Summary = TBD
Condensed News Items = See Below
News Item Gallery = jcap 93073 -1142
Transcript = None
Key Words =
Everyone will eventually get their wish
Everyone will eventually get both of them.
If you act weird — people’ll think you’re weird;
If you act dumb — people’ll believe you’re dumb;
If you act intelligent, people’ll say: “Who let HIM in!?”
And now a sweet feature from our, Appearances Desk:
If you have to “make comparisons” to make yourself look good — you lookin’ BAD-D-D!
One chap skipped the trip to the Museum of Natural History, explaining he:
“I have my own fossils — right here in my head.”
The theory of this one new city cult is that:
Being alive is the same as being dead except you’re alive while being it.
A Poem —A NEWS Poem:
Hostile, ain’t funny,
Though many folks ‘laugh;
Hostile, ain’t funny so –
Yes — even a thinker can enjoy the news!
if it’s April Fools Day.–
and IF all the bars are closed —
and IF his car will go out & wash itself and if and if and if and if.
What city intellectuals like to call, “the challenge of change” is actually pretty simple —
It’s the ability to change.
If you’re a real thinker, “personal problems” should be wallpaper & Muzak.
“My god! Prof. Faber, if you examine that sentence closely, you’ll see it’s no metaphor at all!”
A certain father gave his son this Urban Warrior’s Tip:
“Never turn and look at someone you get mad at.”
Now for some, Mental Health News You Can Sure Use,
From our in-house, “E.T. Psychologist,” (reports he):
“Ease up! — give yourself a break! — Dig it! —
If you’re alive-&-ordinary— you have all ready, “done yourself in” — that’s a given! –
Now, ease up on it! — give it a break, all-ready!”
Thank you, Doctor.
Now a return trip to the old Definitions Desk:
Civilization: The boring made palatable . ….. no, wait-up!
Civilization: The boring made fashionable! ahh, let’s be truthful for once!
Civilization: The boring FORCED upon us!
(Phew! Well, I feel much better!)
Continuing along our well-established path: More, “News”:
One man was the “center of his universe”!
What a man! —
What a universe!
What a story!
And now —
Back to whatever it was that we were doing.
One man leaped in the air —
Pulled his hair —
And screamed: “I’m driving myself CRAZY!,”
And his self replied: “Who BETTER!?”
Now an item from our Communications Desk:
Everybody’s hormones and mind is all the time talkin’ to them –
But this is just local information, presented by sub-carriers –
There IS universal info being simultaneously broadcast, you know.
As you dance —
You can look at the dance — Or at the other dancer.
A Correspondent’s Observation:
Some men are born with “wind-up brains,” and greasy fingers.
And from our Meteorological Desk:
The weather outside looks extremely potential.
One man’s postulate:
“If you can’t laugh at life, it feels free to dump on you.”
Thinking is the only insurance that’s still worthwhile — even if you never need
And a viewer writes:
“I appreciate it when you do one that I don’t get,
And then don’t have some viewer write in to say: ‘I don’t get-t-t it!”‘
Now for some Financial & Surveying News:
If men could ever agree on just exactly what the truth” IS —
Then maybe they could finally locate it! —
And permanently fix it! —
And ruin everything!
There is a Ten Hour Sale this Friday on, “Codpieces For The Mind.”
…”Did he say, ‘pieces’, or, ‘feces’?”
One man said: “I can hardly wait.”
The Preacher-In-The-Well looked up and said:
“Although life doesn’t send out bills — it’ll STILL repossess everything you own.”
“I say, Prince William,
What even DID happen to that nice one about:
‘Ding, Bong, bell,
Pussy went to hell.’
You see, class — THAT is EXACTLY what can occur when you
Let hormones GET TOO CLOSE to royalty!
In his campaign, the candidate used the slogan:
“Every man a king — every man a dunderhead.”
One thing about civilization is that:
Even when run through a meat grinder — civilization will still come out — Civilization!
Okay, okay — I realize that we haven’t had one today — so, we’ll have one today:
A confused man is a happy man.
