Summary = TBD
Condensed News Items = See Below
News Item Gallery = jcap 93034 -1103
Transcript = None
Key Words =
When it came to local-thinking life decided to sub out the work; Ergo — Man.
When it comes down to the idea: “I want to go home.”
Only a real local thinker can think it profitably — and do note:
His version of it is: “I want to GO home.” — NOT, “I want to go BACK home.”
THE — irreplaceable,
mandatary, and obligatory foundation for civilization is quite simply – intellectual seriousness.
…”Well, Shoot!” said some fellers standing just over there, “This thing ain’t near as hard as some make it out to be.”
Moral: No sir-ree Bob, it ain’t.
And from our Update Desk, this update:
If you took everything that man has ever done and said –and put it all together —
you’d have what we have now.
Those still riding on the neural coattails of man’s genetic past continue to show scant interest in such updates.
Our Assistant Floor Director said he knew that already.
Many independently inclined minds underwent a common experience when young: They dreamed that early on, life appeared to them with an invitation to choose:
They could choose to be imaginarily executed, and then later actually be — OR,
Man: The universe’s original “captive audience.”
Beyond the strangle-holding-confines of limited local dimensions –Wherein there can be told no, “Up-from-dawn,” no, “left-from-right” —
A standing ovation (notes life, on your behalf),
begins to fall somewhere in between, “highly improbable” and, “mostly impossible.”
(Life notes this to you so’s you won’t be wasting precious time in this silly pursuit.
…[And of even further interest is the fact that it simultaneously makes ordinary men
rise up with great anguished passion AND cheer and applaud –
AND insist indeed — on what a MOST splendid chap and companion IS this local reality known as, “Life”!] ….but still, don’t forget:
Life told me to tell you just to skip all of this. After all: What kind of elephant with balls needs the encouragement of fleas.)
Once the wars were over —
One man found it necessary that he keep a loaded gun pointed at his own head.
And now this timely tip from our, Home Improvement Desk:
If you’re alive — you’re trapped.
“Help! — I’m trapped!”
“Ah, shut the fuck up!”
There now! Don’t you feel much improved?!
Any time a real thinker speaks specifically to the ordinary in a social context, he is speaking figuratively.
(Okay, he SHOULD be.)
The Human Mind, Put In a Literary Setting:
“So long as I have paper — I shall type.”
On down the line,
when he realized the eventual need for a repairman — Man established god,
and the concept of, “spirit writings.”
One student of civilization stood tall and said:
“It makes one PROUD to be a human!
. . . . say, as opposed to being a
rat, or a hyena — mind you,
not that there’s anything inherently WRONG with RATS being rats, (and like that) -but after all — I AM a man!”
… (end of Quote).
Each man feels as though there is “ONE THING” that should NOT be laughed at.
…Well? . . . . What is it you think you’re waiting to hear after that?’
If you stand up on certain hilltops,
And look out over things in the light of certain sunsets,
You could say (not sans all validity) —
That a herd (in some ways), knows more collectively than an individual, stray (here-and-there). But to that individual thinker himself — none of this is of the least significance whatsoever.
Standing near-by this scene and commentary, reflected: “Why has no one ever pointed out to me before
That once you know what thinking is all about,
And how to do it for yourself, more independently,
That such so-called matters as:
the truth,’ and so on,
are by-and-large, irrelevant?!”
…(And of course,
The hills and the sunset
KNOW the answer to this — as they hide and smile.)
Routine thinking: Dynamite that can extinguish its own fuse.
Sunrise: Each day’s latest fashion, and fad.
Just after birth,
Along with some Kleenex, and a hot thermos,
Civilization also hands each person this piece of advice: “Never fully trust a man who won’t criticize.”
From a non-collective view —
Things that aren’t going to work anyway usually just become institutionalized.
And now, this Public Service Announcement:
If life wanted men to know what they were doing, it’d have them come ASK you now, WOULDN’T it?!
So much for charity — now back to the commercial bullshit.
