Audio = Stream from the bar; download from the dots
07/28/1993
Summary = TBD
Condensed News Items = See below
News Item Gallery = jcap 93090 -1159
Transcript = None
Key Words =
The News
See — here’s the situation: Life’s always comin’ at you
from two different directions, and you all the time only lookin’
with one eye.
***
It’s easy to fool the simple! — don’t believe it!? — just
go look in the mirror.
***
The speaker proclaimed: “That which does not kill me —
makes me stronger!” And in the audience, one man’s mind warned
him — “Don’t you even think about it!”
***
More “Back Yard, Neural, Animal & War-Time News’ As Related
To Certain ‘Inner-City Affairs'”: A squirrel flying an F-111
among the birds has no need to be “on-a-mission.”
***
Just to check on its current state of health, as it moved
across one city, local conditions said to the people: “Whine, if
you’re alive.”
***
In the wake of one of our previous news stories, has risen a
new “Knock-Knock Joke”: Knock-knock: Who’s there?ù What is the
“after-life” reward for those who behave properly now? They get
to go from feeling “guilty” to being “frustrated.” “Ya-a-a!,”
screamed one little smart-ass fucker. “Let’s ‘hear it’ for the
gods!” (And under his breath muttered: “Before we hear it from
them!”)
***
Local time has asked us to announce just how “sick” it is of
people, under the professed guise of: “Getting older and wiser,”
stealing its credit.
***
Now, over to our, Sports Desk: The math-of-life is such
that only a real thinker really knows-the-score.
***
Taking the opportunity offered by a brief encounter they
encountered, one man said to the older, more settled part of his
mind and brain:
“If you think middle class You can kiss my ass.”
And though — heads can’t reach that low, it’s surprisin’ how far
down they can go.
***
So as to better encourage his son in directions that would
ultimately prove to be of most profit when dealing with ordinary
people, and the ordinary aspects of, ordinary life, one father
said to him: “Never — never ‘seriously’ entertain a ‘serious-
question’ from a blind-man until you have first delivered to him
a cracking-good — ‘knee-in-the-balls’!” Wow! — can you just
imagine some, middle-class, little, everyday-kind-of, decent kid
trying to make something outta that!? Whew! — Boy!, I’m glad I
wasn’t growing up back when I was growing up.
***
Civilization! — Oh, Civilization! — Wherefore Art Thy
Sting!? — Besides, Everywhere!? (That is)!?: The apparent
proper treatment for some one-legged-cripples in the city is to
— shoot ’em in the other leg!
***
The crude worship the sun since it keeps them alive;
sophisticates honor nothing since that’s all that they have.
***
Doing his part-time imitation of “somebody,” this one man
slung the microphone around over his head, did a leaping, leg-
split to the floor of the stage, and sang: “I got — rats-in-my-
pants and I wanna dance,”ù — but it was already, too late. “The
purpose, My Young Elysian-Leaning, Advocates Of Life-In-The
Academy, of having rodents, appear in fables, should, by now, be
as plain as a pimple on Plato’s prosaic behind.” And a viewer
out there, suddenly bolts upright in his chair, and exclaims:
“I’ve got it! — I see what you’re getting at now! — Wow! —
Those squirrels and rats in your stories ‘represent’ something!
Wow!” Moral: A “drugged” drug-taker is a happy taker.
***
Time for another visit over to our, Simile Desk: Arguing
with ordinary perceptions is like sinking a submarine by spitting
on it. …I’m sorry — did I say “sinking it” or “attempting
to”?!?
***
The dumb talk about death; those still standing — and
attempting to pass for “thoughtful” — will make some, half-ass,
passing attempt to say something — (now & then) — about
“living”! — …(But not enough to ever be of any consequence.)
***
Additional Recognitional Of The Most Efficiental: The
ordinary, and thinkers alike — operate off the same fuel.
***
A Lean Lesson In Civics: Hormones may make you
“territorial,” but it is neurons who become “patriotic,” and
instead of urine, begin to use words to mark off their spot, and
drive us all nuts.
***
This item from our “Ad Hoc, Definitions File, As Flung To Us
From A Heedless-Horseman, Riding Blindly By At A Thousand Miles
An Hour”: A Real Thinker: One newly “un-civilized” — and in
secret.
