Summary = TBD
Condensed News Items = See Below
News Item Gallery = jcap 93035 -1104
Transcript = None
Key Words =
Intellectually: Everyone is born with “ants in their pocket” —
A real thinker is born with both “ants in his pocket” — AND plans for building an ant-eater.
A non-thinker hears this and says: “Shit— I don’t believe THAT!”
The Native Superiority of Homo Triaxius:
Man is unique in that he can be pleasured in three distinct areas:
In his stomach,
In his sex,
And in his mind.
In some places, people can even do more than that.
All organs make their appropriate noise.
Street Corner Conversation:
“There’s nothing worse than a half-dead idea.”
“Well, around here the only ideas possible ARE those: ‘half-quick, & half departed.”
(“Doo wop, doo wop.”)
The only thing to be more feared than a paper-cut on the tongue
Is a “serious man” with a “serious purpose” who doesn’t have the least idea how ridiculous it all is.
Many routine observers have noted that man is the sole creature who laughs–
MANY have noted this — and for quite a while now —
Yet, no one seems particularly anxious to consider the matter further —
Like about, “Why” this might be?!
A Quick Survey of Tics, Quirks & Jerks:
One man had an annoying “nervous habit” — but it just turned out to be him.
Obsessive-behavior doesn’t count — if you can stop —
— And being ordinary is irrelevant if you have a choice.
As you might by now be able to discern on your own:
Another reason why non-physical illness is important only to those ill.
One man offered his son this deal:
“If you live to grow up,
I’ll buy you a sports car if you never dip snuff, or say the word, ‘but.'”
As the Mother-Hunger-For-Civilization sends everyone eventually off to the city, she imparts this parting advice:
Once you finally get to town,
don’t ever, ever — look around.
Sheep stare — so do all right-thinking cattle and men.
From our, “Anthropology-Of-The-Intellect” Desk:
How can you tell that a people are becoming civilized?
They bring the process of elimination in-doors.
How can you tell that an individual is becoming REALLY civilized?
He takes his back OUT again.
“If you cough hard enough, you’ll find that each man’s mind has within it, a severe hair ball,”
“You mean like some sub-conscious, psychological trauma.”
“Are you deaf, or just stupid?! — I SAID, ‘hair ball’!
You don’t even know the difference between a hair ball and a psychological trauma?!”
To learn to think you’ve got to be able to keep a secret.
If you’re touchy — you’re serious.
“Oh — how do I be serious? –
Let me count the ways….”
I’m sorry — I don’t HAVE that much time!
Riders on a merry go round can thank the horsies,
And the horsies can thank the turning platform,
And the platform can thank the motor turning it,
And the motor could thank the electric company — but Jezuz! — give me a break! –
It’s the same kinds of people that ride the merry go rounds
who own the utility companies! …. Jezuz! — lighten up on us for once.
One man’s mind told him:
“Look — if we DO quit criticizing and finding fault,
Just what is it that you think you and I will have to DO here together for the next sixty years?!” —
— (And the man had a world-class shudder.)
Pop Quiz: Name one of the first ten words man invented
when he began thinking sufficiently to construct language?
…Okay, here’s one excellent example: “Loggerheads.“
Contemporary Jargon Explained Right Here in the Open:
It’s really hard to tell “where you’re coming from”
if you’re coming from where everybody else is.
And — A Definition Uncovered Before Your Very Eyes:
Collective Education: A sheep dog for the eves of your mind.
Creatures with a nervous system developed to the point of speech
require new nourishment, no longer of the simple physical variety;
Their brains-cum-minds now need special electro-chemical drugs
which are only available verbally.
* Everyone who talks is a pusher– everyone who speaks is a junkie. *
Circles assume that spirals are out of control.
To be alive — is to dance;
To try and think apart — is to attempt to tap with firecrackers in your shoes.
The Metaphor Death Squad warns that they’ll be a ‘ridin’ in later —
A’takin’ names and cullin’ out the rowdies from the herd.
