Summary = TBD
Condensed News Items = See Below
News Item Gallery = jcap 93067 -1136
Transcript = None
Key Words =
The News
93067-1
Local reality said: “Relax! —
I am your friend—and even if I ‘m not—what choice do you have??
Now just Relax. “
93061- 2
A man who has been watching our news broadcasts makes this pronouncement;
“If I didn’t fully believe that there is a real distinction between my mind
And all the rest of me– I’ll go crazy! I’m sure.”
Another Reasonable Observation by another, “Fine Citizen –In Action!”
93067- 3
And now –
Over to the Definitions Desk:
Institutions: Armies without weapons.
“Weapons!?” exclaimed the institutions, “Weapons!? -We don’t need no stinkin’ WEAPONS!”
…(Now I ask you: Are institutions the last word in originality, or what!?)
93067- 4
A man stopped by the station this morning and visited our Science Desk to
Drop off this comment (said he):
“Although I’ve never had any faith in astrology I have noticed that things go
Particularly bad for me on days when there’s a full sun.”
…..(I went ahead on your behalf, and told him we didn’t care to hear any more.)
93067-5
If you are sufficiently “civilized,” being dumb is no great impediment.
93067- 6
One man’s motto once was: “S.T.S.S. — Screw the Small Stuff!”
But he said he had to abandon it,
For every time he looked at himself nude, in an intellectual mirror,
He’d have to ask himself: “Is this to be the body of a self-inflicted, ‘incest victim’?”
“Ha!” concluded he, “Not hardly! — and — No Thanks!” he added as he left,
Humming the song: “If My Friends could See Me Later….Oh, If I — Had-d-d Any Friends.”
After hearing stories such as this one,
Can there BE any questions remaining
Regarding the number of awards THIS news broadcast received!? I think not!
93067-7
The Semi-Finals came down to a contest between:
Simplicity, Consistency & Restraint — versus:
Variety, Complexity & Change.
Sports allegories are pleasing to some,
Literary ones, to others–
But only real, lace-up kinda guys can enjoy a point-blank-wall.
93067-8
A Complete Health History Of Man:
If he ain’t fallin’ apart at one end — he is at the other.
93067- 9
People who consider their position in some larger group to be of extreme importance
In their life, have a natural inclination to verbally share with others
Their feelings in this matter;
Such people make fascinating submarine-traveling companions,
And offer great possibilities of intellectual enlightenment.
The title of the above news segment was …well — you figure it out.
93067-10
So Reflected, One Man:
My mouth is my friend,
My stomach’s my friend.
Where does it start!?
Where will it end!?
(Did you notice that in his verse, he skipped the mind!?)
93067-11
Men invented the “news” once they realized that, “truth in advertising” was going nowhere,
and decided to spread out the anomaly.
If you understand what it is that you actually say — modifiers are unnecessary.
93067-12
How Civilization, “Got Going”:
Once men realized that, “A” was useless, meaningless and impotent —
They pressed on and invented the entire alphabet!
93067-13
Small steps are good for small people —
….and small minds.
93067-14
An individual cow is more-than-it is when it is part of a herd — a thinker, less.
93067-15
“Comparisons” don’t mean anything to a “man in a rowboat!” —
…in the middle of a storm! —
…without any oars!
…and who has no interest in metaphors or dry clothing.
The man up front declared:
“It is words that have LED us down-this-path!
And I for one will just-be-damned if I can see how they will EVER extricate us therefrom!”
Boom– went the thunder,
Flash! — went the lightning,
Splash! — went the waves,
and, Away went man.
93067-16
News From Court:
The king’s Minister of Finance confided to the Secretary of Defense
His previous night’s experience:
“I had a dream,
That I had a scheme,
and awoke to find my
bed wet.”
Moral: Life can be funny — some times.
93067-17
The man from the north noted: “How long can you walk around thinking about life!?”
And the man from the west said: “Well just how long can you go around worrying about life!?”
And the man from the south spoke: “And how long can you continue on, complaining about life!?
And a fourth guy added to everyone’s sentence: “Before you realize what life is all about!?”
And Captain Ed said: “Hey, boys & girls — can you spell, ‘forever,’
Just using the letters already available in everybody’s name?”
