A Mind Not Teflon’d is not Fit Having
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Date = 11/22/1993
And Now This Special Feature: “How To Be Perfect”:
First: Make a list of all the things it’d take to make you
perfect, then — do them.
If you want to sell people some, or — on some useless shit,
act real sincere — and this applies to whatever field you’re in.
After a personal study of the difference between the two
spheres of: Wants, & Needs, as applies to physical hunger, one
man finally reflected: “You can respond to the stomach’s call by
either making it full, or by making you satisfied.” He paused —
then asked himself if there was not a like situation in regards
to the feeding of the mind — but then decided there was not.
…..”To what end,” he later thought, “should a wolf nourish
the trap from which he wishes to extract his foot!?”
Having a good slogan, or an impressive statement of purpose
can deftly help hide a complete lack of any talent, ability or
creativity. — Just look at the public institutions around you,
upon which you ordinarily depend.
The professor so professed: “It is only those trapped
between Akron and Fort Wayne who ever claim that a man can be
‘too clever for his own good’.” And a student raised his hand
and the question: “Sir — by the phrase ‘trapped between Akron
and Fort Wayne’ do you really intend to say, men caught ‘twix
believing that some are too smart, and themselves, not enough?'”
If you do get lucky and go down one of those unlisted, side
streets, you might find yourself right-up-against getting to
consider it like this: Men find life “serious” for one of two
possible reasons: One: That life has made man serious, or, two:
That life has made man take life seriously, either one of which
is no actual answer in as much as they’re both just restatements
of the inquiry itself. Isn’t that neat!? — Isn’t that sweet!?
— Isn’t that “just like” life.
A man with a suit — a tie, and some warts recently removed
from his nose, stood center stage in the village square and
proclaimed to the people assembled: “Why should we defame our
ancestors!?” And a voice shouted back: “Well, they insulted us
by having us.” And the king told the high sheriff to go down and
break it up.
…..If a man knew the winning lotto number, but realized that
no one else could count that high, why would he bother to try and
tell anyone about it!? This rhetorical query has more to do with
morality, respect and tradition than it does with gambling.
Question: For Our Day — For Our Times:
What does a truly civilized man have to be upset about,
anyway!? — Right! — But does that stop him!?
…..(Come to think on it — perhaps that is a sign of an
uncouth, crude man — one who will accept what seems obviously
No matter the actual locale of your physical dwelling place,
no matter your correct present address, and no matter where you
may dream of moving to — what you most passionately think about
— pleasant or otherwise — is where you live. …(This is also
your most ready access out of there.)
Politics: Professional wrestling with participants of
lesser physical conditioning and acting of a much poorer quality.
The sole remnant of a certain failed religion on this other
world is a scrap of paper that says “when you die, if you’re ‘not
more conscious’ — you’ll be shot.”
…..One intergalactic “space bum” claims that what a man,
“attempting the extraordinary needs is — help.” But a better
notion would be that he needs to make extraordinary efforts.
…(And the bum retorts: “Just wait’ll you die — you’ll ‘get
As he sat up on a high hill, looking out and reflecting on
mortal affairs as he found them, one man thought: “Why is it
that it is the most common, untalented ‘pedestrian-at-best’ of
men who believe that life is somehow on the prowl to snatch from
them the many gifts and abilities they dream of, but do not
actually possess?” And life broke into his reveries, saying:
“Why don’t you mind your own business! — (if you got any!)”
A Certain Intellectual Probing, Via A Questioning Dialogue,
Conducted By Two Earthy Scientists Who Also Happened
To be Music Lovers
“Is history ‘pre-recorded’?” “Is DNA already ‘laid into
place’?” “Ah! — but even a man with a known number of CD’s in
his collection isn’t positive which one he will be playing at ten
forty-five next Friday morning.”
…..At a particular cellular level, one little nucleus made
this note: “Here — in this wide open land, there is room for
any and everything! — (except of course for ‘freedom-of-will’ or
anything else like that.)” Life immediately made his neighboring
counterparts shout him down and into renewed silence about the
Education: If it were a sexual matter — then in the area
of “S & M” it would be the “M.”
