaking nonphysically) got to be seriously injured yourself to
ever believe that others are hurt and need your help.
…(Life does allow the deaf to assist the blind, and the blind to help the
lame, and the lame to aid the dumb — just to help keep ’em all outta
Shifting tactics, the head of one mystical school instructed that whenever
he gave lectures regarding the awakening and their efforts toward that end,
that all of the monks should laugh at him and dismiss his words, saying to
themselves, “Hah! — that cannot be so.” (And try it from there for a
Affairs On One Strange Planet
The short creatures don’t give a damn for the tall ones, and think they’re
smart-ass know-it-alls, while the tall creatures think that the reason the
short ones are less advanced is because they’re not tall.
…(You know, affairs on all worlds where the creatures think are
– – –
A man asked a mystic, “Does ‘strange’ make the world go ’round?”
“From a mental view, yes,” he replied, “along with the lubrication of
* * *
Could it not be potentially dangerous to assume (with no investigation) that
the “you” in you that is interested in awakening and seeks to overcome or
banish the other “you’s” in you who are not interested is somehow more
“real” than they are?
Men who insist that words have objective meaning are the foundations of
After years of trying to overcome himself, one man began to awaken every
morning thinking, “I’ve been drugged!”
A man once went to a mystic and said, “Are you trying to secretly ‘tell me
To which the mystic replied, “You’re the one who brought it up.”
One man thought, “If it is just our mind that can be enlightened, then it
strikes me that we’re in deep, deep trouble.”
A man reminded himself, “One more conscious would not think of differences,
but would he also not feel any differences?…”
And upon reaching this point wandered off, pondering in what ways the two
are connected, and how such info might be put to practical use.
Whenever this one man wanted a laugh, he’d stroll up and down the shelves
at the library just reading the titles of books.
Since they see there is no inside or outside to life, why do men believe
that there is to them?
Going into his favorite hardware store (the self-proclaimed “Home of Ten
Thousand Gadgets”), he found them busily removing items that had proven
useless for completing a certain job.
…The place was damn-near empty!
One man developed this rule in talking to the extraordinary, “Never tell a
mystic that you don’t know what he means, lest he tell you that he doesn’t
All great kingdoms eventually fall because of their lookouts turning their
“It is the implosion that is to be guarded against,” cautioned the king.
Mystical travel agencies were set up for those too tired to go anywhere,
yet too stupid to stay home.
* * *
The ONLY reason that words make sense
words and events are in accord.
* * *
Things don’t happen that you don’t like,
things happen in your mind that you don’t like;
people don’t mistreat you,
people in your mind mistreat you;
you’re not asleep and in captivity — you’re just in your mind.
– – –
One man named his life “In Here and Out There,” then turned himself inside
out and pretended to be a Mobius strip.
* * *
A man asked a mystic, “How do you know that you’re awake?”
“Your eyes are open,” he replied.
“Naw,” said the man, “I’m serious. Okay, how can you tell that you’re
“It’s not dark where you are,” the mystic replied.
“Ah, come on,” whined the man. “All right, how do you know when you’re
“You can go anywhere you want to,” replied the mystic.
And the man gave up — either frustrated (I assume), or enlightened
A’Talkin’ and A’Doin’
You can talk plainly, or you can talk vaguely,
but you can only DO plainly.
* * *