For as long as man has been sufficiently conscious to leave written notes, there are those who show an early intrigue by a few in activities of consciousness that were outside collective concerns. This interest has been labeled variously as: magic, the occult, the mystical, the spiritual, the-struggle-to-Awaken, the-search-for-Enlightenment, or simply, The Knowledge.
The minds of some men have always sought to function in a manner not inherent; that still goes on today. But few of them ever pursue the matter deeply enough to get to the bottom of it. They are satisfied to be students of magic, the occult, awakening, and enlightenment, rather than understanding the reality behind such words.
There is nothing “wrong” with this, any more than there is anything wrong with preferring to listen to music as opposed to making music. But there is an obvious distinction between being a listener and being an artist, and no purpose would be served in trying to deny it, especially if you really want to discover – then create – your own non-standard running of consciousness.
You need to face the facts about your interest in this affair, and not pretend to fool yourself, (as is natural for routine consciousness), into believing you want to be an active participant when all you actually want is to be a passive observer, and sometimes kibitzer.
To be conscious is to be dissatisfied. This constant neural disquiet is an additional survival technique. At the non-conscious level, everyone silently accepts this, and gives it no particular note; yet a few always do – always have.