Jan Cox Talk 1001

Personality Is Like a Magic Formula That Does Nothing

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Summary = See below
Condensed News Items = See below
News Item Gallery = jcap 92081 -1001
Transcript = None
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Summary

#1001 Jul 22, 1992 – 1:00 
Notes by TK

Kyroot to :26. Personality is like a “magic formula” which does nothing. 

The serious can never understand the true nature of seriousness. Lack of seriousness = lack of civil order. 

If you’re not going to think better than everyone else, why bother in the first place? 


The News

…and Kyroot said: 92081-(#)
Copyright 1992 J. M. Cox [1001]

If you’re intellectually contemporary you’re already behind.

***

All warring armies have opposing forces so’s to always keep
the lifeboats trimmed.

***

One man produced his own magic formula. It didn’t do
anything, but by god it was his.

***

“Who,” mused one human hound, “but one’s own kind master
would be so kind as to kindly include hair-balls in one’s own dog
chow.”

***

One reality saved all its best lines for itself. ….(A
stagehand off in the wings muttered, “Chintzy bastard!”)
Program Note: Those with no talent just hate it when those with,
do.

***

And Kyroot listed another as yet undiscovered (or at least,
admitted) Law Of Physics: The serious can never understand the
nature of seriousness.

***

…and Kyroot made note of: One man’s midsummer, midweek
theory: “Coarse opinions may be of low stature, but they’re well
armed.”

***

The simple petition the primary. The more sophisticated
wonder, “Where do we go from here?”

***

“One good thing about being a critic,” says one man, “is
that you can get a tumor, or go blind, and hardly notice it.”

***

As he looked at his instrument one human thought, “If you’re
not going to show-off what’s the point of playing.”

***

…and Kyroot noted: There’s a lot going on behind your
back.

***

An excuse for anything is an excuse for every thing.

***

To try and frighten his children into more serious
intellectual efforts, this one man would slip into their bedrooms
late at night and ominously moan: “Beware! — Beware, the
throbbing noodles!”

***

The power and pleasure of habit and rituals is that you
don’t have to ask “why?” …(After Kyroot had said this one man
thought: “I sure ain’t letting my mind hear that lest there be
some kind of ‘hidden message’ or something hanging around behind
those words!”)

***

On the bright morning of departure, the prince told the
troops: “We are off on a grand and mysterious adventure, and if
any of you believe you have somehow been especially, and
spiritually ‘chosen’ for this ride, please check with your
platoon sergeant as we need more men to help carry the portable
latrines.”

***

More men will lay down than ever plan to get up.

***

The mail brings us this letter: “I have been carefully
monitoring your program for a while now, and I’ve come to the
conclusion that some of the ‘Kyroots’ are purposefully
incomprehensible, or meaningless just to confound and confuse a
serious viewer.”

***

One man had a brain the size of a pea, and one day while
finishing off his vegetables he suddenly exclaimed, “My god! —
I ate my mind!”

***

Then Kyroot played some more of, “The Rebel’s Underground
Neural News”: Freedom in the city is trading one master for
another.

…..the children sang:
“The city is my brain,
The city is my brain,
In the city I was born,
And here I shall remain.”
…(What can be cuter than young innocent stability and fresh-
faced status quo.)

***

The head of the company announced: “Forget additional
research — we’ll go with what we’ve got; unworkable Artificial
Intelligence is good enough for ME!” …(And so it was, and
ever-was, and ever will be, for those still on the time clock.)
After many years of carefully scrutinizing religion, education,
and social responsibility, one man concluded: “What’s the use in
joining a union if you still gotta work?!!”

***

The circuits from the basement to the roof are simple and
direct — complex and wayward.

…..in a certain reality, the last Law Of Life to be discovered
was the one of Caprice-&-Whimsy.

***

Down by the Ole Sorehead’s Anti-Jogging Track, one scuffy
sort had this to say (between his sham heavy-panting): “Most of
men’s gods, and fears, and uncertainties were made up by men who
just couldn’t face it.” And his bogus running buddy punched him
in the ribs and laughed, “‘MOST?!’ — what’da ya mean ’most’?!”
(Ha ha, w-h-a-t a b-u-n-c-h of k-i-d-d-e-r-s.)

***

Whilst examining the prevailing neural justice system one
man mused: “An ordinary mind without prejudicial conclusions is
like assault without battery.” …(He then made a face and spat,
saying: “Phooey! — I clean my palate of such bland
provisions!”)

***

A lad with an original turn of mind, who’s been considering
such activity as this, one morning wondered to himself, “Could
there ever be an intellectual system with new information that
could convey it without any ‘self-reference’?” …(A useful
question for one’s own mind, I might add.)

***

So as to not appear too far behind the times, he had his
business card changed to read: “Astrologer To The RECENTLY
Deceased.” …(Or, as some of the guys over at the Nonpartisan’s
Bar sometimes like to say: “God gives all the faithful hot stock
tips right after the market closes.” …[“Funny,” thought a man
with a boilermaker, “how those kinda things work out — huh?”])