To a thinker, in this life —
There is no such thing as a, “fixed income,”
–only the resources extant in the universe.
To expand one’s intellectual activity —
it is not a matter of “how much you have” — but of “how much you spend.”
In support of his theory, this one man
searched the land thoroughly, and right in line,
could only find one person who said that they really WANTED to apologize for anything
they had done. Strangely enough — it turned out to be his mother!
(What particular circumstances moved her to step forward — he never revealed.)
The quoting of others is a kind of public counterfeiting.
Now that he can think — every man attacks the left side of his brain! — Except for those who go for the right side.
“Gee, George — How long can you stand like that?” –
“Like HOW? Hubert?” —
“Like THAT, George–just like that.” –
“OH! — you mean like — THAT!”
And now — An Even BRIEFER History Of Mortal, Mental Progress, Thus-Far & Up-Till-Now:
From the untamed nothingness — men built cities! Shortly thereafter — they wanted out.
Technology On Parade:
One man decided to build a “thinking machine” —
until he accidentally saw a mirror, and his cousin Lenny.
Many men like to say to themself: “Why waste your time?” –
Particularly so just after having wasted their time.
Is that why — if you know how to listen just right — cemeteries can be such noisy places?
All criticism is a denouncement of yesterday.
All criticism is a denouncement of yesterday.
Yes– and not a moment too soon!
The City so instructed local mind-parents:
“As the twig is bent — so shall it grow.”
And one man thought: “What do I want with a grown, bent twig?”
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Learning Your First Lesson from Others: Laying out your burial clothes.
Accepting All Subsequent Ones: Crawling in them.
Life only expects donkeys and sheep to have self-impressive “respect” for it.
…”Well — just – ‘HEY’!” finally thought one man,
“Just who was it that TAUGHT me to laugh in the first place?”
Another item from our department of: “Alternative Possibilities”:
Everybody BUT a real thinker realizes life is just a harmless joke.
See! — there’s another distinction between us and those phony, “real life” news shows –
Whenever they make a little “joke” that carries captious possibilities,
they’ll always point out that it IS just in jest! — not so us, necessarily every time.
…(That last part is what is known in the ‘trade as:
“Buttering up the old audience in super-saturated, unctuous oil and fawning fat.”
…[You people not in the business should not attempt this yourselves unless you already have some natural ability in politics, social-commentary, or some other suitable area of toadyism.])
Now let’s play another round of our, “Dictionary Game”:
The definition is: “Boobs on commission.” — now you figure out the word, or name to go with it.
It’s not that sone things “matter”
Because they’re a matter of “life-&-death,”
But rather that the. ONLY things that can possibly matter MUST be of the life-&-death variety.
Definition From A Drive-In Window:
A Thinker Speaking To Other Thinkers:
The notion of:
“Preaching To The Already Converted”
Turned inside out,
Bathed and scented,
And aft amounts of OTHER alluring
“How much would it be with a large order of fries added to that?”
The reason that so few, “Great Men” have left undeniable, indelible marks on human history Is either because so few ever existed —
Or because history is an illusion.
(There could even be other possible reasons — but we were only paid to mention these two.)
Men who have no wider grasp regarding the possibilities of thinking find it pretty ridiculous for others to even be talking about it.
Once it was no longer simply a babbling, slobbering, childish, routine rug-rat,
one civilization said to its people:
“I’ll shut up if YOU will.”
And once they’d all agreed to, it reneged.
When later asked about this affair, the civilization had this comment:
“For what else could life BE — if not to, live-&-learn’?”
..(And a man thought: “Hummm, but that sounds familiar.”)
Every myth has a mother — every stray thought, an anchovy in its past.
The only criticism possible of life is — verbal criticism!
— AND, (just coincidentally) — guess just which kind is also totally invalid?!
And for you viewers who’ve asked:
Yes, we did have to let our Music Critic go.
Two weeks in a row he turned in reviews of new releases in which
he made no — absolutely NO — references or comparisons to any older materials.
