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Condensed News Items = See Below
News Item Gallery = jcap 93031 -1100
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Some don’t find the idea of trying to think more independently for oneself very enticing if it’s not made to sound exotic and mysterious.
“Hey!’ cried a bunch of cows and sheep, “Count US in that blessed number!”
According to one legend:
If you had been a good boy or girl in your last life,
then this time ’round you’d a been born with a billfold that instead of a picture of Doris Day would have had the secret of life in it.
Think of it as you will — but – life’s basic purpose for human speech is just to have man talk.
If you are dumb, dense, witless, or otherwise, stupid — don’t-t-t WORRY about it! — — Life will make you “SERIOUS” …quick enough!
One nice day, a man asked his mind:
“Would you now like to join me in: singing the praises of the illustrious who have gone before us?”
And his mind replied:
“Why the hell would I want to do THAT?!”
Having limited minds will not stop men from telling you everything they know.
Everything from nothing leaves everything. (Under these conditions.)
All whining and complaining is due to a lack of rigorous, individual thinking.
Dying is one thing — others wishing you would, is something else again.
So-called, “bad habits” can give the ordinary, “something to think about.”
Footnote: Recent archeological digs are beginning to indicate that
mans’ earliest hobby
developed soon after he was able to think, but didn’t know what to think about, and was not whittling, or pornography, as previously believed,
but was Medicine — and, “being sick.”
Birds have no idea how large the universe is! But men do! —
And do you think they care??
Gobble, gobble; Cuckoo, cuckoo.
And from our, Sports Allegory Desk:
Life is like a stock car race —
but how did so many civilians get into the pit area,
where you can get drunk, and throw-up, and take off your halter top,
in the midst of so much noise and turmoil that your present employer will never notice, or mention it back at work on Monday.
And, “That’s all” from our, “Sports Allegory Desk” for now.
The pseudo-sharp look for metaphors — de sharp, are one.
If you live under the dominating intellectual influence of the collective,
you have few choices regarding what you can do with your tongue and lips.
Basically: You can either speak the words of others, or keep quiet.
It is not possible for one who can think to be impressed by anyone else’s thoughts.
…Point-of-order: Just what do you mean by the word, “impressed”? –
…Point-of-reply: What do you THINK I mean?
The weak push around the world — the strong, themselves.
The insightful-write brief aphorisms —
while the torpid offer ones that just drag on – and on-n-n, and on-n-n and NEVER seem to stop
Today’s bumper sticker:
“Men started time — and men can STOP it!”
One man thought: “That’s another thing I like about my mind — you don’t have to wind it up.’
Each day your main source of news can come from the Hormone Desk, or from the Neuron Desk, but part of it will always come from the Hormone.
A man who could actually, “think for himself” wouldn’t tell anybody where he got his news:
* Believe it! …or order an enema by mail. *
…Oh! — and we’d like to remind you:
As always — the “News” is brought to you BY the news.
Searching for freedom and originality, and not knowing where to find them, will then settle for just being offensive.
“Gad! – ain’t it awful to be sad?”
“Yeah, but what else can you do if you’re dumb and serious.”
“Yeah — but still ain’t it awful?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
Ordinary men will seek a sense of direction from other ordinary men with the
same sweet assurance with which they will look to a proctologist for dental surgery.
And now fora “Labor Oriented Maxim” Update:
Never hired — never fired.
And now a Traffic Report:
Only cows, sheep, and normal men work for somebody.
If you’re trying to sell people on something
Like a set of steak knives,
or the notion of “thinking for yourself,”
you’ll usually do much better if you make it sound like they’ll be better off buying it, and doing it.
A man who’ll tell you how he’s suffered — ain’t through suffering.
Those with no talent can’t dance, and thus push for social-values and family-reunions.
When you’re dumb, routine and ordinary — your choices are limited;
when you’re an alert, unique, independent-thinker — you don’t realize it!
ONE man was SO-0-0 totally “dumb” that even HE was impressed!
Once you see that all of that which makes and holds man together as a singularity is the exemplar and summation of such concepts as fragility and vulnerability. Then you can come to realize that such notions are specious, and known only to man —
— an aftermath of the Big Bang that occurred in his mind.
