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If you think that religion is serious business —
If you think that politics is serious business —
If you think that business is serious business —
Then you ain’t got no business listenin’ to this.
Conversation From The Dugout
“Many people who don’t know shit can still talk like they
do.” “And who does this fool?” “Others who don’t know shit.”
… (Is it time to play ball now?” “I thought you’d never
A man with his own elevator doesn’t need an operator.
…..”Fourth floor! — Sports Equipment, sports equipment, and
more sports equipment. All out! — Every man for himself.”
Once — in the beginning — everyone had a “secret love;”
but then it got named — tagged and identified, and everyone’s
…..Children know what’s serious, and what’s not — that’s why
children, “don’t talk.”
By the more-or-less, first of each month, this one man would
pay all of last month’s bills. …(A trick he says he picked up
How Spatiality Effects Routine Mental Perception
Long ideas tax attention, short ones — credulity.
The man stood and said to the assembled: “The full text of
what I have to say is in this definition: ‘Murder: The ultimate
pastime’.” And someone immediately asked him: “You do mean
that figuratively, and not literally, do you not!?” And the man
replied: “Will it make any difference to you which it is?” And
the person in the crowd said: “It most assuredly will.” So the
man said: “In the case, I decline to answer your question.”
…..There was once this sailor who expressed his morning
weather attitude thusly: “If it doesn’t clear up by eleven —
it’s not going to clear up.” …(In private, he’d further
developed the unspoken position of not particularly caring what
the weather did.)
When he picked her up that evening, she said: “You sure do
look good.” To which he replied: “Maybe — but you look
better!” Later that night — alone — he tried to replay the
same scene between him and his mind.
Once basic survival needs are met then men must believe that
there are other reasons to live — so they get together and
invent some … This is known as — Civilization.
Mental Rambunctiousness Reconsidered
One man marked himself, “fragile,” then commenced to throw
Religions: Man’s first attempt at “flea collars” for the
insects of the mind.
….. Update Addendum
Psychology: The attempt to “housebreak” ’em, and make ’em
….. Addendum Addendum
Governments: The approach of either: “Shape up!” — or,
A Quick Guide To Considering Certain Aspects Of Mortal Existence
There are no such things as “more important ideas,” or “less
important” ones; there are only ideas that you make important for
yourself. (Although this is not technically correct, it is
technically correct enough for those who know what I’m talking
….. A Thumb Guide To Certain Culinary Arts & Aspects
“Thoughts are like peanut butter.” “How so?” “They just are.”
On this planet — man operates under the strictest of
conditions! …Just like everyone else.
Another Day — Another View When it comes to trying to personally understand more about
life than life believes is necessary for man in general, it’s
kinda like this — you’ve sorta got your choice: You can either
throw your underwear up in a tree! Or, not wear any.
The most common thread of criticism running through
biographical surveys of famous people is that their private life
did not match their public one; what notes this, other than the
two differing worlds of neurons and hormones!?
Okay — due to populous — I mean, porous demand — look
through here and we’ll — “try it again”: The difference between
the merely “civilized” & a more conscious man is that the
civilized pretend to “care about one another” while the more
conscious just pretend to pretend.
…..One part of the city grabbed the man’s legs, and another,
his head, as they both stood and sang: “which so proudly we
break, at the twilight’s last gleaming.”
…..Every neighborhood has its own indigenous amusements.
“Where do you live at, Buster!?”
Remember: Any snare you may note, into which men do fall,
can also capture you. This is the nature of traps — this is the
character of criticism.
In the post-survival days — after the Great Flood Of Speech
— it may turn out that a quiet man is a happy man. For the
above to prove operative and profitable you must personally have
a clear understanding of just when are the post-survival times,
and have knowingly passed through and rode out the great verbal
flood that normally drowns all earth bound intellects.
….. Why This Trek Seems So Tortuous
You can’t go somewhere new that you want to go, till you’ve
been somewhere that — looking back — you wish you hadn’t gone.
…..A viewer inquires: “Is it somehow possible to develop a
‘bad memory’ that works in reverse?!”
The “perfectly obvious” given a perfectly good name &
mailing address for the benefit of those to whom it was not
previously, “perfectly obvious”: If you “live” in the mind —
there will you also perish.
…..A gentleman contacts us to say: “I used to be anxious —
but I’m not, anymore.”
…..Self-inflicted query: Why, in all of man’s many holy
books, do none of them have a section of: “Letters To The
Men who talk to themselves tend to live a long life — ten
million years, thus far.