Warning To Man! — (And Free, At That):
If you can think — you will think! — So watch it!!
…..Note: If there is an ordinary person out there who
immediately grasps the practical significance of this, note:
You’re no longer totally “ordinary.”
…..And some people who live over by the Gingerbread House
respond: “You’re just saying that to make us feel good.” Query:
What does being ordinary have to do with “feeling good”!?
…..And — oh yeah!: In the contest of: “Who’s The Stupidest:
Those Who Give Warnings, Or Those Who Take Them Seriously?” —
you’ll be glad to know what they’re both winners …(you
…..And now: The Bonus Round Question: What is more useful
than literate, sophisticated, insightful sarcasm? — Pretend,
literate, sophisticated, (etc) sarcasm.
A viewer writes: “Would you repeat again how it doesn’t
matter what you do in life as long as you don’t take it
seriously?” — Why, certainly: Cosmic destiny has arranged it
so that extremely perceptive, and potentially mystic people all
have minor facial imperfections, financial difficulties, and
several pressing “personal problems.”
…..(The viewer did not take time out of his busy life and
schedule to thank me for saying this, since he knew that I’d know
anyway, how much he’d appreciate it.)
Do you know why the little stories I make up seem so funny
— like about the man who believed he had a brain tumor, only to
be told: “Why you old silly — that’s your brain!” — ? Well,
they’re funny for two reasons: One is: Because they’re not
funny, and the other is because of what position a man might be
in, relative to his own consciousness, if he treated his routine
cerebral operations as though they were no more than symptomatic
of a non-lethal, highly irrelevant, tumorous condition, apart
from which one may still consciously “carry-on” quite nicely.
…..The great “Mortal Exterminator” proclaimed: “I shall never
rest easy until all roaches, rats, and other forms of vermon and
irritants are eradicated from the life of man.” Note: The Great
Exterminator will never rest.
The older, the less potent, the more exhausted becomes a
magazine, or a man, the more they begin to indulge in editorial
…..One man’s genetic patterns (passing itself off as his
grandfather) responds: “If you properly cared for me you would
not attack me for getting old!” To which the man replies: “And
if you were a proper paradigm you would never get old.”
…..An excellent aspect of the game of intellectual “Got’Cha!”
is that there is no place to hide, and you can always “Be It.”
…..(Yeah, I know — ordinary, regular people won’t see how
this constitutes an “excellent aspect” — I know.)
If you externally objectify these kinds of extraordinary
forays into the future of man’s nervous system — such as calling
them “God” — it makes it easier not to make the necessary
efforts in that you can then act as though there is something
outside of you that can do it for you.
On a certain inhabited planet in another solar system, their
technology has progressed to the point that electronic voice
simulation can be run from a microscopically small chip, such
that, for example: Once seated in your automobile, such a
digitally controlled, faux voice can be programmed to say: “Did
you remember to fasten your seat belt?” But after some years of
such use they discovered that mechanical, built-in reminders
worked best if not limited to a single direct question, or
suggestion, but rather were divided into several such verbal
intrusions, like having your car say: “Did you remember to
fasten your seat belt? — Oh yes, I guess you did. — Am I wrong?
— I thought you secured it. — Well, you’d be the one to know
for certain, and I’m sure you’ll do the right thing.” ** This
new diffused, less-specific approach has worked so well in
consumer areas that there is now talk of trying to apply it to
how the creatures there go about the job of thinking.
Fiction: What people write and live when they don’t know
what else to do.
Plagiarism: What they used to call “fiction” and the lives
most people lead.
“Ho, Ho, Ho! — you little sleepy heads! — It’s moving
right up on seven thirty in the old a.m., and this is your big-
time, bright-eyed, good-morning, sun-rise, FM buddy, T.J. The
D.J. — getting ready to play for you, that bristlin’, bubblin’,
bust-out, Top Forty smash: ‘Time Is On My Side,’ which will be
followed by this week’s Pick Hit: ‘Space Is On My Side,’ after
which we’ll play the old ‘Listener’s Call-In Quiz’ game, and the
question today is: What comes after those two? Ho, Ho, Ho! —
up and at ’em, you little sleepy headed rascals!”