***
If you expect to get more fun and entertainment out of life
than you do out of yourself, then you’re in for — what is known
in some circles as a: Sweet-Jesus!, how-long-have-I-been-here!?,
the-doctor-won’t see-you-yet!, how-do-you-spell “eternity”!?,
hell-of-a-long-time wait.
***
As his business ventures and social position improved, one
man reflected this by his upgrading the name of his tumor to —
“goiter.”
***
One honest, sincere parent so instructed her children: “If
you will live the decent, ordinary life that the city expects
from you, as a reward — you will die.” The only people who are
really civilized are those who personally, want to be.
…..All info has a “punch line”! — And a thinker’s always
says: “More to come.”
***
And “Tramp, tramp, tramp!” — things march on: A man says:
“I may be dumb — but at least I’m dumber than you are!”
***
‘Tis never too late — save for, those dealing in time.
***
More “Unwritten-Down Definitions” From Our City Dictionary:
Proverbs, Truisms, Maxims: One-and-all — warm blankets for
weary little minds.
***
One man felt compelled to write his autobiography after
fully realizing just how boring his life had been up ’til then.
***
The mind is the only sense that can “see in the dark”!
…and also provide its own.
***
Counters one guy: “Hey, well I’ll tell you what — if there
ain’t no conspiracy — there should be!”
***
Another Ode To That Babe — Terpsichore:
The crude have their boogie,
Thinkers, one too;
A few dance the latter,
How about you?!
***
From our “Transportation Files Of: ‘Oh driver! — if this
is either the Hormonal, or Neural Stop, then I want to get off,'”
we get this Inside-Edition of the “Garden Story”: The Snake:
The first Author. Eve: The first Reader. Adam: The first
Critic.
***
Life called up one thinker on his local phone and said:
“Just checking.”
…..In the cities, whilst the people pray that they may
“better remember,” this-or-that-god, or moral precept, thinkers
quietly seek for a sort of “on-the-other-handedness”ù whereby they
lose their recollection of hesitancy and doubt. …(Yep!, that’s
right — life said: “Just-t-t checkin’.”)
***
Local life’s invisible “Elementary School” (obligatory for
all) teaches its mortal graduates: “Once out, in adult,
intellectual-life — if you discover you don’t know what you’re
doing — assume the appearance of being extremely peeved and
serious.”
***
See — here’s how the situation is: Life’s always comin’ at
you from two different directions, and you all the time only
lookin’ with one eye.
…..And — See! — here’s another way the “situation be”:
Hormones want to be fed — with no temporal questions regarding
any “finality,” while neurons seek “answers” — and in a manner
exactly otherwise.
***
A Follow-Up to a story we brought to you last night: The
ordinary will often use their brand of humor as an attempt to
camouflage their plagiarism and conceal their lack of
originality. And now for some “Live — and ‘Semi Life’ News From
The Old City Stockyards”: All cows want is to be “left alone”;
all that, thinkers-trapped-in-bovine-bodies want is to be “put
out of their misery”!
***
Fashion News — As Regards Semi-Indelible “Body-Adornments”:
On his most private-of-parts, one man had tattooed, these words:
“The Ugly Have Only Themselves To Fear.” …(Aren’t all you
thinkers glad now that the Union made you throw away your mirrors
when you first signed up.)
…..The only permanent arrangements needed by a thinker are the
temporary kind.
***
The routine health of ordinary minds is dependent on the
nexus of collective thinking; this gives natural rise to such
everyday affairs as: Gossip, hero-worship, fascination-with-the-
famous, and all manners of casual, friendly “chit-chat.”
***
While the — “cat’s away,” birds can still play; but when
the birds are away — no one can. Well…actually, they can,
it’s just that there’s no one around to report on it.
***
One urban viewer joins in the fun by sending us her own
original definition: Advertising: Laxatives for the mind.
***
The Way In Which Life Directs Certain Aspects Of Its Local
Battle Strategy: “Give the crude, swords and pistols — give the
civilized, partisan thinking.” From the “Thinker’s Ward” of the
field hospital, could be heard such mournful cries as: “Ohh-h-h!
