Being All Excited About Nothing
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#1047 Nov 9, 1992 – 1:50
Notes by TK
Kyroot. to :34. Being mad is to get even for the stupidity of others by taking it out on yourself.
Being all excited about nothing is the life of a Neural Revolutionist.
Conspiracy theories are one of Life’s best controlling illusions. The beauty: they explain everything presently inexplicable, irrational.
Audio-only :50. Ordinary thinking, accepting collective wisdom is like having sex w/ a stranger, a prostitute: no passion involved; a minimal intellectual experience
And to open tonight’s show, Kyroot presented the contestants
with this question: “What holds civilization together?” —
Wrong! — Seriousness! …(And now on to the jugglers and
In thinking, juxtaposition is everything — in the rebel
version it’s “everything plus”.
Only those in the system favor working within the system.
Leaping up half-wayù in the air in the secondary world is not
A man clinging to his ancestors already has his best parts
Those who ask for judgement receive judgement.
…..Here is one rebel tunesmith’s latest song, (entitled):
“Progress! — Where Is Thy Sweetness? — Wherefore Thou
Sting?” A march flavored by apology is not much of a
One guy finally came to the conclusion that the “best plans
would be no plans at all.” (He says this is: “Hard in
application, but sweet in contemplation.”)
In intellectual systems — as soon as the universal becomes
local it also becomes its own critic.
Oh!, (remarked Kyroot): The Duchess Of Metaphor popped in
to say: “Do remember that the best way to start a new week is
always with a Monday.”
A man who believes he’s “on a mission” has an even easier
If you can whine, and cluck and shake your head over a
friend’s problems it can make up for you not having any immediate
ones of your own.
A man who tells what kind of person he is doesn’t know what
kind of person he is.
…and Kyroot noted: One corespondent’s latest view is as
follows: “Living in the city is like having ‘portable mouth
Only the creative have conscience — everyone else has
…verse number two: Only the creative have conscience,
which is natural — everyone else, morality, which is taught.
And Kyroot, (dressed up as a home delivery man), held out
the following: “This Revolutionist-Thing Fully Explained In Just
A Few Words”: Why would anyone want to think about the obvious!
— especially when it’s so annoying?!
Sociology 101 has been canceled for today so that the
following may be foisted-upon — I mean, brought-to-you: (This
scene is entitled: “Genes Have Their Own Family: Or: Families
Have Their Own Legs”.) As the daughter was leaving the house,
the son said: “I’m going to devote my whole life to it.” And
his mother asked: “What?” And the boy replied: “Anything!”
And the father said: “What’s for dinner?”
A certain local reality told its collective: “Discipline is
your ally — not your adversary.” And a rebellious man who was
actually from around there henceforth acted as though he weren’t.
Musical, military footnote to the above: Civilization is only
concerned with thought-regimentation! — It can enforce behavior-
And a recent verbal byplay went like this: Item: One man
started a new religion because he didn’t have any friends.
Query: Exactly which religion was that?ù Item: You don’t want
…and Kyroot noted: One guy has taken a well known term up
from its original sexual reference, and now defines, “self-abuse”
as: Thinking like you always have.
…and Kyroot observed: Real appetites don’t need whetting.
….and quickly added: Shall we be more exact?!: Primary
appetites don’t require whetting.
Near a city field a man said to his son: “Having small aims
makes it alright to have small target equipment.” …and
perhaps, perhaps — “The Urban Maxim For One Upper Story Day”(?):
* Witless neurons are happy neurons * …(I said “perhaps”, but
you know — the old man and his kid are looking this way and
For men to tolerate how they ordinarily think, they have to
really enjoy dead-ends.
Two ole soreheads were dancing and the first one said: “As
it turns out, ordinary life — at all levels — is run by men
with pea-brains.” And his ballroom partner dipped and replied:
“Yes, but as it turns out, it doesn’t make the slightest little
bit of difference-e-o-so.” …(Dip, dip — Y’all.)
…and this little lingering item from Kyroot & Sons: One
man buried a large rock in his back yard only to later have it
turn up some place else.
Two guys playing Quiz-Time again: First guy: What’s
another good, sure way to spot the ordinary?” “I know,” replied
the other guy: “If you give people the opportunity to be
cherished, worshiped and adored, they’re the ones who’ll take
Hold the Ticker Tapes! — Time for a “Financial Up-chuck —
I mean, Update”: Nothing is quite so expensive as being
And a rebel substitute teacher told the class: “A neural
artist’s problem with the education provided for and by the
collective is that what they teach is based on what they’ve
already taught, and what they’ve already taught was already out-
dated by the time it hit the air waves.”