(Well, at least he’s a normal man!)
The four o’clock speaker on the program made these comments:
“A man’s mind is like a pressure cooker–
I don’t know WHY — but it is.
And good day.”
One way you could ponder the difference between how the mind normally operates,
As distinguished by what might be meant by such terms as,
“Real thinking,” or, “Independent thinking,”
Is that mens’ mental attention is ordinarily “somewhere else” — “at some other time,”
Or at least functionally dependent on, “distant times & faraway places,”
While a non-partisan thinker is the sole actor whose thinking is absolutely contemporary, —
and thus — futuristic and always ahead.
The Assistant Branch Manager of the Water & Sewer Department told his son:
“No matter how you cut it — If you’re ‘alive,’ you’re gonna catch a bunch of shit — …
That is —
If you’re conscious–and aware of it.”
Civilization is supposed to be noisy! Trust me on this one—it really is!
The Human Experience — Re-Experienced, Verbally:
All of the really great prophets are really dead-&-deceased.
Okay — Fact:
Okay — Civilization is STILL supposed to be noisy! (I told you to trust me on it!)
Love Ballad for City Folks:
Write on your brains,
Write on your hearts,
Even write on your “naughty-parts”;
What is the message?
What is the point?
Is your -triumph to be,
To make a pig say “Oink”!?
One of the city’s TV Critics said: “I hate the news when it pisses on my foot — don’t you!?
Collective-Thinking is a unique investment in that it is quite obvious
You will never get your money back, much less turn a profit…
— Yet who can resist!?
The visiting circus’ chaplin last Sunday told the worshipers:
“God gave the tiger a singularly keen eye;
And god gave the elephant the strength of a score;
God gave the dog fleas, and God gave man thoughts—now let’s go eat!”
One man said: “I think I’ve got it! —
I won’t let the relationship itself become a partner in my relationships.
Is that it!? — have I got it!?”
If you’re ordinary, you don’t have to read history — you ARE history!
One man used to walk-by-the-lake—until he realized it’ll eventually KILL ‘im.
One man looked at himself in the mirror and said:
“Don’t you think it’s about time we get SERIOUS about life!?”
And his reflection replied: “How ‘old are you?”
(And the man told him),
And his reflection asked: “How much money you got?”
(And the man told him),
And his reflection said: “How much do you know about what life is really all about?”
(And the man tried to answer him as best he could),
And his reflection stared back at him rather incredulously, and with :a sardonic chuckle, said
” ‘Serious’, you say —
You say you want to get ‘serious’—Hey! — GET SERIOUS!”
In the city — everything weighs the same.
People who say that they want to be able to “think for themselves,”
And try to learn to do so by way of the info and instructions collectively available,
Are, (sad to say), in the same boat with “mental bed-wetters.”
‘Of course, better a “boat” — (eh what!?) — than under the old covers! – eh, what!
“You see, son, the reason it’s permissible to kick the collective
When they’re, ‘down-and-out..’,
Is that —
They’re never ‘DOWN-and-out!'”
A man with a “point-of-view” has — by force of physics — a limited view.
Addition to: “How Things Work in City Life and City Minds”:
Mozart and Michelangelo died so long ago that nobody really cares any more.
And a chap in a suit and wrist watch notes:
“If it ‘ain’t moldy, it ain’t real art.”
From their midst, a voice arose and exclaimed:
“The ability-to-change is forever an endangered species.”
The God Of Humor ain’t really no god at all.
Well … it get’s a mite stickier here.
Now it’s, Fairy Tale Time:
Instead of talking about, “thinkers, and non-thinkers,”
Today let’s just call them the, “spicy people, and the not-so-spicy.”
One day in a land far away,
One of the real spicy ones responded to something the others had said, in these words:
“But I don’t ‘THINK ABOUT myself’ — leastwise in the way you do.”
(Ahhh! — they just don’t write ’em like that anymore.) —
Thanks, Gus, now let’s turn to sports –Opps!
