Jan Cox Talk 1234

Plagiarized Thought Is Your Thought

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The News

In life — a man with “bad ideas” is the same as a man with,
“good ideas” — just on a different day.

***

And now — “Some News”: It is not as easy as you might
think to report on actual “good news.” And so much for this
news.

***

The speaker said to the group: “The mind is a finely tuned
and engineered machine that can run with almost no attention or
upkeep.” He brushed some life from his eye, looked off into the
distance and added, “I trust that a few of you do not hear this
as a complimentary observation.

***

The Way City Justice Works
A bag piper gives thanks when seeing an accordionist trip,
who himself stumbled while laughing at the death of a banker, who
died trying to collect a loan from an insurance salesman who had
borrowed the money to buy bag pipes. And a viewer responds:
“You call that, ‘justice’!?”

***

Conversation In C: Hershel Listing, Without Nuts:
“The brain too needs food.” “You mean like education, new
ideas, and other intellectual stimulation!?” “No, like hot dogs,
and hamburgers, and like that.” Tune in next time when Mozart
and Goethe get in an argument over who has the silliest name,
and upon realizing they have the same one, damn near come to
blows over whose is spelled the funniest. …(And what is really
the most humorous is that in this announcement the word “spelled”
is misspelled, and can you believe it!? Captain Irony is no
where in sight! …Hmm …you think this might be a positive
sign for mankind or what!?

***

One man who was interested in exploring the transcendental
opportunities of life said that his attitude toward the
systematized efforts in this area was that if you’re sailing off
into unknown oceans with little possibility of ever returning —
why NOT, “rent your boat”!? And that speaker flicked away a bit
of existence from the other eye, and added: “I trust that a few
of you heard this with the proper realization that starboard is
still on the right, and port, otherwise.”

***

In a sense — there is no connection between what you think
— and consciousness — and yet — you can’t get away from the
fact that there is.

***

More Definitions:
An Ordinary Man: Someone too serious.
An Ordinary Mystic: Someone way-y too serious.
Tune in next time when John Milton and John Q. Public get in
a row over which one of them is which.

***

And from our viewing audience come this question to Dr.
Obvious: “Dear Dr. Obvious: Is the mind tied directly to life?
Or better put, perhaps: Is each person’s individual mind
connected directly to the overall, impersonal operations of life
itself? I look forward to hearing your reply, and trust that my
question was not to-o obvious. (Smile.) Sincerely Yours,” etc.

***

After having one of those frustrating, civilized days, one
man looked down into his pants and mused: “Well, at least my sex
organs won’t turn on me.” And his ole pecker thought: “Right!
Just be happy I can’t talk too!” Moral: Hey, life may be unfair
— but it’s not unfair to itself. Hey!

***

Voices From Contemporary Life
“Only the dumb call others dumb.”
“Hey! You dumb!”
And a viewer inquires: “What’s so contemporary about
that!?”
Stupid is as stupid does,
Its reflection, stupid loves.

***

And now: Philosophy Revisited: Little Voices Coming From A
Condom:
“Help! Let me out of here!”
“How did you get in there?”
“Help me! Get me out of here! I might become a human!
Help-p!”

***

One father told his son and a

***

One man began to have so much fun, looking out the window,
on the trip, that he thought: “I believe I’ll just get off the
next time the bus stops.” And the bus immediately decided it’d
quit stopping. Moral: Hey, buses may not be your friend — but
at least they’re theirs. Hey.

***

From an uncopyrighted, origins-unknown, sports dictionary
found by the side of the road, comes this entry: Mystic: A guy
who won’t “play right.”

***

“Today’s lesson,” said the professor, “is that size and
strength correlates to verbosity – twaddle, rattle & jabber; such
as the fact that worms are noisier than elephants.” And a
student spoke up: “But worms do not make sound.” And the
professor replied: “Oh — do shut up, won’t you.” “And that —
is today’s lesson,” said the professor …(as quickly as
possible).

***

Useful Tip For City Success
If you don’t know what you’re talking about — assume a
title; if you don’t know what you’re doing — assume power. Thus
does equity continue to prevail in that we have both pea-brain
theorists, and pea-brain activists — always available — always,
“on call.”

***

Whenever questioned about his possible “afterlife,” and his
present, “spiritual condition,” one man would always reply: “Put
me down for 2 dozen, glazed.” Moral: Life loves a cheerful
giver! As long as he doesn’t throw up on life’s good shoes.

***

…Related humorous anecdote: Those who don’t know life
tend to talk of god.

***

And another letter tonight in to Dr. Obvious: “Dear Dr.:
If education doesn’t count for anything, then does stupidity
amount to much? Awaiting your enlightened reply, I remain,
Yours Most Graciously,” etc.

***

“A crazy man doesn’t need drugs!” “Well, say professor —
how about an uncivilized one!?” “Oh — do shut up, won’t you
son!”

***
One man’s hardwood writing desk would slightly warp on days
when he had exceptionally good ideas, and seeing this, his mind
finally told him: “Don’t let this give you any other fancy ideas
about anything other than furniture!”

***

In the modern city jungle, the naturally simple find life to
be too complex, while the more complex find it to be too simple,
…(while the more alert try to find their way out!)