A viewer sez: “I personally approve-of and enjoy things more
when — after you’ve just made a really good point at the end of
one of your stories — you do not then muck-it-up and ruin it by
throwing in some laugh-provoking afterthought. It in fact
seemed to me that immediately following the one just read would
be the ideal place for me to offer this observation. Thank you
for your time. Yours sincerely,” etc.
When really mad! — just for boiling spite — this one guy
would dream of revenge on his enemies by wishing that they’d
And as Ralph Waldo Kyroot, (known in an earlier life as,
“Saint John Of The Criss Cross”), said: A dislike for the
obvious can drive a man to mysticism. …(And a thief in the
crowd suddenly stood up straight and exclaimed: “Mein gott! —
we’re all fuckin’ mystics!” * Moral: A man who won’t admit he’s
wrong — is never wrong. * …(“Moral” that, mother!)
Someone writes to Miss Etiquette: “Dear Miss Etiquette: Is
there any chance that this neural-revolution-thing is just a
cover for an attempt to introduce a new religion?”
As a rebel writes, his sole intent is that no word be
wasted, or be unnecessary.
And the “Dietitian In The Park” took to the old soapbox and
said to the crowd: “Man cannot live by self-reference alone!”
And before anyone in the audience could object, added: “I of
course speak only of the primary world.”
Some men love the primary and dislike the secondary; some
men cherish the secondary and disdain the primary.
After many years of “drinkin’-&-slobberin'” — and secret
practice! — this one man could act as though it was all on
purpose. Query: What could we call such an unusual sounding
activity? — How’s about, “Growing up.” An observer remarks:
“Shouldn’t that actually be called, ‘Growing up in the city’?!”
No sir — nice try, but: Where else you gonna grow up?!
In lieu of gargoyles, one man would himself squat up on the
eaves of his house. …(Footnote to the above: After he saw
this put down in writing, he looked rather sheepish and asked me
to please say that it was done as a “metaphor” — not as an
actual, physical act.)
One man who was a rebel had some ordinary relatives.
“Dear Advice Doctor: Will being a revolutionist give me a
better class of family members?” Sir, I fear not! — But — it
will make them thinner and more successful. …(The Doctor
whispered that some folks never learn — which is why he enjoys
…Stand back! — definition comin’ through: The Ultimate
Exile: A poet thrown onto a desert island with no potable
modifiers. In retaliation, The Adverbs & Adjectives Lobby shoots
us this wire: “Just where would language be were it not for us?
Stop.” Dear Lobbyists: Just where are you sending this from?
As life looks down on man’s local fashion show, and
considers his activities on the secondary runway, it knows deep
in its little “lifey heart” that: Men who pose — pose no
threat. To be an “Intellectual” amongst the collective you must
either proclaim yourself one, or else agree to be called one,
(after proper prodding on your part). The true thinkers of the
land remain unknown — just as they should. …(“‘Should,’ù my
ass!”, chuckled one guy.)
…and Simon LaKyroot said: From top-to-bottom, men are so
enslaved that there’s no useful use in even thinking about it.
…(And Kyroot, sans disguise added: At least that’s what
local reality instills in man.)
…and Louie LaKyroot said: In a herd, all wisdom sounds
like, “Moo-o-o!”, while fate reeks of manure.
Story, courtesy of your friends at Kyroot: The so-called,
“Evil Force,” (the satanic type figure) in this one reality
underwent the worst transformation possible: First he became
irrelevant, and then boring!
The chaplin of rebel camp, (I guess it’s assumed we’ll
recognize Kyrootian humor when we’re faced with it), said to the
troops: “Don’t look now, but Judgement Day was yesterday!”
…and from Kyroot: Something an artist can always rely on:
If you have something you need to prove to another — it is not
of a revolutionist nature. A kid complained to his old man:
“All the good stuff’s already been said, and done and proven.”
And his father replied: “Not so! — that’s why they keep having
to bring it up, and remind you that they’ve already done it.”
Just as there is a physiological difference in having sex
with a stranger and with one for whom you have a passion, so too
are there mental distinctions between you and the types of
thoughts you embrace.
…..Primary beauty is purchased by the pound — the secondary
can only be guessed at.
…..When he was finished having his same old kind of thoughts,
he rolled over in bed, lit a cigarette and asked himself: “Was
it as yucky for you as it was for me?”
…..Man’s secondary world is the only magic act in which the
audience is the performer, and the performer the audience.
Being hungry’s not funny! — being stupid, even less so.
…..(Unless of course you’re a revolutionist!……and it’s you
we’re talking about!)
The speaker declared: “A man who can’t ‘jog himself’ will
never be able to think anew.”, and a listener asked: “Did he say
that everyone had to go jogging?” And another voice piped in:
“I told you I was going to Chelsea!”