-Here’s a late breaking story! —
Over in this one city, all of the myths have burned down …no, I’m sorry,
It really says: “Over in this one HEAD, all of the myths…,” etc. etc.
Okay, Gus — back to you — get me out of this.
Shhhh, life is talking.
The inscription on one family’s crest read:
“Take care of your garbage, and it will take care of you.”
(The patriarch of the brood said he stole it from a civilization he once met.)
And now over to Bob for a story from our, City Beat:
In today’s world: A “man-with-a-desk” is potentially more dangerous than a man with a gun.
And say, Charlene, a viewer sends us in his personal, “news item,” (it says):
“Life provided men with cream-filled doughnuts and satin-lined coffins
just to make him, ‘feel better’ — HAH! – what a laugh!”
If not satisfied, within 30 days, your money will be refunded, —
less, shipping & handling charges.
A Toast In Praise Of Academia:
Here’s to education!
“Here, here! ” —
If it ever succeeded — we’d HATE IT!
A Corrected Sound Of Progress, Tramping Through Collective Cities:
Once past the age of puberty hairs — most change seems for the worse! —
And as far as into the age of grey hairs — well, FORGET IT!
Yeah -I guess:
I guess you could call everything a man doesn’t know, “secret knowledge.”
Although hormones will survive —
Neurons always be axin’: “Which way’s the life boats? — Which way’s the life boats?”
One man wrote himself a post card that said:
“Is it unusually difficult living SO-0-0 far behind the times!?!?”
After reading it — and finding no return address —
He became SO angry that he GLUED IT into a-MILLION little pieces.
In many ways,
A thinker surprises his mind;
….And it says; “Thanks.”
Don’t let country songs and bad poetry turn you off relationships –
Just remember: You can’t divorce life.
More Thinker’s Diagrams:
Teach your mind to, sneak up on itself.
The intelligence required to run the everyday affairs of the city
is basically the same intelligence needed to get up in the morning.
Real thinking is never a part of the status quo.
Civilization: Capital “C , v, i” and so on:
Everyone’s given a sore to lick.
Now come ON, out there! let’s really HEAR IT for the “Big C”! YEAH-H-H!!
Beggin’ life for mercy is same as tellin’ it: “Age me faster! — age me faster!”
From Column A, “Thinker’s Menu; Revised”:
No matter how sweet and easy it goes down — remember that,
Collective thought is “empty-calorie-addictive.”
93 13 -61
And thusly, doeth a kind viewer appear to complaineth:
“Hey, I ‘m sick of hearing you knock-the-past!
That’s the ONLY place there IS anything exciting going on!”
Real thinking is never part of the status quo — even when IT’S living in the past.
Dumb people tend to get testy.
Try it! — test ’em!
One man’s proffered Fact:
“The positive aspect of being ‘totally incompetent’ is that
There is no prospect of additional disappointment ahead.”
Ring ‘Em Up! — Call ‘Em Up! — It’s Definitions Time Again:
The Dead: Those on unlimited expense accounts.
And still another one:
A Mind That Can Contemporaneously Think: A field without fences.
Beyond the local, low-level debate over whether man is intrinsically,
“Good and kind, or evil and aggressive” —
Try a thinker’s higher view, to wit that,
Man is instinctively, hormonal and neural.
One kid asked her older brother:
“What could be more fun than the fun you can have naked!?”
And he replied:
“The fun you can have mentally stripped!”
Some Science News:
A Comparison Of Certain Medical Approaches:
For the ordinary, there are no cures — only treatments;
For thinkers there are no ills — only laughs.
A Certain Sequence & Chronology of Man:
Going from: Savage: Loose — too loose;
To: Civilized: Tight — often too tight;
To the: Independent-Stage — a kind of willful “re–loosening,”
Metaphors: What came about once man’s mind got old enough to say: “Yuk! — I’m SICK of spinach! — I want some CANDY!”
Everyone’s dancing — thinkers hear the music.
One man’s motto was: “Many, if not most—some, if not all.”
And when asked what he referred to — would only smile.
…..thinkers, hear the music.