Summary = TBD
Condensed News Items = See Below
News Item Gallery = jcap 93043 -1112
Transcript = None
Key Words =
Once it became undoubtably clear that the train-of-civilization was in an
Irreversible mode of ever-increasing speed,
It was wisely decided that those with the weakest kidneys should man the caboose.
While shaving, one man said: “I define a virgin as an extreme-lee UGLY person.”
And his reflection retorted: “Then how do you describe the dumb?”
A “man-without-friends” can ALWAYS talk-to-himself! — Then he’ll have even FEWER.
Routine thinking attempting to philosophically, “come to grips with life”
Is not at all unlike that recent match between the
Ray Charles Memorial Tag Team,
And The Deaf & Dumb & Exceptionally Stupid Masked Marvels From Minneapolis!
(And you know how THAT turned out!)
Men understood that they were SUPPOSED to be “taking themselves seriously”
When they first realized that they were “keeping history.”
“So?! — it’s, ‘That simple’ — IS it?!’
“Yeah, just about.”
Man is a creature with an intellectual life, and a physical one;
And in some instances they are separate, and in others, joined;
Man is also a creature subject to genetic influences, and to environmental ones;
And in some cases they are separate, and in others overlapping.
Another fine, fine item from our, “Science Desk”.
…(Formerly known as the, “Let’s Be Specific Corner.”)
Now for some, Local News:
There is presently a bill before the City Council proposing that only the “Witless”
Be allowed to do satires of academic and educational areas.
Looking out across the graves, so great in number, a man thought:
“We should all pray that a war never arises between us and those ‘down below.”
Sometime later, gazing out on the city, from the beautiful heights of his penthouse patio,
Another man reflected almost the exact same words.
The core problem with ordinary mens’ attempts at “self-improvement” is that they always work on the wrong thing.
One man told his child: “If you must — you can beat-up on a herd, but,
Never punch a cow.”
Would you all care to join me now in singing that most excellent hymn:
“If — In ‘Social-Criticism’ — You Remove The ‘Criticism’ And Increase The ‘Social’ —
Then, Dear Friends, Dear Friends’ — You Have An Entirely New Creature Indeed, Indeed.”
One kid said: “When I grow up, I want to be a cowboy.”
And local reality thought to itself: “Well, you’re for sure gonna get half your wish.”
A man who can truly, and independently, “think for himself”
Never allows the external OR internal “conditions of life” to affect him.
This news feature was brought to you through a non-commercial grant from the: “Why, You Dumb, Gullible Son-Of-A-Bitch Foundation”.
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And now —
Some, “Civilized & Cultural News”:
If you don’t know “what’s going on” you can AFFORD to be maudlin and poetic! –
Hell! — you can afford ANYTHING.
Tonight’s segment of, “The School Of The Air”
Has been cancelled due to an unpredicted meteor shower.
Which had certain unfamiliar side effects.
One man gave himself a choice: Either write fiction,
Or have his own individual personality.
In that: Love is lust, with friendship added,
Note, that if someone else encourages you to attempt impossible changes in yourself,
And you oblige,
Then you certainly lust after them,
But they have no friendship for you.
When men began to speak,
And thus realized how nude and vulnerable they were in certain unique respects,
They began to hang out together for reasons beyond the physical, “herd instinct”;
That they could do this — SO impressed them — they made up a special word for it.
Thanks, Todd — GREAT story.
Now on to our, “Definitions Desk”:
Attempting To Describe What Kind Of Person You Are: A child STILL, “Crying wolf.”
One day, for some unknown reason,
One man bolted upright and suddenly thought:
“I’ll start a new religion that doesn’t…. NO!, wait! —
I’ll begin writing social observations of man which do not….NO! hold it!
I’ll put on a news show every day, and one which never….”
And his train of thought seemed to undergo either some sort of
Or some type of “stretching-out,”
And he sat quietly for a bit, then thought, in conclusion to the matter:
“Well I COULD try and start a new religion, or write commentaries, or put on a news show,
None of which would ever make any critical, or hostile remarks regarding man — BUT,
I could also just privately try and live my own intellectual life in such a manner.”
And local conditions, overhearing all of this, chimed in sarcastically: “Right!”
Heaven: A place where just “effort” — finally counts.
Lexicologist’s Corollary: The tine arrives when all the attempts at “self-improvement” seem to finally “pay off.”
(Etymologist’s marginal Note To Himself: “Try not to think about this — in THIS lifetime.”)