After a hard day,
As they were sitting around the campfire,
An ole timer told a young wrangler-thinker:
“One thing you ought never do,
Under comfy circumstances like these,
Is permit your mind to kick back and start hummin’
“Home, home on the range….
From our, “Distinctions Desk”:
The collective can – and often, must — “fool themselves”; An individual thinker can’t afford this.
One man went off into a quiet part of his house and told his mind,
And his stomach, And his lungs, And his muscles,
And his naughty-parts,
And his mind again:
“You guys may not think that what I’m trying to do has anything to do with you — but you’re WRONG.”
Ordinary Intellectual Certainty: The “Carriage Return” on the typewriter-of-the-mind.
In a normal, stabilized and civilized man,
Hormones say: “Be defensive.”
While neurons say: “Does ANY one know what’s going on around here?
Subjects-&-Actions Broken Down Again Into Overlooked Pieces:
Neither the pans, nor the weight being measured can separate from the scale itself.
A man who’ll look at himself in the mirror has too many mirrors.
Only the UNexamined, ordinary life is “worth living” as much as the examined one. Okay – Stretched Version for The Strenuously Sighted:
Only the unexamined, ordinary life is worth abandoning by a real thinker
Oh, all right —- – examine it ONCE, if you like,
but then get the hell out of there.
If you act “serious” enough — and I mean REALLY serious –
People won’t notice how dumb you are, (if you are)
OR, they’ll be AFRAID to mention it.
Every good tyrant and parent worthy of their name knows this instinctively.
Life did not draw man into social herds for the benefit of the individual –
That is not the purpose of civilization;
The collective is there to see to itself —
It is up to a true individual to find his own way.
History: Giving actions noun-names.
Once this one man came to realize just what “being born” WAS, he thought: “Well — I’m actually no worse off than I was.”
The Great “Bumper Sticker Wars”, As They Began Shortly After Man’s Mental “Big Bang”:
“Chemicals Make the World Go ‘Round.”
“Perhaps — But I Think We Should Refer to It as Something Else.”
“Yes, You’re Probably Correct.”
(And the “Grand Conspiracy”- [passing itself off AS a conflict] – continues.)
A man who labels his feelings has limited his feelings.
The city cried out to the people: “Tell me how-you-feel, and I’ll tell you who you are.”
And one man thought-shouted back: “If I tell you how feel — you’ll KNOW what I am already.
The origin of the concept of charity — as it’s now known —
Came from a thinker — a long time back —
When he first realized that he needed to get rid of all the ideas he already had.
Fact: Everything had an origin.
REAL Fact: Everything does because man SAYS it does.
Independent Fact: Nothing has a conclusion.
A man thought: “You could have been charitable and NOT told me that.”
The collective spend a sizable part of their lives debating how they should treat one another:
A real thinker can’t hardly afford this either —
So he just tries to treat everybody like he ain’t treatin’ them ANY particular way.
YOU could feel sorry for the serious —
But don’t do so enough to actually “feel” it –
Or to let it show —
(else you might become — ugg! — Serious!)
* Doo-wop, De-ugg. *
And as always — at least one item from our, “Truth In Media Watch”:
When it comes to the “news-you-make-up” – Your guess is as good as mine…
….(Which, by-the-by, is easy for me to say since yours is NOT.)
Coming up from B Deck, he stepped-to the rail and addressed the bearded gentleman: “I say there, Professor Waldorf,
Just what kind of bloody news IS it any way
That will turn on a listener and attack him for his troubles?!”
Tonight, we welcome a new sponsor — The Look, Not-Look Vision Company;
Whose corporate slogan is:
“If you shoot yourself in the eye — you don’t NEED glasses.”
Straight-ahead sheep prefer to receive their barks, dogmatically –
While civilized men like theirs sugar coated.
(Outside of family) — Anyone who WANTS to “help you,”
Hasn’t got the LEAST idea what they’re doing.
The Equal Time & Fairness Doctrine Expanded to Fit Spatial Needs:
Suffocation is possible in all corners of a closet.