We regret this temporary inconvenience, but feel sure that under the circumstances, you do understand.
Once a mind can count — there is NO-0-0 stopping it.
To prepare everyone for the eventual “sinking-of-the-ship,”
Life makes men periodically nudge one another and confidentially pass the word along:
“We’re all in this together.”
… “Boy,” thought one man, “Does THAT do a lot of good or what?”
“Say, Stewart — no need to stand so close to the rail, ole man,
after all — when you make UP the news, you can make it do anything you want.”
And now — an especially interesting story, from me! — your most interesting reporter:
One ordinary man — who could have un-ordinary thoughts —
(At least for the sake of this story) — one day thought
“Perhaps, (me thinketh),
the worsetest thing about not being able to think any more than one presently does
is that you then hope and want that nobody else can either.”
And now back to some more recent figures on the, Fertilizer Closings.
…Sane News Director’s Editorial Addendum To That Last Item, (The word, “Sane” being part of his title, NOT an adjective):
In addition to the potential humors and harm in such ideas as just presented by that last reporter,
you might once again note, however,
that it does most strongly hint at the beautifully balanced intellectual arrangements In ordinary men which prevents them from ever “over doing things”
and getting upper back pains..
…(You know, “upper back pains — UPPER back! …. you know what I mean!)
“Hey – Listen!” says one man,
“If life ‘d’a wanted man to ‘break-out-in-a-sweat’
It ‘d’a made us all be born with little deodorant pads under our little arms.”
..(Chuckle, chuckle) — and yet —
right here is another fine example of a “fact” known by all educated men, and yet one of its more promising possibilities totally ignored — to wit: “The brain CAN’T sweat.”
One man was finally able to spit up his ancestors —
slap them around — hug them tight once — and swallow them again – for the last time.
The past presents no problem to a man — if it will meet either one of these two criteria:
That it is either: Totally alive, or totally dead.
* Useful, “half-way houses” exist only in fairy tales, and non-functioning penal programs. *
And now for a little, E & F —
Yes, time for some, Encouragement & Fortification:
As you struggle along in life, just remember this —
Life doesn’t WANT you to “get over it.”
Men began presenting awards and degrees to one another once they realized how dumb they were.
Who’s studied history,
And done other thinking on his own,
Says he finds it most fascinating to ponder the question of whether,
If the “Great Thinkers” of the past were alive today, if they’d take requests ??
Critics complain –artists are silent.
Lumpy Litmus Test To Check For Lackluster Thinking:
Do you believe in conspiracies?
Do you believe you’d know one if you saw one?
Conspiracy: Stupidity spelled with a “C.”
It takes some men six thousand years or more to ever grow up — and they still don’t.
While in fairy-tale news stories, some can do it in less.
On his vacation,
one plumber visited sewers. -He said it was HIS free time,
and that HE could do whatever HE wanted to with it.
Be there any chance that – he and thee,
can – SEE,
how his sense of what-drives-him,
drives him forever along-side the beginning of this news item
regarding the length of time required for some to mature?! — — or better yet — to wise up?!
One of our faithful viewers notes:
“A nice thing about being a self-made hermit is that you don’t HAVE to have a television set.”
Anyone who feels they must say that they are on the “cutting edge,”
Of whatever it is they do,
Fears they’re actually on a butter knife, or else that you are.
And now — The Nightly News “LOOKS AT” Education:
One man knows the names of more than thirty well known philosophers – but, he does NOT know their telephone numbers.
Local reality in this one place, wondered:
“Just what would happen if everybody started laughing at me?”
(You see — the joke IS that local reality can’t TALK . . . . well, not like you and I can.)
Whilst everyone else is all the time wanting to, “call home,”
An independent mind keeps trying to push THAT old boat farther and farther away from HIS pier.
Definition As Filtered Through A Reporter’s Lens:
Man, Mentally: Continual “re-write time” at the old City Desk.
Men with talent frighten those without —
and life normally handles this by having those with,
eventually get so angry and obnoxious that they lose theirs!