Metaphors, Myths, & Allegories: “Excuse-tickets” some
passengers use in an attempt to never have to get off the bus.
…..Standing alone, on a dusty road, out in the open heartland,
as the Greyhound rapidly disappears in the distance, can give one
a whole new regard for the term: “Plain & point-blank.”
Teachers striking the hands of unruly children is an act
taken from a more conscious man’s attempts not to cling to the
thoughts of his mind.
How Life Continues To Work In Spite Of You Knowing About It!
Figure on stage, with the papers in his hand reads: “A man with
a gun can make you run, but a man with a knife can cut you a piece of pie.”
And a woman in the audience, (with a clipboard), asks: “Could
you be a little more specific in what you actually intend by
that!?” See! — See what I mean!
Allegory For The Intellect
One man shot himself in the privates, then announced to
himself: “That’s what you get for having privates!” And a
viewer says: “I shore am glad you said that was a damn allegory,
A man’s ignorance seems more acceptable if it sounds real
The Tale Of Two Brothers
One of them wanted to “get his own show” so that he could
“take it on the road.” The other one wanted to get his own life,
and when he did — he did! …(There is also an electromagnetic
story of three brothers, but you don’t have enough ears to hear
….. Advanced Fanfare For Circus Aficionados
You don’t have to run away and join a high wire act to test
your skill — the balancing feat properly challenging to a more
conscious man is always available at home.
…..”Remember this,” said a man to his burgeoning mental
operations: “If you can ‘think’ — you can ‘spit in the wind’.”
Wants are natural and to be fulfilled; but those “talked
about,” present unique difficulties.
More — (What, More!?) — Yes, More — (Really, More!?) —
Yes: More Examples Of How The Mind Wished Things Worked: There
was this one chap who lived a simple, unrecognized, plebeian,
life, but who wanted to be buried, after death, in a grand
manner, fit for Egyptian royalty; but this desire itself was
mortally wounded when, in his will, he critically misspelled the
The mind of the city continually reminded its constituents:
“Remember — a ‘point-blank’ answer is not a ‘proper’ answer.”
…(And all the little cows nodded & mooed.)
Naw-w-w — Wait up — lay down — relax — you too can be
massaged with words.
For those of you who are interested in such materials, you
might care to know that re the concept of there being “evil”
afoot in creation, myths from several other universes call it by
several other names — (several of them being): hurried,
complacent, food, real spicy food, insouciance, and, over-
The speaker presented his postulate: “The more people there
are — the dumber they are.” And a man in the audience stood and
asked: “Are your comments directed to concerns of population, or
of intelligence?” And the speaker replied: “Oh, you people shut
up and sit back down.”
Thought — the permanent dream, thought — the continuing
illusion. Could it be otherwise? Perhaps — ah, screw perhaps!
You know the answer to that one.
The personal motto of this one man is: “God must have loved
habits — ’cause he made so many of them.”
…..My own, (if I may): A fool and his motto are not soon
parted.” …And before all of you spiritually inclined people
write to me with your suspicions that this in fact refers to
mankind in general, and his long-running relationship to religion
— ask yourselves: ‘Is my irritation worth the price of a first
class stamp!? Do I even know the correct mailing address of this
program!? And would it not be easier just to fume in mental
private, as has so long now been my bent!?’ “God must have loved
habits — ’cause he made so many of them.”
…..Many people seeking routine entertainment do not like to be
called “habits.” Our official Program Slogan: “If We Ain’t Here
‘To Serve’ — We Ain’t Really Here!” …(Do note: We ain’t
really here! It’s just your imagination running wild again.)
Man And His Many Conditions
Civilized: A state produced by talking about living.
Being Even More Civilized: An increase in the talking.
The sage said: “If you give a name to a place where people
have not yet been they will eventually tend to believe otherwise
— and therein is the risk.” And a follower responded: “I
understand all that — but couldn’t you at least put a dependable
name on the effort to get there!?”
….. The Terminal Call For The Transcendental Traveler
“All aboard! — Train with no name, on track with no
number, going to god knows where. First, final & eternal call —
to all of you with no more baggage, and who’ve lost your names.
First & Fabulous Call — you know who you are!”
The Difference Between An Expert & A More Conscious Man
An “expert” in any field — wants the field to continue; a
conscious man has no such desire.
The equation explaining how human thought expands without
actually going anywhere, is not presently available for public
dissemination. You are thanked for your forbearance.
…..One day a certain man stopped and thought: “If we are what
we eat, then from whence — and for what purpose — did man pick
up the habits of: cannibalism and self-consumption!?”
