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And Now Another Excursion Into That Game Show Portion Of Our
Program: “The Wheel Of Family Jeopardy”:
Question: Why only talk about things that normally interest
men? Question: Why talk about things that do not? Question:
Are you sure those are the only two possibilities!? Whoa-a-a! —
We’re rollin’ now! Grab a sexy letter-turner! Think of your own
question to match any answer available! And kick a relative in
their most private of privates. Whoa! — We’re a’rollin’ now!
The barely civilized wear clothes to prove it; the more
sophisticated, important opinions and attitudes.
In the window of a small shop in a large city, was a sign
with three variations of a similar, two word announcement, each
of which, in turn, had been marked through to make way for the
next: It read thusly: “Brain Cells” — then crossed out, and
replaced with: “Brains Sell” — which too was drawn through &
followed by: “Brains Sail.” After the censoring of that last
version, the sign was silent.
At a certain cross roads, a certain man paused and thought:
“If the true name of progress is ‘tomorrow’ and regret should
properly be called ‘yesterday’ then what should I make of a
possible connection between the concepts of ‘progress’ and
During a period of low scenic stimuli, the driver of the bus
said over his shoulder to the passengers: “Well, one thing the
dumb don’t have to do is ‘play dumb’.” And a man in an aisle
seat spoke up: “I don’t see the point.” And the driver
muttered: “I think you just gave yourself away.”
When ordinary people tell this one man that they don’t
like him, he says that he can understand, since he doesn’t
care for that part of him that ordinary people see.
The Only Health News A “Few” Might Need:
Forget sin! — Forget psychological traumas! — Forget guilt
& shame! — And forget the destruction of the environment! A
real man has but one cause for pain — an upset stomach.
…..One man said: “You think you’re so-o-o smart!” And
replied: “No I don’t!” And insisted: “Yes you do!” And again
replied: “No I don’t!” But still said: “Yes you do!” But
again replied: “I do not!”
Maturing In The City: The journey from childhood to
Progress Progresses On
(As Noted By Way Of Certain Unrestricted Definitions):
Religion: Tennis shoes for the mind. Psychiatry: Drugs
for tennis shoes.
…..Okay, a free-electron definition of “definition”:
Definition: The meaning of a word — just waiting to break out!
Hey!, wait a minute! — That’s not fair to be so plain & direct
when we aren’t expecting it! — Right, gang!? ** (Well, jeeze!
Let’s give them a moment to calm down. Hummm, hum, hum…Okay, I
think it’s safe now to make a new end run and try this one on):
Definition: Man: The real meaning of a man, just waiting to
Talk is the way many people let off steam; lots of people
are full of steam.
Trying to do this kinda stuff is like waking up every
morning, and being able to see without the aid — I mean,
interference of those binoculars with whirlwinds trapped inside.
Whispering to us from his secluded spot in the alley, the
man said: “I don’t need ‘the truth’! I don’t need a
‘transcendental experience’! I don’t need to be part of a cult
or secret group! — All I need is more drugs!” And I guess it’s
pretty obvious that he doesn’t realize that at city level,
they’re all one and the same-o.
And now to satisfy the many, many requests we’ve received
from our vast viewing audience, we will now simply, and
conclusively explain the full and comprehensive meaning of the
terms “fate” and “karma”: We are the sum consequences of life’s
Another awe inspiring example of the beautiful balance is
that you can’t be civilized without believing in something —
and, if you believe in something — anything! — then you’re
The World’s Best Security Fence, Burglar Alarm, And Form Of
Self-Protection (If You Could Remember It):
The mind can only fool other minds regarding things mental.
…And the extremely alert would take this as information
pertinent to the personal operations of just their own intellect.
…..”Hey babe,” says life, sucking on a lollipop as it sucker-
punches you, “who loves ya!?”
After some reflection on the matter, one man asked himself:
“Does it ultimately come down to either: Executions for all, or,
amnesty all around!?”
…..”Ooh, ooh, ooh!” cried the Wizard Of Odd, “I do so love it
here in the land of Either-Or! Ooh, ooh, ooh.”
…..The mind loveth a cheerful giver – just so long as he some
day doesn’t try to become a cheerful taker.
There are two main ways you can have fun in the general area
of trying to become more conscious: One way it to think about
it, and the other, is the other.