And by then, those without any don’t care anymore, any way.
The purposes critics serve are more than they know — and less than they imagine.
One man says: “I used to sweat nickels and dimes —
But then moved on to only giving any notice to tens and twenties;
And then one day,
While I was hanging out with life, it said:
“Say — have you ever seen my imitation of the Federal Reserve Board?!”
And I realized I hadn’t taken it far enough yet.
And now that segment of the show, — “Viewers’ Poetry Corner”:
I’m happy upstairs,
And pleased below;
I’d’a done it lots sooner, but
I jest didn’t know.
Our Head Boom-mike Man says, “Who the hell sends in all this crap anyway?!”
As long as local conditions can make a man believe that all sentences require a conclusion,
And that periods are much scarcer than question marks,
Then local conditions will remain in charge.
Normal Intellectual Certainty: Speculation in evening clothes.
“Yes, yes, Norman — sit still for a second and I’ll explain it to you–
A man with no pretenses whatsoever is either:
Or, doesn’t have a working brain,
Or…..there’s some other possibility,
but I’ve momentarily forgotten what it is…”
To a thinker — what is of interest in metaphor and allegory is in what they DON’T say.
At least once, or maybe, twice a year,
this one man would miraculously leap from his morning bed and spin about shouting:
“Oh, I’m a little daisy —
And I’m ’bout to bloom.”
The management of these news broadcasts
has decided to discontinue the feature of: “Letters from Viewers”
due to the number of letters.
Past a certain point,
Men with a certain talent
Should no longer let certain other people know it.
And from our Sports Desk:
All of humanity’s saviors came from the same farm team.
Exclaimed one man: “By god, sir! — If you are alive and can do ANYTHING at all well, then by god, sir — brag about it! —
By god sir, speak right up and BRAG about it!”
If you’re breathing — you’re a shill for somebody … (unless you’re a thinker too.)
To a real thinker — nothing is, “irreplaceable” — save the real basic stuff that’s irreplaceable to everybody.
In the beginning, life was arranged just like man thought it was;
then as he thought even more,
he began to suspect that it was not like that: Now he is CONVINCED it is not! . . . . (but it still is.)
As dreamed of by all men,
under whatever, names or guises,
is always no more and no less than his hunger to think more.
And now another item from our, “Another Thing” Desk, (which some find depressing, and others, humorous):
Another thing about a thinker still being alive during his own life time is that
he’s already damn near thought of everything that anybody is ever going to think of in his life time . . . . around here.
Once he knew how to do it,
One man decided to re-run the tape of history back through himself one more time.
Civil Morality: Laughing at people rather than murdering them.
Civilization produces no man-with-a-mind without giving him his own personal drug also.
One man’s secret, silent response to all suggestions-of-possibilities, publicly put forward by the mind of the collective was: “Not hardly.”
A real thinker himself — is always ultimately at the heart-of any matter that interests him
One bright morning a man exclaimed: “Let’s expand ourselves;”
And his mind replied: “Let’s not.”
Seriousness: Death by degrees.
…you STILL don’t GET IT?!!! — Okay, try this:
What is more serious than a CORPSE?!
A Consanguineous Note Regarding Our Dictionary & Descriptions Department:
Moot are the definitions of he who cannot first define himself.
When children will no longer believe in goblins, they’re turned over to Morality.
To be fully alive, mental and uncertain — there is an initial bridge you must jump –
It is not actually a bridge, but a gap — and once you jump it, you become the bridge.
Tip — (Well, actually a “Certainty” disguised within a Tip):
If you think you might be part of the collective — you are.
It is reputed that, intellectually speaking, there have been a few that life asked
to, “slow down.” Hey! I said a FEW!
The urge to think more, is the desire to get out of orbit.
While hanging about one day,
Local reality nudged one man and said:
“You think you’re getting pretty sharp, huh? –
Got things pretty well figured out, right? –
Well?’ So how come you don’t SAY something?!” —
And the man smiled and nudged life back.