…..when civilization speaks — everyone listens! And after
the meal, the collective sighs a hearty burp of relief.
…..At the bottom of every page is a man who believes he is his
“Purposes”: Spelled With A Capital “P,” & With A Small One
Having a normally operating mind will normally keep a man
busy and distracted enough that he won’t try to push his mind
beyond that point.
…..And a viewer with a normal mind says: “It damn-near ‘made
As his personal incantation, one man uses:
“Mind your manners,
I have a shoe horn
In my hat.”
He says that although he is not certain as to which deity
this directly appeals, he says that since adopting it he has won
two free subscriptions to Reader’s Digest, and has not been
struck by lightning in well over a year.
Regarding his attempts to do something extraordinary, as one
man contemplated the continuing difficulties he had with his
mind, he reflected: “How much longer can this go on!?” And his
mind said: “How long you got?!”
…..(Interesting Sidebar: In some universes, this kind of
humor is not considered particularly funny.)
…..A viewer writes: “Don’t try and tell us when something
you’re about to say is ‘interesting’ or not! We — the audience
— will be the judge of that!” Sounds good — but if it were
correct — and you could so determine — you wouldn’t be the
One guy got so far ahead that he got behind; then he got so far
behind that he was way ahead. The name of this piece is: “Time
And Your Head.”
The more conscious you are — the closer is the equator.
One man privately mused: “Once you’re not as routinely dumb
as you once were, you sure can spot it in others.”
…..It’s hard to hide anything in a box — from the box.
…..The great cosmological myths of this one galaxy have it that
god’s original name was, “Cardboard Carton.” …(That being so,
I guess they seldom pray for rain — for fear of blasphemy!?)
“You see, son,” noted a dad to a lad, “The problem’s not in
‘taking life seriously,’ but in taking what you think about life,
Holding a hot pan is not the problem — wanting to, is.
“You see, son, gripping the handle seriously is not the
problem, believing you should, is.”
Okay — for you literate minded — a “Definition” of it:
Seriousness: Wants put into words.
In preparing for the upcoming, indelicate neurosurgery, the
man asked the doctor to please leave this note pinned to his
brain: “My mind is like flypaper, and thoughts, flies.” But the
surgeon said his specialty was neither in redundancy, nor the
naturally obvious, and declined.
One man so states: “I’ll believe that there is such a real,
useful thing as ‘mysticism’ if I ever see a sane eighteen year
old boy who is a mystic.” By the way, Tonto — he got cha there.
…..And now, music lovers, from the classical side, let’s move
over to the Country charts, and check what’s going on: “The
ordinary flee death — a real man, stupidity.”
…..Oh, and remember that next week during this same time slot
the Lakers will be playing Shostakovich.
“Forget about actually — ‘doing it'” fumes one man! “I
sometimes go entire days without even thinking about it!”
…..Some years later, and before this incident, another man
mused: “Perhaps it is better not to even ‘know about’ this
thing!? Then at least, you can’t ever be concerned about not
pursuing it vigorously enough.” This of course was not a man
talking — but civilization itself.
The reason life has you born young and anxious, and then
grow old and blase is the same reason that when you call and ask
about the rates for a limo, instead of them telling you, right
off the bat, that it’ll cost at least three hundred dollars a
day, they’ll say that the car itself is figured at eighty dollars
an hour, with a minimum of three hours, and the driver’s gratuity
adding another twenty-five per cent to the total. It just
“sounds” better that way. Such is, “maturing” — as done in the city.
Intrigues At Court — And Partial Intrigues At Center Court.
Those who believe in a “personal god” prove always short on having
their own “person.”
…..And the king inquired: “Should I take this then — as a
direct criticism of the Royal Priest!?” But I shall not answer
that, inasmuch as: that is not really the king, or he wouldn’t
ask such a stupid question!
One man had a book whose title was: “Ideas Most Often
Misspelled And Mispronounced,” and whose picture do you think was
the rubric for each chapter!? Go ahead — guess!
The otter looked incredulously at the elk and replied: “Hey
— if I’d a’ wanted to be in show biz, I’d a’ been born a human!”
…..The mortal mind can assist man in many undertakings!
Getting-out-of-performing, (however), is not one of them.
…..”Why I am absolutely amazed,” said the magic trick to the
magician! To which he replied: “You’re amazed!? …” And the
audience in his head went totally wild!
…..The captain turned to the first mate and instructed: “Go
below and batten down the underlining key, and the one with the
exclamation mark — Pronto!”
