Summary = TBD
Condensed News Items = See Below
News Item Gallery = jcap 93082 -1151
Transcript = None
Key Words =
The News
93082- 1
Given a choice of either being referred to as, “incompetent,” or “stupid,”
Most people would pick “incompetent,”
Based on a common belief that incompetence can be cured.
93082- 2
Some Backstage News — For Either Sex — From The Wonderful World Of Music:
If you accept the ideas of others -You’re a groupie!
93082- 3
One of the few attempts by the simplistic to be original is to: Cry when caught! —
And when caught twice: Shoulder guilt, and threaten to go into the ministry.
93082- 4
Sitting on his steps, a man pondered: “If naming certain kinds of rodents, ‘squirrels’ made them more acceptable,
How can we be certain that we haven’t done something similar to our thinking?”
93082- 5
Compared: to physical assaults by their own kind,
Hormones don’t really mind being attacked by neurons. (or, do they?!?)
93082- 6
The ordinary mind has no way to understand what it’s doing as long as it IS ordinary.
(This is also accurate if, for the words, “The ordinary mind,”
You substitute the term, “A man’s ordinary life.”)
93082- 7
Now a story from our, Top 40′ Note-Pad: As he strolled along The country lane,
The solitary kid, softly sang: “I’ve gotta be me, I’ve gotta be me;
I’m so mad I could spit — I’m so mad I could pee — that I HAVE TO, Be me.”
93082- 8
And now a short feature entitled: “How the Laws-Of-Physics & The Will-Of-The-Human-Intellect Work Together to Produce the Phenomena That Constitute ‘Observable Reality “:
Hairs stick to wet fingers because they WANT TO!
93082- 9
One man confided to a friend: “I know you’ll laugh and think me the old fool — but I used to believe in reality.”
93082-10
Now from our, Definitions Desk:
The Human Mind: The ultimate, secret, “Sissy Meter.”
One man’s brain began yelling uncontrollably: “Stop it! Stop it! — I can’t STAND anymore! – So, he turned off our news show.
93082-11
One man in the crowd said that he was really, “into his feelings,”
And no one asked him what might be the alternative.
It has been suggested that there is no need to believe in, “Unidentified Flying Objects” — If you ARE one.
As per a recent report: The only scientific difference between Puccini and Country & Western music is that Country & Western music is not dead yet.
(Let all you “disbelievers” put THAT, “into your feelings” and deep-fry it!)
93082-12
Let You In On A Secret: Those “cold as ice” still get “mad as hell.”
93082-13
Fair’s Fair: Those who encourage the simplistic in their simplistic ways
Are the ones to properly enjoy the resulting benefits and rewards thereof.
An alert man never says: “Let me out of here!” without a good idea of what is outside.
93082 14
Two guys were talking, and one of them said: “At least a man who’s still alive, still has a chance.”
And his bud replied: “Yeah, but one alive and still thinking about it, has an even better one!”
Two guys were walking — and they both walked away.
93082-15
Religious Maxim Update: There ARE no “critics” in a fox hole! —
— Well, leastwise none on a hormonal battlefield!
93082-16
Not having regular parents and all, when he was a child,
This one man, later in life,
Was forced to claim that he had abused himself.
…(“Hey!,” noted he, “How ELSE you gonna explain it!?”)
93082-17
As danger drives a herd together — So does stupidity, man.
A viewer says: “Just once! — just once-and-for-all — I wish we could get it straight-and-established:
I am NOT: An animal, A vegetable, A peninsula, or any OTHER weird thing you come up with! — I am ME, dammit! — just ME! — And I don’t know WHY people can’t REMEMBER THAT!”
Another guy looked at himself and said: “Moo-o-o, to you-u-u.”
93082-18
Also, you might want to remember this:
Life’ll take a lot from man — but NOT enough for you to ever notice.
93082-19
Aggressive cultural fidelity can be an anchor in the complex seas that so often seem to batter the simplistic.
93082-20
Sometimes when Local Conditions would present this one man with REAL challenges,
He’d respond by saying: “Don’t make-e-e me-e-e LAUGH,” And L.C.’s would reply: “I never have, thus far! — It’s always been your OWN doing.”