How Things Move From The Basement To The Penthouse,
From The Ditch To Academia,
From The Hoped-For To The Loss Of Memory:
Once men conceived of the theory of underwear, the idea for
synonyms and shifting-alliances was inevitable.
…..It is the body — the mere survival-level of existence —
that wishes things to never change — to forever “be as they are”
— and it is thusly that such men’s minds — that is, brains —
are struck with pictures of a god — no matter what they name him
— who is in truth, the verbal embodiment of habit; for as sun
sustains the forest, seas, the clouds, and wine, the uncertain,
so too does habit support physical reality whilst the otherwise
continue to seek “the otherwise.”
In his attempt to avoid detection and capture, one man says
that his thoughts are far too arresting for him to be around them
for too long.
Will All Passengers Please Check Their Schedules, If Not
If man did not have thoughts, he wouldn’t believe he was
“going anywhere”: If man did not have thoughts, he wouldn’t
believe that thinking won’t actually take him anywhere. Now —
sit down! Open your box lunch, and — shut up!
The Three Ultimate Forms Of Satisfaction
You can be satisfied physically, animalistically, as by a
full stomach; you can be satisfied mortally, as in the mental
dissatisfaction of being a human; and there is thirdly, the
unnatural satisfaction that sometimes comes upon a person trying
to effect this extraordinary shift in the totality of their own
One day, a certain non-routine lad inquired of his equally
unauthorized dad: “Which is more fun: Being more conscious or
struggling to be?” And the father replied: “I’d rather not
answer that just now.”
A Psychiatric Update
The difference between being normal and being nuts is that
in one instance the mind seems to be doing what it should be
How The Mind Ordinarily Progresses Even In Areas That Seem
First, some non-routine thinking person will internally,
discover his own new, neural territory; next, he will construct a
verbal map of the place — the likes of which has never before
been beheld by man; then, those who believe themselves interested
will try and move to the map. P.S.: If the guy who experienced
the original discovery lives long enough, and gets sufficiently
re-confused — and in need of funds, there is the risk that he
will join in the sport, and begin to offer for sale, actual
physical directions to this intangible state. ** And a young
child inquired of his father: “Is this why you cannot, verbally
— trust anybody!?” And the ole man replied: “You’re askin’
Regardless of what city history teaches — civilization did
not begin until man had a sense of time. ** There was in fact,
a myth of a long-forgotten people whose version of the Creation
Story had their god getting everything going by turning to the
first man and saying: “Do you have the time?” ** If the mind
is a clock, then greater consciousness is its electricity — and
note: Power — energy — is impartial, it doesn’t care who it
drives or shocks.
One guy thought: “The thoughts I normally think ain’t
usually worth the time it takes to think them!…Except for this
one I just thought!…Right!?…Am I close!…Am I getting on to
something or not!?..”
Dr. Burr addressed the convention thusly: “Would you
distinguished people care to note what constitutes the
‘progress’ man has made in eight or nine thousand years!? —
Well, we’re still at the place wherein the minds of ordinary men
believe that the most important things they have to think about
are physical.” He paused for a bit, to allow this idea some
“sink time” and finally someone in the audience raised a hand and
asked: “But isn’t the situation you described, normal and
necessary to man!?” And the doctor picked at an upper, front
tooth, looked off to the side, and with a kind of theatrical
snarl replied: “Yeah — but, so what!?” He then paused again,
but this time nothing additional occurred.
There is this one cult on another planet who says that if
you’re really bored, or don’t know what to do, and you sincerely
ask life to “give you a break” it will either kill you, or un-
Transcendental Travel Update
An easy way to play like you’re mystical is to believe that
The mighty king of a great land responded: “There is a
simple reason that I do not believe in the existence of a deeper
reality behind and beyond the reality we normally perceive, and
that simple reason is that if such a reality did exist then I —
your ruler and protector — would have long ago, seen it for
myself.” …(As rude history should have already bluntly
revealed to the alert — “The ole boy has you there!”
One man says that he has, at long last, come up with the
one! — the ultimate! — the supreme! — the “only-needed”
example of life’s crude indifference to man’s non-physical life,
and that is (as he puts it): “If life really had man’s best
mental interests at heart, then it would not let him believe that
as he wears out he becomes wiser.” ** “Hey chump!” said a by-
stander to the man, “Tell that to an embalmer, behind in his
house payments, or to young writers & critics awaiting op-ed page
openings by the departure of the older, out-of-touch columnists.”