Conversation Heard Between A Library And An Office Building
— No, Not Between The Structures Themselves, But Between Two Men
In A Parking Lot Between The Two Buildings:
First Voice: “One man went so fast he never had time to
Second Voice: “Well, why didn’t he slow down.”
First Voice: “Oh, he wasn’t actually ‘going anywhere’ — he
was just thinking.”
Advisory For City Tourists
Warning! — Men with dictionaries think they “know a lot”!
Warning! — Life’ll back ’em up.
Over in a corner, partially hidden by some boxes, one man
thought: “One of the distinctive snares in trying to become a
mystic is that it’ll almost inevitably make you at some point
become even more serious.”
…..And all of the children held hands, and on the count of
“three” — all shivered real good, and then went out to play.
Pop Quiz: How does a more perceptive man spell “regrets”?
…..And a viewer writes: “I like it so-o-o much more when you
use terms like, ‘a more perceptive man,’ rather than, ‘a mystic,’
or, ‘a more conscious man’ — terms like those give me the
willies!” Dear Mr. Viewer: I know! — which explains why I
don’t use them when I don’t, and why I do, when I do.
Explaining his nonsocial behavior and life style, one man
confides: “Ah, I listened to some people talk once — didn’t
care for it.”
Another Myth From Another World
Their god told the thinking creatures — his pinnacle of
creation: “I am going to give you a benefit, a blessing — the
knowledge of death; but to balance this I will also give you a
knowledge that is a curse — this same knowledge of death.”
…..Now if I may be permitted to add my own little editorial
observation: Is that not “just like a god”!? Is that not, just
A man not striving to bring his mind under control is a
walking “time bomb”; he is no danger to anyone else, but his mind
remains a clock, and sequential chronology will kill him.
How To Know More Without Having To Go Back To School
On the post-survival playing field — only the dumb defend
…..A student — (attempting to sign up for a correspondence
course) — asks: “Are you sure this is the kind of information I
really want to know!?” …(Kids — these days!)
….. “Introduction To “Post-Temporal History,”
Civilization “won” the war before the battle actually began
— by firing off endless, unseen salvos of cliches at man.
…(Ah, kids! Kids and cliches, these days.)
…..Crib-note: Those “easily offended” have no trouble being
so. Oh, don’t deny it!
Another Example Of — “Oh No!” — Oh Yes! — Of: “How It
Is”! A man “who can think” — doesn’t give a damn what you
…..Now see — that wasn’t so bad — now was it!? “Well …I
guess not — not unless you’re one of the ‘you’s’ referred to.”
…..On a more scientific footing, you might note that the above
dictum, “A man who can think — doesn’t give a damn what you
think,” is actually the electrochemical basis for such concepts
as: tolerance, forgiveness, and the like.
As the crowd applauded the band’s last song a man at the bar
shook his head as he repeated, and reflected on the words he’d
just heard sung: “Any man that really needs some woman to ‘lean
on’ is nothing but a wimp.” And a waitress passing by, (with a
photograph of a steel guitar in her pocket), said: “I am
assuming that your philosophical observation is in truth, not
actually based on any gender considerations, but is indeed aimed
at everyone’s relationship to their own consciousness.” And he
immediately axed her to daaance.
…..How, (When You’re Short-Changed), Words Can Take You A Long
Way, (If You Don’t Have Far To Go): One man gives as his present
address: Rt. 2, Horse-Intercourse, Oklahoma; he says he knows it
doesn’t sound “all that nice,” but insists that it is an
improvement over the name of where he used to live.
A viewer writes: “At times — for brief moments it’s almost
as though I can actually think without actually thinking. Am I
on the right track?”
Another way to tell indeed that, as per normal city
standards you are “getting old” — I’m sorry, I mean, are
“growing up,” is that you have liver spots on the brain.
…..On this same subject, one of our foreign correspondents
sends you along this message: “Why don’t you just ‘face it’!
Just look right at it on the simple basis of what the words
actually mean!? To be ‘grown’ is to be completed — to be a
finished product! To be grown is to be dead.”
…..Happy are the children who — alone — know they’re still
One of the functions of religion is to give the noncreative
a sense of having a “personal philosophy.”
Turns out that The Oblique, Spurious Church Of The Air’s
foremost hymn is: “By Amazing Grace, We’re In Your Face.”
One man thusly pondered: “If the true origin of thoughts is
not my head — and not my university — then it must be my
stomach!” He paused as he pondered a bit onward, then thought:
“But then the question becomes: ‘From where do my guts get this
food that causes such disturbance up here in my mind?!'”
