At the airport on one star, when you step to the door of a plane, and they ask if you are on your way somewhere. If you say, “Yes” – they won’t let you on.
Why would a man go to the trouble of renting a car, then never drive it off the lot? (Oh, all right: “And never TRY to drive it off the lot?”)
And finally, for all of you die-hard, “stay-at-homers,” remember this:
You can either look out the windows, and at your hands – OR, you can stare at the carpet and mildew. “Just a second there, sir, before you leave I’d like some clarification of what you said.
Do you mean that I can look at carpet that is mildewed, or that I, myself, may become so by staring at my indoors so much?”
A man rented a room to a sailor and his parrot. The sailor never spoke; the parrot did all of their talking. The man grew sick of the parrot, and one day shot him…and the sailor dropped dead.
Second Ending: “But the parrot kept on talking.”
Third Ending: “Then realized it was actually the sailor he hated.”
Fourth Ending: “But discovered he’d shot himself.”
Fifth Ending: “And as he lay dying, couldn’t remember why he’d been upset to begin with
…and thus died “enlightened,” I mean, “satisfied.”