Only those with, “heads of steel”
Seriously believe that the behavior of man — and especially their own, individually –
Can be in part explained by one’s sex, age, race, religion, nationality, social position,
And so on:
Only they can believe this — for only with them is it true.
Hey?’ YOU ain’t “one of them” — IS YOU???
Local reality doesn’t particularly care HOW you dance,
Just as long as you dance to ITS music.
You can get angry at humanity’s general operations in life,
Or at your own internal ones–
And both are equally as few-tile.
Right before you’re just about to be born,
Everybody is asked: “Okay, tell us quick — Exactly WHAT do you want to be in life?”
And before ANY body can EVER reply, your mother coughs – and OPPS! — it’s TOO-0-0 late.
I’m telling ya! — is- LIFE the supreme “joker” or NOT!
And, Onward: If dogs had any potential to be other than “dogs-as-born”
Then THEY would have Creation Myths like the one I just relayed;
And they would then, perforce, have vague notions of a pre, AND post kennel reality —
But they don’t! -And men do! —
Which makes them dogs —
And us people —
And keeps them out of the house
If WE so wish it.
* Query:: What keeps YOU “out-of-doors”?! *
One way by which local reality knows that you “know Your place”
Is when you eventually, tentatively raise your little hand and ask,
“Oh Miss, am I at the right table?”
And now a contemporary quote from, Local Reality:
“Inside of every dumb person is an even dumber one trying to get out.”
One man was a drug addict;
He had one brother who was a drunk, and another who was a minister;
At Annual Family Explanation Day they all explained: “It’s JUST a hobby!”
Life tells everybody: “Hey — climb that tree.”
Most men don’t know what they are — until they SAY, what they are.
One man’s “secret”:
When life wants you to do something — pretend to go along.
Some neurons were standing around on the corner rappin’,
And wonderin’ about, “what happens to you after you die,”
And some hormones cruisin’ by in a rag top yelled-out at ’em:
“You guys are a RIOT! — an ab-salute RIOT!”
— then blew their horn and split.
If you’re of ordinary-mind …. Acting “serious” can make death more bearable.
Another splendid and inspiring news item from us — your friends –
Here at the “News.”
Some recent observations made at the new eighty-one inch observatory in
New North City South,
Have revealed a heretofore unknown planet near Star-Cluster, Gaseous-Cloud, Number KM-247,
On which has been discovered that THERE — whenever Captain Irony is ill,
Out of the state, or otherwise, temporarily indisposed,
That his responsibilities are taken over by his uncle, Sergeant Sardonic.
Another heart-warming example of: “Your Tax Dollars, AT WORK!”
Fun: What SOME people call, having fun.
Mid way through his journey in life,
A man paused fora moment to rest, and thought:
“I’m TIRED of being ‘pushed-around’!”
And local reality responded: “You ain’t seen NOTHIN’ yet!”
Note: “Serious Literature” is famous because it IS serious.
Note that, you fuckers.
To many an ordinary mind — Being frightened is a LOT more fun than, actually knowing what you’re doing.
When men try to KNOWINGLY, “dance with life,”
It’ll pull them in close, and look deeply in their eyes,
And mutter something quite surprising.
Gee, Todd — another WHALE of a story!
Another of our, “Interesting Facts From The History Of Our Cities”:
Men conceived of the concept of “underground sewers”
After reflecting on the relationship — spatially and otherwise —
Between their own intellectual and digestive systems;
They did not understand why this reflection lead them to the concept — but it did, and they accepted it
And went on, (as always) — from there.
One man’s recent conversation with himself:
“Life gives those who’re intellectually underprivileged a superior financial position
To help compensate.”
“Yeah?! — so who stole all my dough?!”
*End of Act One.*
In the notion of “self-improvement,” the term, “self” is too generic to be of
any use to a thinker.
One man’s sage advice to his young child:
“Wise up, chump! — life doesn’t, ‘compensate’!”
You can confidently lay with your back to friends,
Just ask a dog —
Of course, he may note that you can add, “the more dominant” to that list.
All civilian viewers please be advised that this news item did NOT
Come from our Psychology Desk — therefore, DON’T take it personally,
Or believe that it has ANY thing to do with actual humans…and their minds…and such.
At the local level,
Life let men invent gods
So’s they wouldn’t be trying to spit in ITS face DIRECTLY.
And now this, “Interesting Insight”:
Men invented “sports” as a substitute for “thinking”. —
“I thought that was: ‘Men invented sports as a substitute for WAR’?!”
Well, it’s a free country — you can think anything you want to.
And here’s a new bumper sticker our Traffic Reporter, Dale, spotted this morning:
“When The News Is Made FUNNY — Only Funny People Will Have The News.”