Karma Explained From A K-Mart Kinda View
One man stopped in the electronics department long enough to
note this: “In a previous life I was a dog — but, I’m surely
not simply ‘standing still’ — for this time ’round I’m dog
…..Men have come up with the notions of previous, and
subsequent lives due to their inability to realize that the
concept of, “eat or be eaten,” is not an either/or situation.
The Man — The City — The Arts
For his part of the performance, one man defecated in his
hand, and threw the results at the audience; it was all that he
could do. The people were disgusted; the critics loved it; life
understood — that it was, all that he could do.
….. Man — The City — The Art Of It All
“Bothered”: (A Poem) … “Bothered”: (Specifically, a
rhyme for the mind):
We are what we eat, and
What eats us.
One father so advised a son: “If you want to stay
relatively sane and satisfied for your sixty or so years on this
planet, don’t ever start looking toward the edges of the
Surveying himself in a wide-angle, motoring mirror, one man
mused “Taken as a visible whole, I am a prewar, Eight-
Passenger, Dual-Cowl, Drop-Top, Phaeton Roadster! I do however,
(in all truthfulness), seem to be powered by the mental engine of
a ’52 Nash Rambler.”
A man rushed into the Testing Lab, exclaiming in terror:
“My brain’s been pickled!” And a technician replied: “But
that’s not possible! You’re still alive!” And the man said:
“What’s that got to do with it!?”
One man’s mind cried out: “Drugs! Drugs! More drugs is
what we need!” And he replied: “I know! And I’m thinking as
fast as I can!”
The never-ending responsibility of the civilized is to make
civilization — by their talk — seem more and more complicated.
Standing yon, under a spreading mechanic’s tree, one man
offers this verbal spree: “My personal motto, when it comes to
thinking is: ‘Put The Pedal To The Metal!’ Now if I just had a
pedal …and some metal …”
Anyone who smiles when you call them nuts may have something
to smile about.
Neurons And Hormones: Dos-A-Dos: The mind does the
dancing, but the stomach picks the beat.
…..And a wallflower standing by the wall injects: “You call
…..Yes, young jitterboogers, it doesn’t matter what you call
it just as long as you, “get out on that floor.” …And all of
those still breathing, heaved: “We’s afraid of that.”
…..In the midst of a “going-well-spell,” as he began to
frantically whirl about in place, this one chap sang: “I could
have danced all night — nay, if not — eternally!” And some
lightning nearby said to some clouds: “Hey, watch this.”
….. *Hint: If you ever do mean “forever” — don’t spell it!
If you quote someone — you don’t have to think; if you
study someone’s text and get a degree — you don’t have to think;
if you’re an expert of any sort — you don’t have to think; if
you simply “get grown” — you don’t have to think. Question:
What good, probably, is thinking anyway!?
The mind runs on “mind time,” but in case you haven’t
yet discovered — that’s not the only clock around.
A jazz musician attempting an intellectual description of
how he improvises is not unlike a man with an increased range of
consciousness trying to tell how he got there. Or: Ragtime is
far too ragged to be discussed in polite society.
…..One man gave him and his mind the name: “Bobby King & The
Kingpins” — but he still couldn’t get ’em booked anywhere.
…(Yep! — far-r-r too ragged.)
Query: Do ideas that turn into action — speed up, or slow
Query: Might all of man’s creation stories have the process
…..Query: Why would something greater turn itself into
Down Home Tip For Round The World Travelers
If you let people question you about your “personal life” —
whoomp! First thing you know — you’ll have one!
Man! The Wondrous illusion of all illusions! An apparent
closed system within a closed system. Wonder of wonders!
Illusion of illusions!
Condensed, Unified Version Of All Creation Myths & Their Mortal
On the way to the train station — everyone got mugged.
After many years of having a basically functioning brain,
one man thought: “Why should I think thoughts that upset me!?
That make me sad!? Frightened, or in any other way —
displeased!?” And his mind jumped in and said: “You idiot! Why
don’t you shut up!”
Some Additional MovieTone News
One fellow says that looking back at it now, the whole
soundtrack to his life — including the “main theme” — seems to
have been no more than mere “incidental music.”
(The heading of this particular item is): “Sing To Us, Oh
Great Hoola — Sing To Us Of Captivity And Torture!” You’ll
always think — if you care what you think!
A viewer submits: “After listening to all this, and
thinking all over it for myself, I’ve concluded that people
interested in extraordinary stuff like this are just children who
never grew up — in a particular kind of way.”
After many years of extraordinary efforts to do this thing,
one day, one man suddenly glanced down while in the shower to
discover that he momentarily had four arms.