** Fashion: A new generation sashaying down the runway.
Fathers: Left foot! Children: Now the right! — (And so on).
Erratum To Your Latest Thesaurus
The correct antonym for “progress” should have been given as
the word “fear.” We sincerely apologize for this error, and
trust that it did not deal you any undue alarm, nor act as an
impediment to your own headway.
…..And — ah yes! — some additional news from the literary &
linguistics front: A man with a dictionary and an uzi can make
you “change your mind.”
Being Civilized: Being on a speeding train that’s not
actually going anywhere, so everyone must amuse themselves as
frantically as possible and pretend they’re not aware of same.
** And a viewer asks: “But doesn’t that just as well describe
simply ‘being alive’!?” Well sure sir! — but that’d be a bit
“blunt” now, don’t you think!? ** Come to consider it, we’ve
actually been down too similar tracks, probably too many times
before, so let’s re-do ‘er: Being Civilized: The delightful
mass transit to man’s collective future. …(Better, huh!? —
But if you think so, don’t you dare admit it!)
On a fake summer day, a certain father said to his son: “A
man who spills nothing has picked nothing up.” And the lad
inquired: “Is that, dear dad, a commentary regarding, in spite
of what may well be the consequences, how men should always still
be striving and trying!?” And the elder replied: “No, it means
that you shouldn’t spill stuff.”
…..Two Things You Could Consider In Light Of Such As This
One: Just think how weird life would be if it really were
like people imagine! Two: Think what it’d be like if it
actually is like I keep hinting. Two — Two things you can
The royal priest sat alone, up in the watch tower, feeling
lonely and confused, as he looked out over the kingdom and
thought: “Use to, all the would-be thinkers spent their time
attacking my domain — now all the attention is on the king’s!
What the hell happened while I wasn’t watching!?”
…..The dead kids in the cemetery sing this little song as they
“Oh, the neurotransmitters crawl in,
And the neurotransmitters crawl out;
The neurotransmitters play…” —
Well, I’m sure you know how the rest of it goes.
Institutions & Other Forms Of Group Activity
The result of individuals finding things that suck, that
they wanted to share with others.
In a funny way, with more conscious people, the only things
worth sharing are those which you can’t.
Question: Why do men exclusively pick-on & criticize only
human affairs? Answer: Another trick question, right!?
…Well…either that or the world’s stupidest!
As his children prepared to leave for their civilized life
in the city, one father offered this advice: “Watch yourself! —
Over there everybody wears the emperor’s new clothes.”
The “Private, Most-Personal & Private-Again, Serious-
Humorous Personal Advisor” to one particular king, one day sat
alone and thought to himself: “There are probably certain things
that should never be said, but for the life of me, I do not
presently know what they are.” — Hey!, don’t you wish you had an
internal tyrant that would put up with that!? …Or perhaps you’d
like it better if I said: “An inner ruler who had the benefit of
such sagacious insight”!?
Tip For “Driveway Romeos”…(In Mental Suburbs):
The way you go about it is like this: If you’re certain no
one’s home — then sit and blow your horn real loud.
Pharmaceutical Update A man with thoughts in his mind has drugs in his mind.
A musing that one man presented himself with: “Which is
harder: Standing in the middle of the tracks, and attempting to
stop a train with your bare hands? — Or trying to slow down your
mind and get it to make way for some newer activity in the area
of just plain consciousness?” Later he said: “Strike the word
‘harder’ — make it read: ‘Which would be more fun?'”
One can tell that a parade is coming because of the noise
around the corner — same with human progress.
Fact: There’s no accounting for consciousness. Fact: This
is what so irritates those who ever give it any passing thought.
…Well…irritates, and confuses! — which together, end up
spelling “escape” and “relief.” “You see son,” said the ole man,
“life is nice in that it will never paint a man mentally into a
corner without affording him the dream that he is actually
elsewhere.” And the lad chewed on this for awhile, then said:
“But how come then it can’t be doubly-nice, and allow some of us
to decline the offer!?” And the ole man bent over and fell in a
ditch from his laughter.
With a shrug, one man said: “Well as I always say: ‘All’s
well that ends well’.” And another man said: “Yeah, but nothing
ever ends.” And with a second shrug the first man said: “Yeah,
Consciousness liberated from chronology is like a time
machine in reverse — …and worse!