93067-18
The latest nightmare going around in one area is:
That words invented and use man — and NOT the other way around!
93067-19
More Curios From The Fascinating World Of The, “Collectively Civilized”:
Cows and sheep were GIVEN hooves just so they COULDN’T, “write home.”
93067-20
The original are always hospitable.
93067 21
One kid said to his ole man:
“What the hell’s there to be afraid of!? — You’re gonna die anyway!?” –
“Yeah,” replied his father, “But before that — I’ve got to LIVE!!’
Thus, concludes today’s episode in that continuing day-time drama:
“The Guiding YUK!”
93067-22
Now for a feature from our Wildlife Desk:
The Mating Call of The Crude: “Oh, Yoo Whoo! — here I am!”
93067-23
In the world-of-music there is usually the composer, and then the performer.
In the thinker’s world-of-thought, they are one and the same.
93067-24
Dr. W.T.R’ s theory:
“Plastic and polyester were conceived of so that man would have something to feel superior to.”
…. (Someone help the doctor to his car.)
93067-25
The collective’s intellectual continuity is, in part, based on hero worship.
93067 -26
Those who dislike man — often start religions.
93067-27
One man said: “I’d rather be DEAD than dumb!”
Another News-Feature we don’t know what to call.
93067-28
More: “Distinctions WITH A Difference”:
While others speak of love — a thinker thinks of, “climax”;
While others talk of romance — a thinker thinks of, “climax”;
While others speak of sex and travel — a thinker thinks of climax and arrival;
And while others think about thinking, a thinker thinks of — “climax.”
93067-29
Reasonable men LOVE-E-E small ideas.
93067-30
In place of our report on today’s closing stock prices,
We will tonight instead, pay a visit to, The Optimist’s Corner:
The greatest tragedy that can befall a man has already befallen him.
93067-31
Sheep don’t like to be alone.
93067-32
Sometime later — in another city — a man stopped and thought:
“Is my MIND a ‘sheep’!?”
93067-33
Query: If the collective doesn’t, “Look after itself”–who WILL!?
Answer: Life will.
Next question?
There IS NO –“Next Question!’
93067-34
Postulate: Nobody likes a smart ass.
Answer: I do.
…(Somebody help that “I” to its car.)
93067-35
One man would find stuff in-his floor —
And one day as he bent down, the floor spoke Up:
“You Know –I could find stuff in YOU —
If I WANTED to.”
Yes, the laws of Psycho-Physics just, ain’t-what-they-used-to-be! —
before man discovered them.
93067 36
Additional Benefits:
The dumb think: “What worse can happen to me!?”
93067-37
A man who’d watched the news said:
“Talk don’t mean shit to me! — Give me some ACTION!” –
And shot himself in the head with a magazine.
93067-38
Thinking, As Practiced By Civilized Minds: Continual restorations done in an antique shop.
And one viewer’s mind almost “GOT” that one’ …..but then had to take a nap.
93067-39
A voice from the city cried out: “Knowing we can’t win — Tell us about it. Ben:
Childhood: Pre-pretension..
Adulthood: Pretension.
Old Age: Post, and Pissed pretension.
93067-40
Herds may be slow & smelly — but they’re SAFE.
93067-41
And one man said:
“I’d rather be DEAD than safe’ …or is that, ‘dumb’? – oh hell!
I don’t know ….just go on without me.”
93067–42
The automobile mechanic said:
“If it weren’t for the wear-&-tear of natural-law,
Once material things were fixed once — they’d STAY FIXED!”
And a surgeon noted:
“If it weren’t for the continuing deuteriation intrinsic to living creatures,
Once a physical ill was cured — it would BE cured FOREVER!”
And a chap hearing all of this pondered:
“But isn’t that exactly what DOES happen with the human mind!?”
93067-43
The Way Much Of City Life & Man’s Institutions Work:
Punch upsets you — and Judy offers to soothe you.
93067-44
A viewer asks:
“If civilized life IS just a contrived, meaningless ‘game‘ –
Who the hell do you think wants to HEAR about it!?
Yours Sincerely.”
93067-45
Silhouetted by the setting sun, one man stood motionless and said:
“My life is an open book — and my mind, the frayed binding, coming loose.”