And Kyroot dished up some more words having to do with that
Most Delicious Of Quandaries: From Column A: Thinking like
everyone else can make you sick. Yeah, But From Column B:
Thinking like everyone else can keep you well. And From The
Unknown Column Known As C: Hey! — what chu gonna do!, Lou!
Mystics believe that the key to one door is the key to all
doors — and they’re correct. They’re incorrect in believing
that they’ve found it.
And Kyroot said: We received the following letter: “Life,
at least as reflected in your viewing audience, is divided into
two kinds of people: Those who like long Kyroots, and those who
like short ones.”
And Kyroot said: I just made up the above letter to set the
stage for this notation: Each incident of self-reference is a
…(Kyroot also solicited your forbearance in being
momentarily serious — but he said you’d understand.)
The collective received this reminder from their local,
vocal reality: “Remember: Asking-for-mercy won’t do you any
good, but it will assure that you get one of this year’s Whiner’s
Certificates.” …(And as all — [or at least, most of all] —
of the people humbly shuffled away, heads bowed, and eyes filled
with grateful tears, reality said: “God bless you one and all —
[or at least most of you all].”) A creative viewer punched a
companion: “You figure that last part was aimed at rebels in the
Being mad is to get even for the stupidity of others by
taking it out on yourself.
…..and now: “Some Axioms From Observation:” Some men’s blood
seems joyfully intoxicated by anger; some men’s ignorance appears
no hindrance; many men can be mad and stupid at the same time.
…and a creative mind is left once again to rhetorically &
otherwise ponder regarding the last axiom: Can you be one
without being the other?
Looking out upon his fellow man a chap said: “What I just
can’t conceive of is that they each actually have a full-time
life of their own!”
While the ordinary “live fact & dream fiction” — the rebel
belongs to another Book Club entirely.
In the city’s coffee factory’s coffee shop two employees
were on break and talking, and while examining the cream in the
midst of yet another one of their continuing artistic and
philosophical conversations one of them offered this view of just
what a certain well-known cultural entity was: He described a
critic as: “A man still alive who should be dead.”
On the day that the kid pretended to be “all grown up,” the
ole man wrapped the following up for him as a “pretend present”:
“If what you’re going to say requires modifiers or a conditional
clause — don’t say it.” (After that, just the two of them
played several rounds of, “Pin The Tail On The Obvious.”)
A man at the good pond in city park, north, said to another
person next to him: “For thousands of years there’ve been claims
that man lives in a state of hypnosis caused by something faulty
in his culture. But what kind of foolishness is this?! For if
man is hypnotized it could have only occurred in one of two ways:
He’s either born in that condition, or else he’s done it to
himself. …(And one of the two is not possible.)”
In the normal intellectual world of the collective: A man’s
vision is his pain.
One man began to see the secondary world as a place wherein
precedent became present-example, then example precedent, then
precedent into example, and ever-onward like that.
The lack of security that seems conducive to an artist’s
work is a reflection of its irreplaceable necessity in a rebel’s
“Gads!”, said a local Albanian, “But it’s hard to understand
Albanian when you live here in Albania.” …(And a bit later,
all of his little Albanian-parts thought: “Maybe!, but where
else are we to live?!”)
…and Kyroot made mention of: The Last Ditch Stand Of All
‘Conversion-Based’ Systems: Let’s all get hostile
As we spread the gospel.
Another exciting episode of: “Answers & Questions”: To
whom can the weak and dense turn for comfort? — One another.
What do you call the “collective?” —– We’ve already answered
that. * The larger the herd of cattle who don’t know where
they’re going, the better time they can make. *
Regarding some of the things his buddy did one friend said
to him: “That sort of thing violates your very vital energies —
and if it doesn’t, then you have none!”
After some prodding, the king allowed the statement to be
made to the people, that: “Being religious is not the same as
being dead.” …(Sometimes he wonders how he lets himself be
talked into such things.)
During a lull, a chap stood and said: “If the whole world’s
a stage — I want my money back.” This seemed to cause one
viewer to muse: “If I was ever going to write to The Advice
Doctor, I think I’d ask him if being a revolutionist can get you
A cosmic observer says that the continuing acceptance, if
not popularity, of man is due to his several unique
…and Kyroot noted on youse behalf or more: A revolution
that begins to wind down reflects the aging of its leader.
*** Run for your fuckin’ lives!, dudes! ***
Within a system: A local reality that doesn’t eat its own
feet is not a reality. One that doesn’t eat its own feet and
then whine-&-perplex over it is not a thinking reality.
Late one spring afternoon, during one of those sudden, brief
manure storms, one man ducked under a mallard and mused: “Being
reverent as per the religious notions of the collective is like a
frightened man saying to life: ‘No, it’s no problem — don’t
worry about it — I’ll get on bottom again.'”
