Video = exists but not on youtube ( Vneeded )
Audio = Stream from the bar; download from the dots
05/31/1993
Summary = TBD
Condensed News Items = See below
News Item Gallery = jcap 93065 -1134
Transcript = None
Key Words =
The News
A person with a “personal theory” concerning the nature of
man has an undiagnosed myopia.
***
If you think about ordinary thoughts you let them have the
last word.
***
City Times — High Old Times: Send rats to catch roaches
— send children to school.
***
A frightened man is never satisfied! He always wants to pee
in somebody else’s boots too.
***
One man says he now pictures ordinary civilization as
operating about like this: “It’s like offering to sell a course
on: ‘How To Make Money Off The Dumb.’ to people who’ve
previously purchased something from you.”
***
Now to the old Definitions Desk:
The Garden of Eden: The original blank, beautiful wall.
Similes: What men made up after they got tired of looking
at the same old wall.
Metaphors: What some men began to dream that walls actually
are.
Symbols: What still a few other men hope man really is.
***
Cows see conspiracies every where.
***
The Conspiracy Man says he’s comin’ to town, and when he
gets here he don’t want you around.
***
The author of the book, “Why Don’t You Shut Up!?” was
confronted by a heckler at a press party who said to him: “What
is there to do with the civilized life of man but — talk about
it!?”
***
From our, “Come On Guys, Life Can’t Be That Simple.”
department: When caught, the illegal intruder said that he
trespassed on the property only after seeing the sign that said:
“No Trespassing.”
***
No one likes anybody smarter than they are — and thus only
the angry even pretend to find such.
Another of those bloody examples of astounding stuff
that ALMOST makes sense. Definitions Again: A Real Thinker:
One who shoots “almosts” in a barrel.
***
Verbal information, given from one man to his smaller-man
son: “No matter how insightful a man seems, as soon as he starts
to refer to his country, religion, or race, you can quit
listening.”
***
Fact: Nothing is entirely the result of some, one-other-
thing, such as in the idea that: “Sexual orientation is entirely
a matter of choice.”
Note: The fact I have just offered is not correct — that
is, not until someone begins to talk about the matter in
question.
***
A civilized passion carries with it the ability to whine —
and pester.
***
More, As Regards The Obvious & Obviously Obscure Aspects Of
The Question Of: “Heredity vs Environment”: A man’s
“psychological makeup” is a part of the “conditions” that help
shape his psychological makeup.
***
And before the next commercial break, let’s go back again to
our Definitions Desk: Humans: People pretending to be humans.
***
Tyrants rule by fear, and knowing that those who fear humor
fear nothing else — seek to impose general seriousness upon the
land. ** Yes Virginia, there is a “History-Of-Everything”, and
that was it! **
***
To think independently, for oneself, is like being able to
eat all of the ordinary intellectual food everyone else does, but
then never actually digest it; everything lightly held in eternal
abeyance as one learns to hear life speak.
***
Update, Update Time: A story we reported to you earlier
this week noted that: “Criticizing the efforts of the collective
helps assure your position within the collective,” but it’s now
been pointed out that this entire idea can be put into only seven
words: “Hold my place —— I’m not through bitchin’!”
…..Well, as long as we’re doing Updates: There was another
item we covered a few nights ago which said that: “Often, those
whose neurons aren’t running at full speed will try and turn up
the intensity of their hormones to compensate.” — which has now
been rephrased to read: “If you can’t shake your brain, then
mama — Shake-that-thang!”
***
This, from one of our correspondents: “If you’ll refer to
something you’re selling to others as: ‘An Investment In
Yourself’, they seem to feel better about the costs they incur.”
He concludes his note by hoping this finds no relevance in the
area of education.
***
The dumb enjoy nothing more than being taken seriously.
***
Additional Insights Into Just How Show Business Actually
Works: The Flying Varona Brothers “fly-no-more” since the Earth-
Bound Filini Sisters told them that men couldn’t fly. A woman
with a fancy cigar clipper says this sounds a whole lot like what
“civilization” is, also.
***
Only cows can — with a straight face — refer to other cows
as: “Extremely interesting people.”
***
A man in debt doesn’t need a parable. ………I’m sorry, I
misread this story — let me start over. Parable For The Day: A
man in debt doesn’t need a parable. — There!