***

After the chef had removed the dough from the mixer, and
began to manually knead it he commented, “After all, the best
machine IS the hands.” And his assistant mused, “Well, he’s
within twenty or thirty inches of being correct.”

***

As he braided some local tumbleweed this one chap says that
his own personal mental motto and theme song is: “Don’t Fence Me
In — But If You Do, Leave Me An Axe.”

***

From out of town comes this communique: “Dear Kyroot: I
hear that our local cable company that carries your show has been
approached by an organization here who wants to be put on the air
as a response to your show. I understand that they plan to call
it, ‘Why Mess With Your Mind’.”

***

…Kyroot’s Eight O’Clock Myth: As reward for a certain
task he’d performed, (which we won’t go into), the local god gave
the man his choice of having either, “Dogs or fleas.” But the
chap, being of a metaphysical inclination, asked if he could not
instead have his choice between having either garbage or rats.
Moral, (ha ha), disguised, (ha ha), as a, (ha ha), query, (ha
ha): Why would the purchaser of a painting want the artist to go
home with him? Why would a man with ice cream search for a cow?
Why would a man who knows something — say he does? …(Oh! —
so, okay! So that last question doesn’t belong there — so sue
me.)

…..And another viewer writes: “To me there are two kinds of
Kyroots: Those I don’t get, and those I REALLY don’t get.”

***

One guy told his street-level intelligence — “I wouldn’t
give you the time of day!” And his urban neural-self replied,
“Yeah, and I know why, too!” …(and Kyroot said: Well you
could at least think about it.) Additional addition: Those who
don’t know nothing will be delighted to correct your grammar.
…(“H-E-Y-Y-Y!,” said the Hey Man, “What are friends and
mistakes for?! — Huh??!!”)

***

When it comes to leadership in city dances, control is from
power, not intelligence. …least not intelligence in the way we
use the word. Lions evidence their mental superiority over
jackals by killing them. Where’s YOUR proof?!

***

During July, while two realities were on vacation, one of
them said: “I’ve got this one bunch of creatures who, when they
won’t wear their glasses — get dizzy! And then when they do —
they get earaches!” …(Additional religious information for
many men and women….plus some other men besides those….and
some women and children who weren’t included the first time
around: The Religious Information: If it speaks to you about
finances, politics, sex & your health, rest assured it is
trustworthy, city religious information.)

***

A man on the corner told some people with packages, “Blues
singers and metaphysical poets are like tipsy wimps in a bar who
threaten to punch you in the nose, but never go through with it.”

***

“Remember, son, ” said the old man, “just because you can
spell a word doesn’t mean it exists!” And they both raised their
glasses of carrot juice in tribute to the Joke-Of-The-Day…
…sort of.

***

A man writes to the Advice Doctor: “Dear Doctor: IF
everything is connected then why don’t sewers back-up more often,
or the IRS send me money every month? — Huh?!” …(In La La
Land two kids were playing and one of them said: “Wow! I wonder
what the postal authorities would think if they knew the kind of
things that actually go through the mails!” And his buddy
replied, “Better-Wow-Yet! I wonder what they’d think if they
could READ!” …[Meanwhile, unbeknownst to our little kidders,
there is a moral — (oh no) — yes, here: When the gods got
pretty sick of man verbally kicking them around, they gave him
the concept of “institutions.”])

***

One man says: “Those who believe that, ‘Man can never
know,’ aren’t doing THEIR fair share of the measuring.”

***

One of the early speakers in the park this morning said:
“That men dream of heaven, I think, pretty well proves where we
ARE!” And after a brief silence a chap near a tree replied, “All
that can-be, or is worthwhile-to prove, my dear man, is that we
are here in city park, you had your say, we listened, and
tomorrow is still on its way. That, kind sir, is where man
ALWAYS is.”

***

Graffiti scratched in the campfire ashes just outside of one
city: “The only proper death for a rebel is suicide. There
ain’t no proper death for a rebel, thank you.”

***

As human intelligence moves on: Flesh does melt, but bones
survive.

…..one man thought: “The only thing you can depend on is
something that won’t let you down.” …(Many people wonder what
that might be — some know.)

***

After many years in the profession, the publisher of one
paper came to believe: “God is in the headlines.” …(I guess I
should note to you that he was of a certain rebellious bent, and
what he really thought was: “The secrets are in the headlines.”,
but he too knows what it takes to normally grab the attention of
ordinary minds.)

***

According to one of the city, street-corner scientists-and-
cultural-commentators, much of what man perceives real quickly
and forgets real fast is due to the “benzedrine shift”.

***
.pa
One of the preliminary speakers at the Hubcap Convention
told an afternoon workshop: “The only real ‘serious’ knowledge
available — (other than how to get a rubber on in a hurry in the
dark) — the only real ‘serious’ knowledge available to man
always seems to be ‘secret knowledge,’ but then that should lead
an alert thinker to kind of turn things around and over a bit and
consider then why it is that those who’re interested in such
matters have always just blindly assumed that any real ‘secret
knowledge’ would BE serious.”