Son of, “History Defined” (at least as practiced by your local genetic neighborhoods):
History: Dirty books with most of the “good parts” taken out.
Fact: If you define something disrespectfully more than ONCE — it’ll get madder than ever!
“Say-y-y”, said one man somewhat sarcastically,
“Since I don’t seem to be in any immediate danger of dying,
I just believe I’ll yell back at that old fact: ‘Hey! — I’m SCARED-D-D to DEATH!'”
And now our nightly, free, and five-floating-comfy-tip
to all of those viewers picking up our program on the metal plates in their heads & mouths:
The supreme pay off of “thinking-more-than-you-have-to” is that there IS NONE!
…(You’d be surprised how many folks out there REALLY-Y-Y like hearing crap like that!)
What could be more pathetic than a man who can’t think for himself and doesn’t realize it?
….A critic maybe?
In regard to several news items from the last week or so, such as:
“If you require help thinking, you’re a plagiarist — plain and simple.” —
and: “Criticism is a form of intellectual forgery.” —
and: “The quoting of others is a kind of public counterfeiting.” —
and the question-&-answer one:
“What could be more pathetic than a man who can’t think for himself
and doesn’t realize it?- ….a critic maybe?
It would seem that based on the combined messages of these items,
A man’s best possible approach might be to never say anything that did not
Directly arise from his own mind, and for which he has no defense, apology, or ally.
Where laughter is not appropriate — be sure death is.
When good humor has run-out — independent thinking is winding down.
Without, “Words to live by” ordinary men cannot live the proper life OF man.
Of course, you must recognize the omnipresence of differing time zones
Within the same structure, and understand that in many instances the “words” will be such things as: “Bring us another round,” or, “Go ask a priest,” or, “Wanna screw?”
A Parabolic Schematic of How Man’s Constructed:
If trees could think,
The first thing they’d think would be: “Jeeze! I’m tired of standing right here.”
Man is the only creature who can be imprisoned using nothing more than words.
An independent thinker sort of needs his own private language –
And since that’s not possible–he invents one any way.
Fact: Language was invented by and for sissies.
Fact: I guess then I’ll have to reevaluate my definition of civilization.
Local reality will converse with you — IF you know the language.
Party Games From Afar:
If you could get the collective to drop their mental pants
what you’d see would be a blank wall.
…(Well, let me clarify: A blank wall — BUT,
with the pressing, inherent potential to -[at any moment] – BE
Thus it was that, quite soon, man learned to “cover it up.”
…[I trust this will not send anyone off on
a too-taxing pursuit to now try and track down the origins of:
“Pin The Tail On The Donkey”.])
Beyond all the ancient, witless conspiratorial notions
There is actually a “Secret Society” —
But do you really think that anyone’s going to TELL you about it?!!
— Hey! — wise up! —
One Of Life’s Local, Built-In Safety Features:
As long as you’re smiling and laughing at reality — you can’t point it out to anyone else.
Thus is the term, “Serious Thinker” an NCAA Champ oxymoron.
Repertoire: Buzz-word to help camouflage lack of same.
Satire: Plagiarism under cover of humor.
A man who stayed downstairs told his. mind:
“l can get in quite enough trouble With OUT your help.”
Don’t ask a dog which is his favorite spot to be petted on –
Everybody has one, but hardly anyone can tell you what or where it is.
The collective runs by a clock with a face many thousands of miles in diameter;
A thinker needs one of those little microscopic, atomic pocket watches they haven’t invented yet.
One man mused: “Once you’ve noted what ordinary men need to continue their routine existence,
then after that, just what is it that an outsider DOESN’T need?!”
…(Hey — he’s got you there!)
Everyone who is civilized has had their mind circumcised —
— Some can scarce afford it more than others.
An interesting item from our, Behavioral Sciences Desk:
Among adults and teenagers who display evidence of-Mental activity, many of them later display signs of disabling mental activity.
Oh — a note: The Punch Line Patrol says they’re running a little late tonight.
Over the wires comes this item submitted from our, “Speculation (Don’t You Wish), Squad”:
Some men have brain waves the same as dogs do fleas.