***
On many nights in the city library, just a couple of minutes
before nine when they flick the lights off and on to signal the
end of the day, from the philosophy section a voice can be heard
singing: “Oh, the books all get prettier at closing time….”
***
A man who won’t express his — or, some displeasure — is..
….abnormal……….or, something.
***
To be intelligent amongst the collective you’ve got to be
mostly dumb.
***
Imaginary Interview With One Thinker:
Interviewer: “Tell us a little about yourself.”
Thinker: “I’m mostly me.”
Interviewer: “Well, tell us about your childhood.”
Thinker: “I didn’t have one.”
Interviewer: “Then tell us about your adult years.”
Thinker: “I skipped them too.”
Interviewer: “We’d like to thank you for being here.”
Thinker: “Well, thank me for having me.”
***
A Lesson In History — A Lesson In Time: Generations are
getting shorter.
***
Even after a leisurely six thousand years, words still
frighten men so much that they continue to attribute supernatural
significance thereto.
* Fear makes men do many strange things! — like:
Become civilized — and talk about it incessantly. *
***
One Guy’s Philosophy Of Life: “Humans are cute.”
***
As long as you still don’t understand the difference
between a political figure, a priest, and a stage performer —
there’s little about local life worthy of discussing with you.
……(“As long as you don’t realize the difference”, eh!? —
what a laugh! — what a hoot!)
…..Gas runs airplanes,
Lawn mowers too;
Runs my brain —
How about you!?
…..I agree: Aren’t humans cute!?
***
Whenever he found he had a penchant for something, this
one man, to help control the “pretense factor”, would think of it
as an urge.
***
Continuing City News: Those who use the words, “power”
and “principles” both in the same sentence will be found to be
non possessors of the first.
After the smoke of words has cleared, it will often be
discovered that some things seem to have no connection to some
other things.
***
The title of one hot new, best selling book is: “Why Dumb
People Say Smart Things.”
***
All men have their own, “personal story”……..which no one
wants to hear about……….which is why we all have to take
turns listening to one another’s.
***
Deep in the recesses of his civil bosom, one man hoards
this private, religious proverb: For the clumsy, did God create
zippers — for the witless, education.
***
Urban Survival Tips & Other Traps To Avoid: The way to spot
a “cow with a mission” is that he will usually be sporting an
overnight udder bag…………..with YOUR initials on it!
Life — as it works its wiles via local reality — wants
everyone to succumb. El Note-To: Who is it that always “gets
its way”!?
An out-of-town neighborhood, just passing through, commented
that where he came from, “certain kinds” of humor were not
allowed!
…..And speaking of home town news: This one man who lived
near a peanut processing plant says he don’t take no shit off no
body!…………except for this man named Willie Suschet.
***
Mental intentions only count with humans!………and even
then, some times they don’t.
***
When it comes to the business-of-thinking ordinary minds are
all in sales — not production.
***
The last Great War fought on this one world was driven by
the conflicting political theories of its two major powers: The
Mountain People, who believed that: “Rain runs life.”, and the
Valley People who believe it is stupidity.
***
“I’m running as fast as I can.”ù has always been the civilly
acceptable explanation for standing still.
***
One of our news fans sends in this proposed definition:
Religion: The “hobby of choice” for the suicidal.
***
And now a feature from our Mathematics Desk: A pleasantly
dumb man doesn’t know that he’s dumb. And now, The Weather: The
dumb hear incongruities everywhere.
***
Now from our Correction & Errata department: With civilized
existence being as silly as it is — what else are men to do but
pretend to take it seriously!?
***
On this one planet they have only one Great Legend-Myth-
Story-Fable all rolled up into one — (to wit): The smartest man
who ever lived never said anything……….leastwise after he
got to be the “smartest man alive”.
Yes, yet another example of that sort of thing that some
people can hear and think: “Wow! — that’s gotta be so!”, and
then think: “Hey! — that can’t be so!”, and then think: “Yeah
— but it’s gotta be so!”
***
Home-town-reality makes men believe that local, civilized
education will give them a “road map to life,” which is not only
always out-of-date, but which also helps to distract them from
thinking about that they don’t know what “life” is in the first
place.