…..a viewer chimes in: “After watching your show and
listening to you go on, I can’t now keep a straight face when I
think of condoms, tea kettles and colleges coming with
instructions.”

***

Then Kyroot offered another “Definition To Defy All You
Depend On” — (whatever the hell that means): A revolutionist:
One who can interfere with the flow of food from the stomach to
the brain. …(Alternate version: A neural rebel is one who can
hijack a bus before it leaves the station.)

***

A gentleman writes to us as follows: “I have been a hermit
for some years now, and really believed I was enjoying it until I
began watching your show. Thanks.”

***

One guy had his own cure. One guy WAS his own cure; he
could also go outside without slamming the door. …(While
attempting to raise his D string up an octave without putting out
his eye, he leaned into the microphone and said: “For our first
song we’re going to do, ‘I Traced Her Little Footsteps Through
The Snow.’; after which my brother will sing, ‘We Just Imagined
Her Footsteps.’; following which my sister will give her
rendition of, ‘Snow Is But Our Dreams Writ White.’; and then the
spotlight will return to yours truly by which time I too will
have vanished.”)

***

A boy asked his father: “Does everybody have a secret?” —
“How the hell should I know?!”

***

As the troops were about to spread out, the warrior chief
cautioned them: “Be alert! — Stupidity is a passion with
supporters everywhere.”

***

One guy whined, “Hey, my radio won’t work.” And his foreman
said, “You dunce, that’s not a radio — that’s your head.” And
the guy whined on, “Hey, my head won’t work.”

***

In this one reality, right before the start of each day’s
competition, local life would say to the creatures, “Remember
guys, it’s never too late or too early to forfeit the game.”
Then there’d be a whole lot of laughing and back-slapping all
around, (even though there was this small group of humans who’d
always be looking for a way to slip up, while all of this was
going on, and give the Big Guy a cheap shot).

***

The wounds of a whale do not cheap blood reveal.

***

In a most unusual move, the Royal Priest, Philosopher and
Psychologist issued this joint statement: “Those who self-
instruct can self-destruct.” …(And the village pie salesman
mused: “‘Tis good to receive useful info from disinterested
sources with no vested designs.” And his son asked, “You mean
like, life?” And his father patted him on the head with a lemon
meringue and chuckled, “Not hardly, my boy — not hard-i-lee.”)

***

Explaining themselves to their city, the man and woman team
said simply, “We still have more hormones than morality.”

***

Wielding a brand new crayon, a child in our audience joins
in the frivolities by sending us this original rhyme:
“Men with tumors
Make good roomers;
If you’re unawares
Just check upstairs.”
…(“Sometimes,” admitted the Postmaster General, “even I feel
ashamed for picking on mealy mouthed poets so much…not enough,
however, to make my stamps dry up.”)

***

During quiets moments one man would fondly think of his best
thoughts as — “The Last Bird Of Summer.” (He says, “Why not?!”
…he further says that at one time he even had an idea what he
meant by this.)

***
On last “Saint You-Should-Have-Known-It”’s day, one man told
his children: “Laws, morality and manners are but a substitute
for adscititious thought.” And after a slight paws, the family
dog spoke up and said, “But if that be so then civilization is
just for sissies.” (Most of the adults pretended not to have
heard him.)

***

Over in another small reality, as the local god was
dictating to a creature their first “holy book,” the scribe
stopped him just into Chapter Twenty-Three to ask: “Say, how do
you spell ‘Shit-faced-bastard’?”

***

All creatures who think deal in magic.

***

The old Court Magician, who’d already retired on his
pension, was sitting out by the moat as the young prince was
ready to ride off on his “mystical quest,” and he gave the regent
this parting verbal gift: “Remember, my boy: Underwear was
invented for a specific purpose.”

***

A correspondent sends us along this definition: Culture:
The passionate pursuit of the absurd.

***

In every universe that ever produces “thinking creatures,”
there is a planet in charge of turning out Morals and Parables.
And in places where the creatures get really good at what they’re
doing, one of the first things they do once they begin space
travel is to go blow up that world.

***

…and Kyroot noted: When it comes to routine secondary
data, superfluous details are the only details needed.

***

…and Kyroot noted: Even those who dream of doom-&-
destruction help support the promise of a tomorrow. …(A group
of citizens got together and sends us this “gang-letter”: “We
don’t think anything done ‘unwittingly’ should count.”)

…..Cells that never die sing no spirituals, or work songs.

***

Guy sends this note: “Dear Kyroot: Why do YOU write these
Kyroot-things, and then have that other guy come on to explain
them?” Dear Sir: Hey, go figure….or would you like me have
somebody come explain that to you?!

…..okay, (said Kyroot), a serious one for the ole, “Go Figure
File”: One man was SO-O-O abstruse that he couldn’t even spell
abstruse.

***

Over in a certain adjoining universe (which I shall not
encumber with any adjectives), it is forbidden to quote anything
written or said that is over two days old.

***

Talent, local — creativity, something else.

***

This one guy, whenever he’d think about how dumb he was,
would laugh. And whenever he’d think about how smart he was he’d
REALLY laugh.

<END>