Summary = TBD
Condensed News Items =See Below
News Item Gallery = jcap 93070 -1139
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The News
93070- I
The News: A Poem:
The news ain’t deep,
The news ain’t heavy;
It comes in a bunch,
It comes in a bevy.
If you don’t like it now,
Don’t raise a fuss;
Some more’n come along,
Just like a bus.
*The News *
93070- 2
And now the story of: The Three Brothers:
One of them watches TV with his eyes closed;
A second one talks to people with his hearing aid turned off;
And the third one — ah yes, the third one:
The third brother — acting as a surrogate, stand-in for all of humanity,
Confronts life each day, head-on with his brain set on Low.
93070- 3
Above the mirror —
In his bathroom — over the sink
One man had this note taped:
“I’d like to thank all of you for coming here this morning.”
93070- 4
And now for some -History:
Men invented architecture to help prop up the Middle Ages.
93070-5
A correspondent contacts us to say that he fears his local civilization
May be breaking down! —
— He says that they’re holding this year’s Chopin Competitions on a firing range.
After a moment or so had passed, a young lad asked his dad:
“Why wouldn’t people have laughed as much if he had said that
They were holding this year’s Arm Wrestling Finals in Symphony Hall!?”
…(And after the lapse of a bit more time, I inquired of you:
“Do you get it!? — Do you see what the kid was pointing to!?
— That collective, bisected society,
Residing in each man’s head.”
93070– 6
“A History & Hierarchy Of Intellectual, Pack Evolution” — no, make that just,
“Intellectual Evolution,” or just, “Pack Evolution,” which ever you’d like:
At any rate — “The History & Hierarchy”:
Cows aren’t very sensitive;
Sheep are more so;
Men are the most “sensitive” of all.
93070-7
It’s actually quite simple: If you don’t write your own material, you’re not a real thinker
93070- 8
One sorehead told his son:
“If life makes you sick — you’re probably pretty healthy.”
93070- 9
Now from the category of, “Possibilities” comes this question, worth over twenty dollars:
A man with too much talent might-be seen as having none.
93070-10
Fact: Some people are more serious than others.
Fact: Some people prefer a tall, vertical headstone, others a squat, horizontal one.
After-Market Fact: On the wrong side of town — seriousness can get-you-killed, Jack!
93070-11
On to the, School of The Air, and our electronic lesson this evening concerns Math:
Theorem One: Hormones will drive you crazy.
Theorem Two: If you didn’t have neurons, you wouldn’t realize it.
Theorem Three: But if you didn’t have neurons, you’d never be able to experience the joy of
Being drove crazy! — So, There!
Post Graduate Addendum:
Those who suspect some connection between, “thinking,” and, “going crazy” —
MAY BE on the right track! Choo, choo, ya’ll.
93070-12
One man’s present social position seems in serious peril since he has begun having
Continuing difficulty distinguishing verbally, between the concepts of,
“Unfashionable” and “unfathomable.”
93070-13
Although not recognized by routine zoology & anthropology,
Biped, city bovines do engage in a form of grooming —
it is known as, “conversation.”
93070-14
Picking his teeth, one man observed:
“As concerns the ‘Meaning-of-life,’
The way I figure it is that there’s two possibilities:
Either nobody can figure out what it is, so there ain’t one! — OR,
A few people did — and it made ’em sick.”
93070-15
And now this inspiring item from our Religion. Desk:
Everyone’s Secret Prayer To Life: “Just leave me alone.”
Well, say there Malcom,
As long as we’re in the neighborhood,
How about one more pertinent definition?
Well, sure Edith, go right ahead:
Religion: REAL-L-L expensive “art.”
93070-16
Some City. News Delivered by Way of Definition:
Murder, Muggings, & Mayhem: Temporary treatments for the-boredom of civilization.
93070 17
What seems bullshit to a thinker might actually be bullshit –
But it could also be necessary bullshit to the ordinary.
93070-18
One man mused:
“If you don’t want anything from the city,
You don’t have to pay any attention to their commercials. “
— And right then he decided to figure out how to use this idea,
Pertinent to how he went about the business of thinking.
93070-19
Unspoken Maxim Amongst City Parents:
Bring up a child in the ways of his culture and ancestors, and
The future of geldings and castrato will be assured.
93070-20
And now — back for a return visit:
Collective people are happy people! …As long as they stay in a bunch.
93070-21
New Folk Lore:
If you pretend to be REAL-L-L sad — just before you die Fate will take a likin’-to-ya.
The Chairman of-the Anthropology Department said: “My mouth hurts.”
93070-22
A viewer writes:
“If it’s all the same to you
I’d just as soon you don’t re-define ‘civilization’ any more,
I’m already sick enough of it as it is.
