Summary = TBD
Condensed News Items = See Below
News Item Gallery = jcap 93048 -1117
Transcript = None
Key Words =
Local conditions in this one place announced:
“At the conclusion of the present proceedings — I will be kickin’ names & takin’ asses.”
(And all the little local creatures began leaping and Squealing!
[In what may have been, delight].)
Fact! — Fact! — Fact Alert! Stay tuned, fact coming up:
In the city — talent may out.
End of Broadcast.
Only the dumb take life seriously —
And only the SUPER dumb take the dumb seriously.
And the tribunal did broadcast its finding:
No one has a way out except an independent thinker..
One man had tattooed on his heart — okay, on his tongue — these words:
“If you can’t be original — be quiet.”
And now for some news,
That could give you the blues! (You know who you are)!
Yesterday’s news is useless — and a man-of-today can’t hear tomorrow’s.
But if you really KNOW what you’re doing up there in the driver’s seat,
Even a flat tire or running out of gas can help you get over the finish line
Before you would have if you were still driving that shiny new, old clunker that you used to call “yourself.”
* Gimmie the checkered flag, Darryl — I’m a comin’ in for my final pit stop.”
If each person were told of the exact history of man’s intellectual development thus far,’
Each person would probably sit down and say:
“Phew…Gee… I certainly am glad I’ll be able to almost immediately forget this.”
One man’s neurons told his child’s counterpart:
“Here is another non-conventional way of considering things:
If, in a relationship with another human being,
You find your ‘feelings have been hurt,‘
Then you took the other person too seriously, WAY-Y-Y too seriously.”
Historical Footnote: The postal services of no civilization ever known
Have been capable of carrying such correspondence as the above
Between local hormones and neurons’–
— And that, young trooper,
Is why a real thinker must think FOR himself.
(Somebody wake up Ben Franklin and throw a glass of cold electricity in his face.)
Even into the twenty-first century,
And even in areas not measurable in bushels, tons, or stock shares,
Market forces still prevail, specifically in that
Those who seek the knowledge & wisdom of lesser developed peoples get what they pay for.
Fresh Off the Grill: News Of Things Anthropological & Such:
Men began pushing each other around —
Once they got smart enough to realize how large and dangerous elephants and lions were.
In one city, every day was some type of, “Official” day — like yesterday was: “Official — Everybody Needs a Hobby” day,
And upon hearing about this, one citizen rolled it over on his tongue, and reflected:
“Everybody needs a hobby — Everybody needs’ a hobby — hummm….”
And went to stand in front of a full-length mirror, naked, and asked: “But THIS?!”
Only the ordinary are concerned over other people’s “bad habits” —
And only the double-dipped ordinary care about the ones they themselves have already given up.
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As he looked out the window of his new fourth floor apartment, the man pondered:
“Is the way to think even more independently,
Is to be particularly concerned over just what food you feed your mind?’
While his first question should actually be:
“What good does it do to stoke the furnace back at my old condo?!”
You don’t have to approach a “man-with-a-title” with a tranquilizer gun -he’s already half dazed.
To be an independent thinker is to be less pervious to your own internal,
Those who want to beat up on religion, the arts, and any of the other manifestations
Of man’s intellectual life,
Are the supreme, vacuous bullies,
‘In that they cannot find anyone mentally smaller than themselves to pick on.
A child received this advice from the man calling himself his father:
“Pain is serious — yelling about it is not.”
And the boy believed he understood, except later he wondered to himself
Whether then he should best avoid being hurt, or hollerin’ ?!?!
As a semi-public service,
“Local conditions have asked me to remind all viewers that:
“Advice that has an ‘escape clause,’ or a ‘back door’
Is NO-0-0 fit advice for any DECENT citizen.”
Thank you, Mister Conditions–
And now back to our drawn cartoon.
If you attempt to think more independently, AND continue to take yourself seriously –
you’re gonna have a car wreck,
get short of breath,
put your eye out, and lots of even worse stuff.
Then there was this one man — (or maybe it was a woman) — who said the following:
“Don’t judge me — not until you’ve walked a mile in my hormones.”
More: Good Advice:
Never shoot a man in his memory.
If men couldn’t DREAM of “great adventures” then men could never HAVE great adventures –
And then it doesn’t matter whether they ever actually HAVE a “great adventure”
just so long as they can dream of one.
Only men with minds not fully fired up can fail to see the plain justice of life –
…well, and men with NO minds to begin with,
who would have no concepts of fairness and justice anyway..
Hey! — is not even THAT, “justice-on-a-rocket-sled”!
Some news about the news:
History has now become “entertainment” — just like it’s always been.
And now from our Sports Desk, some scores: We are still ahead.
Only after he’d already gone to claim the jackpot
Did he discover it actually said: “Crackpot,”
And thought: “Why waste a trip?!”
And went ahead and accepted it anyway.
One man’s motto has become:
“Hey, you shouldn’t blame the intellect for ANYTHING! even including stuff IT does!”
Two men together, and one of them said:
“When you’re talking and trying to make a point, it’s better to say:
‘A man’ did such-&-such, rather than using yourself as an example,
Or else people will think you’re actually talking about yourself.”
“Yeah, but they probably will anyway.”
“Oh yeah?! — well, screw ’em! –Let ’em see how-much MORE they get from me!”
Men fall in love — women fall in step with the latest march from John Philip Hormones.