A Verse — For The Soon To Be, “Well-Versed”:
Here’s what to do,
Here’s what you ought;
Think everything that could
Ever be thought . . . . . just once.
Who scares you more than anybody?
The correct answer is: Your genes.
An independent thinker is like a man with a new homing device —
And better yet – (or at least of equal betterness) – is that he also has a new home —
(or at least now HAS a home).
Collective Morality: “Baby-thinking” trying not to throw-up so often.
One day while drinking,
Local reality turned over to civilization and said:
“You do know that it’s all just a crock!” —
And civilization tried to kick him out of bed. . . . as best he could.
In the grip of living just an ordinary life
it seems almost to be a life-supporting demand that you DO keep up a running commentary in reference thereto.
A Normal Human Intellectual Existence: The inspiration for the idea of: “Whistling in the dark.”
Among the collective — repetition passes for certainty and assurance.
* A real thinker would spit on any “intellectual guarantee.” *
Institutions: Cows in a boxcar.
Talking about how you feel helps one feel less —
…(Yeah — but are you SURE-E-E that’s what you really need?).
And now from our, “P.A.”Desk –‘Possible Anomalies:
In one sense — the rich are more impressed with wealth than the poor —
But how come this seems to break-down when applied to the educated and intelligent?!
Civilized, City Justice Rolled-Up & Served Fresh in Seventeen Words:
A man who doesn’t think — is a fool;
A man who thinks too much is an idiot!
The collective can literally “believe anything” —
Which is what makes all notions of truth, and reality amongst them, irrelevant.
One man who could think, thought:
“Why should I just trick myself when I could also trick others?!”—
But found it wasn’t QUITE so easy as that!
Everything that CAN speak to man — DOES speak to man;
And everything that most can ignore — they do.
…(Yes, sir-ree: He found it wasn’t QUITE-E-E so easy as THAT!)
Routine Memories: Digging up the dead to slap them around again, —
Well, hey! — do they deserve it or what! —
Thinking: For some– “Preventive maintenance.”
The collective smells funny.
…(I guess, as sophisticated observers and commentators, we should do better than that): The collective has about it, a most singular aroma.
–(It still smells funny!)
Trying to make thinking sound other than, or more than it is
seems a most agreeable activity to those who can’t do it to its fullest to begin with.
Anything that the collective finds “offensive” has at least a modicum of validity — but you still shouldn’t be the one to mention it.
“An Independent Thinker” — should we try once again to hang a definition on such a being:
An Independent Thinker: Someone whose thinking can’t be pinned-down,
pigeon-holed, or otherwise predicted.
I like it! — It’ll probably “do” — as long as we don’t try and GET a real thinker to sit still for it or try it on.
The good will and pleasantry of certain rare neurotransmitters
is not the same as the physically based aggression that normally passes for humor.
One man thought to himself:
“Why READ the news if it’s just gonna make you whine and be depressed?!”
And immediately realized and replied:
“Because — by god! — I am a MAN! — and it is my JOB!”
A person with no talent should get some.
A person without a secret should find one–even if they have to make one up.
All great thoughts are worthy of one great thinking.
When man first started,
The brain was just another organ –
But just LOOK AT THINGS NOW!
The only time real people ever feel sympathy for an independent thinker is after he dies
— when they’re sure he won’t know about it!
One man says he doesn’t believe in, “artificial intelligence.” — He says he doesn’t know why — but that he just doesn’t.
Neurons come and go, but hormones are forever;
Neurons come-and-go BECAUSE hormones are forever.
The Dance Of Independent Thought: The supreme blur of confusion.
“Perhaps,” reflected an outside observer, “They simply ‘do it’ too fast?!” –
And an inside one noted: “That’s not possible.”
The Intellectual Life Of Man: The conversation that never ends.
A Real Thinker’s Thinking: The strictly private pursuit of excellence.
The secret is in the language.
And finally — A Weather Update:
If you live long enough — you’ll freeze your balls off.