Thirty-four Laughs to the Gallon

Then there was this guy, who was no particular kind of guy at all—no, just funnin’ you. There was this guy who would get ready for stuff so far in advance that he’d ultimately forget what it was he’d prepared for in the first place. (He told me privately that he found all this gave him thirty-four laughs to the gallon.)

When you’re ugly, you can afford to be patient.

Amidst the dizzying expansion of modern life, we find one man who now has trouble telling the difference between being-out-of-town, and being out of mayo.  (No surprise visits here.)

Into the attorney’s office came a man with a cheap portfolio and nose who wanted to know if he could “sue his parents” on the basis that he wanted to be a famous author, and one of the salient stumbling blocks on the path to this success, he said, was that as a child “they did not mistreat him properly.”

THE one positive benefit of being able to speak is in being able to say you were misquoted.

Once the king had fully grasped the meaning of “hypocrisy,” he said, “There is no need for you to speak this word disparagingly, for to rule, it is as necessary as is an army.”


This entry was posted in Daily News. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.