And now, for some fresh, Anthropological updating, hot from the oven:
On this recently discovered planet,
The thinking creatures there,
When they don’t actually know what they are talking about,
Will make hand gestures as they speak.
Seen from the perspective of a real thinker,
Seriousness always somewhere implies,
Somehow, a “complaint” of some kind.
El Facto, Exacto: Anyone who can talk about their intimate, personal life without feeling ill
is no real thinker.
Sad – (ha ha) – But True:
If you dance with someone dumber than you are your feet deserve to be stepped all over.
As they continue to feed, fly and nest,
It is only the most brainless of birds who worry about the health of the flock.
For those who might enjoy an alternate version:
As they continue to feed, fly and nest,
It is the most conventional, dependable and traditional of birds
Who concern themselves over the health of the flock.
Take your pick –but they’re both the same.
And from our, “Literary Definitions Desk,” comes this double-barreled entry:
Personal Essays: Disguised fiction — camouflaged autobiography.. Yuk!
A man on a bicycle can wave at a man on a tricycle,
And a man on a tricycle can wave at one on a bicycle;
And they can both ride away, wondering what it was all about.
Some priests, physicians, lawyers, and other leaders of the civilization
Met together to be reminded by local reality:
“If you cure a customer — you’ve lost him! — and we certainly can’t have that.”
Thus revigorated and reassured,
They all returned to their mortal responsibilities.
P.S.: They weren’t the only ones there EVERYONE was —
But you know how it goes, that most people want a firm hand on their back
As they dance away their days following someone else’s lead.
From a more independent view:
All psychological ills come from proceeding down a
One way street with no attempt to ever turn around.
With A of A/C
Can one dance,
With never a flirt with C.
On their great train ride,
After the child reached a certain age, he turned from his window to his father and said:
“I cannot see the sights.”
And the elder one replied:
“Put on your ‘Views-&-Opinions Glasses.'”
For the ordinary there is no escape from hormonal bondage–
That’s why the attempts are so expensive.
If it’s not ridiculous, it’s not a real hobby —
But if it doesn’t have the potential to SEEM serious,
Ordinary men won’t take it up as one.
After discovering he had an advanced terminal illness, he became unusually nice,
And while those who knew him well were saddened about his condition,
They still forgave him for the change.
One man received a greeting card that said:
“Life is a cocktail party, and you are the little sausage with a ribbon tied around it.”
Local conditions rarely furnishes a return address for itself — what for?!
More from our, Definitions Desk:
The- World’s Smallest Club: The Independent Thinkers Club.
(You want to know JUST how small it would be? – well,
If one person announced they wanted to START an, “Independent Thinkers Club,”
Then all who heard about it, and who could qualify would play dumb…
[or, change their name, and leave town].)
Be ye male or female,
If you’re led around by hormones and by the past — you still, think with your dick.
And now this question from our, Viewer’s Mail Bag:
“IS there a difference between a ‘physical-adventurer’, and an, intellectual-explorer’?”
Well… yes’ … uh… maybe’ ah…..-I don’t know, I guess there could be.”
The mechanic let the car down off of the rack, and held out the bill,
Upon which were written these words:
“Those who COULD ‘clear-things-up’ never do —
Since they know that things are already as clear as they can presently get.”
(And down at the very bottom it said:
“Not Responsible For Shit Left IN The Vehicle.”)
One man thought:
“The trouble with those who want to do away with religion is that
They don’t have anything to replace it with that’s not dumber than they are.”
One child felt himself forced to try and stay “forever young”
Once he’d concluded that talking to serious adults was like speaking to their rectums.
Release from all human jails and psychological stresses comes by “jumping hormonal ship” –
By will fully abandoning how you actually feel at the moment
For an unaligned mode of thinking.
Put abruptly: Replacing an emotional-seriousness with an intellectual good-humoredness.
Everyday Talk: The original inspiration for Fashion, popular literature, and copy-cat killers.
A Mental Plagiarist: A dangerous man with an unarmed gun.
Everyone believes that the “end of time” will arrive in their life time — which Is correct.
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Once he’d scraped away all of the paint on the four walls of his room,
Built a fifth blank wall — then
Left, and found a new apartment —
Then pretended to come back — while causing unsureness as to whether he actually did or not,
One man finally stood out on what might become his new balcony, and mused:
“If no one is hitting me, or stealing from me, (which is-the same thing),
then I’m NOT being mistreated.”
(He then took a good spit over the edge of what might later become his lower lip.)
The cure for all ills — other than death — is “internal herbal medicine,” that is,
Making your own hormones leave you the hell alone.
One man decided he was a myth — and things became a lot less-complicated;
He finally concluded he was a humorous myth — then they REALLY got simple.
Advice: A poor man’s drug.
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Thought one man:
“I’m not so much bothered by people’s stupidity as I am about how serious-they are about it.
Life writes man’s history on his hormones — man reads it off of his neurons.
(Makes for an interesting dance — no?!)
One man speculated — (right up to the very edge of, “Hoped For Conclusion”) — thusly:
“Perhaps if I don’t TALK about my, ‘personal life’ — I won’t HAVE a ‘personal life.'”
…(“Wow!”, he thought, “Wouldn’t THAT be great!”)
To intellectually live in a manner less determined by natural, human conditions & limitations,
YOUR insides must be larger than everyone else’s OUT sides.
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A person who cannot think and act the opposite of how they feel—
is in for a long, long life of being “a person.”