Which is JUST HOW the guy LIKED IT!
A viewer asks: “Is, ‘local conditions’ a proper name?” – Well sir, I’ll let YOU be the one to tell them OTHERWISE!
93082-21
Being “intellectually ordinary” MAY not — “save you,” But at LEAST it’ll- keep you from knowing what real danger you might be IN.
Yes indeed-dee: “Cold Comfort” for the Chilly Minded.
93082-22
When alone, the mayor of this one city would sing to himself:
“Long on the top,
Short on the sides;
That’s my hair-do,
And my brain size.”
Urban Definition Break: Intellectual Democracy: “Mental Tyranny” with even LESS certainty.
…(And Dr. Johnston adds: “If that be possible!”)
93082-23
And yet another way you can correctly identify the civilized and crude is that
They will hate Symbolism even more than Metaphors
…(And Milton-The-Magnificent adds: “Well, they’re SUPPOSED to!”)
93082-24
City Social Secrets: When in doubt — Pout!
When ignorant, sublime — Whine.
“My boy!” said local conditions to the kid, “You’ll, ‘Go-places’ around here!”
And the lad thought: “What a laugh!”
93082-25
Health Tip: Besides: Food, sex and sleep — reality can be, good for you.
93082-26
Health Tip Update: Besides: Food, sex, sleep, and reality being good for you — — THINKING can REALLY “top-it-all-off”!
93082-27
One man said: “You don’t fool me!”
And replied: “Sure I can, and you’ve got no way of ever knowing!”
Then said back: “That’s not FAIR-R-R.”
93082-28
One nice thing about being “ordinary” is that you don’t have to take lessons.
93082-29
There’s a photograph currently floating around the newsroom of the city
Which shows Benjamin Franklin, Saint Augustine, Genghis Khan,
And a well-known local anchorman standing together –
And while the consensus is that it’s a cut-&-paste-job,
The one dissenting voice is that of the reporter who says he just can’t remember!
He just can’t be absolutely certain!
93082-30
The simplistic just LOVE-E-E to be flattered! — …Ahh-h-h, but YOU knew that already.
93082-31
The way life keeps city intellectuals and mystics out of trouble is by making them above all — serious!
93082-32
A man “challenges” this kind of News, (expostulates he):
“If it can’t be proved — how ‘dumb’ I am,
Then it can’t be proved how smart YOU are! — So, THERE!”
Proof, proof, who’s got the proof!? — Were you about to SAY something? Or did you just swallow-a-rat!?
93082-33
If the ordinary did not have the past, to which to cling — what WOULD they hold to?!
93082-34
From The Deep, Ancient & Silent Forests — As hormones sprouted neurons,
And men moved into cities, and became civilized;
In the wake sprang up: chefs, carpenters, prostitutes, and others to think for you.
A man held his head and said: “God! — but that it WERE true, that you, could, ‘never go-home again.’“
Pertinent Definition Time: Death & Dumbness: The “easy” way out! — AND — back in, again.
93082-35
One man’s psychiatric “take” on things:
“Everybody’s crazy as a loon! And those apparently not so much so
Are just those who notice it first about everybody else.”
93082-36
In chastising some crude language she heard, a mother told a child:
“Basic bodily functions are no-o-o fit subject for conversation!”
And the kid was internally struck: “So THAT’S why I never heard them talk about thinking!”
93082—37
In the chemical world of ideas – Anyone you step on sticks to your foot.
The curious gait,
On the ballroom floor,
Is explained, in part –
By the gum on the feet.
After retuning his guitar and slipping the slide on his finger, he announced:
“Here’s a new blues I wrote especially for my mind, and it’s entitled:
‘I’m Stickin’ Wid Chu Baby — As IF I Had A Choice’.”
Time Out for A Definition: A Real Thinker: One who — even UNDER “Impossible circumstances,” HAS, somehow, Come UP with some cockamamie “took-alike” FOR real “choice.”
93082-38
Query: “How is it possible for the mind to ‘tell itself’ things it doesn’t already know!?” — I will take this as a, “rhetorical inquiry,”
Inasmuch as with the ordinary it is NOT possible.