Harsh fact from our, “Harsh Fact” Desk:
Nobody likes somebody who knows what they ‘re doing, except other people who know what they ‘re doing.
Huh! — you call THAT “harsh”? — Huh! —
I’ve got argyle socks rougher than that! — Huh!
Yes — you may set your watches–it is “that” time again:
The world is divided up into two types of people:
those who have talent — and those who do not;
and those who, “do not” — aren’t divided up into ANY thing.
Butchers invented scales once they realized how dumb they were.
Only sheep and cows truly worthy of their name
will proudly identify themselves AS members of a herd.
“Yes!” said the man, standing tall, “I AM a ‘this-or-that’!”
Facts Speak for Themselves: A dumb man is a stupid man.
The dense need BE self-centered and egotistical.
I done tole you people a hundert times — Life looks after it’s own!
…(You know — if he wanted to, a real thinker could ask:
“But who looks after ME?!” — but he doesn’t WANT to! — so THERE!)
And now from our, “Watch Out Desk” — WATCH OUT!
…No, seriously, news hounds: Item: Watch Out:
Change has killed more people than cancer.
Reflective, Subjective Poetry: Taking pliers to your privates.
Once neurons had run away from home and started their own homes, they all got together and said:
“Hey, let’s start pretending that really great people existed in the past.”
Yes sir, this is exactly what happened, all right –and YOU’D better be darn-glad that it did!
People who can’t think good like to get in bunches.
If you make fun of normalcy too many times — you’ll be sorry.
(This IS “just a theory.”)
In his bedroom,
One man could see what appeared to be prehistoric sea creatures raising up their heads from within his carpet —- And yes, it was a deep-pile carpet.
Another stimulating item from our, “Sometimes the News Makes Me Dizzy” Desk.
In the civilized world, the main thing an expert does is talk — How civilized is your world?
One man notes:
“One neat thing about even being just ordinary ‘weird’ is that
a lot of those clowns out there will automatically take it to mean more than it does.”
…(“Cheaper than having talent,” added he, over-his-shoulder.)
Men of limited vision are just as good as anyone else,
but as to why some believe they are BETTER — remains a real puzzler.
The sound of whining engines is routine minds coming in for a landing.
One day a dog said to his master, who was most affectionate and talkative:
“Okay, tell me: Just what does the word, ‘love’ mean when you use it on me?”
And his family, sitting near-by, added: “Yeah, and when you’re finished with him, come tell us too.
And now for a Traffic Report:
Man is the only creature who — when he thinks about himself –
thinks that he should be better than he is.
…Another of homo rollabout’s distinguishing features.
No matter how your profession is listed on your tax return —
— If you speak thoughts not your own — you’re a reporter.
Adjunct To An Earlier Broadcast News Item:
Only the abnormal are — normal.
A man told his son:
“If you stand on the side-lines, you can jeer better.”
And the boy asked: “Did you say jeer, or cheer?”
“What the hell difference does it make?!” he replied.
And now a word from our sponsor, Life.
Hormones have no word for, “sacred” — yet they live it.
Neurons have no knowledge of it — so they invented the word.
Secret motto of several of our more popular past centuries:
“If what you’re doing ain’t worth a shit — advertise, advertise!”
“Well sure!” said some philistines and other civic minded cows, people with talent can afford to act happy.”
From our, “Let’s Up the Stakes Again” Desk:
Public certainty conceals private stupidity.
Not only do local gods LOVE a loud-mouth — that’s all they’ll HIRE.
A person who will use his age, looks, health, or position as an excuse for anything can never be excused.
Those who think the least give the most attention to behavior.
Fish whose internal gills are moved by the waters, are normal fish; same with man,
and “out there.”
* Only the normal ain’t got a marshmallow’s chance in hell. *
Hey! – hand me a sharp stick, and throw another brain on the fire!
Reporters like to pick out specific news items and make them sound like they’re connected from one day to the next – it helps camouflage the plagiarism.
Whenever he was trying to “think about” something,
and would run into a dead-end in his thinking,
this one man would then start to think about the “thing” as a metaphor;
after he had become quite good at this — and the same situation would arise–
he then began to think about his “THINKING-about-it” as a metaphor’ …and then:
Great God A’mighty!… Don’t take me to the bridge… I’ll build my own!
