Summary = TBD
Condensed News Items = See Below
News Item Gallery = jcap 93091 -1160
Transcript = None
Key Words =
The News
93091-1
We begin with
More Apparent, “Good News” …(Well, at least probably, “encouraging,” to a few):
When everyone is born into this, “City School-Of-Life,”
They are automatically furnished with an, “Excuse from their mother.”
93091-2
Civilization, working at its most advanced level,
Is responsible for turning out herds in which
Each cow can still feel, “individual”, and — special, somehow.
And even you smart-ass, city critics might care to note — IT WORKS! —
Doubt it! — just look at YOURSELF! — OH yeah! — IT works!
93091- 3
One man turned to his sister and said:
“Can you believe the nerve of inanimate objects!?”
93091- 4
Plain Talk Time:
A one-eyed man is a dumb man.
As regards the report we brought last evening from the Business & Franchise Show at the Convention Center, a local minister sends us this inspirational reflection:
It takes no pain
To be a weenie brain.
93091-5
Another episode of: “If Hormones Had Minds”: If hormones had minds — they’d have DIRTY minds.
A, “Truth in Media” addendum:
There is NO WAY that the above can be proven, but as some suggestive, supporting evidence -Just look at the way your neural mind is now.
93091-6
One man,
Who was on the “fringes of show business,”
That is — he was alive,
Said:
“‘Tis trying indeed, to every day act ‘talented’ when you have none.”
“I guess,” observed Mickey, “That’s why humans are PAID the big-bucks.”
93091 -7
Time again for some: “Only-Only, Health News”:
Only a real thinker can have self-inflicted, “scabs,”
…(and indeed — a secret badge-ac-honor.)
93091 – 8
One man’s latest theory is as follows:
“The reason that human life seems more important than other local forms Is mainly because of men saying that it is.”
(“So – there!”, he adds).
93091 – 9
A “News Show Query”:
How come the poor always talk about money, but not the dumb, intelligence?
93091 -10
With the superficially-civilized —
Whatever gets their dick hard
Is what they take to be: “entertaining,” and the “acceptably-perverse.”
Field Footnote for Contemporaneous Anthropologists:
The “superficially civilized” are known in various regions by other names, such as either:
“The ‘crudely’ civilized” or,
“The ‘fashionably’ crude.”
* What do house-cats dream of,
When tigers pass their door? *
93091 -11
One man’s operational motto: “Don’t buy, ugly technology!”
93091-12
So, What Else Is New!?
Hormones make you move -Neurons make you think —
And a man says: “I believe I’ll think about moving.”
So What ELSE Is New!?
93091-13
And now this — “Late-Breaking, Ancient-Fact”:,
Trash rules the world!
Say, Ed — was that a political, or ecological story?
93091-14
Whenever local conditions would offer to, “do something” for this one man, he had this stock response: “Well, isn’t that sweet.”
93091 -15
Redux, Re-Done, Revisited:
Satire: The last refuge of the, “creatively challenged”.
93091 -16
In the heart and midst of the harried city activities, one man comforted himself thusly: “I may not have been born crippled, but I can damn-sure make myself so.”
…and by so saying, made himself feel better —
…at least as much so as is possible under such conditions.
93091-17
Ordinary people are dumb people — but the serious are something else ALTOGETHER.
93091 -18
Query: What is the need for a truly sincere person to “look” sincere!?
93091 -19
…yes, Claudine! — the serious ARE INDEED — “something else ALTOGETHER”!
93091 -20
Now for tonight’s segment of our regular feature: “Contractors Among Things Cerebral”:
One man tried to explain “his condition” by —
(Right above his brain) –Posting a little sign that said: “Protected By Thompson’s Water Seal.”
93091-21
Ugly technology is simple technology …TOO-0-0 simple.
93091 -22
The kid jumped up and down on the bed as he squealed:
“It’s – ‘Why?’ —
It’s – ‘Why! time’, Daddy! —
Come on and let’s play.
Tell me: Why?
The cruder the person, the more likely they are to cry when they tell their life story? Wheeee!, Daddy — Why?”
93091 -23
Urban Trekker’s Tip:
The way to determine if a particular scorpion is poisonous or not
Is to find one that seems unconscious,
Then kiss him on the lips to revive him and see if his subsequent bite KILLS YOU!
And a
One legged cripple who saw our show last time observes: “If it’s all the same to you -I think I’d rather just shoot myself in my one remaining, good lower support.” Hey, friends! — ponder on what he suggested for himself —
Think on it! — it could be worse!
Neural, Historical Note: Kings always chop off opponents’ heads! — not their feet. Think about it!