***

One day two chess sets were just sitting around and one said
to the other: “Wanna play a game of man?”
And the other replied: “Isn’t that taking the notion of
‘metaphor’ a bit far!?”
To which the first one responded: “Touche!”
And the second one said: “Now that’s a whole other sport,
Sport.” And they both had a most hearty laugh! …At whose
expense — I’m not sure we should ask.

***

Right after another one of his “bumping-into-life”
confrontations, one man thought: “If inanimate objects did have
any intelligence they’d stay inanimate.”

***

The distinction between exceptional and ordinary people is
that the ordinary don’t know what they are.

…..Lucky is as lucky does. …(does not, does not, does not.)

***

Definition: Media News: Paying to hear someone whine.

***

The stupid take no prisoners! …Who’d want ’em!?

…..And an alert viewer says: “Even I’m not dumb enough to say
that I don’t get that one!”

…..”Well I say, Brother Dante, perhaps — if you hold your
head ‘just-t-t right,’ things may be ‘looking up.'”

…..”Say, big stupid, are you glad to see me, or is that a gun
to your head!?”

…..And that previously noted viewer says: “I’m not so alert
any more.”
***

Take Your Choice: A man’s mind is like a belt between two
wheels of “life out there,” and his “personality in here”; or: A
man’s personality is like a belt between the world out there, and
his mind in here; or: some other permutation of the three — or
maybe of some others. Reflection: Too seldom, (don’t you
think), do men pause and give adequate thanks for simply, “being
human,” and, “being alive,” so as to be able to make such
meaningful mental choices. And the commemorative, all-earth,
all-star Chorale Of The Intellectuals, arose, and in their clear,
lusty voices, proudly sang out for the universe to hear: “Yes,
yes — we all have graduate degrees from quite well known
universities.” Take your choice: End of Part 1.

***

Recently, Dr. Obvious made one of his infrequent public
appearances on which occasion he said: “The world is run by
dichotomies.” And someone in the audience shouted out: “No it’s
not.” And, (as you might suspect), the Dr. responded: “I rest
my case.”

***

Definition: Thought: Potential “jump start” to real
consciousness.
And some viewers said: “‘Jump start,’ my ass!” while some
others said: “‘Thought,’ my ass!” And still others thought:
“‘Consciousness!? …consciousness!? Did he really say,
‘consciousness’!?”
Definitions are,
As they seem,
Not too sweet,
Not too mean,
But — just-t right!

***

The Mythical, Spiritual Past Of Man
Stripped Bare For Your Inspection
If you believe you’re cursed — you are cursed. AKA: The
simple can’t believe that life is actually “that simple,” while
the more sophisticated pray-y that it is not.

***
A certain city school teacher gave his little charges this
sage travel advice: “If you try to intellectually visit a
foreign culture and mind set you’ll discover that Montezuma can
take his revenge mentally as well.” Point Of Story: If life had
wanted people to think of ideas other than the ones they already
entertain, it would have given them the other ones in the first
place. “What ho, Sweet Harold! A point well made, I’d say!”

***
Another sort-of, “Father-&-son” type of tip — (Maybe I
should add: “regarding the normal, civilized life of the
intellect”): If you’re busy — you’ll stay busy.

***

The difference between a plumber and a psychiatrist is that
they both charge b y the hour, and one of them gets the job done.
“I say, ole bean — but you left out several glaring
professions.” But to compensate, I’ll read the announcement
regarding the new group meeting night for “Recovering
Recoverers.” “Well, I say, ole man — damn decent of you, what!”

…..Final Score: A man who can speak both for himself, and
another, can engage in speech that is either doubly dauntless, or
else twin twaddled. Final Final Standings: Thus does science
differ from …oh, say — non-science.

***

The Easy Cure
Only the stupid criticize.
How To Easily Cure Yourself
To be stupid all you have to do is to criticize.
How To Keep From Needing To Be Cured
Just the stupid accept criticism.
Easy Math
Stupidity=criticism — that’s the way life wants it, and
that’s the way life gets it! And those what don’t comprendo this
— are this.

***

…According to legend on this one world, the true secret
name of activity such as this is: “Just The Facts, Mam — Just
The Facts.”

***

There is a difference between being sincere, and being,
pointblank; the routinely civilized are the ones who’re
uncontrollably, and meaninglessly, “sincere.”

***

The Law Of The Civilized Jungle
A man’s mind is his home …unless he lives some where else.

***

There is a reality behind everything — even the grandest of
illusions.

***
If you’ve been a good boy or girl life on some planets will
allow you to either: Think about what it is you’re thinking
about — or, think about thinking itself.

***

As the Royal Philosopher lay on his death bed, (Which stood
just aft of th e hypothalamus), the king knelt beside him and
softly spoke: “My trusted friend, I have long suspected that
you knew much more about the nature of existence than you ever
told me; has not the time arrived for you to reveal to me
whatever deep secrets you possess?” And the dying sage nodded
his head slightly and replied: “Your Grace — a man from another
planet with a bacon and egg sandwich, is still from another
planet. …Plus, I never did think you were actually all that
graceful!”

***

A.M.: A Maxim ..(For Our Times …[It’s About time!]:
If you’re happy with life, life’ll be happy with you — and
even if you’re not — it still will be.

***

Professor Dorman’s: “Human Nature Simply Explained”:
We are what we eat; we are what we think; we are the sum
total of all that has happened to us; we are the product of all
that we remember; we’re all bozos. Thank you Professor.