— Ahh-h-h! — Ugg-g-g! May god have sweet mercy on me! — I
have been struck — and to the depths of my soul, sorely pierced
— by either: Jagged shrapnel, or, someone’s blunt opinion! —
But either way: Ohh-h-h! — Ahh-h-h! — and, Ugg-g-g!”
***
First Act: Under hypnosis, one man admitted he had a “dirty
little secret.” Interactive, Alternative, Subsequent Scenes
(select one): * There is no such thing as “hypnosis”: * All
secrets are “dirty”: Men will admit anything without any
coercion; or: * There are no such things as “men.”
***
A “thinker’s concern”ù is not about “Getting stuck out on a
limb” — but rather how to get out on a limb. And a viewer sends
in this telepathic question: “Hey — if, as you’ve said, more
than once — there is no such thing as your verbally-tagged:
‘Real & Independent Thinker,’ then where the hell do you get off
to keep talking about ‘him’!?” Sir! — one of the better
questions of the month: I get “off-the-hell” at the same place
every other thinker does — nowhere, and everywhere. …Well —
Hey!ù — well, how about this! — he just mentally sent me back a
smiling “thank-you.”
***
More of the: “Otherwise, Invisible Reality — Right Before
Your Very Eyes”: The crudely-religious see the “hand-of-the-
devil” in any activity that truly encourages man to — change.
“That’s right, mama! — it’s true — and yet it can’t be true.”
But further note: A reality that comes toward you from only two
directions is already a mangled basis from which to begin. Why
does man have two brains? — two eyes? — Why are libraries
“air-conditioned”?…
…..One man’s conclusive, take on the matter: “Some books are
famous, and some are not — so what.”
***
If you run-out-of everything at once — you die; if you do so
“selectively” — you begin to think.
***
Logic: As Portrayed By A Version That Leaped, Nude, Out Of
A Cake At A Recent City Convention: Anyone who wants to be the
“center-of-attention” should be shot; everyone should be shot;
everyone should be the “center-of-attention” — now put your
clothes back on.
…..Although job descriptions come in many forms in the city,
for the truly civilized and sophisticated, there are actually
only two, now on-going: You’re either: “in show business” — or
else: you’re a “reporter.”
***
While giving a son an admonishment regarding gossip and
back-biting among friends, the father said: “You don’t ‘talk-
about’ a bud.” And a daughter, overhearing this thought: “Is
that why you never hear a thinker comment on what he thinks!?”
***
A certain city soothsayer, as he became increasingly popular
with the would-be “rich & famous” started billing himself as
the: “Hairball Groomer To The Stars!”
***
After pondering the ancient, philosophical question
regarding: “Reality And Consciousness,” this one man decided
that if there was any validity to the whole affair, then both of
them could not simultaneously exist. After that, he also invited
his first cousin, who is an, Old World, short-haired beaver, to
“reflect-on-the-matter” — for himself.
***
Only the bored and the dumb have the time to comment on
others.
***
In a way (you might say) a “Thinker” is one who can — “Do
The Boogie”ù — with his clothes on. And a viewer — somewhere —
thinks to his-or-her self: “If this is another one of those
‘metaphor-things’ — I’m gonna — pass out!”
***
“Okay,” said the teacher to the kids, “you dumb-wits in the
back — get your glasses checked! — everything you keep asking
me about is right before your little squinty eyes!” …(And
under her breath, muttered something totally “un-lady-like.”)
And the “Ph.D-Man” who was the Superintendent Of Schools happened
to be passing by the door at that moment, and immediately slapped
himself on the forehead, with both hands, as he internally
screamed to himself: “My God! — Chicken Little was right!”
***
Now For The Closing Prices On Today’s “City-Streets, Drug
Market”: The popularity of a thing depends on its popularity.
…Don’t get anxious! — We’ll give the final tallies from the
Religious Exchange also in just a moment — …(assuming that’s
not what we just did.)
***
To help note the shift in his thinking, right above his
mind, one man hung a banner which read: “Under New Management!”