Thanks,
Yours,” (and so forth).
93070-23
We will now follow up on a story we covered for you earlier this week,
For it appears there may have been an error therein;
Here is the “corrected” version of that particular item:
Either — “two men were talking” — OR, one man was talking to himSELF, and said:
“What could possibly be WORSE than knowing someone ‘middle-aged’!?”
And the reply came back:
“Also having known them when they were YOUNG! — and perhaps — STILL ALIVE!”
93070-24
A person who can think — always has a friend! —
And a person who can think IS your friend.
(Weird & spooky, huh!?)
93070-25
Progress on this planet has been such that man’s brain —
— An exquisitely refined piece of fossil fuel driven machinery
Can — when necessary —
Be run off of water, or imagination.
And — reviving himself momentarily —
The Chairman of The Anthropology Department said: “What do you mean, ‘WHEN necessary’!?”
93070-26
And further “also,” and, “moreover,” in-addition-to, (and like that):
Our Re-Write Desk has re-written a story from last night that reported:
“The only insubordination profitable to the independent-minded is one
He exercises against his own collective-based thinking.”
The re-done version is in the form of a definition:
A Waste of Time: –Cows kicking other cows in the ankles.
93070-27
One man said:
“When I’m sick — I make me sick!”
93070-28
And now I believe that Beth has another “Definition” for us — take it away Beth:
Thanks Aldo, yes, I do, and here it is:
Compassion: Intelligence in a leisure suit.
93070-29
Whenever local conditions is playing a con game,
It’ll always have a smiling shill present, encouraging people to play.
…(How much have YOU lost so far?’ Oh, I’M sorry! —
So YOU thought that YOU were a shill,
And immune from loss?
Oh!, I’m sor-ree-e-e.
Yes friends & farmers,
Another fine news feature,
Keeping you right up to date regarding the wonderful world of, “In-sti-tutions.”
93070-30
One man said: “Trouble’s my middle name!”
And someone pointed out to him that this was NOT very “original,”
Since many men before him had adopted this moniker,
And he said: “What’s ‘adopt’ mean?”
93070-31
In their conversations, cows talk most about other cows and their own personal relationships
Thinkers talk most about ideas;
The two groups hardly ever get together-to chat.
* Their intellectual twains hardly ever meet. *
93070-32
The teacher chided:
“Because you’ve been BAD-D-D little boys & girls,
I’m going to have to give you one MORE definition of civilization”;
And in spite of their heart-wrenching cries and pleas,
Onward she pressed with her threat:
“Civilization,” (she said),
Civilization: Let’s put on suits and argue.
93070-33
The attempt to think independently is the only effort that is its own opposition and outcome.
93070-34
Now for a feature from our newly, revamped, “Stylish City Living Section”:
Life CAN seem more “complicated — when you have a brain tumor! — right up front!
And to be fair about it: Some people in the back,
(With Unfashionable head injuries), say that they don’t get this one either.
9 30 70-35
One man says: “Thinking makes me smile.”
93070-36
And another man said: “Other people’s thinking makes me smile.”
93070-37
And one man’s mind said to him: “Don’t forget — I’m on-call.”
93070-38
A “Looking Back”:
As soon as things got to going good —
Some men became frightened of civilization! —
— And to make jt even worse — they invented religion.
* “Hah,” exclaimed they, “That’ll teach us!” *
93070-39
And now this human — or at least, SEMI-human “interest story”
From the world of Intellectual Patriotism:
One would-be thinker stood and declared:
“I regret that I have but one cow to give to the stockyards!”
93070-40
Definitions Time, again:
An Independent Thinker: One who can run a rowdy, eclectic boarding house in peace.
93070-41
Many ordinary, everyday people who believe that they are unusually smart
At least have the decorum to not ever mention it.
Thus is presented, for your viewing and dancing pleasure, as our “Funny For The Day!”
93070-42
And one civilization said: “Pithy’s MY middle name!”
(I’m paraphrasing it, because what it actually said took over two thousand years to complete.
Then suddenly! —
Flying in low — just over the top of a partially constructed fourteenth century cathedral,
Came — Captain Irony! — shouting out as he sowed:
“I KNEW you guys would need my help again someday!”
93070-43
Question:
Don’t argue with hormones.
…wait Question:
Don’t argue with hormones?
93070-44
Thought one man:
“Well, if I have to be a shill for somebody, at least it’s gonna be for myself! —
and I’ll try to keep even THAT secret!”
93070-45
A city reflector — better make that, a city philosopher — said:
“Sure — you could give a cow a college degree, but still — what would you have!?
Simply a cow with a college degree!”