93091-24
Sometimes when his mind would become temporarily enthralled with some City plan or possibility,
This one man would say to it:
“Now don’t get your hopes too artificially high.” —
And somehow — in this sentiment —
He has badly misread, and misapplied the concept of “artificial,” as regards affairs of the city.
93091 -25
On a thinker’s, “Shelf of Thoughts” are four distinct sizes:
The Simple,
The Complex,
The Jumbo,
And the, “Open-The-Door-Wider-Mama, I Think I’ve Got the RIGHT ONE This Time.”
93091 -26
One old man on the bench said to another next to him as they watched the strollers pass by: “People are kinda cute — if you don’t look too close.”
93091 -27
How It Works, Regarding Speech:
Being” ordinary” is to — talk about the obvious while paying it — no mind.
93091 -28
A man with an eraser can correct;
One with a red pencil — edit;
But a man with a mouth and a city brain has got ’em ALL beat! — ‘Cause HE can be a — CRITIC!
And a viewer complains regarding a recent broadcast: “I didn’t like the story you reported about a suggestion hurled our way by a, ‘Heedless Horseman’ — what the hell is a, ‘Heedless Horseman’!? -I don’t like it! — I don’t even like the sound of it! —
I think you’re making fun of something again that I don’t understand – and I don’t like it. Yours”, etc.
93091 -29
An idiot with a platform,
No matter how small,
Is an idiot squared — so you, best stand back.
93091 -30
Ugly technology is slow technology TOO-0-0 slow.
93091 -31
Some More of History, Brought More Up to Date — If Not Indeed — More into Focus:
An aide said to the commander of the Hormonal Army: “If you make the move you now contemplate,
I can tell you with absolute certainty that it will particularly upset the head of the Neural Church.”
And the commander replied: “And just how many divisions HAS His Worship!?”
93091 -32
One guy,
With his own mental-means-of-reporting,
Says:
“The news is worse than, ‘bad’ — it’s BORING!”
93091 -33
Safety In the City Streets:
Cows in the herd will protect themselves! — and they’ll use YOU to DO it!
93091-=34
One guy looked at his thinking —
Then looked at everybody else’s thinking
And finally said:
“Everybody’s different, I guess, but not THAT different!”
93091-35
The next cut we’re going to play from his new CD is entitled: “If Being Civilized
Makes You Dissatisfied,
Then You’re –Two-Steps-From-The-Blues, and From Having a Tumor.”
93098-36
Some guy noticed:
“Non-thinkers don’t seem to find too much funny in a thinker’s humor.”
93091 -37
And this fax, just in from another agitated viewer:
“How DARE YOU!
In your reports,
To continually call me, ‘DUMB”!
How dare you!
….(Uhhh-h-h …well just to be on the safe and reasonably-decent-&-polite-side,
Maybe I should ask you:
When you use the word, ‘dumb’
Are you referring to man-in-general? or me-in-particular?”
93091 -38
Troubles In The New World Of Electronic Communications:
One man keeps getting his fax machine confused with his fake machine.
93091 -39
…but then again: “Fun in The Modern World”:
Even a thinker doesn’t want to be surrounded by a bunch of hermits.
93091 -40
“Forget — ‘individual-socializing’,” said one city to the people, “The most important thing is — the-orderly-flow-of-traffic!”
93091-40(B)
One father told one of his sons —
(The one that shows signs of having an actual brain): “My boy — all criticism is cute! —
Not as cute as NutraSweet — but — cute.”
93091-41
A real thinker can’t USE — ugly technology.
93091 -42
Now boys & girls — it’s time for, “Uncle Carney’s Kiddie-Widdie Show”!
We find kind old Uncle Carney coming out stage center and saying to the studio audience: “Anyone who listens-to anyone else is either a cow, ordinary, or a thinker.”, and a young nipper in the bleachers raised his hand and asked: “Do we get a choice?”
93091 -43
More: Rules of The Road:
The really civilized don’t care a whole hellava lot for those who aren’t! —
and — Honk, honk! — vice versa.
93091 -44
Any reasonably literate man in the city
Can come up with a “punch line” for almost anything! — (q.v.,”critics”) -But a real thinker singularly insists on not just that,
But on continually composing his own fresh “set-ups” which, perforce, produce all new “punch lines” all the time.
After being forced to take some “truth serum,” one thinker confessed: “Okay! — Alright! — I’ll admit IT!
This IS probably the most fun you can have with your head on.”
And an alert viewer suddenly recalls a bit from an earlier story which noted that tyrants & kings always dispatch their
Unwanted adversaries
NOT by guillotining their FEET — but the OTHER end.