93082-39
Some Behind The Scenes News — For Either Sex — From The Wondrous World Of War:
If you’re not, thinking originally — you’re a camp follower.
And a man says: “Yes, yes, yes! – but in spite of all that — It still seems unfair to me
To be calling cows, ‘whores & prostitutes.'”
You know, in spite of himself,
The chap almost put a handle on just what it is to be part of the collective intelligence.
93082-40
Preaching to the converted is child’s play compared to talking to the simplistic.
…(Anyone who immediately grasps the meaning of this may:
batten down their tongue,
put away their ears, and head on out to the playground early.)
93082-41
A man met some “city-intellectuals” and said to them: “Tell me anything worthwhile that you know — but don’t tell me personal anecdotes.”
A viewer asks: “What is the difference between an ‘intellectual,’ and a ‘thinker’?”
Sir, if you don’t know — you ain’t one.
93082 42
Literary News With A Short, Short Fuse:
There is a new, urban-based religion which says that when god gets good and sick of
An intellectual man’s wobblings, and worryings, and wailings —
He takes away his typing paper.
93082-43
Another Distinction Is That: A hermit wants to be away from people — While a private thinker wants to BE with him SELF.
93082-44
One man’s life was more important to him than almost anyone else’s ….
Okay, strike, “almost” — Oh, okay, change, “life” to, “ideas” — NOW are you satisfied!?
93082-45
The producer of the program told the man: “You can appear on our show ONLY if you promise to whine.”
93082-46
Romance & Morality, Revisited — (And With OUT An Appointment!):
You can cheat on your wife,
With but slight attritions,
But you can’t be un-true to,
Local conditions. …
(“Ah yes,” added Professor Sardonicus, “Once you’ve been screwed by the best –
Nothing else will ever do. Oh, Yoo Whoo!)
93082-47
One man says: “You know — If it weren’t for punctuation — we might finally GET somewhere’
Above the entrance to the university was carved these words:
“The Human Mind Is A TERRIBLE Thing To Stop In Mid-Sentence! — But What Else’ Can You DO!?”
Escaped Definition: Education: “Art” with most of the fun extracted.
(In-House Item: According to the latest Whooper-Cooper Survey,
Hardly anyone watches this show who has a degree higher than A, “B.A.,” or 102.)
93082-48
Mythology Rolled on Its Side And Tickled Near Its Private Parts:
In certain depths,
Of certain seas,
Unusually large fish will let
Silly men ride their backs.
93082-49
Theology: MYTH-ology with most of the fun taken out.
93082-50
One ole sorehead said: “You know, regardless — I kinda like machines —
— If it weren’t for machines, I wouldn’t have anything to hate worse than people.”
93082-51
Plastic flows in, and,
Plastic flows out;
When you’re Barbie, or Ken, it’s
Always about: It all becomes simple,
Direct in your face;
Once you see it’s ALL,
Polymer based.
The preceding poem was brought to you by the slogan: “I Have Met the Environment, And It Is Me.”
A man muses: “I’m not so sure I should be all that delighted to learn that I’ll be ‘living-next-door-to’ me!”
And a red bird adds: “I told you I was the same as a blue bird -Except that — I’m a red bird.”
93082-52
Some News from The City’s “Boarder Patrol”: When it conies right down to it — we’re ALL immigrants.
Note: It is only after the young grow up, and Eve becomes Barbie,
That men begin to feel like they’re a stranger in a strange land.
93082-53
An older told a younger:
“Kid, I hate to disillusion you so early in the game, but I’ve got to tell you that:
What passes for ‘intellectual-discourse’ in the city is nothing but ‘lip-syncing’.”
93082-54
News from our Neuro-Sexual Desk: Whenever the simplistic DO try and, “get a bit complex,”
They generally just end up back inside their own pants.
93082-55 The only way a thinker can make notes to himself is to make them indecipherable to others.
A man asks: “Does, ‘others,’ include your own brain?”
93082-56
Neural Dead-Lock & Dread-Lots:
A man without secrets is a man without EVERY thing.