***
If local tyrants were faced with the choice of either
letting the people “have drugs” or a “sense of humor”, they’d
say: “What kind of choice is that!?”
***
One man’s mind finally said to him: “Give me a break! — I
wasn’t put on this world to look after you!” And the man
thought: “My god! — I was going to say the same thing to you!”
They held that position, and continued to look at one another
intently for some time.
***
Honors that the collective might try and lay on a real
thinker can be properly “weighed-in” at their current pawn value.
***
One man’s personal motto is: “Hell! — EVERYTHING will!”ù
(His brother’s is: “Hell! — everything IS!”)
***
A Page From The “Uncivil Secret Warrior’s Guide”: A “heart-
broken man who tells-about-it is heart-broken twice. “Say there
Hubert, just what kinda wars you figure that kinda information is
intended for!?”
…..Now for some news from the cutting-bloody-edge of the
Biological Sciences: In some creatures, certain hormones have
tried to send word to certain neurons not to, “Make them cry!”
***
Now from our Arts & Entertainment Desk: After he’d become a
famous, best selling author, this one man would no longer allow
the words “pig maneuvers” to appear in any of his books. Another
example of the type of hard hitting story you won’t hear on other
news shows.
***
To support his claim that he is personally evolving at a
rate of speed sufficient to stay at least abreast of the advance
of technology, one man offers as proof the fact that he no longer
sees human existence as a “struggle between good & evil”, but
rather as a battle between man & inanimate objects.
***
Men who don’t “do it” a lot love to talk about sex. What
might this infer regarding man and thinking!?
***
After reflecting on the idea that: “You can look in a
person’s eyes and tell how dumb they are.”, one man thought: “I
don’t believe I’ll look in people’s eyes.”
***
Tip For Normal Living: If you have trouble being
sufficiently dumb or serious — become a shill, or a salesman for
somebody — that’ll take care of that!
***
Only idiots argue; only the civilized discuss; only idiots
argue; only the educated debate; only idiots argue.
***
Thought one man suddenly — as he stopped in the middle
midst of his life: “Unless I’m badly mistaken — I’m badly
mistaken!”
***
What would a real thinker actually have to say to an
ordinary one……….other than: “Have a nice day.”, “Hot
enough for you?”, “How ’bout them Mets!”
***
Reminder To The Ordinary — (And To Those Who Might Like To
Be So): Anything you have to talk about — you don’t understand.
***
Patent Pending & Up-Ending Update, Kate: There is a
“perpetual motion machine”! — and you’re sitting on it! — if
you’re doing headstands.
***
One man’s determination: “The only news worth knowing is
the news you discover, and make-up.”
***
Those reared to be civilized by routine city influences
tend, when mature, to fear all sweets eaten tonight will prove
sour in the morning.
***
While the ordinary think of one another in terms of sex,
age, financial or social position, a thinker does so on the basis
of intellect — in terms of attitude.
***
Life gives every local reality a series of secret tortures
that will make the creatures believe ANY-Y-Y THING!
***
Perhaps the greatest, strictly human challenge a man faces
after adulthood is simply keeping his mind alive another fifty
years.
***
So as to not make other people “feel bad”, this one man
wouldn’t make them feel bad.
***
A thinker’s mind will not suffer him to remain superficial
in his thinking.
***
Since man began to talk, and abandoned the pointblank wall
of ancient Eden, there has been two levels of civilization
existing and expanding: One is the civilizations men note and
discuss, while the other one seems invisible and known but to a
few.
***
To himself, one thinker said: “What could be more pitiful
and pathetic than someone trying to sell you something!?”
***
To himself, one man nourished the picture of independent
thinking as a kind of, “Intellectual ‘scorched-earth’ approach.”
***
All great men and all great ideas are about one thing, and
one thing only — Change!ù They’re actually about growth — but
that’s even harder for the ordinary to hear than “change”.
***
For Thinker’s Only: If life doesn’t make you laugh —
you’re not living.
***
In the city — everyone’s a “storefront” for some other
actual business.
* Gads! — do men like to hear this kind of stuff or what! *ù
Clarification Through Extended Definition: Man’s Mind: The
ultimate “conspiracy theory”.
While rubbing grease on its dick and head, local reality
smiled and said: “Okay — did you guys come to fuck or to
think!?”
***