And now back to Scottie at the Sports Desk.
Fact In the Glare:
If you can make-up enough shit you can explain EVERY thing.
After considering how he sometimes handled his own mind, one man said: “Perhaps finesse is not my strong suit.”
And when asked — what was? — replied:
“Perhaps I don’t have one.”
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Cows, sheep, philistines and bureaucrats thrive on repetition.
Note: This description includes EVERYBODY but you and me.
* Yes folks — it’s Happy HOUR again!
Drink up, and swallow heartily! *
Note-Note: One of the neat things about being part of some nice group is that amongst yourselves there IS no such thing as a, “Shared delusion” — it’s just not possible!
Gee! How neat!
In this one solar system,
Their sun suddenly turned a back flip,
and immediately after that
all of their Holy Scriptures became Joke Books,
and all of their erstwhile humor became Metaphysical Law.
Now for the Jackpot question: How many people do you think NOTICED?!
It’s not simply that the “weak run the world,” but that to a real thinker, it just looks that way . . . . some times.
More — “Differences”:
Hormones know what to eat — neurons don’t CARE!
One man thought:
“If I hear man divided up into two different parts one more time I think I’ll GO TO PIECES!”
930 3 -63
From our several, “Facts –‘And Jump-Back-Jacks’ Desk”:
Fact: By its own internal, self-defining — No one can totally, “think for themselves.”
Jump-Back-Fact: That’s no reason not to TRY.
A man who quotes himself may not be a routine plagiarist,
But he is treading close to the primrose path of mental suicide.
From the “Secret Handbook”:
A really great thought deserves only one think.
And now for our nightly, extended segment,
wherein we more closely examine an important story in the news.
Tonight’s feature we call: “What?! — A Look at How Society Evolves Under Present Laws”:
…When a man is young, he doesn’t know shit,
and when he’s old, he doesn’t care whether he does or not.
Join us again next time.
It would be difficult for a real thinker to conceive of the concept of a “sinking ship.” — Much less how others always can, when they wish to relocate.
Thinking – at full speed – depends not on the unpredictability of waves, or on whether you’re battered about or not —- It’s always about: Sailing on! — Sailing on!
Only cows, sheep, men, and other docile herd animals can BE imprisoned.
From our, “Free-Electron, Neurosis” Desk comes this item:
People who live in foreign countries just do so, so that they can get away from you.
Datum: It takes more than two ordinary people to make up for just one who can think.
Datum Analyzation: For what purpose this is so, is not known.
Corresponding Homology: Dumb Facts can oft-tines be — happy facts.
And this useful safety tip from our happy news staff here at the station:
A man serious enough, won’t have TIME to appear dumb! … OR perhaps — vice versa.
A man says:
“I wish to update a particular twentieth century quote, to wit:
‘The truly intelligent are different from you and me’ — I just don’t know how — exactly.”
If you dislike the guards, you remain in prison, even after they let you go.
930 3 I -74
Throughout history — jesters and comedians have spoken of themselves QUITE well.
From our, Equal Time Desk:
From one view it is only the truly deranged who try to figure out what life is about.
If such statements as this have any effect on you then you deserve to be infected.
Countered one man:
“Hey — I am all ready, ‘somebody’ in this life! — Don’t talk to ME about ‘being original’!”
If you think — you dance;
And if you think as life “turned you out” — you dance with strangers.
If you’re serious, you’re old — WAY-Y-Y too old!
A man who can think can read genes like a microfilm run backwards.
Even if we agreed that it is literally, physically, and spatially impossible
for a man to totally, independently, “think for himself,”
that still would not obliterate the fact that some do.
— Don’t you just love-e-e news like this?
The serious have little use for independent thinkers.
Another fine item from our, “I Knew That All Ready” Desk.
Men who know how to think, make-up everything they think, but they’ll admit IT!
“Serious” Human Speech: Gibberish re-visited.
A man who can think — and who finds himself impressive — can’t, and ain’t.
A Thinker: Someone who was supposed to have died YEARS-SS ago.
HA! — but he DIDN’T!