93082 -57
A viewer writes: “You know — You DID warn us several nights ago that
A cow who really expects any privacy in a herd Is probably also in need of some psychological counseling. I now suspect that when you spoke of cows, herds, and privacy,
You were actually referring to individuals, the collective, and
What might be the potential distinction between their separate approaches to thinking.”
93082-58
One man says that in additional to “being himself,”
He feels certain he must also be his own, previously unrecognized, unseparated, twin brother,”
Since he finds it totally inconceivable that one man ALONE could be as Stupid as he sometimes is.
93082-59
Hoarder’s Tip: One man told his son: “If you save-up for fun,
You may have none.”
A viewer says: “Now if THIS one TOO, Actually has something to DO with, ‘thinking,’
Then I’m for SURE,
Never gonna watch your
Show no more:”
93082-60
Ideas held over forty-eight hours tend to spoil.
93082 – 61
Little Known Electro-Chemical Fact-O-Gram: Since — regardless of what men have so long, and so passionately believed –
The ship-of-life, (including man’s little dinghy) , is NOT sinking.
This has made SOME men SO angry and embarrassed that they took up “dying”
Just to try and make it appear their predictions WERE correct.
93082-62
Repeat-O-Gram: Ideas kept over forty-eight hours tend to spoil and rot.
93082-63
Seriousness,
As practiced by the ordinary,
Can prove anathematic to originality, and increased complexity of thought.
93082-64
An Unfair Contest: The collective’s “wish-wisdom” vs an individual thinker’s “secret-certainty.”
An UN-N-N Fair Contest.
93082-65
Yes, it is “US” — continuing to offer you: “MORE Definitions FOR Your Money!”:
“Social Climbing”– (In The Intellectual Sense): Cows in tails and tiaras.
Question: Do you know why all of the music at fancy city balls sounds the same? —
Because it IS the same — you tone-deaf dummy.
93082-66
A viewer writes: “I constantly hear references to, ‘normal’ people,
But all you talk about is ‘ordinary’ ones–am I missing something?!”
93082-67
A, “You Can Save Yourself Some Time, If You WANT To” tip: Trying to revive the dead is strictly an undertaking for the simplistic.
93082 – 68
As he wandered through the poster shop, one man stopped and thought: “If, ‘Being In Love Means Never Having To Say You’re Sorry,’ Then ‘being -original’ SHOULD mean that you never really HAVE to say ANYTHING! — (if you don’t want to.)
93082-69
One man told himself: “I know you don’t like it,
And I know you don’t like to hear about it,
And I know you think that it might not be true,
But still I tell you: Every bit of criticism Is a bit of suicide for your mind.”
And from our Science Desk: The Laws-Of-Language came about to take care of those too sissified to handle the Big-time laws of stuff like: Electro-Chemistry, and, Hormonal-Reality, and like that.
93082-70
The simple seem to consistently suffer from the fear of becoming, “OVERLY complex.”
“Well, bless their little hearts!” said a hamster, “Bless their little hearts.”
And a viewer says: “Well, I’ll just be DAMNED If I’ll be patronized by some Two-bit rodent! —
That’s what we have human institutions for!”
93082-71
If the height of your humor is in laughing at some specific human
Then you don’t yet realize what’s really funny about life.
93082-72
If a real thinker — In trying to explain something,
used an example from everyday life,
And you thought he was literally discussing the example, then a thinker’s wasting his time even talking to you.
93082-73
Once he became civilized, man’s neurons announced to the rest of him: “To us — no longer applies the routine laws of nature.”
And though not so — on this basis he continues to properly operate.
And silently, doeth swoon, in envy and amazement, all of the beasts, at the sight of man.
93082-74
The Invigorating, Sang Froid Nature of Neural Reality:
At times when the sexual-mistress of, “collective intelligence”
Was unavailable, or seemed otherwise unable to satisfy a frustrated individual,
It would often kindly say, “Hey! — you gotta HAND, don’t chu?”
As she would walk by,
The independent piano player would slap his whore on the ass and say: “You’re a COLD-D-D woman! — and I like that in a hot-pursuit.”