Men Solve Factual Problems Via Renaming
Summary = See below
Condensed News Items = See below
News Item Gallery = jcap 1990-10-12 -0787
Transcript = None
Key Words =
#787 Mar 13, 1991 – 1:00
Notes by TK
Kyroot to :13. A man with a mouthful of sores renaming his malady as a “soreful of mouths” is making a FW/factual world, kind of progress since he no longer has the fact: mouthful of sores. Men solve their factual problems via renaming (creating new facts) but always create more complicated problems thereby. It is another step of removal from the AW.
Men continue to use all the social euphemisms while failing to note their ever-constant allegiance to Life’s own purpose and needs. E.g., “character flaws” is now used in place of the “demons” of yore; this is meaningless progress for a Real Revolutionist. It is a secret insult for a Real Revolutionist to respond to expressions of concern for them. The Real Revolutionist uses only euphemisms of his own creation, not those implanted by Life.
A “lack of time” is but one weapon in the arsenal of a dead
Internal strife is caused by external forces (except in
those peculiar areas where the two have become too close).
One man was so strict with his children that when it came to
specific warnings, he wouldn’t even tell them for the first
Hey, it’s easy enough to say, “I know that,” after you know
All city landscapes remain under the auspices of the
Arbitrary Board of Blandness, Dr. Samuel T. Sameness, Director.
Scientific Laws That Are Way Too Good For This World:
Sometimes it rains when it really doesn’t have to.
No matter what would happen, this one guy would always say
the same thing.
Another note from another viewer says that hearing many of
the Kyroots read on the show “makes him laugh,” and that the
best part is, he doesn’t think they’re funny.
In certain areas of the average city-state there is no
greater joy than in knowing of the misery of others.
Enthusiasm is to facts as certainty is to acts.
thing for a gentleman is posture; the second most important thing
is staying alive…” …(The kid didn’t know what it
meant, but he knew it meant something.)
The state’s priest explained to the king that his many
recent reversals, calamities, and all around bad luck were due to
him having been spiritually beset by a “host of demons,” and His
Grace thought, “Well they sure were lousy hosts.”
Those who “stoop to conquer” end up stooping a lot.
In an excited manner, a fellow grabbed my arm near Fourth
Street and said that he had a whole new definition for the word
“metaphor,” but that he just couldn’t seem to get it into words.
You can always recognize injury to great thoughts; they’re
rushed back to the palace at full speed.
One guy tried to promote his brains (albeit with a bit of
plagiarism) by proclaiming them, “Used, but not much abused.”
Several people called up to complain.
In certain kingdoms you can only be right once — then they
take your card away.
Two guys were talking and one said he didn’t believe that
life itself had the slightest strain of sarcasm, and the other
guy said that sounded fine, except where are all the smart asses
getting their training?
Over in this one kingdom the royal press put out a book
entitled, “Making Sense”… (They lived to regret this little
*** One ole chap of the sixty-something crowd (who had no kid),
sat himself down and said, “The way I see it is that one of the
viscid vagaries of being a human bean is that whenever you find
something singularly ‘human’ that you wanna do, you get all
tangled up in ideas about how to do it.” …(He later told a guy
painting his house that he “loved it” when he talked to himself
like that, especially when he used all those big, spooky words
T’would be, indeed, only a god who could say, “My
chagrin-ness has no end-ness.”
Ersatz Important Announcement In A Verbal Side Bar: The man
who invented crotch shellac now says that those who “live by it
should die by it.”
Another ole sore head declared, “The way to get maximum fun
for your bucks is not to admit you’re having any,” and city minds
found this “revelation” to be astounding, (at least the most
astounding that arose between two-fifteen and two-fifteen and a
half that afternoon.)
A viewer writes to say that he’s come to the place where he
sometimes thinks that what I’m saying is insane, or else what he’s
hearing is…(but in either case, he’d like to order another set
of knives for his mother).
Whenever he happened to notice some of his creatures trying
to “think about him,” this one god would say to himself, “How
Down by the riverside, three guys were strolling along
spittin’, kickin’ and jawin’, and the first one said, “Sometimes
seriousness is the proper response.” (Second guy): “Hey,
sometimes seriousness is the only possible response.” (And the
third character says): “Hey, don’t forget death.” (Strollin’,
spittin’ and kickin’.)
“Announcement, travelers, announcement: Many who are dumb do not
realize it, and it is sometimes of no consequence… I’m sorry,
I misread that; it should say, ‘it is never of any consequence’
— wait, I’ve just been handed another announcement; it says, ‘Do
not bother to read the first one…’ Goodbye travelers, adios
If you can’t be offended, you can’t be civilized.
This one guy sprang for the kit and jacked his truck up
another three feet off the frame so’s he could think better.
“Don’t laugh,” he says, “I’ve tried everything else.”
Everyone’s subconscious has a name… (I’ll give you a
hint; the second letter in the name is four.)
Final facts don’t come in acts. …And you-know-who added:
In fact, acts are numbered and in-sequenced only in plays.
One guy’s mind worked in such a way that whenever it worked
he went away.
Having the home field advantage is not much help if you’re
One city was such a stickler for punctuality that they
refused to acknowledge twelve-noon lest anyone be made late.
Okay, the varsity version: If you’re playing yourself, the
home field advantage is all the advantage you need.
Over in city life, it seems the older one gets, one’s claims-
to-fame are confined to one’s failures.
And now for today’s addition to our continuing feature
series of “Believe It Or Eat A Turnip”: On an unidentifiable
sort of tree, just outside one rather unstable-seeming city, were
found these bark-carved words, “Humor the hunter – man the game.”
“The beauty of habit,” exclaimed one guy, “is that it’s
self-explanatory.” …And Kyroot added: Later that day that
same guy’s other half gave his version: “The real beauty of
habit is that its beauty is its self-explanation.”
I received an overnight fax from a gentleman who says he saw
and refers to our previous program, whereon I read a note from a
viewer who claims that all of this is an intellectual conspiracy
of such magnitude that I may have even made up his letter of
accusation; well, today’s correspondent (I suppose in an attempt
to expand the scope of suspicion) says he wouldn’t be surprised
if, in fact, I hadn’t made my self up.
And now for some electrical logic your mama never told you
about: The more facts you know, the bigger smart ass you can be;
the less facts you know, the more smart asses you can whup.
A man who doesn’t know what he’s doing doesn’t have to know
what he’s doing.
Into the raging battle many knights carried a picture of the
king; as the fighting grew worse, instead of attending, the king
sent his picture.
One fellow would only have fun when he wanted to (which
certainly simplified an otherwise unwieldy area of concern).
(My secretary informs me that the following is either too
weird to tell or else too obvious except to the “too weird,” but
we’ll let you be the judge): There’s this other guy who says he
has “a lot to tell himself,” but that he can’t get himself to
that his conclusion is that while the Kyroots aren’t fair, at
least they’re hard.