…(Having said this seemed to disorient him and with no further comment,
he staggered on about his previous business.)
93070-46
A boy asked his father:
“IF civilization has really ‘taken us anywhere,’
Then why have we gone from simply plucking food right off of trees, ready to eat,
To now being involved with lengthy and complex ‘preparations’ there OF!?” —
The father suddenly appeared dumbfounded!
And from the kitchen his mother’s voice said: “Don’t argue with hormones.”
93070–47
In one solar system they have this legend:
And lo —
The day arrived when god said:
“I’m TIRED of speaking in the same old parables! Get me some speech writers!” —
And lo —
Thus did man come about.
A middle-aged appearing woman with a grapefruit and a handgun says:
“It’s exactly those kinds of pseudo-myths and allegories that get me extremely upset.”
93070-48
One man had this personal approach of never responding to a question in the same context
as which it was asked.
…He would even use it on himself.
93070-49
A kid thought:
“How come I can’t figure it!? How come history don’t mean anything to a dead man!? –
How come? —
How come?”
93070-50
More data from our, Comparisons Desk:
Predictability, simple — change …change’? …We don’t need no stinkin’ change!
After yet another hard day of, “being himself,” one man would often say to himself:
“I am really proud of you.”
93070-51
All groups are molecular.
And though unseen –-Obviousness marches on!
93070-52
A -sexologist notes:
“Whenever people speak to me confessionally and use the term, ‘imagination,’
I realize them to actually mean, ‘masturbation.'”
And an independent-minded man says:
“I see the same occurring whenever ordinary people speak of thinking and imagination.”
93070-53
A Page from Our, “Literary History 102:
Satire has been some city creatures’ first stumbling steps toward individual thinking.
93070-54
Combination Bio, and, Psycho-Logical Update, (Along with A “Maxim Correction”):
Charity begins with genes! OR — Maybe not!
93070-55
Okay — Definitions Time, AGAIN-gain:
An Independent Minded Thinker: One who can clasp-an asp to his bosom, and
Cause the two to merge.
A noted television critic, from across the water, has contacted us with the warning that
He will no longer review this program if we continue to use the word, “bladder” on the air.
93070-56
The Head of the kingdom’s religious institution one day said to his son:
“Since they took our armies away from us, business is not NEAR-RR as good.”‘
93070-57
Now from our Science Desk, some Space News:
To the independent-minded, any present reality based on collective ideas is an alien environment.
93070-58
The “Design Award” for intellectual ergonomics is in being able to think.
And a viewer complains:
“I really don’t like it when you just use the word, ‘think,’
Like you just did,
Instead of saying something like ‘independently think,’ or ‘unconventionally think.'”
93070-59
Re, The Intellectual Life of Man:
Everybody Talks a ‘good game,’ that’s why we have a good game.
93070-60
In a “Secret Handbook for Life” that one father compiled for his children,
Rule #3 was: “Never tell a civilian what you really think or feel.
And Rule # 4 was: “Never tell ANYBODY!”
93070-61
Slid in the back of the book was this ransom note, cleverly disguised as a definition:
Civilization: Just another way of saying: “Wipe that smile off your face!”
93070-62
The independent-minded pugilist has only one punching bag! And he ain’t sittin’ on it.
93070-63
Another View from An Impossible Position:
As the universal becomes local,
And the simple assumes complexity — — This is known as, “progress.”
* Bet cha can’t do-it inside, yourself! *
93070-64
Thinker’s Progress:
When there’s nothing left to laugh at hostilely — then you can REALLY laugh.
93070-65
One man walked to the edge of the city — looked over therein, and said to himself:
“You call THAT thinking!?”
93070-66
Attention thinkers: It’s always —dinner time.
93070-67
And one man moved out of town just so he could write to himself.
93070-68
Some hormones said:
We’ve been hugged,
We’ve been mugged,
Even-left out in the sun;
But in spite,
Of any slight,
Nothing’s been undone.
Some near-by neurons noted:
“Boy! — some guys have ALL the luck!”
93070-69
Man! …History! ….History & Man — …Man & History:
Coming back from a long trip, one man exclaimed: “Where the hell have you been?”
Man! …History! …(and on like that, again).
93070-70
Standing high atop a city structure, a man proclaimed:
— I could be more ‘intelligent’ — if l wanted to!”
— And all of the people,
all of the city,
all of the structures,
and all of the genes that have ever lived cheered and applauded wildly.
93070-71
One man said:
“It sure is fun being me.”
He also said:
“You should TRY IT!”
— I wonder who he was talking to?
93070-72
And in conclusion,
One man thought:
“What an absolutely SPLENDID age in which we live! — I’M alive!”