93091 -45
Folklorist’s Footnote: (believe-it-or-not, to the last read report):
The original, living personas
On whom the fictional characters of “Brier Rabbit” and “The Tar Baby” were based Were: Neurons, and Hormones.
93091 46
And yet another communique from yet another agitated viewer: “Okay, mister smarty-pants news-man!
If, ‘now-is-not-forever’ — then when IS?”
93091-47
In Re: “The Density Chart of Neural Matters”:
Have you ever noticed what natural compatriots are reporters and politicians!?
Now — to the Mail Bag:
A viewer writes:
“Is your show a satire of the news?”
Sir — you’re not even close
even if you spelled it with a small “c”.
And now — some, Financial News:
A parody of a blank wall ain’t very funny.
93091-48
Stupidity can make an intelligent man angry -But only when he finds it in himself — like
If he sees himself getting mad over someone else’s stupidity, for instance.
93091-49
. One man just HATED the calendar change from one month to another — “The – ABRUPTNESS of it!” explains he.
93091 -50
All those civilized a-gainst their will,
With passion defend their Position still.
Mutant Ninja Moral: Never kick an alligator for simply being, “an alligator”! — –(unless of course, you’re out to satisfy your own:
Death, or, “have-me-for-lunch” wish.)
93091 -51
One city critic,
Adopted as his slogan,
Which he placed right under the heading of his column, which he composed in his head each day,
These words:
“If It Ain’t broke — We Don’t Write About It!”
93091 -52
A mother cautioned her children: “Everything you think has calories -And some have more fat than others.”
93091 -53
Ugly technology is not really technology at all.
…(May we assume that by now you pretty well suspect that
My use of the word, “technology” herein, refers in fact to Matters of an intellectual nature.)
93091 -54
A viewer writes:
“I’ve written you before, (asking about your use of squirrels & rats in your stories),
And am now writing you again, (as you can probably already tell from the page in your hand)
This time to ask about your continuing reference to, ‘hermits’! —
I just feel sure that you have some additional intention in mind when you say this -And I want you to know that I’m trying to figure out how to usefully apply this to my considerations of how thinking works.
Thanks for your time and efforts,
Yours Sincerely”, etc.
93091 -55
One man told life: “Hey! — kill me — but DON’T bore me!”
93091 -56
They don’t need the news on buses — they make up their own.
93091-57
Turn Off The Coffee, Francois — It’s, “Face-Up Time”:
There is no true “shame” among cows, or in shills! -Where does that leave YOU, cupcake!?
93091 -58
Seeing as how hormones are not naturally civilized and house-broken, It can prove dicey —
(At times when they get temporary control over neurons’ tongue) —
To keep them from being — well shall we just say — “a bit abrasive”!
93091-59
Continuing City Updates:
The crude struggle to survive
The civilized fight increasingly complex, imaginary battles.
93091 -60
And a young urbanite offers up this personal view:
“Comparisons are like setting out some apples next to some oranges,
And having a chicken come over from the other side of the road, and look and them and say: “None of my eggs are hatched yet.’ — and like that.”
93091 -61
Some Tunnel News:
Many who live in the city — live in the mines.
93091-62
Then there’s this other guy who has his own personal slogan: “If I’ve heard it once I don’t wanna hear it again.”
93091 -63
After thinking on several of our recent stories, one man offers this possible view: “It’s kinda like that life could be a network of just cat-genetics — but, with a bird-hole in it — somewhere.”
93091 -64
A thinker does the impertinent for one reason, and one reason only -Because he CAN do it —
And therefore — SHOULD do it.
93091-65
“It seems to me,” says one man,
“That what a thinker is trying to do is talk himself out of a job.”
93091-66
A Free-Range, Wrangler’s Ode de Warning
If too long thou,
Listen to cattle talk — then,
Too soon wilt thou,
In bovine sympathy think.
93091-67
Some Travel News Regarding The Journey Towards Thinking:
Most hormones don’t want to support it over the long haul.
93091 -68
A thinker’s technology not only has elegance, but rhythm, as well.
93091 -69
A cow — while IN a herd — cannot think independently —
Thus, the individual-minded must somehow, therefrom, remove himself
With OUT simultaneously becoming a member of the International Society of Hermits & Recluses
93091-70
Routine, partisan thinking is not only ugly, and crippled, but it has NO sense of rhythm! — Which is WHY it is crippled.
93091-71
In a thinker’s universe — simplistic, and, quick are not synonymous.
* But “grace-of-technology”, and, “elegance-in-action” are. *