…and for all general purposes, Kyroot described, “The
Mystic’s Way”: Where everyone else sees blood-and-heartbreak —
he sees gallons of it.
The counselor leaned over his desk and said: “Talking about
personal relationships won’t do them any harm, but discussing
systems, can.” He settled back in his chair and added: “Of
course having no knowledge of what I’m talking about, I could
have it backwards.”
A real revolutionist doesn’t read books — he writes them!
A certain neural, judicial observer makes this annotation:
“While everyone knows what freedom is, curiously, everyone knows
it to be something different.”
As a young man was just sittin’ around a’musin’, he mused in
specific: “It would be hard to convert someone not naturally
inclined to revolutionist thinking to ever do so.”, and a
particular part of his mind chimed in: “May I commend you on
your most liberal use of the word, ‘hard’.”
Those who claim that man is divided into discrete parts of
mind, body and spirit are themselves, in one area, specifically
…..one man said: “It doesn’t take much to be stupid.” And
his pal replied: “Yeah, just enough.”
When a rebel quits faking “fake passion” it goes away. In
all other circumstances — don’t hold the old-breath-o.
As one reality was conducting one of the periodic, “Serious
Meetings” it held with the local “leaders” of the collective in
its charge, it reminded them: “The only sin to be concerned with
now is in people not talking-about-themselves.” …(And all the
city figureheads, nodded and muttered: “Here, here! — right on,
…and Kyroot noted: In a rebel’s thinking there would be
both long and short “attention spans” as regards the two realms
of the primary, and the secondary. In either case though — it
would be quicker than would be amongst the ordinary’s.
A kid told the ole man: “If you think about ordinary life
much, you don’t have much energy to think about anything else!”
And his elder replied: “Well shoot! — I could’ave told you
that.” And so concludes another lesson in: “How To Be Thinner
And Richer By Being Your Own Ole Man & Kid.”
A viewer writes: “Dear Kyroot: Do you realize that it’s
been weeks since you in any way referred to the revolution as the
‘ultimate hobby’?!” And Kyroot kicked in: If any of you’d like
another funny form of “syllogism-play”, try on this one: If the
revolution is the ultimate hobby, and being alive is the ultimate
hobby, then what d’ya make of that?!
…and Kyroot mentioned: A fellow just came in the room and
offered this comment: “The dumb are so-o-o pleased with
One reality noted: “Being pretentious doesn’t count if
you’re not aware of it; that is, it doesn’t count in your favor.”
The Assistant Head of the lab over at the Kyroot Foundation
says he almost has a new definition of man: A system that seems
its own cause-and-effect.
Today’s “Mail-in definition” claims: The revolution: A
high-wire act with no danger.
And now an item from Kyroot’s files of, “Education Marches
Right Along:” An investigation at city college, where an
unaccountably large number of students and faculty have shown up
with heretofore unseen malignancies, has revealed that the cause
was not due to any carcinogenic environmental materials, but
rather from the study of Sociology.
One ole man told the kid: “Out in the herd, ‘having an
attitude’ is no big deal — everybody has an attitude. What’s
interesting with a rebel though is that he develops an attitude
towards, ‘having an attitude’.”
…and Kyroot, or somebody said: The human experience is
the only form of existence in which life seems intent on charging
those to be executed for the privilege.
Everyone works in life’s best interest — eventually!
Whenever this one poet would experience having his promising
thoughts again lead nowhere he would hurl red ripe tomatoes from
his second story window as a warning.
One man would only rewrite his words — never his thoughts.
With a revolutionist, even when it doesn’t particularly
count, originality counts.
…and Kyroot noted: A rebel must be able to think in a
mooshy manner amidst the intended exactness of words.
The rebel’s ability to intellectually learn from himself was
the original inspiration for crotchless panties.
This “Modifier’s Moment” is brought to you by the Kyroot
family of companies: The supreme satirist is he who ultimately
A certain man protested to a rebel: “But deny this: The
mind wasn’t made to be satisfied!” And the revolutionist thinker
replied: “True — but for our purposes, substitute the term
‘extremely pleased’ for ‘satisfied’.”
…and then Kyroot konjured up our, “Myth For The Times”:
One day a bunch of rebels started to get on a bus together, and
the bus said: “Just w-h-a-t i-n t-h-e h-e-l-l do you guys think
Looking at life head-on, without blinking, even ordinary
minds can tell what’s “going on.” Oh, they don’t particularly
care for it, and will immediately pretend to have forgotten it —
but they know.
Looking out toward the ever-rising sun, a man mused:
“‘Being All Excited Over Nothing!’ — Ahhh!, now there’s the
life of the revolutionist!”
One man kept the weekend in his pocket.