***
Hormones tell time, but don’t watch clocks; neurons do, and
still don’t know high-noon from a hole in the ground. “By now,”
opines Professor X, “if neurons had any real sense of shame,
you’d think they’d’ave raised many-y-y an objection to much of
what’s been said about them around here!”
***
More News From The World Of: “Neuro, Electro-Chemistry”:
On the beach where Mary & The Lamb play, which is where the
collective’s reality meets the individual’s potential — whenever
the “surf’s up” — everything else is “shut down.” Only a
“viewer” would take the time and effort to write to himself to
say: “I don’t ‘get it’!”
…..Additional Note To The Unusually — “Open Ended”: When
morbific, and deadly conclusions are not your goal — “getting
it” becomes irrelevant. …(“Baa-a-a,” added, you-know-who!)
***
A Test For City Dudes & Dudettes: The way to tell if what
you “Believe-In” amounts to anything or not is whether — if you
didn’t — nothing would be any different.
***
Life: The Process. The Mind: That which says: “We must
come to some conclusion here!”
***
A drug has not “done its job” until the taker has fallen
down; no institution is exempt from this law.
***
In The Area Regarding City Matters And Local “Experts”:
It’s hard to take what a “serious man” says — seriously.
***
A man said: “I have ‘hormones-on-the-brain’.” And though
he was not correct, I know what he means.
***
The natural arrangement of things seems to be such that
minds weren’t intended to be solitary creatures.
***
Now a “Medical Follow-Up” to an earlier story covered
tonight: Only a person with a tumor — or other form of an
ordinary mind — has any right, privilege, or reason to ever —
“pass out.” (Thank you doctor — thank you ever so much.)
***
The old parts of a man’s mind say: “If you don’t think —
and talk about problems, you’ll never cure them,” while the newer
parts would say: “What!?”
***
A certain “grown man” after hearing it said that:
“Everyone’s best days are already behind them,” asked: “Then —
where was I when I peaked!?!?”
***
An ordinary man without neural problems would be “brain
dead.”
***
Those who publicly identify themselves and tell what kinda guy
they are, have an unnoticed desire to be brittle — and therefore,
sensitive.
***
And now an “end run” back to our, Simile Desk: A thinker
— with “credentials” — is like a brand new life raft with even
newer holes!
***
Super-Hero, Super Tip: Being “bullet-proof” only counts —
internally!
***
Men who can actually “do” something better than it’s being
done do not say: “I could do that better.”
***
Cows will sometimes feel such a desperate need to be taken,
even momentarily — “seriously — as an individual” — that they
will pay for the privilege. Any who doubt this can simply go
look in the mirror, or review certain of the “900 number” calls
on their phone bill.
***
Local conditions confided to one interested man, this
further bit of previously unrecorded data: “Time is not only ‘on
my side’ — time is one of my sides.”
***
There is a quite present danger in a thinker “taking credit”
for anything he does; and although this cannot be explained, or
proven, any thinker past his own age-of-maturity knows exactly
what I mean!
***
One man’s description of it: “The trick to thinking is to
stay alive while dying.”
***
A thinker already knows what everybody else thinks — his
excitement is in seeing what he’ll come up with next!
***
Those who know the secret — just smile; and those polite
(who know) — keep even their smile secret.
***
And now: Courtesy of one of our “In-House — ‘Sponsors-Of-
Thinking'” this: “Orthopedic Ode For Use On Certain Lame City
Dreams”: You can either: Live-in-the-city — or, go-back-to-
the-garden. Nope! — You can’t go back to the garden. “Okay,
nurse — send in the next one of those crippled ducks so we can
— get the hell outta here!”
***
The roadhouse wherein is played the “Thinker’s Boogie” is
just outside of town; always — just outside of town.
***
All right — now here is the complete situation, all wrapped
up for you this evening: * Life’s always comin’ at you from two
different directions, and you all the time only lookin’ with one
eye; — and; * hormones want to be fed — that’s all — just
fed!, with no temporal questions of any “finality” — while
neurons seek “answers” — and in a manner exactly otherwise; —
now, add to all of that — this; * the definitive point at which
ordinary perception and a thinker’s understanding diverge is in
the fact that: Life doesn’t want — cats to become birds!ù — it
wants them to become — better cats.
***