The Once-Possible Title Of The Following Item Could Have Been:
“Practice Makes Perfect — The Perfect Don’t Practice”
One man meditated while moving, chanted while silent, danced
while still, fasted while eating, and prayed while cursing. He
may not have yet been “perfect” but at least he wasn’t routine.
And this letter into the show, to one of our favorite
correspondents: “Dear Advice Doctor: Should a man be
continually struggling against all habit?” Dear Viewer: Haven’t
you written to me about this before!?
…..”Truth In Advertising” Viewer’s Note:
The doctor himself writes the letters he receives. …Same
as with you.
An ordinary man has real difficulty in perceiving any
allegorical information regarding one’s “place of residence” if
you use his house as an example.
…..Yet another reason that you shouldn’t live anywhere in
…..If the mind is middle class, then expanded consciousness
would be the world’s richest hobo.
…..Troubador’s Tip: Rest where you like, but don’t stay —
nowhere! …It costs too much — …and even you ain’t that
On this one world, on “Life Appreciation Day” all the
creatures would form a gigantic parade and march away singing:
“Oh, we are in life and welded to life.” All did, except for a
few who wouldn’t get in line and march, and about whom I will say
no more, at this time.
The reason that man so cherishes the idea of “telling the
future” is because he obviously can’t tell the present.
…..And a viewer writes: “Again, may I express my personal
appreciation for the times when you will present an item like the
above, and then not say that some viewer wrote in to say that it
‘damn-near made sense.’ I’m sure you must mean well with this
attempt, but I still find it most off-putting. …Hummm…now
that I think about it — I wonder why that is. …Hummm…but
please don’t bother to answer for me just now, yours,” etc.
The king of this newly developed area of this one neural
kingdom one day said to his Minister Of The Arts: “When it comes
to the people and religion — I don’t care who they worship —
They can worship a chicken for all I care — just as long as it
is not one of my opponents’ chickens.”
…..Once the arts became public property rather than royal —
the arts changed.
Update: Remember now — if you’re still sellin’, and hopin’
they’re a’buyin’, keep actin’ real-l-l sincere! — You haar.
The Song Of The “Non-Wild, Stay-At-Home” Goose:
Feeling happy and content makes me edgy.
Through the continuation and increase of routine talk, life
does not expect man to make things either better or worse — just
An attentive viewer inquires: “Is there an operative
distinction between things being more ‘complicated’ and them
being more complex?”
In an area, over-ally related to several others we’ve
mentioned tonight: You do realize that men don’t really care
what religion they follow, or under which type of government they
live just so long as they have something to argue about.
What is the danger of: “Allegories, metaphors, symbolism
and humor?” Answer: That the intellectual consideration of them
will keep you from the experience of: Allegories, metaphors,
symbolism and humor. ** “Yeah! — but in a certain way, isn’t
that the danger in everything!?” Yes — particularly if the “in
a certain way” you mention happens to involve, in some fashion,
being a human being with a normally functioning mind. “Yeah, but
isn’t that itself a mite discouraging!?” Did Mr. Sears find it
disconcerting to have, as his partner in, Sears & Roebuck — Mr.
…..It is operationally, too simplistic to conceive of the mind
as the enemy — for after all, what real adversary would daily
furnish you with fresh supplies and ammunition!? …(If you were
but sufficiently alert to recognize them as such.)
…..”Remember men — don’t shoot until you see the white of
their grey cells!”
Once a man with the potential to ever be more conscious,
realizes what it’s all about, he has to kind of take a small step
backwards for a moment, and personally, re-live the entire
history of man — real quick!
Those who feel inferior always eventually resort to insults.
Just look at your routine relationship to life.
…..The trick of using the unique power of hormonal energy for
expanded purposes is to be able to be pissed without getting
Hey! — Dig it, Erasmus Jr. — by the time you criticize
something, it’s already too late.
A more alert man’s son one day said to him: “My foot
hurts.” And the father said: “Where?” And the boy pointed and
replied: “Right here.” And the man said: “Then that’s exactly
the part you should walk on — no — make that, run on.”
The Conscious Man’s Creedo
A mind not tefloned is not fit having.