…(Thanks a lot, Dale.)
One man said: “I believe there are those from other worlds here among us.”,
And another man said: “Hell, I believe there are other WORLDS here among US.”
…(Later, the two went out for quiche and wine, but both agreed — NO-0-0 “slow dancing”.)
In his life-long struggle to overcome the temptations of the flesh,
And escape the snares of desire — as directed by the various forms of ancient wisdom–
One man reached the point finally that he had but one single want left –
He said he’d like to dig Buddha back up and give him a “PIECE of HIS mind!”
Once local conditions took over their full responsibilities, they told all the humans:
“We want everyone to wear a personal badge so that we can easily recognize you —
You guys over in the back, trying to think for yourselves, can skip this.”
And from our, “Viewers’ Mail Bag” comes this related question:
“Just what is the difference between, ‘local reality’ and, ‘local conditions’?”
Well, I think we should let Professor Science handle this one. Professor?….
Good question, good-viewer! — and let us answer it this way:
Ask yourself: What is the difference between ‘momentum’ and, ‘inertia’?”
Well, Gee, Professor’
Yes, I know, Bert — I know.
After they’d growed up, and all,
Some large lookin’ kids would get in other people’s back yards,
And whilst playin’ around, REAL rowdy like, and all,
Would chant this little”sing-song” as they fearlessly engaged in their offensive behavior:
Havin’ a name, Oh, Havin’ a name, is Almost as good as, Havin’ a brain.
I don’t know?! — it just seems like kids in the city are growin’ up faster and faster.)
You can “read a book”
Or you can “read life” —
— One is more of “something-or-the-other”…..than the other one.
From a thinker’s view point: The ordinary attempting to “help their fellow man”
Becomes an exercise in self-inflicted blindness.
You can hold your nose, but,
That’s the way it goes.
Genes fall in love–
men fall in afterwards.
“If you don’t, ‘take life personally’, you’ll never get ANY where.”
“Ah! — go on!”
“No! — it’s TRUE!”
“No, really! — I’m SERIOUS!”
“Ahhh9 are you SURE?”
“Yes! — I’m sure, and serious and for certain!”
Since you can’t be certain just from looking and listening, of someone else’s place of origin,
Why do men still believe they know where THEY are from?
A, “LIttle Known Trick” (or at least a, “Little Known SOMETHING”):
If you can get most “serious” people off by themselves with you,
Like maybe in a nice closet, after a couple of drinks,
On a cool spring evening, just after they’ve had a good fuck,
You can get “serious people” – if you know just how to go about it right –
To SEE, that in a funny kind of way,
That being serious is by and large a complete crock.
(And although this is true, and will work — DON’T-T-T be, tryin’ it!)
Only the dumb fret stupidity — only the dying, age.
Human, “Social Gatherings”: Watering holes without lions in the bushes.
A Thumbnail ‘Course In How To Do Certain Things In Life Most Efficiently:
To appear sensitive: Act sad.
To be a “sensitive writer”: Act sad, and resigned thereto.
To be a “social critic”: Act sad, and angered thereby.
To be a “political force”: Ask your advisors: “Is it hip this season to be, ‘sensitive’?!”
Post-Eden, Civilization: A train going forty miles per hour,
With cows being drug along behind,
Believing they’re doing fifty or better.
Thought one man to himself one day:
“Some who have already departed at a previous stop
Would have us believe that death is a dumb man’s true friend;
But I would advise my own kin — Be not too hasty to die, just yet.”
Social position is EVERYTHING!.– don’t believe it?!
Then just ask those neurons over there — the ones looking all beat up
From trying to beat up hormones.
Men like to joke and say: “Well – you can’t GET THERE from here.” —
since they know it is serious and true.-
The only advice that is NOT insulting is
The suggestion that you “think for yourself”,
And dance according to your own card.
If you squeeze uncertainty and stupidity HARD enough — and, JUST-T-T right, you can make ’em grin.
93043 • 70,
One man said to his child:
“When you were younger, someone used to speak to you, whom you’ve now forgotten.”
Life likes to have the dumber of men to act as spokespersons for its Institutions and local conditions;
For one thing ….they seem to enjoy it the most.
* A thinker don’t speak for NO body — INCLUDING himself. *
As they dance,
As they love,
Of hormones do some men dream;
AS they dance,
As they love,
By hormones are some dreamt;
Then there are those who
Soar the night
With neurons in a flight-that cannot be reversed;
A waking dream — lived;
As they dance,
As they love,
As they live.