(Somebody help that man find another sunset!)
93067-46
The following thought recently passed through the bus station between one man’s ‘ears:
“If cows and sheep DO feel more comfortable and secure when in a herd–
How come I don’t use this information to benefit my own mind!?”
But I DO! —
YOU do! —
We ALL do!
* Yoo, whoo! *
93067-47
And from our, Travel Desk:
Once you’ve SEEN a, point-blank-wall — what kinda postcard are you gonna send back!?
93067-48
One man became so happy he could hardly contain himself!
-He eventually got so pleased that he could hardly contain,
the restraint of others,
to BE so.
(Yeah — what kind of postcards ARE you going to send back!?)
93067-49
His primo-advisor told the king:
“There is no way to legally require that people, ‘think,’
Much less any way for us to enforce such a notion.”
And His Grace sighed, “Thank god.”
93067-50
The ease with which the dumb are frightened is the basis of their need for conceit & bravado.
93067-51
Legend:
At one time, chickens could think! —
But then the situation shifted! —
And men invented the automobile first, and THEY were able to drive down to the feed store.
93067-52
Ordinary men only hear life, at best, in a second-handed fashion-
As filtered through the collective ears of his institutions.
Though many people dream of high-powered stereos –
Few are prepared, or equipped to plug directly into cosmic wall sockets.
Note: None of the world’s well-known religions were started by a man who
Shouted out from the next room: “Okay, Edner — crank that sucker UP!”
93067-53
Myths To Dream of If Legends Came True:
On judgement Day,
A thinker won’t say.
Watch it! – Comin’ true! comin’ true: For a thinker — EVERY day is judgement day.
930 67 -54
Scientific Progress & Discovery Through — Dialogue:
“Men invented drugs once they realized how dumb they were.”
“No, no! — first they invented the ‘mind’ – and then, drugs.”
“Oh.
93067-55
Another, “Little known Fact”:
Dumb people sit by the phone, just waiting for someone to call them up and insult them.
93067-56
Part of the purpose OF society is to provide boots for men so that they can
shoot themselves in the shoe — rather than the foot.
93067 57
The conditions under which many people intellectually live
Cause them quite often to remark: “What the hell kind of conditions are these!?”
93067 -58
A thinker could….might, make others — uneasy;
I guess the question IS: Why would he? Why would he possibly want to?
93067-59
One man’s blanket motto is: “Yeah! –that’s what they all say.”
93067 -60
One man’s LIFE was: “Yeah! — that’s what I’ve ALWAYS said.”
93067-61
And in eventual reaction — if not, retaliation — one man finally thought:
“Well, if my mind could be like a, ‘fun trip’ — why would I keep, hanging-around-the-bus-station!?”
93067 62
Restraint is no friend to originality.
93067-63
One mother gave all of her children names,
So, (she said), that they’d “know who they are.” — (Their father just laughed.)
93067-64
Few individuals can tolerate indifference — the collective WILL not.
93067-65
A man whose hobby is his health
At least is not faced with the same insurmountable problem as say ,”stamp collector,”
Whose activity can never come to a definitive conclusion.
93067-66
The speaker declared: “A man’s passions — are his — down fall!”
And someone responded: “But without them he’d never stand UP in the first place
How do you explain that!?”
And the speaker replied: “I can’t.”
93067-67
Why insult a cow!?
93067-68
Gossipville:
One thinker once thought he heard local reality whisper to him that
If he finally got everything figured out, he could leave.
93067-69
Why insult a cow!? — What for!?
93067-70
The dumb don’t NEED to be defined.
93067-71
Small things like to band together! …. can you blame them!?
93067-72
For himself, one kid figured out:
“You can’t LEAP from your own shoulders ’til you can GET on your own shoulders.”
Kids who know too much can eat their own parents while they both yet survive.
93067-73
The dumb come-and-go — but genes keep the bus station open all night long.
93067-74
The Intellectual warrior has another name for suicide — except, it doesn’t mean, “suicide.”
93067-75
Anyone who’s not smarter than everyone they know is not smart e-nuff.
93067 – 76
Everyone can LOOK at a point-blank-wall, but few can realize what they’ve SEEN.